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Veronica you are so sweet...thank you for that. I think I am trying to remember how my Mama always dealt with things when they happened..she knew how to push through and look at life with such a positive outlook. I want to do that too. I have my moments, but I know how blessed I am. I know that three years ago when all this happened no one gave Mama any hope of even survivng...she is strong and God knew I needed her, our family needed her, to make it...In many ways Mama has saved me. As much as I loved my little home on the pond, it was a very strange situation and there was a lot that went on around me there that made life very hard....I know I did not have to move, but moving I think saved me, being back home saved me. My brother and I are getting close like we used to be back when we were kids, and I am thankful for that. My adult life dealt some really painful blows physically and emotionally and I almost lost my way...Coming home and caring for Mama has helped me find my way home. And now facing losing her at some moments is killing me, but when I remember this is not the end for her but the beginning of being whole again, and happy, and not being encumbered by a body that will not respond as it used to...I have to remember that letting her go means letting her live.....and I will have to go on but I will go on with more of a purpose now. It's going to be strange being one of the seniors in the family now..haha....but life goes on and when I think how quickly it passes, it will not be long before I will find myself facing this same adventure...it's always been strange to me but I never feared dying personally...not nearly as much as I could not bear the thought of losing Mama and Daddy...so when that time comes for me I am going to look at it as going on the best vacation ever that is never going to end....and Mama and Daddy will be waiting for me......odd how all this has almost made life replay before my eyes...it all goes far too quickly....
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I am so angry today. This is not going to make any sense to you all but I have had a lot of fun over the holidays. Family and friends spent time and we played games and laughed so much, it was great. I was seriously stressed out having to do all the holiday work but it was so worth it. I got to go to Knotts Berry Farm for the whole day yesterday. So what is my problem, I do not want to be here. I should and am grateful for the fun things but I am resenting having to come back home and felling so depressed and trapped. I am so tired of having to repeat my self over and over.

I know mom cannot remember anything for longer than a minute but she wears oxygen now and its been over a month or more and she keeps blowing and picking her nose and making it bleed and cannot understand why she is bleeding. I don't know how many times I have said to use the KY jelly and its like she has never seen it before. I keep telling her to stop digging in her nose but she continues to do so.

I sound awful I know. I just had to talk to someone who understands what this is like because as you all know no body understands what this is like..

The only thing I feel like I have control over is what I eat and how much exercise I do. I recently lost over 26 lbs which this is more like how I should be. I am in a lot of pain and I know I should take it a little easier but I just feel I have to do it.

Its my release and I seem to still be in a bad mood all the time. I really feel so badly and I am trying not to say to much to my mom because I don't want to yell at her or make her feel bad. Thanks for listening
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Fligirl58... I know how you feel... My mother lives with me (for 10 yrs now while my brothers do nothing)... I was angry for the longest time and starting to get sick from all the stress... I had to do do/change something!... My dr's encouraged me to start taking care of myself so I'm learning to 'live' in the 'now' and forget... Someone here posted a book about Living in the Now by Echkart Tolle and I got the audio from the library... He's also on You Tube... You just have to keep trying and trying and do little things for yourself until you can accept what life throws at you (us)... I know it's hard but what's the alternative?... Keep trying along with the rest of us ok? I struggle too, but am much better than I was... Keep posting!...
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"I mean forgive instead of forget..."
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flligirl, you don't sound awful. You had a small taste of freedom, fun and family and you LIKED IT! If that's the part you think someone may not understand, well, in my case, you're right! LOL it's been so long since I've had an entire day away from here... oh mahgod I can't even remember where I went or why? Maybe that's why I don't push so hard to get-away, in fear I may not come back?

It's hard, very hard. I so get it. Today has not been a good day here either. I'm so d*mn sick of her asking where her d*mn chair is even though it is RIGHT THERE, it makes me stomach tie up in knots. The non-stop pacing as soon as the sun goes down... oh mother of all things that drives me batsh*t crazy. She'll stand right in front of me, marching up/down/up/down and tell me how bad her legs hurt but for the love all that's good in this world, she will not sit down. I hate hate hate the pacing. It numbs me as well as fills me with and anxious dread thinking the next fall is going to be the last. Either I knock her out with heavy duty drugs (which her dr won't prescribe so that's out) or I follow her around... which is just impossible, so I clear the area of any things she may trip on and pray she doesn't. I'm the one that needs to go for a long walk in the cool air to rid my body of some of the pent up angst.

Her transport chair came with a built in seat belt. In order for her to sit there and eat I use it to keep her still. She'll finish all her dinner this way and feed herself.

I've read that the pacing is just another one of those phases but man oh man this is the longest phase of them all and the up all night. That will be my undoing.
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Geez now I feel even worse, mom offered to help me take the tree down and I said yes and she is helping me. I am such a b*tch.
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Ever be where you can barely keep your eyes opened, it's night time so it is time to hit the bed.... but you had washed the sheets and oops they are still in the washer, you forgot to put them into the dryer.... I feel like forgetting about them and curl up in the afghan :P
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Ah Jeanette, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this all the time. I am sorry for all of us. I believe after reading all the posts that I have it easy compared to what you have to go through and that is why I feel guilty and bad. That mom is still able to shower herself. Thats about all she does but that is ok, I have to do all the rest. She got so tired after helping with the Christmas tree, I told her she did enough. I think though that mom needs to do a little more for activity because she in in bed for a long time and she gets worse . I am going to try and get her to do a little more for the moving part but just a bit. Thanks and big HUGS to you and all.
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A bit hug to you heart to head.
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Just got back from rehab. My mother is in the 'Whoa is me' mode. Yet, this morning she was able to participate in a Sunday News roundtable, with this afternoon being taken up with an hour's service (each week they bring in different religious organizations for the service). Then there was arts and crafts which is really great. Yet she sits there with this dour face so I told her "Stop with the whoa is me, it's been going on since I was a kid and it's ridiculous". I told her to look around at her surroundings and see what is good about this place.

The CNA brings her medication in the yogurt that she asks for. They are extremely kind. I brought her down to the dining room tonight and my God, there are white table linens on the tables, with actual 'servers' ....she had a better supper than I had. I saw cranberry juice in the glass and the first course, yes the first course, was real onion soup, with lots of onions! What does she do? She complains she can't eat 'those things' (i.e., they had thrown some croutons in to soften them up) ....the server was a very young girl (I'm thinking they are volunteers from the schools around here) and she asked her in a nice voice to at least try it to see if she doesn't like it and if she didn't, they'd take it back and get rid of the croutons.

Not only that, but she has a friend! And apparently she has a few friends. This Whoa is me is getting a bit tiring. It's not like they don't go outside, they do. Lots of the PT is done outside near a (get this one) KOI pond. I want to live there!

At any rate, she's getting so much better that I'm afraid she may just be coming home which will totally upset me.

I give up! :)
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I really feel for you. You don't sound awful at all. I totally understand. guess I must be terrible too, then. Me, I resent having to quit a job I went to college for at 50 yrs old only to quit after a few brief years, to take care of my hubby and daughter. I also had to give up the house we had decorated. It is the only place i ever had decorated exactly like I wanted. Now I have to start all over again. I went the opposite and gained a ton of weight due to feeling angry, trapped and resentful. Oh, before i forget, O2 dries out the nasal passages big-time and the mouth passages too. Go ahead and vent. It helps. Helps me, anyways, lol
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litldog... I'm so sorry, but I had a really great chuckle with what your wrote :D Heaven forbid, a KOI Pond? I bet they have a nice bench where you can sit peacefully and watch the big fishies swim aimlessly back n forth too? Servers? White linens on the table? The torture of it all just amazes me... good grief.

fligirl, I think it was awesome your mom asked to help! even if it was just for a little bit. Don't feel too sorry for me ;)... my mother is several years ahead of yours and ... well, we take turns :) man, I feel kind of awful for saying that :O

herb, I know it isn't easy and I can't imagine losing all that you did. I can only hope that somehow in our after life we get a small tiny reward of peace.
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My Dad said he was going to call a nearby office supply store to place an order. I told him that he might find that the clerks don't take orders over the phone, they want people to order on-line. Well, turns out the store will place an order over the phone but it will be waiting for him for pick-up inside the store. I think Dad was hinting that I drive over to the store. Sorry, not happening. I just can't do that anymore.

Tomorrow I will ask Dad what he needs and I will place the order on-line and have it delivered to his house by UPS.... yes, there might be a delivery charge and I know Dad won't like that.... [sigh].
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veronica,
ive been told a million times by my mom that animal feed , flour and cornmeal came in cloth bags that were of a grade of cloth suitable for making clothing . ( during ww11 ) .
my mom used to admit that if it werent for us visiting ednas house a couple times a week us kids would have starved . edna didnt mind if we got into her fridge and i vividly remember scarfing down a half stick of butter or drinking ketchup from ednas fridge . when my own family was younger aunt edna would send us home with her outdated frozen food . there never failed to be several frozen squirrels with their heads skinned but still attached . uncle red loved the cheeks , brain and tongue from the squirrel heads . make no mistake , we made meals with the squirrels but there was always a lot of cynical chatter about dinner being squirrel heads tonight . one time about 2 months from my divorce i happened to notice the ex dumping a half a pot of coffee down the drain to make a new batch . i freaking flipped out . my god on what planet does one toss coffee down the drain ? h*ll my leftover iced coffee goes back thru the coffee pot in the morning . leftover food is twisted back into the next nights dinner where i come from .
one time when we had our first new baby at home the ex refused to go grocery shopping because we only had about 20 bucks to shop with . i jumped on the motorcycle and went to the store , shopped carefully and came home with two large paper bags of food . one of my sons will still gratefully eat squirrel heads , the other has to have starbucks singles on his kitchen shelf . im bettin the one who eats squirrel heads will build himself a house before the other one does .
i like ww11 stories . the bbc online newspaper has a section called ww11 , the peoples war . it contains thousands of firsthand accounts from british people who survived even more difficult times than the americans .
our family always had a little slop bucket on the counter for kitchen waste . we always kept some super generic dog food around ( old roy ) to feed the dog but wed generously treat him to the slop bucket occasionally . the slop bucket was exclusively eggshells and coffee grounds , maybe a little scorched bacon grease . we have had no less than 3 dogs simply leave home in disgust and move in with a neighbor . they hated us too . the family of four would drive past on our trike and yell obscene things at them . the sh*tty looks we got from those animals were priceless .
had an old tom turkey try to kick my a** once in my own garage . old sid ( vicious ) . sid ended up in the freezer till christmastime wheras he became the main ingredient in the biggest pot of turkey spaghetti in white sauce youve ever seen . fed about 25 people . had an annoying billy goat who had a similar demise , cept he ended up as about 45 linear feet of link sausage . it was good sausage , happy ending for everyone but " bill " .
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She's driving me nutty. She has had a sore arm today. Gave her Aleve about 3. Now it is getting sore again. Out of Aleve so gave her a couple aspirin. Problem is if I do not pay attention she could OD on aspirin before the ache in her arm goes away. Hope she goes to sleep soon!
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here here glad!... I hope mine goes to sleep soon also. doubtful though

cap, your childhood memories are, dare I say, awesome? kind of gross too but that's life eh? squirrel? does it taste like chicken?

My dad brought home a giant tom turkey, gosh, this is like 40 some years ago...he chopped it's head off and that turkey ran around headless for an hour. He was awfully tough to eat also.... I've been scarred ever since
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Gladimhere... It's not easy being old. Sure doesn't' make me look forward to it. As a difficult as it is I'm glad I can help my mother. Hope there'll be someone there for me when I need empathy. Hang in there... try to get some rest... Somehow or you won't be any good for you or her.
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I wish that people would make put more details about themselves and their situations on their profiles so that it is easier to get to know them and be helpful in answering their questions! That would cut down on them having to answer the same questions on the thread of each question that they ask as well. That is a minor whine,but that is my whine for tonight. Good nite.
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JeanetteB.. my dad was up again too.. we should get them together..LOL. I'm calling the Dr AGAIN today when I get some downtime at work...
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Well I am off to work this morning! Tax season has began , Happy to be going but a little nervous about leaving Hub alone all day. We will see, wish me luck Gail
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Good luck Gail! Fingers crossed it will all go smoothly :) Happy new tax year???
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I dread tax season. Seems like I always owe money :/ Good luck Gail!

pamz, good luck with the Dr., Moms doc doesn't like to prescribe xanax or ativan. He just upped her regular meds plus started her on a Parkinson's med.

It wasn't too bad of a night, mom only got up once but it was enough to keep me awake for a few hours. We have night lights in the hallway which cast a glow...and shadows. Picture this; it's 4:00 a.m., something awakens you, you lay there quietly listening... you see a shadow slowly moving towards your room. Almost zombie like... you hear "swoosh swoosh" you see shadowy hands out stretched coming towards you. haha, it was all I could do to lay there silently while she walked right up to my bed and stared. Yeegads! freaked me out!!

Ah, is it Monday? Not that it matters to me, I just lose track of days, weeks, months and apparently years... I think it was 2012 when I first arrived here.
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Hey Captain, I too love WW2 stories, as my parents ( now deceased) hailed from Wales, and lived through some very rough times. My Mum told us of having to go to the outhouse in the back yard w/a broom, to fend off the rooster and chickens, who would fly at her feet first, she preferred the bedpan! Rationing, sounds ho rrible, and I know it was very rough! They had her elder sisters living at home as they were all married to soilders away fighting. Christmas, getting a feww nuts, an orange ( if they could get them) and a homemade yoyo, or dolly, along w/a can of Spam or corned beef (a luxury) in her stocking, for Christmas dinner! Some reall fab stories too of meeting my Dad, who was a big time music lover, BIG BAND of course, and he would take her on the train to see as many and gigs and dances as he could. I had amazing parents who immigrated to the US in 1950, and had us 6 kids all here in the Seattle area. We all all very close, so I'm very lucky in that! My husband and took in his Father, ten years ago after my MIL passed away. We lost both my parents and MIL, all in a 14 mo. period of time. As much as I love him, it was a big mistake, it was about FIL's fear of being alone, at the time, but we should have put him into a senior apt. near by, but now at near 85, he does need to be w/us, bu he is a groughy cermugeon, not happy and appreciative like my folks. I feel suffocated!!! There's WAY more to his story, but another time, lol He needs to go, but our only way out is to sell our home, and force him into senior living, so we can get our life back. I guess it sounds kinda mean, but like I said, theres lots more to the story, anyway, I'm so glad to have my british heritage, and family history, and to have such an amazing husband, kids, and family!! Good day, Stacey
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Had many summer clothing made from those feed sacks! Pretty things too. Well only worked 4 hrs and everything went well. Don't work much the first 3 weeks of Jan, But then some long hours!! Thanks for the luck wishes. And he did ok with feeding himself. Has a peg tube.
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Fligirl, I am so sorry you are going through this. It's heartbreaking. Please be gentle with yourself. Your situation must be so frustrating. No solutions, just sending you hugs.
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im going to be uncle sams biggest nightmare this tax season . 7 k loss / reinvestment in business equiptment . its all on the up and up . i bought 5 bucks worth of beard clips and by god wrote them off as advertising . lol i keep good business records ( for a guy ) .. tax hor said so ..
hor heather and i spent 10 hours today un fkn our quadrunner truck . the electronic ignition is no more . it has ford falcon ignition points , a dodge ballast resistor crammed thru a chevy coil and switched with a ford starter solenoid . it starts with the bump of the key like machines used to do before electronic ignition . its what i do with all my machines . clip 500 miles of fail system wires away and rerun the 7 or 8 basic circuits . the farm shop foreman was as proud as a new dad when the old quad lit up . i wont insult japanese bikes because old ike is 30 yrs old this year but you do have to de -- nippon them if you want reliability .. im very pleased , i cant do this work without the quad truck .
ike is chevy , ford , dodge , yamaha , kawasaki , nissan , honda , and a fk load of cut up oil drums . lol
when the s*it hits the fan and automobiles are stopped in their tracks , bring your biggest guns to indiana . my s*it will all still run ..
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If I am honest, I have to admit that I am so scared. I don't know if I have ever been as scared in my life. I feel like I can't breathe. Mama is so frail. The hospice nurse was here today and I discussed everything with him, but all her vitals are still OK, though her BP was a little higher . He attributed that to her getting over a cold or possibly some normal decline. But she has that look in her eyes.....I shared with someone my dream last night I dreamed there was a beautiful lady who had long flowing hair with pretty curls and she was wearing a beautiful classy fitted suit. She was so elegant and I thought the most beautiful lady I had ever seen. I felt so happy to be with her and then I realized it was Mama. She was so happy and well and I immediately awakened and felt that sense of fear....I jumped up and ran to check on her ...she is so frail. She is still drinking her ensure, but not normally. I remember right before my Daddy passed I dreamed that he came to visit me and he was just beaming, he was happy, he could walk with assistance and when I woke from that dream I remembered thinking, I am about to lose Daddy...He passed not long after that. I think sometimes you are given dreams to help you prepare. I am not sure....I just know I am so scared...but I don't want her to see it...because if she is tired I don't want her to think she can't leave...I feel a sense of panic and reality is setting in....please pray for Mama.....and for me...
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Hope be at peace Mama is if she came to you in a beautiful dream. She is ready. Don't be afaid of the actual death. Mama will not suffer. Blessings
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Gladly, Hope, I'll certainly put in a prayer for you and your mother and for whatever is best for her. Hold tight.
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(Sigh) Something that can really bother me on the group is when someone comes on with a problem and they are told to get therapy and take drugs. It is like telling them that there is something wrong with THEM and not the situation they are facing. Many of the circumstances being faced I can totally relate to. Therapy and drugs can be helpful for some people, but many people just need to work through the situation.
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