My "whine moment today." What's yours?

JessieB...exactly...it is pure torment just watching someone wither away..and like you, I watched my Daddy get worse and worse over the course of a couple of years, then as soon as Daddy passed, I started seeing signs that Mama was going to begin having issues with her memory...sure enough, it took a while before she really took a rapid decline, but then her in home fall down her stairs and the subsequent bleeding head injury really accelerated the process....Right now, Mama is stable..again..and seems to be in a holding pattern. I am trying very hard to cherish every tiny moment, because it always follows that there will be more of a decline and this has been going on with me here 24/7 now over three years and mentally it feels like it is killing me. I don't think it is possible for someone who is not here to see it to begin to understand just how hard it is....ever...

And I know this is going to sound odd, and I'm sure it has probably been on this site over and over but it is like Mama is mostly just lying here, she sleeps pretty much all the time, then I change her, and she eats, then she sleeps and I change her then she eats, repeat repeat repeat...and every so often, she has a few fleeting moments of speaking to me, and oh how I hold onto those..and sit beside her and pray to God this one will last a little bit longer, but then she's asleep again and the cycle just repeats over and over....not that it matters I guess what my appearance is now compared to when I first started this live in situation, but comparing me then to now, I look at myself and all I see is tired, old, worn out, lonely, worn out worn out worn out.......tonight the National Championship game is on...and oh how Mama and I used to enjoy watching all these major sports events...they were big deals for us...now here I sit, she is asleep, even when she wakes up she could care less about football.....I love her so much, and I miss being able to pal around with her so much.....

Speaking of National Championship Game.

Can we have a small moment of silence.... shhhhhhhhh

Dear baby Jesus in Brazil... Please allow my Ducks to get it together and make the necessary adjustments at half time to blow these Buckeyes out the building... If you do I'm certain the world will be a better place and world peace will be bestowed upon us... In Jesus name AMEN!!! ‪#‎goducks‬ ‪#‎wintheday‬

Now.... if my mom would JUST SIT THE H*LL DOWN for 5 consecutive seconds

AMEN Jeanette!!! Pulling for em here too!

One somewhat funny note that is unrelated to caregiving..for the most part and yet maybe a little at that..what is it about social media that makes men from different countries "friend" you then send a long letter about wanting to meet up somewhere they enjoy long walks on the beach, booteeful (yes that is how he spelled it) booteeful sunseets.....iz how you married or no??? what??? what are you asking me?? good grief...and this is after I sent a short blunt note that I am a caregiver and am not in the market or on the market for a relationship right now...heck, he'd have to push me in a buggy on the beach, I wouldn't feel like walking...so much for the booteeful sunseet and no I iz no married...ugh...leave me alone...dating right now does not even begin to tweek my interest these days...too dog gone tired...

LOL!!

There you go Oregon!!!! Booteeful!!!

Wow... I can honestly say I've not had this much fun in YEARS and it's a darn College Football game!!

Mom has been circling like we are going to lose and it's lunchtime.

The more I seem to enjoy something, the more she rejects everything. For someone who has such an advanced stage of AD this intrigues me. Apparently there are certain aspect of life that leaves no one. Not saying this in a bad way, just in an observation kind of way. huh? ok, duly noted el mama. I wonder though, if her alter ego will affect her body?... she walks tipped wayyy to the side which makes her lopsided and fall prone. Yes, she's fell twice today.... will she sit down? No. It could be a coincidence or my over imagination but the more excited I am about anything, the more "gone" she becomes?

Hope, it's a good reason not to accept the friend request from someone you have no idea about. I used to get friend requests from men in exotic places. I just clicked the "not now." I can usually tell from the profile pic if I want to be friends or not. If it is a shirtless man or a buxom lass with a "come hither" look, they get a "not now."

I never accept friend requests from a person whom I don't know even if they claim to be a friend of someone that I do know.

Yes, good advice to follow. I am goofy I know..it is like I hate to "reject" them...ridiculous I know..and I will learn...there are dating sites for that kind of thing..facebook is something that when I do get on there I do it for pure entertainment ..almost like a way to just escape for a little while..I sure am not looking for relationships...the weird thing is I can't even tell from a profile pic..this last one for example appeared to be a very distinguished business man...then the weirdness starts. I think maybe men in exotic places are more forceful than those around here.....I recently got a request from some guy whose name was like Akmed Alzeehammedaem Zkuful Flufflel and on his uniform he had a nametag that just said "Williams" lol.....people.....try to figure em out.....

The not now button is about to become my new best friend... :)

Jeanette...Mama is very stoic most of the time nowadays..the oddest thing though, if I ever stub my toe or get a catch in something and it makes me holler out...she will just crack up laughing like it's the funniest thing in the world...I guess it's worth it to see her laugh again...

Hope - there are scammers out there and not just on face book - on dating sites. Often the photo is of someone else. They are looking to get money from you and are very skilled at convincing vulnerable women that they care for them. In some cases they try to get you on web cam and in poses that they then can use to blackmail you. These guys are not safe. it is big business. I check their web page and if they only have female friends or have very few friends because they have joined recently you can be pretty sure they are up to no good and I block then. Unfortunately there are enough women who fall for these guys and their lines and men who fall for women. There is at least one web site dedicated to exposing these guys and gals and the stories are pretty awful. When I was doing online dating I got pretty good at spotting them. You have to be very careful.

We get attacked by some scammers here who try to sell various items. I think that I average reporting at least one a day here lately. I've also seen some people with caregiving businesses who give their name, address and phone number in their posts on various threads. Are those legit businesses or not and is such advertising even allowed? I had one person recently who wanted to know if I could discuss their caregiving concerns offline which I declined.

Emjo ...you are so right. I accept a lot of friend requests because I use facebook mainly to network and crosspost for my animal rescue efforts...if I pare it down to my close friends and family I might have all of 50 people..lol.....I don't dislike people but I don't trust many and I guess that is why it is strange even to me that I am halfway tolerant of these yahoos...I just didn't answer this latest one at all when he immediately started wanted to come to our home...to me those are huge red flags and dangerous...our world is a scary place these days.....maybe they see animal rescue folks as being pushovers...but I think we are to the absolute opposite...those of us in animal rescue have seen the dregs of society at its worst and so we are not trusting of strangers..period...and we are not really a group to be messed with...lol......but anyway, I would never meet anyone or give personal information of any kind to anyone. Wonder what he'd want to get a pic of ...me wiping soeone's behind??? me cleaning the floor and doing the laundry??? me inventoring the massive load of diapers and rinsefree cleaning items....lol......I know some are savvy with putting a face of someone on a different body....hahahaha..that one is probably not such a winning idea either these days... :)

I have many friends I don't know on FB. It used to be easy to tell something about people, but now all the information can be concealed until you accept the friend request. The profile pic is all we have to go on for many. I've had a friend or two I've blocked because they turned out to be raunchy. I use FB mainly for business and family, so I really don't want trash-mouth people posting on my newsfeeds.

A baby whine today -- I get embarrassed buying laxatives so often at the store. It's hard to look lovely and alive when you're checking out with Miralax and ExLax.

Oh... and add on some Tena to complete the look of glamour at checkout.

Jessie...lol....true...

Yes, that is right...I had someone friend me with a profile pic wearing his military uniform..(or supposedly his) anyway...nice, wholesome looking man...looked like we had a lot of mutual rescue friends...so ok, I have folks in the military and have special admiration for them, so I friend him...and then I saw all kinds of nasty looking mess on his profile page and he almost immediately sent me the nastiest, tackiest personal message...it was revolting to say the least and I just immediately unfriended him and blocked him...those kind of people..honestly if I could reach through the laptop and choke them I think I would..nasty nasty people.

For some reason, especially since I am a caregiver now for Mama and it is pretty clear on my page what I am about, it just infuriates me for someone nasty to waste my time. Having seen a side of life that is so sad, lonely, difficult, mind numbing, I just don't have the time or patience for idiots who will never know what truly matters in this life...and would never even try to...

Or people getting angry and going off about the most idiotic things....stupid things that don't mean one iota in the grand scheme of life....such a huge waste of time and energy ...if they saw a lot of what we live each day and the slow process of watching someone you love getting more and more frail, maybe they would wake up and realize what truly matters...and then again..maybe they never would anyway..

Hope -

I'm right there with you on the routine. The never-ending sameness of it all (especially in winter months when she won't leave the house) drives me a little batty some days. Today is one of them. Mom started out having a bad week Sunday and it's just continued. Yesterday she slept all day, short of being up for about 2 hours at a time (about 3x all day) to eat and go to the bathroom, watch a little tv, then back to bed. Today is the same thing. I told her 4x yesterday she needed to shower, but she kept resisting and I just wasn't up for the fight. Today, same thing. She went in the bathroom to get ready to shower, next thing I know, she's back out here in the living room, saying she's going to shower, but needs to sit down for a bit. Then she goes directly to her bed and lays down and goes to sleep. Apparently she's in what she calls "sloth mode" again. This happens about once a month with her - she'll go through what I call a "low time" where she's almost catatonic - stares at the tv, the floor, the wall - for long minutes at a time, not speaking, just staring. Then lays down and sleeps for a while. Back up to eat or go to the bathroom, but refuses to do anything else. Won't shower, won't wash up, and won't change her incontinence pad unless I force the issue. Her memory seems to have slipped another notch as well - she's repeating things over and over and over. Not constantly, but enough that I definitely noticed and was a little concerned about it.

I am running away for a few days at the end of the month to visit my son. Of course, on top of the money for gas (cheap right now, yay!), lodging, food, etc, I have to pay for someone to come take care of mom. Gone are the days when we used to pay for a vacation. Now we pay for the privilege of even leaving the house. Not to mention the prep it takes....making sure there's easy-to-fix food in the house (and not TV dinners if I can help it, so lots of food prep), all her supplies are in order, there's a list of do's and don'ts plus a daily schedule of tasks for the caregiver plus a list of all her meds and emergency phone numbers on the fridge, house is clean and in order, and then I have to pack my own stuff and get myself ready for the trip! Not sure my siblings even understand or appreciate what it takes for me to make a 4-day trip to see my child - whom I haven't seen in over a year, because I haven't been able to leave Mom alone for a few days. I used to be able to just throw things in the van and go. No more.

I've always wanted to reply to one of those "friend" requests on Facebook where some scammer tries to tell me how beautiful I am and how we should get married and walk on the beach in the beoooteful sunsets....and tell him, "Oh yes, Fernando...we can walk on the beach...I'll wrap you in my arms....I can scar your back with my little knife I keep in my purse as a sign of my love....I can bite off your earlobe and keep it as a souvenir of our time together....I can stalk your family and leave dead animals on their doorstep as a token of my love and affection....when can we get married?" (insert wicked laugh here)

Jessie - Gotcha on the grocery trips. I just love when people look at my cart with Poise pads (long, overnight, max absorbency) and jumbo tubes of Boudreaux's Butt Paste and foot fungus cream, then look at me with wide eyes and walk away....yes, I'm quite the catch, aren't I? Want to introduce me to your brother or son? LOL

LOL!! I needed this laugh this morning!! hahahaha, I have tears streaming down my face. lol, butt paste... hahaha

Not kidding, Jeanette, that's what it's called. LOL It works wonders for the bacterial growth that crops up in Mom's skin folds. I've had to become really creative to combat that. A home health care nurse I met once told me how to fight it. Anti-fungal cream (or Boudreaux's Butt Paste - it's for babies) works wonders - smear it onto the affected area and put a folded white handkerchief into the fold to prevent skin-on-skin contact, because that makes the bacterial growth worse. So that's part of our daily routine now. When I can get her to comply, that is. lol Yesterday wasn't so great. Today's not looking so hot, either.

oh yes! I am a huge fan of Boudreaux's Butt Paste! And now they even sell it at the dollar store!!! so that's a double bonus!!!

Susan- Love the Fernando story, I was really getting into it. Shows how disturbed I am. Oh, my mom is showing signs of improvement. She just spelled disturbed for me. She is my dictionary. She maybe released from hospital to rehab ctr tomorrow.

My whine but after Susan made me laugh it doesn't seem so bad.

There is a sign above my mother's bed 'No sticks/BP's in left arm'. Also has a pink arm band on left wrist. So WHY do people keep trying to do things with the left arm? My anger/whine came back. Don't people check or read signs?

the hospice provider we used to use had a compounded cream they called Magic Butt Paste"...it was awesome! But the one we use now doesn't have that and this provider won't even allow their personnel to apply "medical" type solutions to Mama's skin...when it gets to a point where that is to be used..even creams with zinc oxide..they have to let me apply it...the aids are not allowed to..it's their protocol...I guess non nurse personnel applying medicine.. ??

Well, gee... I'm started to get a complex now. I NEVER get those kind of fun friend requests?

Perhaps we don't notice the drastic changes in our loved ones because we are with them constantly? Then one day it's like BAM! ... I was thinking about this last night... 6 months ago mom was walking just fine, talking pretty good and was even flirting with the young man who helped me out this past summer. Now she can barely form a coherent sentence and is so unstable walking it's scary...

Thankfully we are not at the "butt paste" phase just yet!!... the depends, super absorbent panty liners, bacterial spray, gloves, butt wipes... yes, my cart is FULL. People have given me some rather strange looks when I load it up on the counter... now I will be even more aware of it and probably start the nervous laughter or talk to myself when putting them up there. Yes, I do talk to myself, even answer myself since I'm so used to not having actual conversations with real people!

Susan!! I've seen my son for appx 36 hours in 28 months. I am SO excited that he'll be here for an entire week I can hardly stand it!! It was less expensive to bring him here than it would be for me to go there. Like you said, we have to PAY a small fortune to go on vacation and the prepping would be just too stressful. I'm excited you get to go visit your son :) It will be a lovely vacation for you, just make sure you don't get lost and can't find your way home!!

I have to figure out how to get my jeep to the dealership. I think the loud humming isn't a good thing, at all. According to my google researches it's a bad thing, probably a costly thing. D*MN. Just leaving the house is a major chore these days much less going on a vacation!! LOL!

I just got a pretty glacial look from a nurse when I sneaked in to the rehab centre out of hours with a bottle of Optrex eye drops for mother - she was complaining earlier that her eyes were dry and itchy.

I can't wait to see what happens when I turn up with a tub of Boudreaux's butt paste. Envisage nurse pointing to door and saying "Get Out."

Is it available for export, does anyone know?

CM, couldn't you just order it and have it shipped to you?

My mind is really slipping... I was thinking my son was arriving in 11 days, he's actually arriving this Saturday!! LOL!! ahhh, the joy of it all.

CM, you can order it on Amazon. I wonder if there is a UK merchant on there that handles it, so the shipping and import fees won't drive you bankrupt. If you google it, I bet you'll find it in some of your local stores. It's very popular to fighting diaper rash.