My "whine moment today." What's yours?

im trying to stay completely away from the " swallowing difficulties " entry , you know , to stay out of trouble . i check in every now and then for a subject i can contribute on but " bag balm " has me scurrying back to cracked magazine for a while ..
be back in a little while . hope everyone is having a nice evening ..

I loved everyone's posts. Thanks for giving me a much needed laugh. I always hated buying Depends n hemmorhoid cream lol

Bob... one word. WIMP!

I'm out of Cheetos. Cleaned house all day and went to sit down and relax only to find, NO CHEETOS. It's very cold out.... mom took her teeth out, not sure why, but I took that opportunity to dump in a few cleaning tablets.

Honestly, the feel of Bag Balm melting inside socks... ahhh life is good!

Oh Veronica, so sorry the idiot docs are putting you through that.

I can't tell you the number of times the docs have trotted out the "it must be in your head" argument with me when I was younger and had maladies they couldn't figure out. "Oh, so your leg keeps spasming and jumping like a d*mn jumping bean and you can't walk on it? Well, we can't figure it out, so it MUST be in your head" (And in comes the psychiatrist, who declares me to be "stressed".) "Oh, so you're pregnant and your leg (same leg!) keeps turning purple when you put weight on it and spasming? Well, we can't figure it out, so we'll send you to a big medical school hospital, best in the state." (And they couldn't figure it out either, so guess what....here comes the psychiatrist again, who again declares me to be stressed.) Guess what - baby was rolled up against the nerves in my back, pressing on them. Baby delivered, no further problems with the leg! (I tried to tell them I felt like the baby was pushing on my back... But it was all in my head, right?)

Mom *seemed* back to normal today, now I'm not so sure. She's staying awake for longer stretches of time, but *really* forgetful and quiet. Going to keep a close eye on her for a few days.

If everything was always "in our head'... well, there would be some seriously full hospital wards Just sayin...

My whine is not for me, it's for the hundreds of people that sign onto this website every day looking for help/answers. How can I get paid? Why don't my siblings help? Those two questions seem so prevalent it's scary. If nothing else in life happens before I get old and die, I would like to see a serious SERIOUS research progress on AD/Dementia/Parkinsons and the like.

you guys are trying to set me up i think . now its cheetos .
how could anyone know that one of my favorite jokes is about the guy who went to the doc about his " manhood " turning orange colored . turns out it wasnt caused by his occupation . he was retired and spent his days watching porn and eating cheetos .
if anybody needs something to whine about try living inside my head for 24 hours .

Uhm, no thanks Cap... you've left enough of an impression ... and now my cheetos aren't near as fun as they once were. Bummer dude. and to think I risked 20 degree's to fast track it to the corner store for them!... oh well, mom wanted fresh strawberry licorice vines, which made me happy :)

2 days and a drive to the city!

Susan, some days, back to normal isn't always a good thing ;)

Glad your mother is doing better though... it's always a ride up, then a big ride down, back up..down, up, down.... *sigh* :) the sweet sound of snoring is singing me to sleep...

Jumping in with a new whine, or grumble anyway - I'm looking up instructions on how to use a hoist, which is a whole new exciting challenge for me, and I find a really helpful booklet from a nursing school. Step by step instructions, and it's just great, then we get to:

"Position the sling in place under your relative."

Diagram? No. Suggestions? No. 140lb lady, hemiplegic and flat on her back. Big stout piece of reinforced fabric. I get the latter under the former… how, exactly?

Oh well, so we'll just gloss over that bit then, shall we?

Countrymouse, If your loved one is on a bed you can roll them to one side, put the sling under them half way opened, then roll them onto the sling and pull the other side out and have them go back onto their back. This should expose the 4 hook holes for the hoist and have the patient in the middle of the sling. This works from a sitting position in a regular chair too, if you can roll them from side to side. Keep the sling underneath the patient in the wheelchair for later when you hoist them back into bed. The trick is rolling them from side to side to position the sling underneath! Hope this helps.

They are predicting SNOW...SNOW for our area....holy smokes!!! And now I have the notion of Cheetos planted in my head...Thanks Jeanette...Snow and no Cheetos in the house..it's absolutely un American....I wonder if they have bag balm...they seem to carry stuff these days that a lot of other places don't...I best be getting down there pronto as the radar shows it fast approaching...

Not sure if we're in the "up" or "down" spot right now, Jeanette - Mom is more alert today, but once again, resisting the shower. Sorry, Mom....I picked up poo in the bathroom today after it fell off your body and onto the rug....where I nearly stepped out of the shower and right into it. There WILL be a shower today.

Seriously considering hiring the caregiver to come in every other day for a couple of hours to make sure she gets a shower, just to give myself a break from the constant nagging and frustration it takes to get her to shower. She won't resist it from the caregiver, but will from me. SMH. The only problem is that I can't hire the caregiver for less than 2 hours at a time, and that would amount to $60-$80 a week if I did it every other day and once on the weekend. I guess it's nice to dream about...

Ugh...I really need my caregiver helmet right about now...."Ok mom, let's get you in the shower." Mom: "ok". (Sits there for another 10 mins) "Ok Mom, come on, shower time!" (said cheerfully). Mom: "ok" (Sits for another 10 mins) Finally...."Ok, come on Mom." (as I get up and lead her to the bathroom). Then she sits in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I go to get her in the shower and tell her it's time to get in, only to find she's still sitting there fully clothed, on the toilet. She makes a face at me and puts on the whiny little toddler voice, "Can't I wait until this afternoon?" (sigh). Sure Mom. Except I know exactly what will happen. She'll put it off until this afternoon....then this evening...and then it won't happen today at all. Should have just put my foot down and told her no - that she was getting in the shower right now. Not later. I'm SO tired of this.

Hiring that caregiver for shower days is looking better and better...cost be d*mned.

Susan...bless your heart..what is it about our folks that make it so hard to put that foot down...in my head I know that what I am trying to do is best for Mama but if she gets headstrong about something it is still so hard to just MAKE them do something for some reason. I guess it 's that age old thing of being respectful to your parents for me. It feels like I am being disrespectful when I have to push her to get something done...but more and more I know I just have to do it and remind myself it is for HER benefit...but I know how hard it is...believe me oh how I know...

Jeanette, happy to report that Cheetos are now on board so I am set for the blizzard..lol..which here means we will see a flake or two that may or may not reach the ground...If more than ten fall around here at a time, the whole state will shut down for a couple of days..lol

Exactly, Hope! You definitely hit it on the nose. It makes me grouchy as all get out to have to clean up poop off the floor, the toilet seat and the other places it ends up, not to mention the bathroom rug, which gets soaked with urine every day and has to be washed, but then I have to try to pick the poop out of the fibers before I wash it when it ends up on there too! That's bad enough - but when I tell her point blank that she needs to shower because there was poo on the floor (which means it fell off her body...which means she is not clean back there), she gets this shocked look and half-whispers, "Oh, I'm sorry!" - but will she shower? NO. I went into the bathroom after she sat there for 20 mins and still refused to shower, only to find the floor wet with urine, and no used incontinence pad in the trash, because she didn't change it - again. I normally go in there with every bathroom visit to watch her (or she forgets to do anything), but I *thought* she was undressing to get in the shower....nope. So I mopped the floor...again....cursing under my breath the whole time. Some days I can deal with it fine....others...like today...not so much.

I need wine. I don't care what time it is. Too bad I have another 10 hours of work ahead of me, or I'd be pouring. I'll have to make do with another cup of coffee, and I'll put my headphones on and blast my music so I don't hear her snoring and I can focus on my work. Good Lord I sound selfish. I hate this. I hate the way it destroys her former self, and how it makes me feel all the time. We went from a good morning today to this, just a few hours later.

My whine moment for today concerns people who forget that this is still American and we do still have free speech which means if we have an opinion on something we can voice it and if someone else has a different opinion on the same thing they can say that to, but we can't tell the other person to shut up because we don't like what they said.

Well, I am definitely upset for I misspelled America as American! Oh well, this is just not my day! Maybe I can do somethings to make it a better day.

Who's been gagging whom, CMag?

See also one Monsieur Dieudonné in France. I may not agree with what he says (in fact don't start me) but I will defend his right to say it - though possibly not to the death. What amuses me is the logical knots all our Great and Good are tying themselves into condemning him.

Life is just never as simple as we'd like it to be, is it?!

Susan it took me at least half an hour to get my brother's birthday card signed this afternoon. Actually, I'm pretty proud of mother's being able to put pen to paper at all, bless her; but ohmygod talk about pulling teeth - ! I chose the card because I thought it was amusing and apt, about how great it was to have a son who explained techie things even if his parent still didn't know what he was talking about. Wish I'd just got one with a picture of a car on it. Or a glass of beer. Or anything that didn't have to be read aloud, not to mention argued with, five times over. Then she couldn't angle the pen on the overbed table - hunt around for something to rest it on on her knee. Then she couldn't see where to sign. Ok, X marks the spot. Then a long pause broken only by her saying, several times, she was just going to put "ts of l, M" and that would have to be okay because that was what she always put. I agree. More pauses. Then just as I am about to burst into tears and the HCA arrives to see to her, mother launches into action - nowhere near X, but I'm long past caring - and keeps us both holding our breath. Hurrah!!! Mission accomplished. Then I have to take dictation for a further five minutes while she decides what he's to buy himself for his present (he won't, but I wasn't going to tell her that, now was I?).

Ts of l, by the way, stands for tons of love. It's the thought that counts.

It seems Mama has picked up a head cold from someone...so now we have the nasal congestion to deal with..and hopefully that is all it is so I got some of the Tylenol for severe congestion as the liquid makes Mama throw up so got the capsules only to get home and find they are not supposed to be crushed or dissolved...so we go about the whole deal of trying to get them down without her chewing them which is pretty much impossible now..She used to easily take any kind of pill but that ability went along with the eating anything other than Ensure...Well, I tried, but she promptly crammed them in her cheeks..tried one at a time, she first started to chew it then just tucked it in her cheek and finally started spilling it out...I just mashed it up and put it in a little water and let her chase it with a glass full of water. Probably not as effective but that was the only way to get it down her...I hope that was ok...I was feeling SusanA's pain about this time because of the frustration in trying to get her to understand and we are well beyond every getting her to understand things like this now...

Susan, if your Mama was like mine, she was always so fasitdious about the home, her clothes, her appearance , my appearance, etc. everything clean, clean, clean...to the point of being totally sanitized..it is so hard seeing them get a point where they don't care about hygiene or anything else anyone associated with that....I know she would want to continue to be clean and so I continue to try, but it is so hard when you meet flack all along the way....and the frustration level ramps up to that decibel where once again, the whole idea of throwing myself over the back deck railing seems like a good choice....

And the heavens opened and the angels rejoiced. Shower finally accomplished. I have a poopy washcloth to prove it (ick) but at least she let me help her wash up this time. (Actually, it wasn't so much that she let me, more like I just marched in and said, "How about I wash your back for you?" and worked my way lower.) I don't care how I had to accomplish it, it's done.

I hope to God she doesn't continue resisting showers like this after I spend $1200 on getting the tub cut down and the shower surround replaced.....she won't have any excuse about how hard it is to get in the tub then. Somehow, though, I think the battle will continue.

Snow? In the far South? It would be shocking, however, it did snow in North Florida last week! LOL! We have better weather here in the PNW ... if only we'd get more sunshine during the winters.

Susan. Contact your local area on aging. They will provide you a minimum of 9 hours a week. Least they do here and I'm told in FL. It's somewhat based on income... and it's a high level so your mother should qualify. 9 hours doesn't seem like a whole lot but it sure saved my sanity. My carer does all things mom. I want her doing nothing else, just doing for mom. Showers, nails, clothes, bed sheets, room, exercises, paintings, art projects and companionship. This gives me time to take care of all things ME. I think I pay a total of $35.00 a month and the State pays the rest. Seriously, you'd be pleasantly surprised just what you may actually qualify for.

CM, if I have to have mom sign anything... I take a bright yellow hi-liter color in a giant yellow box, put a big X just inside it, draw a line.... LOL, you get the point :) and no, life isn't as easy as it should be, thus the cheeto's and red wine.

Hope, I missed your post while I was posting mine. My grandmother (mom's mother) was so clean, neat and fastidious that we always said no self-respecting germ would live in her house - they'd all run screaming in the opposite direction! She insisted on having her hair done every week at the beauty parlor, wearing only clothes from the best boutique shop in town (small town, so that wasn't saying much, but she always looked very nice), and having a matching purse and shoes for every single outfit. Mom....not quite so extreme...but she did always shower every single day. Sometimes twice a day. And she insisted on being dressed and looking nice when she went out somewhere, and she kept a clean house. About 15 years ago, all that changed. First it was the house not being quite as clean....then the dishes not being done for days on end....then the cat litter box not being cleaned out for a week at a time (ack!)....all resulting in the house smelling and looking like a disgusting mess. Then she got to the point where she wasn't showering at all - for MONTHS - claimed she was "washing up" every day, but the smell in the house was horrible. Once Dad passed away, and I moved in, I got her on a schedule of showering at least every other day, but I tell you what, you've got it spot on, Hope. Some days the thought of throwing myself off the nearest cliff is very attractive.

Yes, it's very frustrating to see them get this way. I don't know if I'm more frustrated with the symptoms of dementia and aging (not with her, personally, though it probably sounds like it when I complain about it), or with myself for putting myself here....but in the end, the shower eventually gets accomplished - usually when I get pissed enough to put my foot down and say, "NO, Mom....you are not laying back down to nap for the 5th time today, watching a TV show, or reading a magazine until you shower!" THEN she will finally shower, but she pouts about it. Afterwards, she says she feels better and promises to "listen better" in the future. (sigh)

Ha! Ok, now here's a funny for you. She's been sitting in there for about 20 minutes after her shower, doing nothing. I've asked through the door a couple of times if she's ok, and the 2nd time, she said, "Yes, I'm just getting dressed!" - which triggered me to open the door, because her pattern is: shower, nightgown on, come out and sit down to "finish drying" and then back into the bathroom to get dressed. So I know she probably hasn't put an incontinence pad on and I need to remind her. So I open the door, and she's got the new sweatshirt I bought her on, and her underwear, and is working on putting her pants on. I ask about her incontinence pad, and she insists she put one on, then leans to the side so I can "see". Um...sorry Mom, can't see it. So then she stands up, turns around, and bends over, so I can "see" that way - and there's no pad. She seems totally shocked by this, and pulls down the underwear to look for herself. And seems even more shocked when she sees there's no pad. Looks up at me with this befuddled look on her face and says, "Well, d*mn. I wonder where it went??"

Ah, mom........

Jeanette, I wish our local Commission on Aging would do that for us. They allow ONE hour of personal care per week - that's it. We don't have a program that offers anything more than that.

One hour..? Well don't use it all at once!

Seriously, what is one hour of personal care a week supposed to be FOR?

I know...that's my outlook on it too, CM. I'm not one to poo-poo the chance to get some help, but seriously...ONE HOUR.... that's not enough time to even go to the grocery store for the week's groceries. In one hour, the carer *might* be able to get mom in the shower and back out, but nothing else.

Our local Commission on Aging has the following on their website:

Personal Care

In-Home Assistants provide help with daily activities such as bathing, hair, and skin care. This service is limited to one (1) hour per week.

(this is what I was speaking of)

Respite Care

Available to seniors who require 24-hour care, an In-Home Assistant provides companionship, supervision, and assistance with activities of daily living, such as toileting and feeding. This service is limited to two (2) hours per week and is intended to give a family member or caregiver a chance to relax.

(Because Mom doesn't require 24-hour care just yet, we don't qualify for this. She's close, but doesn't meet their qualfifications for it - I checked. They want her to be pretty much house and/or bed-bound before they will help. She's not quite there yet.)

Homemaking

An In-Home Assistant provides help with tasks including: laundry, meal preparation, and light household cleaning. Homemaking is only available for a fee.

Home Chore

Assistance with household maintenance jobs such as: washing windows, removing and installing screens and storm windows, caulking windows and installing weather-stripping around doors, minor furniture repair, and other annual tasks as needed.

(We do have them come in and do the windows on the outside and clean the gutters)

Minor Home Repair

A Home Maintenance worker provides services which will contribute to the extended life of an owner-occupied home and help maintain minimum health and safety standards. This would include: minor roof repair, window repair, correct faulty plumbing, repair stairs, install or repair railings, and building wheelchair ramps as needed. Clients are asked to pay for the material.

Home-Delivered Meals

Home-delivered meals provides older adults with a hot meal during the noon hour. To be eligible one must; be over the age of 60, be homebound, and unable to shop or prepare own meals. A suggested donation of $2.50 for each meal provided.

Transportation

Commission on Aging offers transportation to medical appointments for Senior Citizens of the County for a fee of $4 per 20 miles. We ask for at least a 2 to 3 day notice for all transportation requests.

Dining Sites ("Food With Friends")

Offers food and fellowship. This nutritious noon meal provides one-third of the body's daily nutritional requirements. Programs, activities, and friendship are also a part of Food With Friends.

My mistake. I just looked at a billing they sent me. Mom gets 11 hours every two weeks. We pay 10% or $17.45 every two weeks. I can use the hours in any way I need to.

So if you only get ONE HOUR (omg) you can have someone come in for 4 whole hours a month!!

I need to call them up myself since my mother IS 24/7 care, I think I might be able to swing some actual respite in.

I was just about to the point of needing respite because the only other time I used it was when I spent that entire week moving a house full of stuff into a house full of stuff..so hardly any rest for me..but now with all the bugs going around I don't want to put Mama anywhere with the general population...I'm too protective of her with all these germs flying around..

Susan, bless her heart..that's what I"m talking about..so very hard to see them get this way...I do wish Mama was able to fuss at me, she just lies there and looks at me with this look she gets when she is aggravated with me..or at least that is how it feels..Mama has always been such a funny cheerful person it is killing me to see her look so sad....I think that is what gets to me the most..it's not the work, it's certainly not her, it's not even not having a personal life...right now Mama is my life and I am so thankful for every little moment with her...but it is soooo hard to see her, totally bedfast, most of the time unable to talk to me at all anymore...just a sad look most of the time...it kills me...I wish I could fix it..I just hope she is comfortable and feels loved...that is about all I can do it seems...