I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I am far from germ phobic in my personal life. my original comments were to help hope cope with the threats to her Mama that ousiders bring through the door not to describle how I behave in my own germ ridden environment.
We have always had animals in the house and for many years horses out in the barn so my three kids were raised in a far from sterile environment.
When I was a student nurse in the late 50s we did not even have gloves to use except for sterile proceedures and soiled linens had to be rinsed by hand before they could be sent to the laundry. Things like needles and syringes were sterilized by boiling and reused. Even surgical gloves were washed and re-sterilized as were urinary catheters. The patient's beds were damp dusted using a cloth and harsh chemicals so you can imagine the state of our hands. no i am not a germaphobe but have been trained to today's standards and am appaled by the number of healthcare workers I see breaking the rules.
Susan I am so sorry you are having to deal once again with heart breaking behaviour from your son. I hope this does not interfear with the pleasure of see your other some.
Hope I know how hard it is to think of life without Mama but do you think you may soon be able to give her permission to join your dear father. She must miss him terribly much as she loves you. very often our loved ones do need to be given permission to leave so when you feel able perhaps you can think about telling her she can leave and that your heart will be broken to see her go but you don't wish her to suffer and you will heal in time and make a new life for yourself and your furry friends. I know animals will always be a great comfort to you as they are to many of us. It must be as hard for mama to leave you as it is for you to think of loosing her but really she will always be with you in spirit in good times as in bad. If you believe in the after life there is always a connection. God Bless.
I am ashamed to admit I had a meltdown in front of the hospice folks today...I came apart like a two dollar suit....I finally got my prescription for at least two more weeks for the depression meds I am supposed to be on, which I have been without for the past almost two weeks...I have been dealing with that and today I think I finally found someone in the pharmacy who could tell I was unraveling and she knew it was not my fault but the fault of the doctor who for some reason is not handling this...so I have enough now to last me two weeks and hopefully that will give me enough time to get ths prescription corrected...If anyone has ever stopped cold turkey from their depression meds, they can identify with the totally insane feeling you are left with....it has been unbelievable to me that the doctors office cannot get such a simple thing correct...
For now, Mama is fast asleep and she is breathing a lot better..She has eaten enough today, though not as much as usual...I guess all I can do is take this one day at a time....If I think about it all I once I won't make it...
Susan still thinking of you and will say a prayer for you and your son. I don't have children....just the four legged variety, but my friends have gone through many a heartache with their own and I can only imagine how difficult it is and I know I can't possibly know how hard it is, but just know my thoughts are with you..and my prayers..
Jeanette...still praying for you and your sweet pup. I know you are excited to see your son and the timing of that is kind of amazing..I know how hard it is to have to lose a beloved pet, aka family member, but just keep in mind he knows how loved he is and has always been and you have given him such a great life...Hugs and prayers for you too.
FF, I too have had to drive far too many to help them to the rainbow bridge...mine are felines....I love dogs too, I just can't have them due to the herd of cats I have and the fact we don't have a fence just now....
Well, I think I'll put the old feet up for a bit and get me a hot cup of coffee....today has been a really hard day...the hospice folks earned their pay with me today...I am embarrassed to have come apart like that, but they said they see it all the time..I guess they would... just very sad....thank God the sun did come out today..it was good to see his smiling face again...
Finally got my bro-in-law to try to stop the iCloud Drive from the never-ending updating which was using up the iPad battery fast. We tried resetting the iCloud password - still had problem logging in. So he reset it, quickly found a way to log in, and then he signed me out. I'm not familiar with iPads but I sure hope I never have a need for the iCloud. It's stuck on that updating mode. With that said, I spent all afternoon downloading my Unread Amazon ebooks into the iPad. Sis didn't think it would fit in the iPad since she got me the low memory one. It fit!
we built stone " bar " retaining walls around the driveway back in the springtime . after the asphalt drive is laid the homeowner is going to plant irish moss in the joints of the stone bars . it'll look a thousand years old . i love working for this guy . i have free reign on design but its enhanced by his utterly genius landscaping / building vision .
Keeping you all in my prayers...
TryingtoCope, I understand, hang in there, there are good and bad times....oh how I know that...((HUGS))
Jeanette...still thinking of you and your Mom and your sweet pup..Praying you get some spend some lovely time with your son as well...((HUGS))
Susan...praying that whatever needs you and your son have are met and God holds you in the palm of His hand... ((HUGS))
Hugs to you all....
You'd think with modern technology in their pockets, that a quick thank you by email would be so easy to do.
youre losing your mother a little bit at a time and i think your wise to look ahead at a life without her in it and be kind to her now while you still can . my mother and i drew extremely close in the last few months of her life . it was just her and i - and the bank of fog / confusion , and an occasional hospice or family visitor . it was our journey and i was honored to walk with her .
now its my aunt with late stage dementia facing her end of life . im taking this walk with her and we both know how it ends . were going to both walk bravely up to the unknown . i saw her tonight , we had a lovely and intimate time . shes still eating my cooked apples and ill by god , keep cooking them for her .
Frequent, you are so right, there is no excuse not to thank someone especially when you know they went out of their way to pick out something just for them...and I did, I really searched for this item because I knew it was something he would love...I have heard not one peep about it...not wanting pats on the back for it, would just like to have known they got them...I thanked them the NIGHT I got them..which was also the same night they went driving right on past our street...oh how much these kids have missed out on with Mama...their Grand....so sad..and to me, inexcusable...one day they may look back and regret it...I just don't get it...but I am not letting it get in the way of Mama and my fun...I'm going to make this as pleasant as possible...we know what's coming, Mama would not dwell and would not want me to..we're going to enjoy our time together..and maybe one day get to talk it over in heaven...
Book , I do have a smart phone...and it has a semi smart owner :) I love the phone but it took some time getting used to it....
when i stayed with edna for almost a year during my divorce in 2001 , she always kept me a huge bowl of sweet rice in the fridge . i virtually lived on the stuff . interesting thing was - it was always sweetened to absolute perfection . i was sick from hepc chemo meds and barely on my feet but the thought never escaped me that this girl didnt throw together some swill for me . she must have tasted it and adjusted it 10 different times . gonna make her some apple rice right now while my beans are cooking . she loves cold apple rice so dearly that she rations it to herself not realizing that i make a gallon of the crap at a time . lol
I woke up to a blissfully clean lawn and it is so pretty. Mama was quite perky this morning and wanted some coffee with me....she even talked a little....when I hear her voice it touches something in me that I just want to hold onto forever...I told her I got her yard all fluffed up the way she always kept it and she smiled....she has always been known for being the "sweet lady who is always in her yard and always has a kind word to say " and so I need to carry on the tradition...Daylight got away from me so I didn't get my little sprouting bulbs put in the pot but I got the pot all ready and have my potting soil so that will be a fun thing today....I'll put them beside the large glass door so she can see them growing....
I'm not sure but I think the hospice folks called my brother the other day when they caught me crying. I am not certain how I feel about that. Now I feel like I can't really talk to or trust them. Brother will come at some point today and I will find out what happened there. Could be they just called him to let him know he needed to check on me because I was having a hard morning...he checked on me..One text.. "u ok??" yep, that was his idea of checking on me. Sadly, as much as I love him, he truly things I am just feeling sorry for myself..so if he thinks I am upset around here his response is to scold me. Hospice is aware of that...so if they did call him I am not going to be real happy about it...oh well...still too pretty of a day to obsess over that...
Yesterday was the morning from HELL!! We both went to bed early so we'd be fresh for the ride to the airport. Somewhere along ... let's say 1:30 a.m. ish I hear a noise, get up to investigate, yup, mom had fallen and really bumped her head a good one. Blood everywhere... had to shampoo her carpet at 2:00 in the morning... she also scraped her arm a good one. Got her her all cleaned up, ice bagged her head... bandaged her arm tucked her back in the bed... she was up moving around again by 6:00 a.m. so we just stayed up... sigh. Left here around 10:00 to drive the 90 miles to Portland Airport. Guess what? I don't think the freaking airport is even IN PORTLAND! I'm not sure where it's at... after getting there over an hour late to scoop my son up I was totally mind exhausted. 90 miles in the pouring rain and fog... circling Portland a starving vulture looking for the damn airport... no signs that said Airport next left... I don't recall but seeing ONE sign for the airport and it lead me somewhere... not sure where... I WAS SO LOST! Finally had my son talk me through how to make my phone give me step by step directions but... the weather was so crappy I'd lose reception... and be lost again, finally an English speaking gas attendant said, turn right on 181st and keep going.... keep going meant another 20 miles? I swear, I don't know how I found it and couldn't begin to tell you where it is. Nope. A giant rain/fog blur... BUT my son is here and that alone made the hellish nightmare worth it.
The sun is beautiful here today. Brother came by and I decided to just tell him what a mess I have been and so I got all that out and he was very nice and very concerned and told me that I could call him anytime when I got that way ...he also brought me a fried chicken dinner and some blueberry pound cake! So we had a great visit...Mama acknowleged him being here which made him very happy too. What a nice day...Mama is sleeping well and seems to feel better still today. got her a good hot bath and trying to do that for her whenever she seems to need some pampering...I can tell she loves them. I imagine the good wamr washcloths feel relaxing to her tired self..Lord bless her....so thankful I have gotten hold of myself too...hope it stays that way...
i dont have much to fuss about today . things are going well . if we can get our stonework moving briskly enough i think were going to do the brickwork on mikes house too . i dont like to lay brick but i dont want to see a half million dollar home slopped up either .
took edna her apple rice tonight and heather bought me some pork and a couple bags of beans . i dont think she has plans of leaving my one horse operation . not just every job out there right now is paying 12 bucks an hour . of course my friend betsy is jealous as hell . she thinks shes the best stone jointer in the world . lol
theyre both pretty good helpers and theyre usually as tickled as i am with the finished products . things are looking good around here . i bought a 1000 . 00 gas powered concrete saw ( tax writeoff ) today . thats how self employment works . either buy s*it or give the money to the irs .
Lu
I understand your needing respite care in order for you to get some rest...I think all of us understand that here....Please let us know more information and welcome here.... (((hugs)))
my mother didnt care to do much cooking but she was a great educator . as a kid i used to fantacize about being their hero in a post apolocolyptic setting or something similar . its been an honor to be each of thems closest companion at or near their end of life .
they will live on for generations hopefully . both my sons have been taught their frugality and ability to innovate . most of the females in the family consider mom and aunt to be backwards and ignorant . they are dead wrong and as unaccomplished as you would expect from such narrowmindedness .