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Jessie, I wonder if she used to care for her mother? When you told her she could have your mother, did she leave? Ugh, that would have forever freaked me out. On the other hand, I'm sure we will miss and treasure our loved one when they're gone. Doesn't mean the here and now is any easier.

hope, GLAD you have some company coming!! Don't go overboard and do too much like I did and spend the next several days trying to recuperate. Some of us just try too damn hard if you ask me. There is no need to impress the apparently unimpressible. phbtt

Speaking of that.... Susan, wow, I've told you this before and I still mean it. You are ME but 2 years ago. I did the exact same thing 14 months ago when my son flew into Seattle for work. Made enough food for days, worked my ass off before I left... all for nothing. Her care'r at the time, didn't even use it. They sat around eating junk food watching old movies. My mom was still okay back then... my brothers stopped by (back then) so just go ahead and do what I did. Make some brown rice, throw most of the edible leftovers into a pot... make your dog some nice warm food for a few days :) Seriously though, we try so hard to do our best all for naught. I hope and pray if our loved could verbalize it or show it, that they'd truly appreciate what we do for them and how much time we spend on their care.

I've been attempting to put our taxes together, just to find out I am missing 2 forms from mom's pensions. How I wish I could jus THROW all these papers into the fire pit and have a weenie roast :/ everything just feels so stressful these days and I have the "deer in headlights" feeling. Even when I try to sleep, I can't, I start getting anxiety and no sleep for me :( bleh

Mom is still drinking her shakes and doing pretty good. You do have to sort of warm them up a bit if you use the ice cubed parts as they cause a brain freeze and no AD person needs a brain freeze, lesson learned!! anywho... she slept the ENTIRE night and I didn't. So unfair!! but, I didn't have to get up, pick her up and put her li'l buns back to bed :)

Oh, there was a wild turkey walking through town today just a gobbling away. I think he must have lost his way or his friends? Poor fellow..
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Jeanette...already with you on that...started to do some things and just continued working in the attic today...have actually done zero...I can't believe it myself..zero..I even texted her and told her to just bring a lot of lounge clothes because unless I had an errand to run I would not be getting out of mine...haha...I can't believe how I am ..I have not planned meal one...I will do it as we go along...I have plenty of stuff already bought anyway and will throw something together quick or order pizza or whatever...I decided I was going to try to enjoy my company for a change instead of killing myself over it.... :)
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On another note, while clearing out and cleaning up the attic, I discovered that a lot of the crapola up there is stuff that belongs to my brother!!!!!! hope he doesn't need it.....hehe......actually, I am going to put it all in one box, tell him here it is...do you want it and if I get a "no" out it goes... :)
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Thanks, Jeanette! I've always been a big planner, list maker, etc...and I like to have everything "just right" when I go anywhere....but doing that now is such a chore, because there's just SO much more that has to be done. Mom's pills. Mom's incontinence supplies. Mom's meals. Lists for the caregiver. On and on and on. I was irritated, though, when I found that about $30 worth of food was still sitting in the fridge. The only thing they used was the breakfast sausage I cooked. We used some of the egg patties and bacon today, and the chicken dinners were still good, but the rest had to be tossed. (Dog can't do people food - he gets colitis too easily - cheaper to throw out the food than face another $150 vet bill for that!)

Did daughter's taxes today, need to do ours next. I don't mind doing them, it's just the time involved.
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hope, it is what I do. My mother will get excited and say I need to plan royal feasts when my brother comes to visit. I say, "Mom, it's just Brother." I know they would rather us go out to eat or just have some simple take-out. I learn to let myself off the hook. Why stress ourselves out?
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Ahhh yes, let ourselves OFF the hook. Words of wisdom. I think I mentioned this already when I got back from the 4 hour r/t drive taking my son to the airport both brothers were sitting here eating pizza. Normally I would have had a big meal for them to eat... this time left them nothing but a pot of coffee. Oh, did they offer me a slice? Of course not. My father was the one that planned/cooked big feasts... I tried to keep up the tradition after he passed but t thought f-%#@ it. Why? ... oh, met this lady in the quicky stop today, she looked tired, she told the cashier her life is just plane tiring, oh how I related. Man.

Ha, my dogs have steel stomachs apparently since there seems to be nothing food wise that bothers them. Like they have a choice ;) once upon a time last year I used to make their food from scratch...LOL, oh hell not anymore. I've been learning loads of lessons this past year... stop trying so hard, everyone will be just fine, except ME. Took me a long time to get it.

It doesn't matter how hard you try, nor how much you plan Susan, in these situations someone will inherently come along and change all your hard work. Lesson; they will not starve while you're gone. :) you feel better...
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Have fun hope, don't work too hard, just enjoy!! If your brother wants his stuff, let him pick it up, if not... forget about it. It is HIS choice.
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Dealing with an idiot mail order pharmacy! I decided to hell with them and went back to a local place. It may cost more but my sanity is worth something!! Thanks for letting me vent!
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Harpcat, I like local pharmacies. I can just call them or run by. The convenience is worth it. I would fret all the time if we had a mail-order service. I even fret more now that my mother is part of the university system. I go online and request refills, then worry if they are a little late. Sometimes things get lost in cyberspace. Fortunately, a phone call is all it takes to fix problems.
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Same here regarding local pharmacies.... that way I can get the same manufacturer I want for my pills instead of the mail order sending something different each time.

Both my Mom and I have issues with fillers/binders/coatings that are used in making prescription pills. There is one manufacturer we have no problem taking any of their pills. But my parent continue to use the mail-order pharmacy, and Mom continues to feel sick whenever a new batch of pills come in from a different manufacturer.

I have tried to talk to Dad about this but all he can think about is the fact that mail-order is cheaper.... good grief, it is ok for Mom to feel sick from the pills to save a few dollars?

Where is my helmet? Oh, it's out for repair :P
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capt thank you, you make me smile
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Base didn't have meds went to Walgreens they don't take Tricare so $ 250 for one month!
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It is what I hate about Tricare. When we had Champus, everyone loved us. But things got worse and worse for military insurance. So many civilian companies won't work with Tricare. I've never been on it, but figure it must not pay enough. We should take better care of our troops and their families.
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Can I vent? I went to fix breakfast this morning and my mother was sitting in her chair with a thermometer sticking out of her mouth. Sigh. She called me in and said she needed to go to the doctor. She could fill the pulse in her head. I asked about her blood pressure. She had checked it 3 times already and it was okay. I told her not to worry. She got really mad and yelled, "You need to call the doctor NOW." Sigh.

I wanted to say that if I called the doctor every time she sat there and dwelt on a symptom that I'd be calling every day. Sometimes I wish she would get up and live, instead of sitting there concentrating on obsessing on these little symptoms. I knew that feeling the pulse in our head was something everybody does occasionally. I brought her some water, thinking she might be dehydrated, and an Ativan. She is cured now.

We've been dealing with a lot of little symptom episodes this month. Then I remembered that it always happens in winter. It is not because she is confined to the dark house, because I haven't been able to get her out much for well over a year. There is just something about January that seems to set her off when it comes to self obsessing.

I hope Punxatawny Phil has some good news for us Monday. The winter has been mild, but I'm ready for symptom relief.
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It is so abusive when someone yelling at you, but when dealing with the elderly we caregiver's are suppose to be superhero's and take 'it' (while trying to figure things out). It's no wonder this stress load is so unhealthy for us. It becomes too much responsibility for one person. Such a difficult position to be in. You need to balance this with getting out and doing things to counteract things. I know it's all difficult (and easy for outsiders to suggest things when they're not in your shoes). I'm glad you're venting. Big Hug Jessie!
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Heart, I am getting dressed to go out right now. Yesterday was her day, so I need a few hours for myself today. My mother uses bullying to try to make me do things. I'm not easy to bully now. Sometimes she goes around me and calls my cousin, who is a doctor (oncology). He sets her up with someone. So next week we have two appointments, instead of one. Sigh. But at least the extra appointment is an ENT. I have a feeling he'll just prescribe an allergy or sinus relief drug. That seems to be what doctors do as a fallback.

I thought it was funny. My mother said, "I don't have a temper. I'm real level headed," out of the blue. I'm glad I didn't have any liquid in my mouth, because it would have been all over the table. I told her that she did have a temper with me and that she bullies to get her way. She told me I was wrong, because she did NOT have a temper. I decided to let it go before she got mad. :-D
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I guess I should be happy I had a few days away from Mom and all the issues that go with it, but holy crap.....it's like I walked back into full-fledged madness. Caregiver last did laundry on 1/26, so when I arrived home the next night, there was already a hamper full of clothing to be washed. This morning, Mom informs me she's out of underwear. Now, this woman had TWENTY PAIR of underwear at one time (I bought them for her), and is now down to about 14 pair, due to the expected disposal of a pair here or there when she stains them beyond cleaining. In 2 days, she has gone through every single pair of underwear she had. 14 pair of underwear in 2 days. I pulled out a "reserve pair" that I keep in a plastic bag in my purse for emergencies and she put those on - then went back into the bathroom to shower, sat in there for 30 minutes, and came out with the underwear in her hand, and NONE ON HER BODY....saying they were wet. How on earth.....ugh. My stress level is reaching epic proportions already today and I've only been home 2 days.

I have major projects to do on this house this year (roof, etc), but once all the projects are done, I swear I'm going to hire a caregiver for a couple of days a week. Having that short break and coming back to this has just made me fully aware of how stressful it really is. This just sucks.
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Jeanette that turkey had got away from his caregiver.

Hope enjoy your cousin. she doesn't want you knocking yourself out for her. She wants to enjoy your company. Lots of cans of soup and sanwiches and Mrs Smith makes a good pie or strawberries and cream

dee i wore a hat all through menopause - but it was a riding helmet and had a very easy time - coincidence or maybe spending most of my time with big hairy creature made the difference. They never made smart remarks and were always pleased to see me.

Jadha how about taking Mom to a gynaecologist
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Jeanette that turkey had got away from his caregiver.

Hope enjoy your cousin. she doesn't want you knocking yourself out for her. She wants to enjoy your company. Lots of cans of soup and sanwiches and Mrs Smith makes a good pie or strawberries and cream

dee i wore a hat all through menopause - but it was a riding helmet and had a very easy time - coincidence or maybe spending most of my time with big hairy creature made the difference. They never made smart remarks and were always pleased to see me.

Jadha how about taking Mom to a gynaecologist
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Don't know why that posted twice i did not hit the buttone once
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Well, success of the day: Mom took a shower and the timing worked out, because now I have a dryer full of clean, dry undies for her to go through again. She wasn't happy about showering and put it off as long as possible with breakfast, then a nap, then another nap, then a pain pill....finally got her in there about 1:45pm, but hey, better late than never. Just glad that struggle is done for another day.
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I feel like I'm a bad person. My mother's needs are real she's helping me out at a bad point in my life and I can't deal with living with her. I don't have enough money and stability to move out, so living with her turns me into her default caregiver - cause she refused to hire one before. I can't take the smells. I can't take the constant needs. I can't take never EVER having one guaranteed moment of privacy 24 friggin hours a day. I can't take her need for constant interaction. And no she would absolutely refuse going to adult day care or anywhere or having someone come in while I go out. Me not living in her house was the only boundary which kept my sanity which was often worn at times, but now there is no door to shut between me and this. I'm working a part-time job at home, but I can barely do it given how exhausted and upset I am all the time. My health doesn't support me going out and getting a full time job that would enable me to move out. Only succeeding at the part-time job will get me out of this mess and it feel like more than I can possibly do, especially today.
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I swear, I am going to buy Mom an ear-trumpet to use instead of her hearing aids.

Mom wanted a hearing aid that was small so that no one could see she was wearing one.... well, that small means it is difficult to open up to put a tiny battery into it... neither Mom nor Dad have the dexterity to handle something so small. And it looks like a piece is missing from the new hearing aid. Heaven knows where THAT is.

Plus Mom won't clean her ears to get some of the wax out, and going to the doctor to have her ears cleaned is a waste because she doesn't like the water that hot. Now trying to get Mom to use the ear wax drops that Dad uses, and were recommended by two of her doctors.

Then today Dad wanted to try a new hearing aid place for Mom.... guess he forgot that I had said I will take Mom to a new place this past summer, and if they can't help, then no more going to other places. Guess Mom's ears had expired.... [sigh]
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@JessieBelle - that happen(s) i.e., happen(ed) to me whenever I took my mother out. Someone would look at me and hug me, telling me they'd been through the same thing. I usually said what you did, "you can have mine" or 'thanks for the thumbs up', depending on the situation.

It kind of opened my eyes to just how many people are out there who have been through the same thing. I enjoyed it because I didn't feel so mean afterwards, i.e., say I spoke a little louder or was looking for her, whatever.

Especially in restaurants.
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First let me say how much this site means to me and just reading the chatter encourages me. I feel like climbing on my roof today and shouting that I finally found disposable pants that keep hubby dry during the night and another one keeps him dry during the day. I haven't had to wash linen all week. This is huge for me, today I am a happy girl.
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FF I hear there is new hearing aid that the audiologist puts deep in the ear and changes it every three months. patient can't remove it themselves so there is no getting it in and out or changing batteries.
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Veronica do you have horses?! I have always loved them and wish i had learned how to ride and take care of them. They are such beautiful animals. Maybe some day...
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Susan, that's one for the "you know you're a caregiver if" discussion...you know you're a caregiver if you carry spare underwear for your loved one in your purse. Hope, have fun with your cousin! Think of it like a long slumber party! You will have plenty of time to clean or whatever once she goes home. Enjoy yourselves!
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My whine is I'm so tired and i have no real life i work and then I'm at home with mom i try to make plans w friends but they have kids husbands etc i have no children divorced have two dogs one is handicapped. .....
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katnmouse, I wonder what the neighbors would say?? Finding the right undees is a biggy. No more starting the morning off by washing the linens. Woohoo! You go, girl.
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