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Veronica...two great minds a single thought.. :) that is exactly what I am going to use too! I think I have definitely decided on the pretty bird fabric...all kinds of birds on a background of lush greenery...I think it will make it look like a garden in there. I am going to get one of those pretty ficus trees and put the clear lights in it to make it look starry at night....bring the outdoors indoors....

Well, I got to go for a ride in my truck again...and as always loved every minute of it...putting the feet up for a hopefully relaxing evening....brother called and talked a long time tonight. he and I seem on the same page these days..I have given up on expecting anything major but for me, I have decided it is ok to just have a brother back...I have been angry at him a long time and I have missed him to be honest. I know and think he should have done a lot of things differently, but I guess I'm going to give him a pass for the sake of my Mama. I know that all that matters to her in this world at this point is knowing her kids are ok with one another...I can do that for her...what is going to be hard is getting past the behavior of the SIL...I'm not sure how I will ever be able to do that....
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Good grief, I just read a posting that had a 290+ word run-on sentence. It was so very confusing because it could be read in many different ways. Why are so many writers no longer using punctuation when they write? Makes me wonder if these are teenagers writing because that is how some teens talk :0
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It might be because there are two extra "keypunches" on iphones needed to add punctuation. I don't know why the simplest punctuation (periods, commas) is not at the bottom of both letter and number panels. Punctuation would be the most handy if it were on the letter panel, but nope -- it is on the numbers panel of iphones.
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Jessie, I was wondering about that. I know at work once in a while I would get an email or a text that looked like a cat had walked across the keyboard because of the lack of commas and periods... the one letter abbreviations and acronyms for words... and the lack of proof-reading. I could see one or two oops, but a whole email full is just crazy. No wonder there is so much misunderstanding communications among people today.
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Just noticed the number of "whines" on this discussion. Sometimes, I guess, there is alot to whine about and, for me, just this little place to do that lets off a little steam. One of the things that happens to caregivers is burnout resulting in little self-care. Some days I can barely deal with my own mental and physical downs. I would love to just tend to myself but I can't. It's also hard when you feel so down yourself and have to try to motivate or 'entertain' someone who can do so little for herself physically but who has absolutely NO desire to do anything that other people do to busy themselves. The only distant light is that I am trying to ready the paperwork for veteran's benefits that will allow my mother to go to a board and care home. But the process for approval is sooooooo long. She is in adult day care 3 times a week but the rest of the week and weekends are torture. Wondering how long I can I stand it. Thanks for the breath.
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It's been below zero for almost a week with the windchill factored in. Today is like a heatwave - it's 18 degrees with a windchill of 7 above zero - so we are just about ready to break out the grass skirts and coconut bras and start dancing a hula. :-)

Mom's latest funny - which wasn't so funny at the time: I had a pretty rough day with her yesterday. She was supposed to get up and get showered so she could attend her grandson's birthday party. She insisted she was going, and that she would shower..when she was ready. Never happened. I finally got so frustrated with her that I gave up and told her if she didn't shower, she wasn't going. She decided then and there she wasn't going, so I lost the battle of wills on that one. Went to the party by myself and dealt with a more dysfunctional family than my own, if that's even possible. LOL The sisters were fighting, one of them insisted on complete silence when the birthday boy opened HER gift and expected everyone to oooh and aah over it. She actually "shushed" grown adults in front of everyone else. My mood was worse than ever when I left that party and went to the pharmacy to get Mom's meds, and saw they had her incontinence pads on sale for a really good price - so by the time I was done there, I was out $120 out of my own pocket. Mood continues to darken....

So I get home, and the dog is bugging to go out, then back in, then wanting to eat, then back out again, then wanting treats, then back out again....I finally told the dog, "you know, today is NOT the day to do this....I'm REALLY not in the mood..." Mom looks at me and says, "Is there EVER a better day for you??" in a sarcastic tone. Oh lady....don't go there. You don't want me to answer that question.

Thanks, Mom. I can laugh about it today - a little - but it wasn't so funny yesterday.

Today I'm trying to get her in the shower. Again. Dangled a nice long ride in the van in front of her nose like a carrot in front of a donkey - but she had to shower to get the ride. It's darn near 3pm and she still hasn't showered. I might as well give up, because if she doesn't shower in the morning, it won't happen.
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My whine may be more of a rant. Two years ago my mother made a will naming me sole beneficiary because I a m an only child and have been soul caregiver for the last 10 years. This last week she has started telling people I forced her to sign this will and had even threatened her. When my aunt told me I confronted my mom and she swears it's all true. I was so upset I gave her the will and tore it up. I felt so betrayed, I said if she wasn't happy here I would find somewhere else for her to go. Today we visited several facilities and she's so happy it's almost like she thinks she's going to Disney. My concern is that she only has enough money to last her for a year. She says it doesn't matter she will die before then. There is no one I can talk to about this, my aunt is convinced I am the devil incarnate and I feel so anxious. Any advice?
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Suzann, that is terrible. Has your mother been diagnosed with dementia or Alzhiemer's? If so, that might help your aunt understand what is going on with her. BTW, was that the only copy of the will or does the lawyer who wrote it up have a copy?

With your mother only have enough money to last her a year in a nursing home, would she at that point qualify for medicaid? If so, it would be best to select a place for her to go to that will one day take medicaid. Those types of nursing homes will often help you with the application process.

Contrary to what your aunt thinks, you are not the devil incarnate. Actually, that's a rather demonic comment and attack on her part. If you aren't able to calm your anxiety down over this yourself, then go see a therapist about it. You might need some anti anxiety medicine.

Good luck.
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Suzann, don't worry about what your Mom thinks about being forced to sign a Will, I know that is easier said then done. No attorney worth their salt will have anyone sign a legal document if they feel that person was being forced to sign or if they feel that person doesn't understand what is going on.

And try to brush off what your Aunt said, she could be afraid of HER OWN demise as she is getting old. It is good news that your Mom likes the facilities that you had visited, as so many of us getting one's parent to even visit one could need to tow truck to get them there. And if the facility takes Medicaid, start the process now to get your Mom qualified. After 10 years, it's time to get your life back :)
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Oh Suzann, how awful is that! No only your mom mad at you but your Aunt not getting what's going on. I agree, get her into the best facility you can that will take her with a year of private pay and let them guide you through the Medicaid process . This may end up being a blessing in disguise if mom is happy there!
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Suzann, I feel for you, and wish you the best - the things we caregivers put up with sometimes is pretty amazing. You are making the right move for your mom. She's obviously not happy where she's at, so the only thing you can do is get her into a facility so she can be cared for by someone else.
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Suzann, our parents can really put us through it when they get older. I would have just said that she was free to change the will. Did your aunt think your mom should have left things to her? Leaving things to you is the only thing that made sense. I hope your mother continues to like her new place so that you can get a well-earned rest. What happened with you reminds me of some of the confabulation my mother does. She will be talking to someone and make something up. Then if I say something about it, what she made up will become the new "truth."

We often hear that old age is not for sissies. What they should add is taking care of the elders is only for people with the spirit of a warrior and the calmness of Dahli Lama.
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i type with one finger . so much for capitalization , punctuation , and even proper spelling . i just dont care , im a stone mason , not a businessperson .
cracky and i have been working on the renters plumbing all day . she let it freeze and bust by running herself out of wood even tho the wood was here on the property and fronted to her indefinately .
i wont take this loss alone . she lost her kitchen sprayer , shower , ( my ) washing machine and she will forevermore fill her toilet tank with buckets of water . shes a despicable sow , she can live like a sow . if she holds up the rent i throw her out .
i dont need to berate people , i speak nowadays with actions instead .
shes living in my dream home for 200 bucks a month and doesnt care enough to take care of it .
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Hopefully Suzann kept a back up copy. feelings get trampled on during the first stages, or even if they've not got dementia, old age sometimes rears it's head and tramples. Same goes for nasty aunty. Keep your head about you Suzann...

Cap, oh good lord man, for 200 bucks a month I'd kick out those people that give me such anxiety and LIVE IN MY DREAM HOME. I love you dude, but you are becoming a crabby a** old man. Never EVER call a woman a despicable old cow. Shame on you for depriving her of water. Just give her a timely notice and be done with it, don't be mean.
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shes a despicable old cow in ever aspect ive encountered so far . she HAD a beautiful handbuilt shower , free washer / dryer / cheap firewood fronted to her and delivered to her door . she ran herself out of wood so she could be rescued by her son and go visit her remaining dog for a few days .
actions have repercussions . she can bathe with a washrag , take her ass to the laundry and suffer a reduction in her standard of living for her negligence .
my son and i lived here for years , crapping in a bucket , only cold water , no kitchen sink , sleeping on a pile of rags on a concrete floor . dont need to say s**t to me about modern conveniences .
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Suzann, you must feel so hurt. It's awful.

Your aunt needs to know more about dementia. I realise how hard it would be, but try to remember that her (current) opinion of you is based on out and out lies, probably pretty technicolor lies at that, and it's that which needs correcting. Were you and your aunt on good terms before all this?

What's your opinion of your mother's mental state? Has she been doing or saying anything else that's completely nuts?
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Like I said.... timely notice. No need to be mean bud.

God knows I wanted rescued from my son when he came to visit a few weeks ago. Sigh. He just reiterated why I left. It's been 3 weeks since I've spoke to him and it is ME that chooses to not answer my phone.

cap, I admire your tenacity, your work ethic and the love you have for your elderly. I bow down to you on that. However, if you had me s**tting in a bucket, wiping with cold water and sleeping on a concrete floor softened by rags?... b*tch you'd be dead and I would be wearing your socks cuz you didn't allow me to have any! JK!!! Yes dude....I will say s**t to you, unless you find a frozen cave woman you'll become that old man up the hill from you.

Be nice!
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be nice and take a 300 dollar loss for someone elses negligence . no thanks .
these people inhale beer all summer long and go into winter without a stick of firewood . im tired of stressing over their childishness , much less cleaning up after them .
our bunker is nice now . im saying we started out sacrificing and appreciating what we had .
this rental arrangement is like tossing pearls to the swine . thick , thick people .
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Find someone else that won't cause so much stress. You've earned your slice of the pie, cap. Just do it. I think you are really a nice person.... who likes to b*tch. Hey, b*tching is great for the soul, almost like whining ;) ahhhhh..... does a body good.

I'd like you to be happy. How is Edna? I have a 60 year old coffee cup that says this caffeine belongs to "Edna". My grandmother. Spicy lady indeed!

thick thick people.... hmmm?
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I guess no whines today, we had a pretty good day except Mama continues to go in and out of the feverish mode and more and more just looks so sad all the time. My brother came and he was able to make her smile and oh how I love her smile. He sat with her a long time and was trying to get her to respond to him. Other than the smile, she really didn't respond much at all. He started getting more and more emotional and of course it is hard, this is how I live every single day of my life and being here all the time does NOT make it any easier...But I could tell it was tearing him up..But that is also what makes me think..how does he think I am here all the time..this is my life..I am not griping or whining about it, just saying that this is my life, 24/7, watching the person on this earth who means more than my own life to me...I would gladly change places with her if I could and she would be happy and well again...does he ever stop and think how hard it is to be the one here all the time and see her like this.??? just wondering...he brought me lunch, and it was really good, again so not complaining, he just needs to maybe give a little thought to how much my heart is breaking over it all....then tonight I hear Tim McGraw sing the song Glen Campbell wrote...."I'm not gonna miss you"...and the words hit really hard....just feeling emotional tonight now reliving it all....
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Pay no attention to me any my opinions. I truly hate women being called such callous names though. Cap and I just share our thoughts as do many of us and we do not hold judgement. We are all dealing with loss. Different forms, different scenarios and of course, different ways we deal with it.

Made mom roasted cornish hens, mashed potatoes/gravy/ green beans and yes, cranberry sauce. 3 bites later she had enough..... however, she just plowed through her peanut butter n jelly sandwich plus is hoping for her ice cream bar which she'll have with her night meds. Guess my whine moment will never again be what's for dinner :( buying stock in creamy jiffy seems to be the way to go.
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yeah my husband is following around all day long and takes things of mine and has hiding place h im taking care of him 24/7 its driving me crazy and yes he will not let me talk to anyone on the phone so goes by social connection I have to text everyone and yes last nite he fell out of bed scared me and I woke up from a deep sleep and yes he has tantrums and wants my attention every min and yells if I don't thx for letting me vent
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jeanette ,
jump out there and deal with the general public for about 25 yrs and then let me know how that tolerance and nice guy crap is going .
i think back to bout the age of 25 . had two co workers who lived in the same lake ( cabin ) community i lived in . i told em i wouldnt mind if they rode to work with me . after about 4 weeks of them spending every dime they had partying it up on the weekends then bumming smokes , weed , and tokin on my quart of beer on the way to / from work , i threw them out of my car and never tried that crap again .
30 yrs later ive built two homes and both of them are still trailer park filler . nothing against trailer parks or people who struggle to get by ( i do too ) , im sayin they were / are losers .
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Well then Cap, sounds like you are a nice guy who likes to share his s**t. Stop sharing is what I have to say. Just because others are not kind individuals like you are does not mean you can join their ranks.

You took such loving tender care of your mother and Aunt Edna. It is in you to still take care, just stop calling women names. Find a winner buddy. You won't find it with this tude tho. Again, be nice. Bee's / honey/vinegar gads I'm boring myself!
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After waking up....and then letting out a big groan when I realized what has changed in life, my whine moment would have to be that is is awful waking up from a bad dream where the only problem was I couldn't find my toothbrush and the stores were sold out,... and realizing real life is way worse than the dream. How I would love to turn the clock back before my Mom fell and got bedridden with so many health problems 9 months ago to when she was still somewhat independent. How I would even turn the clock back to early last Thursday and tell my husband not to go to work in that brutal cold which sent his heart out of rhythm again after two and a half years. Now I have not one but two people to worry about all day. How I long for those mornings where I would get my coffee, open the blinds, and call Mom at her home and she would tell me she was ok and eating her breakfast, and my husband was feeling well. I miss that more right now than being able to travel or go to baseball games, etc. Just that simple nice quiet morning coffee and all was well here, despite the little things which could be easily handled. I just hate when I first wake up into a real nightmare. Maybe some coffee will help me feel ready to tackle the day this morning. The constant brutal cold here doesn't help either....
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Well Capt I know you are a nice guy and I totally sympathize with you about your tenant. Much as I would have liked to take some of your actions on my tenants i know if I did They would be wining to city hall and I would get a huge fine. No point in disputing it they will just increase the fine. They are so bad they out and measure the length of the grass and if they find one stalk over 10 inches I get a citation and ten days to cut the grass. Landlords are supposed to notify City hall whenever a tenant changes so they can inspect the property. Most of the houses are well over 200 years old so of course there are expensive repairs and upgrades needed. Now if the house is in a flood zone which most of the city is the house has to be jacked up so the first floor is above the anticipated flood level before it can be sold. another example is that all the electrical outlets have to be 6 feet above the floor at 8 feet intervals. I could go on but this is not the place just to support the Capt. Capt could you perhaps refer to your tenant as a female of the bovine species.
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I totally understand re the troublesome tenants. My parents rented a home that had been built for Daddy's parents way back in the day and after they both passed they rented it...Bad move. Even though it was a very nice home, they first of all didn't charge nearly enough, and secondly never got deposits, timely rent etc...that is actually when I found myself getting involved because I got so sick of seeing them taken advantage of.....that nightmare drug on for another twenty years and finally, I convinced Mama to sell it and be done. I will never own rental property again. And like Veronica was saying, landlords are held to such strict standards and yet you have to go through so many hoops to just get someone out of your house it is ridiculous...Sadly I think going through all that mess with the low life people who took advantage of my parents is one thing that caused me to be the way I am now...extremely mistrusting of people in general....my brother, once again, never had to deal with any of it. Was off living the high life while I was tracking down "move out in the middle of the night owing money and holding a gun on me when I found them" folks I look back to those days and I was in my teens and early 20's when all that crap was going on....I love my parents, but I often wonder why they didn't step up more instead of watching me go through what I did trying to protect THEIR interest....That still does not make sense to me..and where did it get me??? I worked my fanny off all my life and always will be doing that. My brother is a hard worker now, but got to enjoy being a teenager, and a young adult..I never had that opportunity....I think I harbor a lot of resentment for that.....................lord where did that come from ??????
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Hope had the same thing when we boarded horses. Board bill unpaid empty stall in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!! you can't not feed the horse.
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ive known all my life that renting out to tennants was fruitless , this is something that just fell into place . my house was sitting empty and i felt it would be good to have someone out here . in most ways it is a great arrangement but nobody appreciates something that they have no " skin " in . ill reconnect her shower and washing machine when she pays me 100 bucks of my loss . i may never reconnect the washer . it probably has a cracked pump housing from being frozen . i could live ok without her rent money but she does pay her bills and it frees me up to save some money back for my plans of semi retirement . sadly her dad is an airhead and somebody has to keep a foot in her a** . if i was a nice guy id still be sitting here gagging on dog pee and shed be hitting the floor every 20 hours blackout drunk . there are only a couple of stipulations for living here so cheaply . if she goes about 6 months without a working shower and pays a hundred bucks for her careless actions she might learn something from this . its a beautiful little house sunk in the forest with no neighbors . i dont think she wants tossed out of here .
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*Finally* got mom in the shower after 3 days of struggle. No whine from me this morning. Finally getting my shelves put up after a week-long delay. New TV coming today, so I'll have another project on my hands - new TV in the living room (nothing grand, just slightly bigger screen than the old one) so I'll put the old one in my room. Going to make a slightly larger open area at the back of the entertainment center so I can put the cable box and such where I want it. Need to mount the articulating arm to the wall in the living room and then dive into the maze of wires and connectors to get everything hooked back up properly. I'm no electrician, but I've gotten pretty good at figuring out how to hook everything up. Then I need to do the same thing in my room and get rid of the old "big back" tv that I've got in there. I'll probably donate it to my daughter if and when she ever finds a place to live.
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