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Back when I was a renter I was so happy to have a roof over my head and be on my own that I treated my apartments as though I owned them myself. Sometimes even improved things on my dime with the landlord's permission. Being a landlord myself now, I wish all people would take pride in where they live, no matter who owns their nest. We as landlords would no doubt be the best renters as we know what bum tenants can do. It is interesting the similarities I see amongs many of us....we are independent, want to take care of things ourselves, many of us are landlords...interesting.
Hope, I am very mistrusting myself, and that is another can of worms I won't go into right now, but I sure know where you are coming from.
Captain, I hope your misguided tenant wakes up and learns to appreciate what she has....maybe turning the water on but only ice cold and a nice cold blast of ice water in the shower would wake her up...heehee...
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Katie..exactly..that is how I always was...always made sure when I left it was in better shape than when I moved in....I never had a deposit witheld, not even for a short time, everything was spic and span when I left, appliances included..all windows cleaned, inside and out...and I always vacuumed or mopped myself out of the place so I didn't even leave footprints..It mattered to me that I maintained it well and showed respect for the property and the property owner.

Captain, your place sounds like exactly the kind of places I used to search for...way out away from everything and everybody...sounds like she has a deal for sure and should keep it as such...sounds like heaven to me...

Mama is feeling a little better this morning..even smiling a little...so that always makes for a great day...I just heard we may be getting 2 or 3 inches of snow on Wednesday..mercy me,,, unbelievable..
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the people allowed every pipe in the house to bust . took us about 6 hrs just to get most of it going . dragging my feet to get the shower working again seems like an appropriate measure to me.
im not caring for elders now but this IS the whine thread and that plumbing repair and expense was a major b*tch .
i guess i have a new b*tch for today . i haveta pull my steering wheel and replace a multifunction switch inside the steering column . i haveta go all the way into the column because i need to tighten some screws that are allowing the steering wheel to rock AND pull the dash panel and replace all the dash light bulbs . not a small job and about 125 . 00 worth of parts . i haveta do it myself because i wouldnt let a halfa**ed kid touch my truck even if i could afford to have the work done .
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hope , ive never had a deposit withheld either . only one time when a landlord told me upon moving in if i needed to move before the one year lease was up hed work with me on it . when i left early with plenty of notice he stood in his doorway wobbling from excess booze , laughed at me and said i knew the real reason he couldnt return it . i said " yea , 150 d*mn bucks you dont have " .
there are just some sorry people in this world in every capacity .
i keep my chin up and treat people like id want to be treated and ive sure had a lot of return for a lifetime of that policy .
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That's true Captain....aside from the occasional revolving sob who is gonna be one of those regardless, our family has been blessed a lot of times in many ways. I do think it matters to treat folks the way you want to be treated....Those who don't follow that practice are usually pretty miserable in all aspects of life anyway....

I do remember with our rental property it seemed to never fail that no matter who lived there, they would wait until a holiday, a late night, or a weekend to call with some major mess that needed "fixing" My Daddy would get out and go flying up there to handle it and I can't even tell you how many times it was something like the toilet overflowed because their kid flushed his toys down it...something burned in the kitchen because they went outside and left someone on the stove, etc...the money that went into that place was ridiculous..and my parents just sucked it up and went on...I got so fed up with it, even in my teens, so that's why I just started handling it. It's a pity because it was a really nice house but I sure was a happy camper when we sold it. I spent enough of my life dealing with that thing....
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I have posted in a while because what is the use of singing the same old song ? It is all very clear to me that my family is not interested in how I feel about this situation. In May it will be two years that I have been living with my elderly father. The best decision I made was to rent deskspace at a coworking location so that I have a guaranteed break from the daily nonsense. What happens, the moment I get home, my father has mail waiting for me to take care of. There is no "how was your day ?" Nope. Now that Im not at home during the day, he has started complaining to my sister that I dont pay rent. HUH ? I do everything that the Home Health Aides do and on top of it Im supposed to pay rent ? He is just upset because Im not here as his personal slave during the day. I found a new work from home position (remember I lost the other one) so now Im going to be at my workspace for longer hours. Its a shame that I cannot actually work from home, but have to rent a deskspace in order to be able to concentrate.

Meanwhile my father is still treating the HHA like the head of household. Since the weekend HHA has been away, we have been subjected to her nonsense 7 days per week. The funny thing is now that my sister is living just minutes away, she comes over on the weekends. The HHA is as quiet as can be when my sister is around. She minds her own business and does what she is asked. This shows that she knows exactly what she is doing. This is why I strongly dislike my living situation. I deal with two so called adults (my father and his HHA) who are intent on undermining me at all times. My family will never fire her. She took off this past weekend. She did not ask me to cover for her. She just announced she was not going to come. Should I demand to get paid for covering her shift on the weekend ? She will never get fired no matter how many times I bring up things that should change. Why because my family knows that no agency will put up with my father asking for gourmet meals every day, doing a huge grocery shopping etc, not to mention putting up with his arguing non stop. So they dont want to upset the HHA. So if that means she pisses me off, the answer is oh well. Ive informed my sister about things that go on and she shrugs them off. Meanwhile the HHA is still bringing her child 3 days per week after school, he jumps around and it sounds like a herd of wild elephants. Does she tell him to stop ? Nope because she runs the show.
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No whine--just relief and exhaustion. Been on the phone, not exaggarating, for probably close to 4 hours today, struggling to get my mother's MRI appointment taken care of. The last remaining issue was getting her neurologists "orders" faxed over to the imaging facility. This normally simple task took ALL DAY, 2 different fax numbers, and me calling first one office, then the other - "did you get it? No?" "Please fax it again, they didn't receive it." "I KNOW you faxed it, please fax it again." "Did you get it yet? No?????" All. Day. Long. I finally lost it, and the girl on the other end got snippy with me too. I work in an office, so I'm not unsympathetic, but come ON. I wrote an angry email, call the imaging office one more time, and lo and behold....they received it! I was stunned. Anyway, appointment is made for this Saturday morning. Wish I could think of a good way to celebrate, but the only thing that tempts me is a nap.
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I developed a sudden intense stomach pain last night that lasted for 3 hours. Has happened to me a few times in my life, first time when i was a little kid walking home from school- it hurt so bad i crawled a couple of blocks. Last night was probably the worst it has ever been as nothing i did eased the stabbing spasms, plus my upper back hurt and i felt nauseous and then some chest pain - if it hadn't happened before i would have worried about heart. Made the mistake of telling mom that i had a bad stomach ache when she asked me what was wrong. She immediately started hollering for help, wanted me to call doctor, kept telling her we were the only ones there and I'd be fine. I laid on the floor and heard a crash - yeah, mom threw something at the tv. I bolted up and blurted out what the hell are you doing ma?! She told me she was trying to get the attention of the person behind the curtains. I told her I was feeling better, did her vitals and gave her her medicine.took her to the bathroom and put her to bed. Then I went and laid in my bed and just couldn't think of anything but how bad my stomach hurt. Finally fell asleep then at midnight my mom is calling out for my sister? So I go in there and she tells me she has a bad stomach ache. Not sure what that was all about, because she went right back to sleep. Maybe she was thinking of my stomach ache and somehow her brain made her think she had one? So I stayed home from work today, went to my house and just lay down all day, feeling pretty crappy. When I got home the caregivers told me that mom seemed kind of preoccupied today. And ma was wanting me to go to the doctor etc. Told her I laid down today I felt better and there was no need. Finally got her to believe me! I know it's her mom instincts and she picks up on the vibes and maybe even feels a little insecure. When will I ever learn to keep my ailments and my stress to myself? Ugh.
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Never.

I called oldest brother, said I was worried about mom. He cannot do anything until Wednesday. I swear on My Life I Will Never EVER call them again.
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dee...bless your heart...I sure hope you get to feeling better..that is scary..and especially when it's kind of you, you and you to have to deal with all of it...hugs and prayers for you...and of course your Mom..hope you get some rest...

Jeanette...sadly I'm not sure they're idea of worried and ours are the same any longer....unbelievable to know that when you need them you can count on them.....a few days from now....I'm so sorry....I hope your Mom is better soon...Mama has been breathing different tonight and it is frightening when you see things that aren't "normal"....hugs to you..and prayers.
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I am so disappointed .... with y brothers.
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Dee, whether you're a believer in it or not, that sounds a lot like irritable bowel syndrome, aka "spastic colon." Your gut goes into a tizzy and ties itself in knots. I used to get it a lot as a youngster, and the degree of pain it causes is just no joke. Colpermin (there may be other brands - ask your pharmacist) capsules of peppermint oil worked for me, haven't had it for years thank goodness. Best of luck, I really sympathise.
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all of my moves are paying off . -7 chill factor outside and the bunker is toasty . dropped a quart of my canned beef in with a quart of my canned potatoes last night and made two significant meals . then tonight i still had a little hunger so i made 2 big pancakes with my canned apples right in the batter . i have enough of all of those things to last another half a year and in the spring im going to raise beets and red onions . ill mix them in quart jars and candy / spice them up . i even have several quarts of tomatos and all my canned venison brats . . this is the way i lived prior to six years caregiving at my moms house . im getting the carbs and protien i need along with a fair amount of fruit and a few vegs . life is getting better by leaps right now .
when mom died i had haunting thoughts of making a bunch of bad decisions and falling on my face but i dont see that happening .
you guys will all thrive when your cargiving days have ended . its made you more mature and more effective .
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Dee, after my 2nd major stomach surgery (last one had complications), every time I needed to do BM, I got this very severe lower left abdominal pains. It was so bad, I almost fainted from the pain. You know, the kind where you break out in cold sweats and your vision dims? I've been suffering this for about 6 years. Then I read on here how someone's mom had problems with diarrhea for years. When her mom was put on probiotics, she started getting regular BMs. I figured well, probiotics are suppose to help BMs be natural... So, I went and bought acidophilus probiotic which only requires One pill a day. (Some wants you to take 6 pills a day?!) Anyway, after a few days of taking this, I no longer have those severe abdominal pains. Since I hate taking pills, after a while, I stopped taking it. Months later, and maybe twice I had the severe stomach pain. Tonight, I went back to taking it. Maybe you can give it a try and see if your stomach pains don't occur.
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Dee the pain you describe sounds as though it could be gall bladder related so maybe a visit to the Dr and a few investigations are in order. Hope you feel better today.
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Oh my goodness Dee !! I honestly believe your mother was doing her best to help you, but got very confused. If it wasn't so awful, it would be somewhat cute... she's still trying to be "mom" in the only way she can now.

looloo, whatever happened? Just a week ago the doc was telling you how imperative it was to get your mother seen? I just don't get certain people and certain things anymore. Just how does an emergency take weeks?

When I called my brother it felt like I was bothering him. Wonder when I will learn to keep my pain, sadness and concern to myself?

Oh, found out via FB that my son went to visit his new fiancé... I won't even mention that they are supposedly moving here in a few weeks and getting married in the backyard. Soon to be daughter in law is calling me later today to go over the details.

There is just not enough helmets anymore.
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Oh Jeanette...it's not me and even I almost hyperventilated seeing you may be having a wedding there???? uh???? what is in people's minds? but it also shows folks just don't have a clue what your life is like already..Throw a home wedding into the mix right now here and I would most likely implode...
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We are hearing that our area could be hit with up to 8" of snow tomorrow, starting around 6 in the AM. thankfully we are all set with stuff for Mama, I think I'll go and get a couple more bags of food for the kids once the hill thaws...because we're still frozen from last night...this has been the oddest weather I can ever remember...but my little patch of crocus is still out there smiling away.

Mama started out her day giving me a cute little "yay"....I haven't heard that in a while...so gonna make it a good day for her. I am keeping her posted on the snow..our family has always gotten so excited about the snow....something about it that is cozy...so she seems excited....I am finally into a holding pattern with this that I fully realize I could lose her at any time....only God knows when it will be her time to go home...but all the worrying and fretting and going nuts in the world is not going to help her...so I am trying so hard to just continue on with our daily routine of life and being as happy as we can be together...so going to be happy today....for her.
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Agreed!! Odd weather for sure! Our local news has already said winter is over and Spring truly has sprung! Flowers are blooming everywhere and I had to mow again yesterday! Unheard of!

Cap, I hope you're right. Things need to get better... more thriving around this place is a must. This is enough to make even the sanest person crazy.

hope, I do so love your attitude :)
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On a happy note, during the seemingly unending process of putting my stuff away/ sorting and getting rid of things, I found a bunch of pictures that I just knew had gotten lost in the shuffle..I found them and so enjoyed just taking a break and traveling back in time some thirty years..it was also a little sad, I still remember how excited I was about life back then, knowing I had the whole world ahead of me, Mama and Daddy were happy and healthy and things seemed to be gong just the way they should...I think it's a blessing we can't see ahead....

To know all that was coming all at once would have been completely overwhelming...I still remember that girl I was ...I'm going to find her again one day..but it's going to be a lot lonelier.....
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Thanks Jeanette...but you wouldn't want to see me when I retreat to the basement, sit on the stairs and appear to be someone who has gone over the edge....but sometimes I just have to do that....I think sometimes the brief spurts of allowing myself to be insane are the only thing that brings me back to reality....you know, I just think we all on this site kind of tug and pull each other along....when one of us goes down, the others pick us up, sometimes kicking and screaming, but we pick each other up and keep moving..... I'm envisioning your flowers getting ready to bloom! I love flowers...they always seem to pop up at a time when you need to see them most...to remind us that life goes on... :) hugs and smiles to you today Jeanette! I hope you and your sweet precious Mom have a beautiful day.. :)
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its still a deep freeze here . may as well relax and enjoy the indoors . it wouldnt be an exaggeration to say theres 50 ton of stone to lay when the weather breaks .
jeanette ,
as far as me being a grumpy jerk . if i didnt have a spine id still be sitting down here gagging on dog piss .. renter has been trying to climb on top of my head for almost 2 years . i could be getting 4 bills a month out of this house but i could get into something much worse . ( kids , noise , drug traffic , parties )
sometimes the devil you know ......
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My whine today is that, after finding out this morning that my husband is going to need another heart procedure, that Mom's doctor is farming her off to a urologist when she is pretty bedridden, only because she has a foley catheter and gets UTIs....old people get UTIs and I don't know what his problem is with him not prescribing any more antibotics for infections. I suppose he wants her in full blown delirium someday or for me to send her to a nursing home. I feel he has failed us. I am going to see about getting a home doctor to come in...her nurse is looking into that. I feel that with all that is avalanching on me that he is leaving us in the lurch. Been having chest pain myself from stress the last 2 days. This has just been an awful past week. The constant deep freeze does not help either. I keep wishing things would get better for all of us...
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Thanks everyone! Pain's gone, just nausea at this point. And of course, the unrelenting fatigue I've had since my early 20s. I'm going to take everyone's suggestions and see what helps. Had an eye dr appt today but I cancelled...really don't feel like getting those eye drops that make me dizzy and unable to see, on top of already feeling rotten. Plus, Ma has a dr appt at 5:30 tonite so I gotta get her to that. Really looking forward to my pjs, pups on my lap, mom fed, and a hot cup of herbal tea tonite.
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Katie..bless your heart...are you on hospice? I know that our hospice physician prescribes whatever Mama needs and also comes to the home...If you don't have it you ought to check on getting it...if your Mom is bedridden too, and you're not on it, it could provide you some invaluable assistance....

dee, so glad you're feeling better...I know that feeling of looking forward to getting everything done and that sweet moment of putting on the pj's and getting cozy again.

One of our chaplains came this morning, and I let him. Probably a good idea. I ended up talking a lot more than I thought I needed to, but it was helpful for me. Kind of like letting the steam off a pressure cooker...I was not upset or angry about anything, just needing to talk I think...It helped...
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Jeanette I think your only deffense is offence. you know all the signs and symptoms of dementia let the bride to be see how far gone you are and she will not want to have her wedding in your back yard. "Now dear what did you say your name was again" repeat ten times. "Sorry ( insert wrong name) I have to put the phone down a minute" take it to the bathroom and flush twice but dont say anything till you get back then make the pibble bark. "Bad dog that's dirty one put it back in the bathroom I will mop the floor later." if she is still there ask her name againthen say "Oh you are the dumpling that want to marry my little pumpkin in the back yard. maybe i can get someone to brush hog all those nasty burdocks. poor sidney gets them in his ears all the time." now throw in all the crazy things mom likes to say and add "Oh dear I think I am begining to sound like just like mom, nice to tlk to you (insert wrong name) give my pumpkin a big kiss from his Momma"
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Hope, my Mom is not in hospice and whenever I asked about this when she was in the hospital I got nothing but blank looks. Her home nurse is going to see if she can get someone to come in an evaluate for my Mom's needs by the end of the week...I am so disappointed in our family doctor for what I think is shoving her off onto a urologist for her UTI's. Seems ridiculous to me. UTIs are so common in older people!
Dee, I am glad you are feeling better. I put on my pj's and fluffy robe today now too already. My way of keeping the world at bay a little bit after this rough morning. Nothing beats the feeling of a fluffy robe and cup of herbal tea.
Jeanette...did the bride just inform you the wedding was in your yard and not even ask you if it was ok? I hope she doesn't put all the work for it on you to do alone! Sometimes I feel people put things on me because they think I have nothing better to do because I am, after all..."just sitting around tethered to my house eating bonbons and just taking care of my Mom all day". They just don't realize the work that goes into caregiving.
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Katie, just scoot over and share those bon bon's !! I agree 100% on the UTI's. I did a home test on mom and of course, it's positive. Her doc won't call it in, he can't see her until late Friday and suggested we just up and go to Urgent Care. Really? Just up and go huh... I couldn't get her into my car on my own if the entire world depended on it. She's barely eating, barely walking if at all... it's not right. Just not right at all. We do our best on a constant basis to help our loved ones and now it seems faced with an almost impossible task of getting them to a Dr for antibiotics. Last time I took her to Urgent Care she wouldn't pee in that d*mn hat thing so they never even got a sample... but yet I got the antibiotics, why can't her doc just DO IT!?!? Haven't heard back from the hospice people either. Some days I just can't... today is one of em but I have to get her started on antibiotics to hopefully make her feel better.

Veronica, if I wasn't so tired and upset I would be doubled over with laughter at your post!! LOL!! I haven't quite wrapped my feeble head at our conversation last night... why don't she just move to FL where he already has a d*mn job? I'm tired of saving everyone.... no one saves me except me and I am not doing a great job of even that lately.

I have a plan.... mom's carer will be here in a few minutes, I think I am going to take the test strip I have over to her doc's office and show it to them and demand antibiotics and an answer to my hospice evaluation. Grrr.

hope... it was nice that you had a great conversation with the chaplain. We need human interaction at times ya know? I get lonely talking to the dogs... even if my brothers would stop by to talk and NOT HELP it would be nice. I think.
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I wonder if dee's stomach pain could be an ulcer? I think this stress is giving me one...
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Oh, Jeanette! Maybe your DIL to be and your son will take over for you for a few days so you can take a mini-vaca before the wedding haha! Once my mom had a UTI and I couldn't move her a bit, couldn't wake her up, etc. Had to call an ambulance. She didn't wake up until she was in the ER and the doctors got her awake. Really freaked me out! Anyway, she can't pee on demand so if they fail to get a sample I always tell them to cath her quick. So, I'm wondering if I have an ulcer - I was googling my symptoms the other night, while I laid on the floor in agony, trying to keep my mom calm. But this has happened to me before, when I was a little kid and a few times as an adult, so I wonder? I've also had a pericardial effusion with pain (pericarditis) at least once, probably more. This did not feel like that. The pericarditis subsided on it's own, so I didn't have to have it drained. It felt like squeezing pains in my chest - kinda like labor pains. First time it happened I was a teenager - we ignored it because we thought it was "growing pains". Then it happened a few times in my early twenties - went through all kinds of heart tests - I get occasional palpitations so they thought I might have mitral valve prolapse. Then when I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression, every time I went for a check on chest pains or whatever, I was told it was anxiety. Now when I get those pains I try to rest more and try to stress less. I can't afford to pay someone to tell me it's stress. It's really amazing what stress does to us.
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