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Did someone mention bon-bons? Mmmmm...
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Dee wait till they pat you on the shoulder and say" We have to expect these things as we get older" like hell I do if I have a problem I decide if I want it treated not you
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you guys are cracking me up! Thank you!!! I had a friend in college who would get pains like that.. turned out she had a cyst on an ovary. Just acted up sometimes.. same symptoms. Just another thought. We used to take her to the ER.. which she hated! And Katie.. Mom and I tend to put our PJs on (or at least the pants in my case) as soon as we are "in for the evening". Used to freak Hubs out.. I just ask him if we are expecting company? Plus then he gets to walk the grand dog in the cold weather... evil laugh!
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dee1963, your tummy issue sounded like what I have decades ago... turned out I was lactose intolerant... use to get terrible stomach aches after eating ice cream, took me years to see the pattern.

Now I get similar issues if I eat too many peanuts. Pop corn sometimes does it, too.

I think I am getting an ulcer because of the stress :(
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I get the occasional panic attack ... no ulcer symptoms so far. god we all are hot messes sometimes. :( Maybe we should open a rehab for caregivers? At least we would all get away for a few days? But we would still be stressed worrying about what was going on..
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Maybe we could start a caregiver swap. You come back fresh to your own loved one and and see what a mess the other person has made of your house and eventually find Mom hiding in the attic!
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Ok. I give up. She's 98. She's HEALTHY! But she's so Freakin Ungrateful! NC. Needless to say lots of snow, Ice and not able to leave the house. She's almost deaf. Has miracle ear hearing ades. Now she's complaining to Everyone from Florida to England that i won't take her to her appts. Complains that i will not relay msgs to her. Throws tantrums in public. I will not take her out unless i have to. She wanted something to do. So she's been feeding the 3 cats and 2 dogs. All small. But im so fed up today i fed the animals. Turns out she's giving the cats dog food so i will feed them myself from now on.
I started Yoga!!!!!
I had a massage! !!!!
I have to remember i have to take care of me.
God......i need a vacation.
She's not my mother!
My mother died 10 yrs ago. She was only 59!
And she's Bitter that she's still alive!!
She's my MIL. But I'm so done!
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Katie and Jeanette..oh oh oh.....I just can't imagine not having hospice at this point...I know I have whined in the past about them popping in, but right now I am mighty glad we have them for sure. I think Mama has a UTI and I called the office and told them my concerns because if we get 3" snow, let alone 6 to 8" like they are talking about I will be stuck on this hill and unable to get anywhere for a couple of days and UTI's in our elderly folks can take a bad toll fast so I am waiting as we speak to run and get her script...I talked to the nurse, she agreed with me she, said she would talk to the doctor (hospice doctor) and it was not long til our regualr nurse called me and said they had it called in...I just can't imagine you two couldn't get hospice given your current situations of your Mom's health..I will pray over it...I remember when I first called them I came apart like a two dollar watch and maybe they knew I was gong down for the third time....maybe that would help...not angry but as in I was sending the white flag in .....I finally called the pharmacy as it usually doesn't take long to get her scripts filled and they had it just had not filled it because they said they put it on hold because her insurance would not pay for it. After a few questions they didn't even have the correct insurance on her account..even though I had just been in there last week..so I guess they were just going to wait til I came looking for them...amazing..oh well, just thankful to be getting it...so hoping yall can get on hospice...you know, thinking back when we got on it, I called the hospice PROVIDER...not the doctor...THEY got the ball rolling..maybe you should try that??
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Dee, is the pain further down in the belly or area of your bladder? I had such anxiety years ago and after many months of pain they finally found in an ultrasound that my bladder walls were thickened from stress. The pain was so bad that some days I could not walk more than 10 feet. I was put on an anti anxiety medication and the pain began to subside. The urologist told me that this can be common in women when they experience stress. A friend of mine in another state had this kind of pain and always thought her appendix was acting up under stress....it also turned out to be bladder pain from stress. I still get it a little once in awhile and find those over the counter urinary pain relief pills help. It does stain the urine orange for a few hours though.
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WOW! What a day!!

Just as soon as I posted about hospice not calling, they called. Within 2 hours the nurse was here. Turns out mom's doc gave the OK for hospice, not just the evaluation ... the whole 9 yards. Meds are on the way, UTI meds will be here tomorrow as well as a hospital bed, bedside commode... plus, everything else I could imagine. Lisa, my carer was thankfully here today with me... she took 2 pages of notes!! If I forgot something to ask, she asked. Good grief you'd of thought we'd won the damn lotto with all the great helpful things hospice left for us!! Wait... the RN asked me when I'd last had a break, especially since my dad passed 2 years ago... uh, 2 years 5 months ago. She got on the phone called "Hospice House" asked if beds were available and and and... said I basically had to take the 5 days. She went on to tell me that the primary carer has to be cared for as well. Yes, don't we all know that one? HA! I came apart like a gumball watch....

Oh oh... OH, she's also going to get the OK from whomever they get it from to see if Lisa (my carer) can get additional hours from the State, ore even hospice. Is it Christmas? Why am I so happy for something so sad? Ugh!!!

dee, my mom did the same exact comatose thing with her first UTI... I thought she'd had a d*mn stroke or something.

Darn, .... I have to get up super early, get mom up dressed and comfy because I do not want that hospital bed in the middle of the living room. She's comfortable in her room... no reason to change things on her, just her bed and that awesomely comfortable cushiony thing rolled up ... I was told not to unroll because it POOFS up :)) Scoooooch over mom, I'm sleeping with you!
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Jeanette, I'm happy and sad for you at the same time. Big hug, honey. Take care.
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jeanette ,
i think you should refer to the hospice people as " home care " around your mother . everybody in the world has an idea that hospice means end of life care . i aint one to softsoap reality but she doesnt need steadily reminded of her prognosis imo .
i s'pect for the next few weeks and months youll have wild emotions that heretofore were unheard of . anxiety , relief , loss , sadness , fear , empathy , rage , etc .
glad you have help though ..
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the pain I had was in my upper stomach, more like an ulcer. I have had ovarian cysts before, and I do feel that I have them again but that was not the pain that I was having. Yes it was that sweating and feel like you're going to pass out kind of pain. So glad it went away! Well, I took my mom to her doctors appointment tonight. He suggested this estrogen cream to help protect against & avoid the number of urinary tract infections she has been getting. I was thinking a topical cream that you just kind of put on the outside, so I agreed to it. Then he tells me I have to apply intravaginally. well the smile immediately left my face and I was like wait, what??? I thought you said it was topical? He laughs and says he pulled the old bait and switch on me and didn't fully disclose. I was half tempted to tell him to show me how to do it right then and there. he told me that a lot of his patients who have frequent UTIs are finding that using this cream helps them reduce the number of infections and often eliminates them altogether. So I guess I'm going to go "there". I'm going to have mom try it herself. I'm praying she can do it every day. Rectal suppositories are bad enough. I don't know how i'm going to do this, you guys!
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J, I am happy you are getting hospice in. Your Mom suffers so much at night and I think she will be so much more comfortable. I'm happy to know you will be getting the sleep you desperately need. It doesn't mean you are going to lose her any sooner, just that you will both me more comfortable until her time comes.
I took Mom to her GP today and he pulled me aside and said..."What are you all crazy???? Mom was doing great in the home, why would you take her out now?" His support helped a lot in convincing my brothers that we had made a mistake. She's going "home" as soon as we can arrange it. These last 6 days with her home I saw that her dementia was SO much worse, and that there was NO way I could do it myself anymore. Lots of tears, a little bit of yelling, but the decision is made and I am very relieved. These last 6 days have already taken a toll on my health. We can love, help and support them in many ways besides 24/7 hands on. It's all good GF.
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Boni, so glad she is going back. You saved two lives: hers and yours.
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Thanks Pam. You were right all along. I'll still be her caregiver and visit often and bring her anything she wants or needs, but when we are one on one together I just can't handle the meanness and the worry because she can't remember her limitations. I made the right decision this time.
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(((hugs))) Boni.... My words are limited these days. I want to say YAY!!!... then I feel bad for mom going back.

Sent an SOS to my oldest bro... help please taking mom's bed apart and moving it.. Crickets... Sound of silence. F**k it. I will do it myself in the morning. Sorry.... I am very tired. They can still go f**k themselves... I might get a great night sleep :)
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Wow, this has been a big time for AC people. Jeanette, I am so happy for you that you have help coming in. I am so happy that you are going to get a break. And Boni, I agree 110% with what you did. I think your mother and you will both be happier. Hugs all around.
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Jeanette.. I also don;t know whether to say yea or I', so sorry.. so many of us on a bad/good roll right now, Boni.. good luck to you too. Dee.. take care of yourself. I'm off to work the next 3 days.. and dreading get a phone call from Mom or the MC...
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Jeanette, when mom was coming home from the hospital bedridden, our home was inspected by the home care team and the fire department. Due to Medicare requirements, we had to have in place for the hospital release her - emergency lights, fire extinguishers in 2 different locations and her hospital bed cannot go into their bedroom. The fire dept said that if there's an emergency, their gurney would not be able to reach mom due to the narrow hallway and the narrow bedroom door. So mom's hospital bed was placed in the livingroom. Something to think about if you have plans of calling the ambulance....

Boni, a lesson well-learned. Now you know first hand that your mom can no longer live with you - since your brothers were not willing to help you more with her care. No guilt - now. You proved it, her doctor reconfirmed it. And now you both will benefit with her going back to her new home.
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Jeanette, I am glad that you are getting so much more help finally. Hospice doesn't hasten things, but makes things easier if you can get hospice. I have a hospital bed the doctor at the last hospital ordered upon release for my Mom, and it makes things so much easier as she is bedridden. I couldn't do without that bed at this point!
This morning I feel like doctors are telling us what is wrong with both my Mom and then also my husband's recurring heart problem...and then they never get back to us. Yesterday the heart doctor's office called to set my husband up with an appointment on tuesday and then she said she didn't know where the doc would be on tuesday and would call back.....never did. What?? It is like everyone is saying "You have a terrible problem....too bad....see ya...bye!!" No one wants to help but they sure want the money. This feeling of abandonment has always made me try to do everything myself. I have been told that I would probably take out my own appendix if I had appendicitis! I wouldn't go that far, but it probably would cross my mind as I am so used to not getting help I need. I am still fuming that the gp wants to send Mom first to an" infectious disease specialist" because of her UTI and now that that is cleared up but there is some yeast issues from the antibiotic his nurse says he wants to send her to urologist because she has a catheter. Old people get UTIs...it is not hard to write a script. A doctor that can't handle a patient having a catheter??? Unreal.
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Jeanette, I totally get where you are coming from. Do you think our brothers purposefully piss us off knowing full well we will eventually stop asking? When they don't even respond to a voicemail saying I need to go to ER because I'm having chest pain? They win. I gave up years ago. Me and the crickets are on our own...they provide the background music to my life.
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Katie I so agree with everything you have just said.
I have wondered for a while if there is a system for delaying care as long as possible for elders on Medicare. I feel a six month wait for a specialist appointment is too long to wait but that has been my recent experience. A neurologist told me that although I had abnormal tests results his job was to identify the usual and dangerous conditions and for the rest he could be forgiven.
As far as your mom is concerned it is of course very easy to write a script. In fact they don't even write the nurse types it in and with the approval of the Dr it is electronically sent to the pharmacy. But all that is totally useless unless they culcure the urine to make sure they use an antibiotic the bugs are sensitive to. No problem getting a specimum from a patient with a catheter.
Why not treat the yeast infection? Maybe he thinks that a urologist will be more knowlegeable and set up an antibiotic regime for Mom. Make sure any investigations the urologist recomends are useful.not unpleasant or damaging for Mom depending on her overall health does she need an MRI, CT scan or cystoscopy? Thes all carry hefty co-pays unless she has Medicaid. be sure you totally understand everything and what it entails and depending on what they may find would you do further treatment. don't agree in the office go home and research and ask questions before you agree to anything. For example i certainly would not agree to a colonoscopy for a 90 year old "because she has never had one and early detection saves lives"
Get off my high horse now but I have been experiencing the old age treatment recently.
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I have no siblings to help me but I am dismayed at the way I hear other people's siblings are running from helping their own ageing parent and the caregiver. I fear we may be in for the same cowardice when my MIL goes down and my husband's sister runs...she has always been a runner unable to face responsibility and accountability. I call what these loser siblings are doing just plain cowardice. That makes all of you very brave and better human beings.
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Katie, I waffle on how I feel about my brother. Some days, I really am angry with him, I consider him a coward, and so on. Other days, I just tell myself he's doing the best he can, he's not undermining me or causing any real trouble, so I feel lucky in that regard. There are so many here who have sibs who do nothing but create conflict. At least mine doesn't do that.
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looloo, I also waffle on my feelings about my brothers. I don't mind if they don't help, to tell the truth. We have things covered and we can always hire outside help if needed. The only thing that bothers me is wondering don't they even care. One brother is super religious and his family lives to the glory of God. The brother lives an hour away and calls once a month or so. He is so busy with his family. I understand that. At the same time I wonder at his lack of thought for his mother. It upsets her that he ignores her. He's so close, but he visits about as often as my brother who lives halfway across the US.
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Yay Jeanette...I avoided doing the hospice thing for a long long time...but they really have been a godsend for us..and it finally dawns on me it does not mean giving up...just letting folks help us...that is awesome..I thought they'd move pretty quickly..I know they did here.. :)

Mama is responding great to the cipro and I have been able to talk and laugh with her today...now I am wondering how long that has been going on..she is almost as lucid as she was when she first started getting bedfast....she even said she is excited about the snow ..I am too ...now :)
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All the above comments concerning siblings is so true. Don't they even care?

looloo, mine don't undermine or cause problems either. That's just it, how can they if they are never around, don't call or stop by? It's all good. I was in a sad mood the other night and sent the oldest a text. "Brothers Dearest, I get all of the dysfunction we've had in this family, I do not get your dislike/indifference towards mom though, and you might have dislike towards me, I get that too, but this is your one and only mother. She calls out Ken's name as well as yours... look, I love both of you and just can't lose mom without you guys with me, Please". *crickets* Sent another text last night telling him mom was put on hospice and please, I need help with moving her bed. *crickets* Like dee mentioned,, guess I will just start enjoying crickets as back ground music.

I did manage to get her bed apart and cleared out, however, it is now blocking the entrance to the kitchen, the mattress is blocking the hallway into the 2 back bedrooms.... gads, now I have to go clear space in the garage and drag it in there.


No, hospice doesn't always mean our loved one is near death, simply means we have help, people who are loving/kind/caring... who will actually be there if we need them. They will help get us respite. Kind of like having loving helpful siblings without the dysfunction. Oh... the Nurse told us yesterday that basically every patient she's taken on with regards to caregivers, their siblings have disappeared, arguments ensued and they don't pop their heads up until the parent has passed. Hmm, wonder why?

hope, something must be in the air today as my mother is better than ever!! LOL ate a decent meal, kind of chatty, yeah almost lucid?

I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted, even if it's just for a little while, I will take it. For some reason I don't feel as tired and worn out as I normally do. haha, I better get moving before this feeling passes!!!
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Jeanette, so sorry to hear you're dealing with the crickets from your brothers....nothing is worse than silence. It smacks of indifference and uncaring attitude towards those they should love. Even if there is dysfunction, if the family is still in contact with each other, they should come together when their parent is headed downhill. A little help moving a bed is not an unreasonable request. I may get irritated with my siblings at times for their lack of help, but when I need something done around the house that I can't do myself, I can usually ask my brother. Sometimes I'll get the help, sometimes I won't - but if I don't, then I end up hiring it done or doing it myself. And the last time I went out of town to see my son for a few days, I have to say, Mom had more company than she could handle - the neighbors were on standby to check in on Mom, but said it seemed there was always a car here, so they didn't come over much.

I wish we were closer, I'd gladly come help you with that bed! I hope things get better for you soon. Hopefully the help from Hospice will provide a much-needed (and deserved!) break for you. ((Hugs))
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Today is my father's 89th Birthday how does he celebrate it, the best way he knows how..starting a huge argument. Why you ask ? Because we had the nerve to celebrate his birthday on Sunday as opposed to today. Never mind the fact that we thought we could get the whole family together on Sunday. No one could even come so at least my sister and I agreed to take Dad out to dinner. He has been complaining and being downright insulting ever since Monday. Oh the joy...
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