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Jeanette!!!! Have you learned nothing from me!! Was my heart attack in vane? Take respite while you can! Please!
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Don't make me come up there! Grrrrrr
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CM could you fabricate something for the few hours Mum has to wait for the laundry. Even an old cotton blanket under the undersheet should do the job.
Daffodils hmm did crazy SIL send her a bunch or something? She will probably love them when you take her out for a nice walk in her W/C with the dog. Just make sure the local farmer is not coming down your lane with his shitzenflinger. Do you have a narrow lane or is that my SIL? No I think you met a herd of cows one day or was it sheep. poor Mum just as well i am not taking care of her. I would probably make a harness for the dog and send them out for a drive while I took a nap.
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Should I feel guilty about whining? I moved back in with my dad to care for him this July. My husband does most of the cooking, but I do practically everything else. My dad is elderly (85 in May), but mostly okay. He has heart issues and we've just discovered that he has emphysema. My husband also has health issues, so I've got double duty. On the one hand, I'm thrilled to have a steady home, and being able to spend time with my dad. On the other, his short term memory is starting to go and I find myself losing patience with him when he forgets what the doctor told him yesterday, or forgetting other minor things. Then, on top of that, I have to deal with my husband "egg-shell" days. He has a myriad of physical problems, but also has rapid cycle bi-polar disorder that is barely controlled with medication. I feel like, sometimes, that I have to tip-toe around him, and then walk into another room and make all happy happy for my dad. I feel sometimes like I'm hanging on by a very fine thread! There's really nothing about the situation that can change, which explains why I'm in therapy, but I really feel a lot better just getting it off my chest, and thank you for your posts, letting me know that I'm not as horrible a person as I thought I might be.
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" shitzenflinger "
as a guy whos ( warily ) being introduced to agriculture as a side - gig -- that is freakin gold and sums up my opinion of every aspect of farming . i tell em " just keep those filthy cows away from my pretty stonework and we'll get along just fine " .
seed drill , cultipacker , broadcast seeder , round baler , etc . all shitzenflingers to me .
indiana ended up with oregons winter mess . its raining ice balls right now . slickernschitzen .
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poor daffodils...

Jeanette, I totally understand your not wanting to do the respite thing..but thinking you NEED to do the respite thing....
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Jeanette, Even if you stay home for the respite, just think how great it would be to sleep in in the morning and through the night, then you can go see your Mom when you are well rested.
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Grrrr...ok, back to whining. I'm having one of those days where everything is annoying. I want to strangle my pet birds for the noise they're making - which I normally find pleasant. Mom is playing ping-pong ball already this morning (down for a nap, up 10 mins later, sit for 20 mins staring out the window, back down again) - and her "wake me when you make breakfast" after she's just eaten a banana and an orange just set my teeth on edge, laid my ears back and raised my hackles, all at once. My God, she's like a bottomless pit, always eating. I'm not even hungry yet - but I have to interrupt my work to make sure she has something to eat, when she's already had fruit this morning that could technically BE breakfast - but she wants more.

I know, I know....I should be grateful she's still here. I will regret it when she's gone. There will come a day when I will have to beg her to eat. I know, trust me.

I guess it's just one of those days. It'll get better. Just tired of life in general and the incessant demands of someone who could still be doing things for herself - but won't - right now. She's past the point of being able to do a lot for herself now, because she's let herself go to the point where she can barely walk through the house without getting winded or having to sit down. Standing to do dishes, walking around in the yard, or anything like that is completely beyond her now. I REFUSE to let myself get like that because of my own actions - or inaction, as the case may be. My mother is only 74 years old - an age when most people are still fairly vital and able to do for themselves. But for the past 15 years, she has let herself slide downhill through her refusal to do things to keep active and in relatively good shape. Her own mistreatment of her well-being is going to be her death. Some days it just feels like there's no point continuing with all the work of trying to get her to eat better, move more, etc.

Gah, I'm so frustrated. Sorry for the vent.
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Ha! A friend of mine just said, "why don't you take a day off and just pamper yourself and do nothing?" Riiiiiight. (sigh)
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Threw myself into some good Low Carb cooking...it's helping. Always does. :-) I'll be better in a bit. I've got a list of household projects I need to get done - that will help too. I'll feed her and she'll pop back into bed (again) and maybe I'll have some time to catch up on things. Just feeling pulled in a million directions today.
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OK....I have to find some humor in this situation. Got up feeling grouchy, frustrated, and just overall irritated and tired of life in general. Threw myself into my work and cooking, made two lovely LC quiche for breakfast - one with NO VEGGIES for Mom, since she won't eat them, and one loaded with meat, cheese and broccoli for me. Mom ate a huge piece, all the way down to the crust, then proclaimed, "I don't like this. Not my thing." Then said a few minutes later, "It was ok, but not something I'd want to eat every day." A few minutes later still, "I really didn't like that." And yet a few more minutes after that, "That was good, it had good flavor!"

I don't think she knows what she wants or likes anymore! Ahhh, Mom.....

I think if I sit here and shake my head any harder, it will fall right off my shoulders...
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It is one of the most frustrating things about this whole situation to me...While I am always totally thankful to have Mama here with me...and while I KNOW she cannot help the things she does anymore....especially since, God bless her, she's totally bedfast and so I KNOW she can't help the peeing, pooing, etc...so what is so strange to me is WHY does it at times affect me so negatively??? I'm not angry at her...I'm more frustrated at myself for not being better able to deal with it...

I can't help shake the feeling of never ending guilt for being so tired of all the changing and cleaning and repetitve living even thought I KNOW she cannot do one thing for herself now...I KNOW that...KNOW IT...so what on earth is wrong with ME...that I can't handle it better...I feel so ashamed when I get that way...most of the time I'm ok..more than OK even...but I I am so ashamed during those moments or even days when I just seem to not be able to deal with it..

I understand Susan...hope your day gets better..
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Hope… Eh???

Could you name any other job which is for the large part boring, repetitive, physically tiring and often faintly repulsive which you would also feel duty-bound to ***enjoy***? I think you've done your bit if you roll your sleeves up and get it done. Expecting yourself not to get pretty cheesed off with it all, every so often, is too much.
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I'm with CM, Hope - I think we're entitled to a grouchy day now and then, even if it makes us feel guilty when we do.

My big issue right now is not being able to get out or do much other than get groceries. Being stuck in the house day after day after day....ugh. She doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything anymore, even though she's capable of it. If I insist on it, I can *maybe* get her out for a ride every month or so....
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Oh wow Susan and CM..don't I know it....what is it with the whole "grocery trip" deal??? that is usually my ONLY outing...good grief what I wouldn't give to just get out for the afternoon and go for a drive or actually go and sit down with a friend and have a normal lunch and know Mama was being looked after properly. It is almost comical that people seem to think if I am able to go to the grocery now and then then that is my outing for a while...really??? since when does anyone actually enjoy the grocery store??? ugh...it's almost like as soon as we become caregivers, we get trademarked with the things we are now "allowed" to do...I just sometimes sit and think, I wonder what my sibling would do if they knew their only outing for the week was going to be the dollar store or the grocery....??? really???? omg
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In all honesty, I could sit down and literally draw out exactly where everything is and about how many of each item they normally keep on the shelves in both the grocery and dollar stores...because it is honestly the only two places I ever get to go....back about one month ago I actually did get to go to a small shoe store and you'd have thought I just got back from a cruise.....ah... a rare and exotic occurrence...
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I hear that, Hope!! Being able to take time to actually go to another town to grocery shop, 15 miles away, is like an exotic vacation to me. Maybe I can sneak in a stop at Goodwill....maybe the health food store....maybe the other 2nd hand store in town...oooh, the exciting life I lead...I must be the envy of celebrities and high government officials with my fast-paced life....

I agree - my siblings wouldn't know what to think if they had to confine themselves to the house pretty much 24/7 all week to keep an eye on Mom (and to work, since I work from home), spend about 3/4 of their income on things that aren't for their own benefit (bills, extra food, clothing, incontinence pads, more laundry supplies than normal to keep up with her laundry...not to mention her prescription co-pays, which she can no longer afford).....

crap. she's up *again*. (sigh) Another round of me just trying to keep my mouth shut, because if I laugh at something on the TV, sigh too loudly, or say anything at all, it's "WHAT? What's going on?" (Because she was sleeping in her chair and only the sound I made woke her....)
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This day nothing seems to be going right, all small stuff but it adds up to creating an obnoxious day. More BMs than usual, leaky disposer under kitchen sink, husband's doctor won't call back, printer runs out of ink in the middle of a job....I am putting on the pj's and forgetting the work stuff, and just attending to Mom till bedtime!!
I was just thinking about the grocery store being the big outing for me.....maybe I can check out the one in the next town that just opened as my spring break vacation.....
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I feel a little better. I just (selfishly?) ate a small bunch of king crab legs I picked up at the store last weekend. Mom doesn't like them anyway, but I still felt a little guilty and sneaky doing it while she was sleeping...but it felt GOOD to eat that luxurious little item, dripping with butter, while she snored in the other room. No one bugged to know what I was eating...what I was doing in the kitchen...if they could have some of what I was eating...or if I could make them something else. Ate them standing up at the kitchen counter, and devoured them like I was a starving person on a deserted island. LOL

It wasn't much. A $4.91 bunch of crab legs - you can just about figure how much that was. But it was enough for me. 3 little legs and 1 larger one with a small claw on it. But ohh.....it was NICE.

I've always been easy to please. It's nice to see I can still make myself happy with something so small from time to time. ;-)
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Susan, while you were indulging in the crab legs I was scarfing down some lemon pie...also standing at my kitchen counter! (I did save a piece for Mom...) You are right...it does make a person feel better...heehee.
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Good on you, Katie! It's pretty bad when we have to sneak food in order to have a moment to eat in peace without having to jump up and get something for someone else, fix them something special, get them another drink, and "oh can I have some of yours?" - ugh.
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How funny yall...I catch myself grabbing a bite of whatever while standing at the kitchen counter...must be another caregiver trait..lol...now I am sitting here wishing I had some crab legs and lemon pie....
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I think a lot of the problems caregivers have is doing everything alone. Maybe you could clone yourself like the woman on TV. Then the two of you could go down to the basement to do the yucky laundry and have a secret glass of wine or share some jokes. Ok you caome up gigling and try to wipe the smurks off your face while Mom asks suspiciously "what were you two doing down there that I don't know about. I have a good mind to go down there and find out and you can't stop me" Now if your were Book you would just say. " Go ahead Mom shall I call the EMTs now or wait till after you fall and bash your head in" Bring up the laundry when you come back up" Yup cloning is the best solution.
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Getting ready for another round of ice here in the south....then...THEN..they are saying that may be the last hurrah.....hurrah!!!! Trying to motivate myself to fix something good and tasty for supper....the more I think on it, the less inclined I am to do it....I find eating to be painful these days ...any time I eat anything, it feels like my stomach or something there in the area is locking up...severe pain...I am guessing just another stress related issue...got Mama all fluffed up for a bit so I do think I am going to make myself a cup of pumpkin spice coffee....yummo....
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Need some suggestions please. I have my 96 year old mother(diabetic, arthritic and suffering from dementia) living with me. She is unable to care for herself in any way. I also have my 73 year old brother (Diabetic and loosing his eyesight) living with me. He has no friends and no hobbies, but sits next to mom all day holding hdr hand. She. Hates his attention and is unkind to him. I have no outside help because my brother is impossible to deal with and noone will come back to the house. Thank goodness I have a good husband who helps with taking care of my mom. My brother is pretty useless in her real care. My patience is wearing thin. This is hard and both my husband and I still work full time from my house. Any ideas out there for me. I don't know how much more I can take. Thank you
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Barbara, you'll probably say no as a knee-jerk reaction, but your brother is young enough to move now, before he loses his sight, while he's still capable of change - and it would be better for him long-term than being dependent on his little sister for the rest of his life. What are his circumstances, financially? Does he have a pension, assets, any other income? How did he come to be living with you?
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My whine is her whine, all night last night, so far same freaking mood this morning. WHINE, WHINE, WHINE!
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Probably for the 100th time I have told Dad that is internet problems isn't with his computer, it's because he is still using dial-up in a large metro area.... his brain seems to be stuck on the computer being at fault. He compares all of his newer computers to his very old IBM computer [which isn't made any more] and thinks other brands are very different.... nope, Dad, it's like a car, the inside workings are similar, only the outside cover is different.

Well, yesterday after hearing the same very old complaint I tried a different approach. I told Dad that *dial-up* now is in the same category as the old wall mounted *crank telephones* from the 1940's.... you will not get the same service today on the crank telephone as you would on today's telephones, and there's probably no one who can repair it. Time to move on, Dad, to cable or satellite dish.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that will make him understand as Dad's not good with change, as he kept saying 5 years ago he was able to get Internet using dial-up..... [sigh]... oh well, new technology has gotten away from me, too.
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glad, the complaining does wear on the nerves. When I sit down with my mother, she starts on a symptom she is having. A finger hurts or there is a little red bump somewhere. Then it goes to another symptom she is having. By the time she gets to about Symptom 4 I am worn out. It taps into that "need to fix" part of me, but I know there is no way to fix what is wrong. I know that she is just communicating what is on her mind. I do wish she wouldn't fixate so much on herself. I think of how nice it would be to have someone who wanted to talk politics or anything interesting. Gossip would even be nice. Caregiving is definitely a course in Patience 101.
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Hope I am guessing that you have an ulcer,hiatal hernia or inflamed esophagus.
Time for a visit to the Dr or failing that get some OTC acid reducers like Pepcid.
That reduces the acid in your stomach and stops acid flowing back into your oesophagus. try and sleep slightly proped up, avoid acid foods like tomatoes and citrus, spicy food like curries and stick to bland meals like chicken with mashed potatoes and a veg. Stress makes stomach issues much worse but for now there is no way out of that. Eat small meals and snacks frequently through the day rather than one big dinner at night and limit alchol.
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