I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
CM dont be too harsh on those who said relieved they probably didnt even know how much it hurt and wanted to comfort you. I wasnt relieved when Dad died I wasnt glad it was all over and he was at peace. I was sort of numb really not feeling anything except that I wouldnt speak to him again or see him again see his eye twinkle or hear his laughter, the odd swear word when he was in the workshop and hit his thumb. I suppose if anything I was at peace knwoing he was at peace - it was a sort of weird calm before the storm of grief arrived some 6 months later. So be at peace Country Mouse xxxxx
I know I will be relieved when Mom is gone and I imagine many people that know the long, slow decline of dementia feel the same. Mom's decline is very difficult on all of us. She has had a fairly significant decline in the last couple of months. We are preparing to move her to a memory care community which I hope will work, but her agitation has increased significantly and may require she be in a nursing home. And I am just plain tuckered out, nearly four years I have been providing for her care now. Hopefully, I do not have a hard time reclaiming my life, finding work, etc...
Once my siblings arrived from the states when mom was dying, I did my disappearing act. I don't handle death very well. When I was about age 12, my favorite nana died and we were forced to kiss her dead body goodbye. I already said my goodbyes, every night when I changed her pamper. She passed away in her sleep when I was at work. I do not regret not being here when she passed away - because she did it when all my siblings were on the porch, talking. She waited until she was alone. It's what she wanted, but it made my poor older sister feel so guilty that she wasn't there with mom at that time. I think you're doing great Gershun. And it's good that your family is there to somewhat help with the vigilance. {{{HUG}}}
However, I don't mind if another caregiver tells me that I must be relieved. I feel very angry if a non-caregiver said that to me. Because they truly did not know what I have gone through. My younger sister was so angry when someone told her that she must be 'relieved from the burden of mom." I kind of blinked at sis. I almost asked her, "What burden? You didn't do much for mom. You didn't change her pampers, suction her 24/7." I had to clench my teeth tight so that I wouldn't say those words to her. Yes, I was relieved that mom finally passed away.
CM, I understand why it would make you angry. I think, if I was in your shoes, I would be angry, too. I can tell from your posts that you really loved your mom. Of course, it's not a relief! {{HUGS}}
As I said when my Dad died I was heartbroken beyond belief and still am today 17 years on. He was my rock my anchor and I adored him but hated watching him die although I was with him.
I am thinking that sometimes we forget the person is dying and dont see that the person who changed our lives so drastically was so difficult to handle because of the dementia(s) or the stroke or whatever foul disease that person had - and the fact that they had no control of it or of any way to mask their anger frustrations and fears and in some cxases no ability to communicate it even if they wanted to.
So no....relief is not what I felt just a calmness and peace that came over me.
She was in a care facility for the past several years with dementia, but seemed to do very well up until then. Very talented, creative, and intelligent lady. Her kids (my retirement age cousins, I'm a bit younger) of course are very sad, but probably feel relief as well. They scrambled to get there before she died, and managed to do it. It gave them comfort, so that is a good thing. Truthfully, I doubt it matters to the one who is dying. It's terrible to guilt someone who is grieving over something like that.
My heart goes out to you CM.
More people are thinking of you and your mother than you realize Gershun. Take care of yourself. Do ask the hospital director or someone about a pullout bed for you. Anytime I stay with my mother at the hospital I am supplied a pullout bed. Sometimes on the board is a phone number to call if you have any questions or comments. If there is a number, call it and ask if they have a pullout bed for you. p.s. - I would tell the doctor to keep his unwanted opinions to himself...it would be my stress reliever. Of course, I would not be using pleasant words.
Got Mom to the hospital for her MRI and chest xray today - holy cow, what a major ordeal to travel now. And of course, it had to be raining, too. Getting up at 4am to make a 7:15am appointment coupled with all the rigamaroll of traveling with someone in a wheelchair and using oxygen makes for a very, very tired and cranky caregiver. I'd go into details on that, but it's too much to type. LOL I took today off from work (a rarity) but still have some catch-up to do for one client - but it's only a few hours worth of work. Expecting to hear back from doc's office today on the chest xray and tomorrow on the MRI.
Anywho, I get a text from my sig other that Dad had wet his pants. I am sitting at my desk at my office thinking what does sig other want me to do about it??? Dad is 93, stuff like that is going to happen. Then sig other went on a texting tangent about how my parents house smells, they don't flush the toilets, etc. Finally texted to sig other I can't talk now, busy at work. Whew. I don't know who is the most trouble, my Dad or my sig other... [sigh].
Tell him/her under no uncertain circumstances that you do NOT appreciate his/her speaking to you like you're a moron which seems to be what he is thinking. You don't need a lesson, you need compassion.
HUGS.
and?
If you need to say more then
and you want me to do what precisely?
or
welcome to my world
or
deal with it
Dont they make a fuss - hell that really is the least of the problems
If the house smells and you cant afford contract cleaners use white vinegar - it does take a lot of smells out but for best home results use rug doctor because they also sell the right chemicals to clean deactivate and deodorize the carpet too, now sig other could od that and you could keep on top of it after hes done it! Sorted
ill survive this somehow , ive been thru a lot worse .
I hate texting as my OCD kicks into over drive and every single word and punctuation has to be perfect. I could take me 10 minutes to type a short sentence :P Why can't I be like my boss who texts high speed, even though half the words are misspelled, and you need an interpreter to understand what he said.
Ah, the house smell... one time I offered a gift of professional house cleaning to my Mom.... oh my gosh, she was so offended, oops, I'll never do that again. Today I asked my Dad why don't they flush the toilet after use..... must be a throw back to the Great Depression not to waste water. Anyway, I told Dad that the whole house smells like a bathroom but they don't smell it because they are use to it. I am hoping my Dad will flush more often... Mom wouldn't hear the flush because she is almost deaf. Dad said he will call a plumber because the toilet are clogged.... ah hello, no wonder.
That may be why he's answering the phone...thinking it's you.
There is a do not call government website where you can request no junk calls. It works. Also, if you have caller ID that should be helpful in figuring out who called.
As for texting....not only does texting NOT require full sentences, it doesn't even require full words! You Are is UR ... you need to get up to speed. What I did was tossed the 'smart phone' and got a regular old fashioned cell phone that I take with me when I go out. That's it. It's off other than that and the only number hospitals/doctors/nursing home uses in the home phone, second phone being the cell. It is not my primary number. After eight years of being interrupted by smart phones, I'm done. I know my 'kids' are so sick of technology that when they're home, they're done. Unless it's work related, which it often is, it's off.
Next up, we're going to have to put up with the constant noise of drones that deliver flying annoyingly close to our heads!
When I was a kid living at home my parents would flush the toilet, had to as we only had one bathroom the first 22 years. Growing up my parents each lived on a farm using the out-house. I read somewhere that children of the Great Depression that when they age sometimes resort back to how they were taught to conserve.
freq , thats the good thing about the web . if you dont like what your hearing just keep reading . the next website disputes every word of it .
burley isnt even checking in on his daughter while hes here . he must be as tired of her slackjoweled crap as i am . ( was )