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Jude, I did that, last Sunday. I even assured him that he couldn't go far wrong, within reason, and our sister knows the form if he's not sure what to do. I think she will have picked up the message that I am about to start swearing at people from the conversation we just had about the bank so I hope she'll take it from here.
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Just keep repeating RTFE read the ....email! xxxx CM huge hugs from down south xxxx
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D**n it I broke my arm this morning when I fell in my office parking lot. Talk about pain :P Sig other met me at urgent care {boss drove me] and all sig other could talk about was his fall where all he did was scrape a couple of knuckles.... its all about him. Typing one handed isnt too bad here, but working the mouse is another story.
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ff good excuse to have some rest time methinks sit back and be demanding! xxxxx
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Oh God.

You know how I was saying back there that brother really couldn't go far wrong..? Well. I've just had the order of service.

The only answer is to pretend that I didn't get it. You know how unreliable email can be.
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OMG CM is it really that bad? Could you cut and paste the alterations to make it better? No! what am I even suggesting forget that just take something firm to bite into and perhaps a gag and arm restraints so you dont scream or whack him one
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Countrymouse everything you are describing resonates with me on a big level.

I've got some time before I go to the hospital today cause my sister and brother-in-law are there so I thought this would be a good time to vent.

Where do I start. Lets see. How about I start with Dr. Parker the s o b that had me in tears who insisted that my Mom had a stroke and rolled his eyes when I told him that the neurologist thinks that my mom had a bladder infection that went to her brain and turned into encephalitis. Nobody knows, we will probably never know. I don't need to witness a pissing contest between two arrogant doctors who have a God complex.

Then there are the nurses on my mom's ward. You know I've always supported nurses. I know their job is tough and most of them are probably dedicated and good at their jobs. The ones on my mom's ward however are stupid as a bag of hammers. One says we give your mom pain medication as needed. Five minutes later another says every four hrs. The next one every two hrs. Next one when your mom seems agitated. I explained why not just give it to her on a regular basis so that she never becomes "agitated" Isn't this called comfort care?

Then there is my talk the talk but don't walk the walk siblings. Gathering by my mom's bedside but really doing nothing else. I'm cancelling my mom's accounts, going to the funeral home etc. etc. My sister had the nerve to say "I guess you can't go and get copies of the will notarized cause you don't drive"

All this strife on top of the devastation of this whole process. We have yet to decide on a service for my mom. Oh yes and by the way, i notified the pastor too. Everyone says "oh, shouldn't we do this and that" Guess who ends up doing it?

I guess none of this should surprise me.
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The final moments days however long it lasts are horrific. I remember my ex sister in law only too well her words will echo with me forever. Dad had stomach cancer and I was giving him liquified food which was for whatever reason making the problem worse. We only knew that after his admission to hospital - I was doing what the doctors had said previously - if he wants his food liquidised that's fine. She said to me "I know you reckon you care but you nearly killed him". Now if it wasn't bad enough that I FELT THAT WAY, I didn't need HER to tell me something I already knew.

I did nearly kill someone that day - but it would never have been my amazing father ....her on the other hand oh yes so glad we dont have your rights over here in UK - I could have been very irresponsible that day
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CM, I heard there was a virus going around. Don't trust e-mails sent to you for awhile. :P
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Oh absolutely Shilo I heard that too :-))))
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My whine of the day. My dad can be very abusive. He NEVER stops talking. They tell me that his brain has shrunk. His right frontal lobe has dead matter. He is 90, cannot think coherently. We brought him from Pennsylvania to Virginia to live, 8 hours away. He thinks we can just drive him the in a few minutes and thinks we are lying when we try to explain.

Driving with him is a challenge. We can't leave him home. My husband and I haven't been in a store together in 5 mos. My husband is a very kind man. But my father, every chance he can get me alone, berates him as a liar and a cheat. That my husband has been sneaking in his room every night to steal. My dad has nothing to steal. He can follow no conversation. And gets upset that WE are the ones not speaking coherently. And he repeats the same 5 stories over and over like it was the first time all day everyday.

I am getting so tired. I've recently learned of respite care. I am taking him there for a week just to get a break. From him. I've taken to calling him FussyPants in my mind.
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Freqflyer, sorry to hear about your accident. That is such a nuisance on top of everything else.
Countrymouse, can I add my condolences on your Mums passing.
I found the time before my Dads funeral surreal, just wanting everyone to leave us alone to feel our own feelings and peace to think. My thoughts are with you.

CarolAnne555, enjoy your well earned break, you deserve it.
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Thanks Freqflyer. We all need one even when we love our parents.
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FF, sorry about your arm hon... just know that you all are in many peoples thoughts and prayers everyday, including mine. It cannot be said enough times, this is NOT easy.

I made the decision to have a catheter put in on Monday No matter what I do, her nurse does or even the wound care nurse, that one f-ing pressure sore is not slowing down - at all. I am so devastated by it all... doesn't matter how many times I am told "It's not your fault, you take excellent care of your mother, some people just get the"... blah blah blah. Deep down I know we've done everything possible to slow this monster but it's not budging. Medi-Honey, special pills that get mashed into a paste, special dressings, constant changing both depends and position - nothing. The sore doesn't hurt my mother, it's the constant jostling her around, day and night... Today we decided the next step would be the catheter. This will cut out all the dressings/bandaids/tape and what have you (that cause more blistering). Mom will be able to lay on her side in a nice comfy position with just a pad under her letting the sore dry out and not be layered in dressings. Just some gauze holding the paste/medi-honey in the area.... I am at my wits end with this monster. Plus side, I can now add wound care experience to my ever growing list of learned things to my resume.

Taking a break of it all today and planting my garden. Tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, corn and loads of herbs. Getting an 18 foot area ready for the new above ground pool that arrives in a week or so. Keeping busy busy busy and my mind of the inevitable for awhile.... OH, good news! At yesterdays check in with my doctor .... I have lost 10 lbs ! YAY ME! Yes... I convinced my Dr. a month ago to let me try the Phentermine... must say it worked phenomenally for me. Gave me an energy boost (much needed) as well as it totally stopped my cravings for all that fattening crap food I've been existing on for over a year... so 10 down 35 more to go .... yeegads

Y'all are always in my thoughts and seriously a comfort to me and it's like having friends around so I don't feel so isolated and alone at times :))
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Susan and Gershun, I meant to add that you both are always in my thoughts and prayers... I know it isn't an easy road. Take care of yourselves.
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So sorry about your arm FF that is a real nuisance. can you get workmen's Comp?
It is the rare man that rushes to your aide plumps the piloows and brings you supper in bed

Well done Jeanette that is good news way to go girl now you can get a new wardrobe or maybe a swim suite for that new pool. Just starting my garden too.
the lumber store had thrown out a lot of scrap lumber so I made it into surrounds for the veg.
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CM I hope you are giving the Off license plenty of business and drinking your self stupid every night.
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Thanks Veronica darling.... No, I do not need a new wardrobe, I really would like to fit back into the clothes I have :)
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Jeanette the catheter will make life a lot easier for both you and Mom. As long as the sore does not hurt mom don't worry about it. They are very common at the end of life and there is really no way of healing them. Comfort is the name of the game. s**t happens. You have done your part. There is no room for guilt unless someone has deliberately done something to harm their loved one.
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FF I am so sorry to hear about your arm,, take care of yourself! And He;s a man,, enough said
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FF, oh no! I am sorry to hear about your arm. It sounds like we're going to have to hire a caregiver for you. And why not? You've earned a caregiver. Maybe they can even type for you so you can rest your arms. I know it hurt. I haven't broken anything yet, but I've heard it is awful. Hope they gave you something to quiet the pain until it's healed a bit. And I hope it heals fast.

Jeanette, the catheter sounds like such a good idea so you won't have to change the undergarments. The sore sounds awful. I've only seen bad ones in pictures. It would frighten me to know it was there. I have heard that they are common no matter how people try to prevent them. Old skin is so thin and so easy to wear through or tear. I am sorry that you are going through this. I was thinking about not long ago your mother was always up pacing. Things change so much so fast. Right now I am just wishing comfort and peace for your mother and lots of loving hugs to you.
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I hope you have a speedy recovery FF. Prayers are with you.
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Yes, I hope the catheter makes it easier, not so much on me, moreso on mom so I don't have to jostle her around so much. No, it doesn't hurt her.... it hurts me.

Im envisioning her with her little bum in the air, bandage/dressing free enjoying the breeze the windows...of course my windows have protective stuff on them so you can't see in .

Yeah, the marathon pacing... wow... it really wasn't that long ago. In moms case things changes quickly but somehow still followed the stages...I do hope that catheter works enough to slow down the progression of the sore. It's a long shot since she's hardly ever wet. The morning... after I wake up is when she's wet. I do have to sleep, right? Heck, I stumble out her still asleep and change her and she.s never really wet,,,, I use a thick pad to line her brief....it never comesnhear her bum..? sigh....

(((hugs)))
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Jude, my brother is one of those militant atheists who is reacting against the standard CofE scholarship he benefited from and now resents. He loathes all discussion of the spiritual, unless you count satire, and has essentially cut and paste the (illiterate) vicar's first suggestions to get the job over with quick. I don't care. There is nothing much either of them can do to the Benediction (unless the vicar turns out also to have a bad stammer or something), so at least there's something in the service mother would like; and as it's at a crematorium it'll all be rushed through at the double.

Besides. It is hard to stay in a rage when there are baby rabbits on the lawn. And I needed to replant the herb bed anyway.
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Jeanette, incontinence pads are brilliant at keeping the skin dry anyway, so I agree that's not the problem - it's that the skin is so delicate and vulnerable that simply lying on it for any length of time does the damage. Hence all those cages to keep the sheets off their toes, and ear guards to stop the mere lying on a pillow from hurting them. It really drives home the meaning of the word "frail." All the same I love your mental picture, and it must be a relief for your mother to get rid of all that bulk. Here's to a soft summer breeze in her room!
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CM I love the thought of little baby bunnies on the lawn. And as for the stammer sorry folks if it offends but after the trauma you have faced and the $%^& you have yet to face that made me hoot...I mean it would be the last straw wouldnt it short of what happened at a friends husbands funeral - he, like your brother was pretty much an atheist but his wife wasn't. He always knew he might die first and that to please her he would accept a church funeral but insisted that they play John Lennons Imagine. Hmm Well after the first line was played one local church goer who seemed to go to every funeral whether she knew them or not - not, in this case - jumped up at ran out of the church in tears shouting to anyone who would listen that blasphemy has just entered our church.
I suppose Imagine there's no heaven would have made my friends husband smile just a little from the beyond, especially since it was being played in a church
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a staunch athiest if he isnt careful can become the same allknowing , cocksure jerk as the religious zealot whom he has such distaste for . neither were born with one shred of extraordinary knowlege .
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FF, I hope your arm gets better soon! Lots of calcium and try to rest when you can.
Jeanette, A pool! How exiting! This will give you a good break once in awhile. I also think the catheter will make things easier. My Mom has one because of her tailbone sore and it keeps the area dry and clean and I just empty it several times a day. Make sure to be vigilant for UTIs. These sores are very stubborn and not our fault. I blamed myself for a very long time though it occurred in a nursing facility where she was for rehab and they didn't tell me about it until she got to the hospital with a UTI. We just keep doing our best to take care of these sores and to keep repositioning our Moms. I heard that sometimes when these heal it goes fast, so I keep hoping for that.
Countrymouse, the thought of baby bunnies on the lawn and Springtime does feel good, especially after the long cold Winter we have had here. I now look forward to doing a little gardening too.
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Exactly, Captain. And the malice in it! I think it is a shame.
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I haven't been on much, dealing with Mom's issues.

FF - so sorry about your arm! I hope you heal quickly.

CM, hang in there - hopefully you're getting through things as best as you can, and all will go smoothly.

Jeanette - darn it, I had hoped the Medi-Honey would help, but depending on how large that wound is, and how well they're caring for it, it could take quite some time to heal - and your mom's body may have stopped worrying about healing at this point and is focusing just on staying alive and is directing all energy towards that.

Mom has had quite a week. Back to the hospital on Tuesday, fired her doc on Weds morning, new temporary doc in place who did wonders for mom and was right on top of things, multiple tests, pacemaker placed, then a couple of days/nights of restless activity, no sleep, ripping IV out, trying to climb out of bed as the doc worked to stabilize her heart rate, which kept going back into a-fib. Now she's at a steady heart rate, breathing is improving, and she's due to be discharged to a nursing home tomorrow for PT/OT for about a month or so, and then can hopefully come home.
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