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Girl i would play my saxophone in your honor and do a happy dance along with hoisting a flag for you if i could. You my friend are my hero today. And what an awesomepolice officer. ...oh thank you for bringing a huge note of sunshine to my day!!!
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Texarkana, I thought I was tired!wow
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In an effortto rediscover a more normal existence i decided to fix some good old southern veggies for lunch. Speckled butter beans, fried squash, cornbread, yellow and red peppers and tomatoes. ..and sweet tea...turned out pretty good. I don't know how should make me feel more normal but my health has gone to pot so im going to make a conscious effort to eat healthy. And all these fresh veggies are too tempting
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Oh hope I ate really healthily today... I had a bar of chocolate for breakfast beans on toast with cheese on top (its a brit thing) for lunch with a HUMUNGOUS ice cream and fish and chips for tea. so really healthy ...NOT
and you know what? I DONT CARE
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D*mn posted too early ....that said we are having pork tenderloin cooked in apple cider and served with cabbage carrots and roast potatoes tomorrow so not all bad eh?
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Im so exhausted and depressed and the Hospice bathaid just left after she went on and on about her upcoming vacation.She also asked what exciting things we did over the weekend and I had to remind her we are surviving minute by minute.Then my brother came to eat his lunch in front of Mother which he considers a nice visit to his dying Mother and he went on about a festival in Kansas City this weekend that he would never miss.I wish I had one thing I could look foreward to but breaks are out of the question for me.Dealing with death and doing every chore in my own physical pain is all I know...for 9 plus years straight.Thankfully,I can vent here and keep on trudging.Please dont get me wrong,I am super thankful I still have Mother with me...luckylu
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Awh luckylu... you know I fell awful for you. Thankfully my hospice knew better than to mention sensitive things like that. hang in there honey, even after your dear mother is gone it will not magically fix all of our previous years trials n tribulations. Try and find the joy in life right now... it will make the transgression with your mom a skosh easier.... ((((hugs)))

Heat alert in full effect here....hi 90's so no food sounds good at all. only things that sounds good is a liquid loaded with ice, vodka and a filler of ones choice, I happen to like lemonade with my vodka during these hot days. worst thing is I have not slept, literally in 2 days... back aches and legs are very achy as well which gives me restless legs and die which means...jerking/moving/bed hopping and zero sleep. I wish they'd give out the quinine again.... this isn't a first time for me ...tonic water hasn't enough quinine to squelch the bizarre feeling in your legs.

ugh, where the H*LL IS MY POOL oh yeah, 2 more days, If I don't melt by then.
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Jude, I am just dying laughing over here at your tirade against the young lovers who thought taking the handicap spot was no big deal! You ROCK!

We have handicap spots here in all parking lots, it's required by law that all parking lots have them and the number of spots is designated by the size of the parking lot. It's frustrating to see people use them when they are not disabled -or at least not obviously so. I never confront them, because I don't know if they have a hidden disability, but in your case, you were totally in the right.
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(((hugs))) to you luckylu. I know just how you feel.
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My whine is all about family. I don't even know where to start. Maybe just by speaking out about it will help me. So please indulge me in my rant. Our father is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. He is adjusting well. My dad was previously living at home with our youngest brother. This character is 38 years old. He is a moocher. For years my dad has been baling him out of situations. Paying for court costs, fines, helping pay for things when ever he was in a bind. This kid has NEVER had a 40 hour a week job. His longest job was delivering furniture. A few years back after our mother passed this brother had no place to live so dad let him come back home. For years dad has provided for him cars,food even new dentures!!!! Well as time has come on dad needed care at home and this brother was there to help. Granted he was kicking and screaming the whole time. Several times he wanted to move back out of dads home, but he didn't. Now that dad is in the nursing home my youngest sister who is poa has gotten a lawyer and the house was quit deeded to this low life brother. This money from the house should have been used to help pay my dads expenses, but everything is going to little brother. Everything inside the house as well goes to this brother. I am sure none of the rest of the siblings will even be allowed to have a trinket for remembrance of our dad. How do these things happen?
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dashagu, I'm so sorry for you and your other sibs. I don't know what makes some parents make such misguided decisions. Enabling the bad behavior of one person often affects the whole family.
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Is your dad self paying to be in this NH? If not, little brother can quit claim deed all he want's, if Dad has to go on Medicaid any soon they will take the house from him to pay for dad's care.

Shame on him.
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For right now dad is self paying for nh, but I'm sure that won't last for long. I pray that dad stays with us for a long while for more than one reason.
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Medicaid will go back 5 years, hopefully he will have enough money IF NOT they will go after all the gifts given to little brother and even if your brother can qualify to keep the house, they could put a lien on it for the amount of time and costs your father was on Medicaid. He thinks the quit claim did is a done deal, no it is indeed not. To me it's more a admittance guilt and to others as well.

Good luck.!
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Hi all!! I've been reading all your posts and wow is all I have to say.Well actually no I have more to say than that.

Jude good for you!! I live in Canada and we have designated parking places for handicapped and for pregnant women too. I would of probably done the same thing you did. For some reason since my Mom passed I've been looking for a good fight. All that pent up sorrow and anger I guess.

As far as all these facebook posts. Its exactly what one of you said. If they are having as much fun as they want us to think they wouldn't have time to post. I can't remember the last time I had any fun but I don't think I was rushing home to post on facebook.

Speaking of fun my sister just invited us to come to her husband's 60th surprise Birthday party. I am just not in to it. I know it will end up being a big drunk and for me its too soon after my Mom's passing. I'm trying to think up a good excuse why I can't go. Should I just be honest and say I think its too soon or do I run the risk of alienating my already distant alienated family.?

I just hate it when my family gets together. Everyone drinks too much cause nobody knows how to talk to each other sober. I end up hanging up against the wall like a wallflower because I refuse to drink too much just to make them feel more comfortable. Plus as I said, it seems too early to be having a party when my Mom just passed a month ago.
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Jude my husband and I enjoyed your post. good for you!,
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Jude my hubby and I both loved your post. Bet the whole police station was toasting your daughter's Mum. We both have plates and stickers and don't use them if there is an open space close enough. If I have to walk any distance I am rolling round like a drunk. Way to go girl.
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gershun, I think you have the perfect excuse not to attend the birthday party. just send a small gift and your regrets or offer to cook something to contribute if you live close by and just say you are still too tired to be sociable.
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You are right Veronica but my only worry is I'll get the inevitable "she was our mom too and were still going"

But I guess at the end of the day we all do what we are comfortable doing. I know my Mom would of wanted us to stay close as a family but she hated the whole drunken party thing too so I'm sure she would understand if I don't go.
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I know i may be out of line to say it but i already know what I'm going to do when the sad day arises and Mama is no longer with me. None if these yahoos were here for her or for me when it mattered so later on they better get used to the fact that I'm gone too. I don't owe anyone any excuses. .they can just figure it out. I am pretty over all of them. I am going to try to start working on things to help seniors and do volunteer work and i may even take saxophone lessons again. I have not been to Colorado in a long time so i am going. I am going to do more free Lance photography. ..i am going to start living for ME for the first time in 56 years. . What's that? ?? You didn't see me at the family reunion? Dang right you didn't.
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Oh..and i am going sky diving and going to do the thing where you can see great whites from a deep sea diving cage. Honest to God i have had to put my dreams on hold all my life and good lord willing I'm looking out for me
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Good for you Hope!!!
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Jude you are my new hero, you are Batman.
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Does anyone else on here ever wish someone WOULD slap them so it would be no holds barred self defense and let me get this pent up anger out?? I swear reading Judes post just made me want to do it even more. God helpwho is on the receiving end of whoever makes that mistake but i really do think just getting it out of my system would help. ..and crazy as it sounds. .my Mama is not the cause of my angst, it's my stinking extended family
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texarkana you are too funny!! You know its weird but I had a dream last night that I was looking in the sky and said to someone Well I don't see Superman or Batman so I guess I'm on my own.

Maybe tonight I'll dream about Jude flying in the air rescuing me!!
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Hope I feel the same way. I said so in an earlier post. I fear for anyone who messes with me.
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Well, my aunt is coming tomorrow and i think the other oneis coming with her. I guess i am getting double teamed. These two have always been two of the sweetest ladies and love Mama dearly but once all this started they pretty much disappeared. One of them very recently informed me she did not want to sign any affidavit on my behalf regarding this house because she did not want to hurt my brother. (He already got 75% of my parents estate 20 years ago when he and his wife at the time threw a fit till they got it)..crazy part is, this was just a formality as i have durable poa and was just getting the life estate finalized on this home as this was to be mine after Mama's passing. ..it all sounds so tawdry when i type it but i decided if i had any brains left in my head i better get it done now rather than waiting for the other shoe to fall again. .it is done and filed and so that is something i won't have to deal with during a time when grief may get the better if me. I did not want that on my mind anymore. The attorney simple said it would just help solidify it in the event i was challenged. ..well, even though she sat right here and quoted what my Mama told her and me verbatim when it came down to it, she would not help me because she did not want to hurt him. She is coming tomorrow and she is no longer anything to me. I can be cordial enough but i have spent a lifetime being treated like that and folks sitting back while i got walked all over because they didn't want to hurt him. And who is the one who has been here? It sure as hell has not been him. I shouldn't have gone there. .most of you have heard me sing this tune till you're sick of it. .I'm sorry. .it just feels like i have been beaten up emotionally all my life by these people and i am done
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Hope, it sounds like your the keeper of the family pain. I don't know why your aunt feels like something would hurt your brother. And I don't know why she thinks hurting you is better. If I were there I would kick aunt butt for you.
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Exactly!..i mean, she KNOWS this is how it was supposed to be and she knows he already took everything else. He would never have even known she did sign the affidavit but i sure as hell know she wouldn't. ..so, like you said and i have already been thinking. .oh it's ok to hurt me just god forbid we hurt him. I don't want to hurt him either but i have sadly learned the hard way i am the only one here who is looking out for me. I'm sorry if it sounds ugly but i have had enough and i wanted it off my mind.
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Hope don't let others steal your power. We teach others how to treat us. Don't you let anyone make you feel less than who you know you are.

Sorry if I sound like Tony Robbins but one thing I learned during the time I took care of my Mom was that I am strong even though I never thought I was but now that I know I am I notice my family treats me with a little more respect than they used to and when they try to pull all their old s**t that they used to pull I just don't let it go anymore. I call them on it. If I have to burn some bridges along the way to get respect then so be it.
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