I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Your cousin was not very nice to you. She had no problem at all disparaging you. Now that she's in a pickle and Her Family is Not stepping in to help her, she Decided that You will do. Do Not let her do the FOG (Fear, OBLIGATIONS, GUILT) on you. What goes around, comes around. Also known as Karma. You have your mother. She has her family. It's Not Your Fault that she's in this situation.
If it helps... "My mother is my main priority. I have absolutely NO desire to take on anyone's health issues. Your family should be taking care of you. If they can't, then here's a number to call for help. Good luck."
I don't see him actually acting on the suicide idea at this point, given that he didn't a few weeks ago when things were at their worst. "Too chicken" to use his phrase.
He has refused anti-depressant meds for 30 years. He just changed doctors due to moving here, so the GP relationship is limited, he's seen her once. I am pinning my hopes right now on the Center for Aging medical program, which includes medical, mental health, and social workers. Highly praised by my never-has-anything-nice-to-say neighbor, who took her mother in law. Perhaps they can convince him that depression is better than dementia.
I confess, I bought the fancy paper plates for quick clean ups and mom giggled and didn't object. She never even allowed paper napkins growing up. Anyway, I like to simplify as much as possible. The burdens of running their home, finances, healthcare, and visits, is draining my energy. Paper plates! Ha!
Even though she is a relative and you may feel bad about her health concerns her own family needs to step up and help not you.
She seems quite selfish wanting to put her needs in front of your caregiving of your mother.
Stand firm and ignore her to the best of your ability.
I would ask her what part of No does she not understand.
No need to explain yourself as I agree with the others as she is waiting for a crack to open, an opportunity and will seize it and mark your life a living nightmare.
Maybe you need to show her all these posts!
You take care of your mother and yourself and no one else ( except the pets of course). Did your kitty show up?
I, 'Hope'
will not take my cousin to any doctor appointments
will not run errands for my cousin
will not be my cousin's EMERGENCY CONTACT
will not let my cousin take precious time away from me spending it with my Mama
I, 'Hope' will rest so I have strength physically and mentally to take care of my Mama and enjoy this time with her as much as I possibly can.
Hope, have you thought about taking a few days off from txting and answering your phone? At the very least, txt a reply once about a subject but no more...take an asked and answered approach. Your cousin may or may not realize how many times she has asked you the same question. Her repetitiveness seems to be agitating you. I would hate to see this effecting you caring for your mom. {{hugs}}
We are having the memorial for my Mom on Saturday and there is already so many undercurrents happening around my family.
I feel so stressed out at the very thought of it. I want so much for this to be about my Mom and nothing else. If I had my way it would just be me and the pastor.
Please send loving thoughts my way on Saturday around 2 pm. I live in Canada so you can all synchronize your watches. Just kidding.
Jude, i do know they dont care for me. But i doubt it is the forefront of all their thought processes. .to be honest she doesn't want them to like me. .ridiculous sounding i know. The reason i don't like them though is they disrespected both my parents as long as i can remember. .THAT is why i don't like em.
Gershun, bless your heart. .i will indeed be thinking of you and praying all goes well. Such a pity to have to feel stressed at such a time. (((Hugs)))
Hope Im glad that it isnt just her words - very happy about that hun xxxx
You know its gonna be a bad day when......you go to clean out the garage and realise that 4 days earlier before a blisteringly hot last 4 day I might add you accidentally turned the electricity off in the garage and opening the freezer is something you dont want to do but you know you have do - yuk yuk yuk luckily I was running iut down to clean - now I dont have to defrost it!!! but the smell is as bad as...well you know the answer to that one dont you
Hope, You are doing the right thing by saying you are there for Mama and Mama only...she comes first...and so do You! It sounds like your cousin is the manipulative sort. I have some inlaws like this....
Jude, I hope you get that freezer cleaned out. When we moved to our new home the previous owner had a freezer in the garage full of meat that they left behind...the freezer was turned off and when I went to clean it out it looked like something from a horror movie....ended up getting rid of the whole freezer and its contents!
Globetrotter, I use a meat marinade and soak the steaks for a couple hours in that in the fridge before cooking and that helps keep them more tender. Steak can be so tricky!
Do you have a wildlife camera? It would be interesting to see if he shows up at night then at the crack of dawn he's roaming again.
Gershun, if things kick off go and sit somewhere quietly, put your head in your hands and remember that your mother knows your family just as well as you do and will understand. Don't forget, you choose your friends… (and we'll all be thinking of you x).
Hope, hehehe.... that was too funny!! I have done that several times myself!! or tripped over a dog, especially my old blind/deaf fellow. Yesterday, while trying not to squish him, I ended up breaking my middle toe! It's a lovely blackish blue color this morning.
Confession time. I have did absolutely the bare minimum of house work since mom passed. Just not in the mood, I'd rather be puttering around outside than anything inside but now I have to pay the price. We are coming back to my house after we celebrate mom...which means, I need to get off my a** and clean or strategically hide things in the bedrooms :))) I guess my SIL is going to help me clear out moms things...not looking forward to that either... heck, I sill have some of daddy's shirts hanging in his closet and his hats. It's all just so d*mn final ya know?
Jude, did I mention how much I detest moving? To me, it's the ultimate punishment! LOL I get to the point that I'd just like to sweep it all into a giant trash bin.
Country you will be fine and if they don't ring they will have missed the best worker for none is better than a person with a good heart me dear. Failing that I hear the military are looking for interrogators - with those waterboarding skills you might be eligible
Jeanette I have Mum on the case - one drawer at a time - she isn't throwing much away but at least its tidy, I can saran wrap it ready for the move (we call it cling film over here - because it is film and it does cling!) I just want a magician to go puff and it's all done....wonder if David Copperfield is available. We are hiring a skip but I can see her going in it after tonight's fiasco - We had a little issue with screws today mum was sorting some and then decided to put them all back in the same bag again duh! So tonight she is back on the almost OCD focus that is so predominant from time to time and it is now quarter before eleven (quarter to eleven CM for us Brits) and she is demanding to have the bag of screws back.
I did give up in the end basically because of the language she was using. nothing really vulgar to her mind but I am clearly on a different planet right now. All she would say is give the screws back. I need them. What do you need them for mum?
I have to screw something. I used to screw everything....if it moved I would screw it.
Well you see I was in fits thinking what anybody who heard that would say....the only thing is I know why she said it...during the war she was employed as part of the call up laying decks on ships and yes if it moved she did screw it down!!!!!!!
Speaking of falling. I was on the treadmill once and fell, got my shoe caught in the treadmill and couldn't get it out. The safety thing you attach to yourself in case you fall is supposed to pull off and automatically turn the machine off but it didn't. So there I was. Most of the skin on both my knees scraped right off. All I was able to do finally was reach over and pull my shoe off.
It sounds ghastly but it was really quite funny and years later I still have the scars to prove it.
Anyhow thx all for your well wishes for Saturday!!!