My "whine moment today." What's yours?

CM - I am trying now to find out more info so I know all involved to complain about...to the people involved, alzheimer's assoc and our govt. Once I decided to voice my opinion to someone I have not heard the entire commercial, as I said it has been cut off. As soon as I learn more will complete my whine. I am sure you are right, it is one of those class action lawyers/lawsuits.

Shilo8
I'm not sure what you are talking about (class action lawyers/lawsuits). I was commenting on the "Whine Moment".

Shilo8, I am one who believes there are many routes that can lead to dementia. I think certain medications are one route. I think that untreated bipolar depression is another and ill-managed diabetes a third way. Brain injury is also a possible route. We know so little about direct and indirect causes of dementia, but we do notice that dementia occurs more often under certain conditions. If brain injury is one of those ways, I see no problem in seeking compensation. Many of those players were not paid the astronomical big bucks. Better yet, I think if sports-related injury are conclusively shown to contribute to later dementia, then the teams should set up a trust fund for people who may need it in the future.

A big question is if someone was being paid big bucks, should they be entitled to sue? We all know that sports involves risk taking with the health and life. Should the high pay include all considerations for health risks in the future. (Kind of like if someone smokes, knowing the dangers, should they be able to sue?)

Jessie is right, the football league is now dealing with retired players who are developing dementia at a younger than normal age, due to numerous head injuries [concussions]. I believe it is the football union that is behind this. Yes, all pro sport players are unionized.

As for how much a player is paid, those lonely unknown guys in the back lines of football aren't making the mega bucks that we hear that some well known players are getting. And those are the guys knocking heads with each other. I am glad to hear every now and then a younger player decides to retire because he has had several serious concussions. No mega bucks is worth getting dementia.

Now I wonder about the baseball league... many of their players get hit with 90 mile an hour baseballs onto the head.

CentralMassach - sorry, my comment was directed at Countrymouse not your whine moment

My revulsion is saved for trawling lawyers making spurious claims to vulnerable target groups, I wasn't commenting on the association between contact sports and brain disease later in life: there may well be one. But they haven't even dealt with boxing yet, I think it's a bit too soon to set sights on football and baseball isn't it?

Jessie, I agree there maybe multiple causes of dementia. Countrymouse, never cared for the money sucking lawyers out for themselves. I feel it was a person's choice to play and take the risk of injury. They contracted for their pay/compensation for playing the game. I can understand major head trauma and compensation for injury. I am probably sensitive when it comes to people suffering from dementia and this commercial is insensitive. Everyone should be compensated millions who have suffered through dementia.

Shilo, I share your feelings; and the insensitivity of some advertising around illness of all types can be quite stomach-turning. You have to remember that many of the scripts and campaigns are written by ten year olds with no more understanding of their subject than they have, either, of dermatology (skin care products) or automotive engineering (think of the tosh spouted in some car advertising). What's unforgivable is that their clients, who may include highly reputable organisations of considerable expertise, get all excited at the thought of being represented in this glamorous, populist way, and thus get sold complete pups by their marketing whizz kids and Svengalis. We currently have, for example, a fund raising campaign running for a breast cancer charity that claims that by 2050 one hypothetical person will "be the last to die" of breast cancer. What utter, utter, sentimental nonsensical drivel.

You may gather that I am not altogether in love with my some-time profession.

Countrymouse, I wish every country would take whatever they had budgeted for wars and use that money to find a cure for all types of serious illnesses.

FF you have my total support as long as it is not for prolonging end of life and I dont know how to say it without sounding vile. let me explain. If you are going to have that money used for curing cancer, finding the genetic identifier for all manner of hereditary issues, finding a cure for cerebral palsy or motor neuron disease then I am right behind you. Cures for dementia - absolutely but not for drugs that will keep a person alive when their body is closing down. We were never intended to be immortal - if we were we would have been designed and evolved differently. I love my life but as it is and while I can function as I do now. yes I can tolerate aches and pains but not some of the other stuff that comes with old age - I guess I am saying if I can stay Peter Pan like (as I am) then I am all for living after that fraid not

Tgengine, no you are emphatically NOT being ungrateful. Your Dad is being ungrateful!! He should most definitely be paying for his share of the household costs, at the very least.

If he's now well enough to travel, is he well enough to live on his own, perhaps in a rent-subsidized senior apartment? Or well enough that you can suggest he should do so, and if he balks use that as the opportunity to re-negotiate terms for him to remain with you?

As far as the vehicles, given that the truck is titled in your name, if he gets in a bad crash you could be held liable for damages. If the car is still in his name, better he takes that. And yes if it fails on the trip let the rest of the family deal with it! Unless you need or want the truck, best to sell it. Really the money from that should fund a vacation for you, or replenish your own rainy-day fund.

FeelingLost, excellent idea IMO. If the truck isn't needed, then let it go. No more having to pay insurance, maintenance, and registration for it. That can run into a lot of money over the years.

Hey all ! Sure is some heavy conversations going on here... I'd chime in on how I think about certain things but I am rather bias right now on this whole Dementia/Alzheimers nightmare. Actually I called it a very bad cuss word and decided to delete delete delete!!

Saturday's Celebration of Life for mom went lovely. I know it's not the normal but it is what they both wanted. So, picture this, we drive up this rather steep foothill/mountain, there are a few lovely houses and farms but further up it's just nature. Saw several deer and a cutie pie fox on the way up/down. We all gather and I give everyone a bouquet of flowers, actually they picked the one they wanted from the giant bucket I had. We all head about 15 minutes a tad further up ( road ended) you turn a corner and there is this rather big pine tree right there glowing in the evening sunshine. I had a picture on mom n dad together blown up to a 8x10 as well as her obituary, both were then laminated. My oldest brother re-hangs daddy's photo and obit on a branch in the tree, we then hang moms, they're both swinging in the evening breeze together, sunlight making it seem as if it's glowing. Moms ashes are spread around the tree in a ring, just as daddy's 2 years ago. Then, one at a time we go up, say our goodbye's and give our love and hang our bouquet's into the branches, by the time we were done it was glorious looking and they both were swaying in the breeze as if saying goodbye when we trailed back out. I did notice that someone had placed a greed dog collar on the branches also...my mind tells me someone lost their dog and placed the collar so daddy would have company till mom got there. I'm a wuss with a mushy heart though so who knows. I do wish my 2nd oldest brother wasn't such an ass ...he had worked 10 hours in the hot sun and was crabby and as I said, an ass. He did his best though, considering his emotional feelings level is maybe a 2 at best.

I miss my parent's so much you just don't know. Guess I should go see that counselor because I can't sleep, can't concentrate and just plain tired all the time. The realization that I am now an orphan with emotionless brothers is a bit much. No more mother's day/father's day... no fun Christmas's or heck, any family Holidays. All just gone. Who the F-k said getting old was golden years? I feel like I'm too old n tired to start fresh with anything and anyone. I can't imagine getting into a relationship and into a "family" thing. ick. Right now everything seems like such a bother or chore ya know? Easier to hang out here in my backyard, play in my garden and with my pibble. By Friday it's going to be 100 degree's or more so I will just be bobbin around in the pool or sitting in front of the portable A/C and for now it is really okay, lonely but doable. I have to understand all of this will take time, time to adjust to having no purpose again ( taking care of mom) I did at times feel like I wanted my life back but guess what I realized, I wanted my OLD life back and that no longer is possible, I made my choice and still would choose the same but... it really is not easy finding yourself after caregiving for both parent's, holding them while they died and then hey... my life's back. Right now it suck-er-ooskies. Guess I could wish different things all I want to... I know nothing will change or get better until I do something different, but for now....hey, it is what it is until it isn't.

I know we all are going through rough times and I do apologize for not addressing individuals personal plights at this time but know I do think of all of you and hope you are able to survive all this madness that we have on our plates. Understandably, I know it is not easy and it will get easier. Hang in there.

Jeanette I'm right there with you and I know everything you are saying. I managed to hold it together on Saturday when we had our Celebration of my Mom's life but later at my sister's when my one sister said "thank-you for organizing all this and putting a fire under our asses" I responded "this is the last thing I can do for Mom, she was my purpose and now I don't have one" and then of course the waterworks started. So Jeanette everytime you feel that empty feeling of not knowing what to do with yourself cause your reason for living is gone, remember I'm right there feeling it too. But don't worry we'll get there one step at a time as my Ma used to say.

Shilo as far as that commercial you spoke of. I live in Canada where hockey is our passion. There was a year recently where three NHL hockey players took their own lives due to concussion issues. They are doing lots of studies here in Canada about concussions and early dementia and how players should be compensated.
But on the other hand the onus is also on the players. There was a discussion about how if it was game seven for the championship and a player took a hard hit to the head. If the coach wanted to take the player out of the game, most players would say no cause this is what they have been playing for their whole careers. Is to be in a Stanley Cup final. So concussion be damned. I want to play. If that same player years later wishes to be compensated. Well maybe he should of thought of that when the coach wanted to bench him for his own protection.

We're there with you in spirit, Jeanette. Reading of adding your mother's ashes and about the pictures and flowers made me realize that your mother is really gone. We came to know her so well here on the group, and it is hard to think that she is really gone. I think what you're doing and how you're feeling is so normal. I have a feeling that I will do the same thing -- kind of float on top of the water until I figure out how to swim again and where to swim to.

Maybe we have to swim toward happiness that we haven't had in a long time. I think we may have to bob around a bit, though, before we can figure out where happiness is. Caregiving can get us so lost to ourselves. We are so focused on someone else. ((((Jeanette))))

Jeanette, I thought about you and Gershun so much this weekend. Seemed like every time I turned around, there you both were in my thoughts. I'm so glad the sendoff you gave your mothers went as well as you'd hoped.

We had a series of bad storms go through today, lost power for a few hours. We don't have a generator, and it got incredibly hot in the house, even with the windows open. Of course, having the windows open meant increased humidity, so even with Mom on O2 (emergency tank), she was struggling a bit. Power finally back on and A/C running again - we are now SO dependent on that.

I saw something on a rerun of Golden Girls today...it seemed to ring so true. An elderly woman was in a homeless shelter, and the "girls" knew her, as she was a friend of theirs. They asked why she had left her retirement home, and she said, "Left?! I was kicked out - my money ran out and I couldn't pay anymore." Then she went on to say, "You know...No one told me that getting old cost so much money! I figured that was the one thing in life you'd get for free!" So sad, but so true. They don't just kick people out these days when their money runs out - there are laws against that - but there are so many things our elders are unprepared for.

Mom's home nurse is coming tomorrow instead of Thursday - I had a 30 minute phone call with her today and explained my concerns with Mom's breathing - she thinks her CHF may be acting up again, since she is laboring to breathe with any movement or exertion of any sort and her feet are swelling again. She mentioned upping her Lasix, but mentioned that will increase the incontinence problem but said she knew I was aware of that. You bet I am. We'll have to see what happens - she's going to check Mom out tomorrow and talk to her cardiologist.

Thanks for the talk everyone.
Yes, a cure which gives the person a decent quality of life would be welcome. A quick cure, not a search for one that takes forever and needs a telethon each year to keep supporting it...if you know what I mean.

I wish my Mother was the old Mom I used to have and she never broke her neck.But I realize God has a plan for our lives and He saved my husband and I so we would be able to care for Mother..I miss sleeping in a bed,my bed down the hall where my husband and dog are,almost 3 years straight now...

Luckylu, It is difficult sometimes to understand what God's plans are for us. Can your mom move around at all? Do you stay in her room during the night to take care of her?

Oh gosh people I feel for many of you right now. Now listen Gershun and Jeannette - you're both in my bad books this morning. I had a relatively good night's sleep, felt wonderfully refreshed - even bothered with moisturiser this am and I was looking pretty damned average for me....then I read your posts and my heart broke for you both and the tears flowed now my eyes look like pee holes in the snow are bloodshot and I look freakish!!!!! well more freakish than the norm.

You both have done so well by your parents. There is absolutely NOTHING more either of you could have done and to go the extra zillion miles to make everyone's last memory so beautiful Jeannette - well I can only say you are one amazing woman. Gershun you may feel you don't have a purpose in life right now but you have a legacy my angel.

If at any time you feel empty then you know that is because you now have a space to fill once more but this time with things of your choosing darlings. that is your legacy ...to now strive to fulfil your dreams and hopes.

Said tongue in cheek ...............I've got me ticket to Niagara now where did I put that barrel....!!!!!!!!

To Jeanette and Gershun {{{HUGS}}} ...I can't say it any better than Jude just did.
It is also normal right now to feel lost and like you are floating. It takes time to adjust and right now just rest and go with the flow. In time you will also figure out what you want to do. You are such amazing people for having done so much for your Moms. May all good things come to you always!

I’m going to whine about how much what all I had to go through working at a Home care service in Toronto. I’m a home nurse, and I just quit my job yesterday. I used to love my job a lot until this one- the pay was a mess, needed to do a lot of travelling for which they didn’t pay, and there was very little cooperation between nurses and the physicians. If you are a nurse, you’d know. After fuel expenses and meds for my mom, there was hardly anything that I could save.
Now I need to find a job.
I really love nursing and helping people. It’s just that when the pay is too low, I just can’t concentrate on work and be happy about it.

Loving thoughts to both of you.

Jude what on earth are you going to do if you survive the falls. Better buy a return ticket just in case and don't forget your helmet. Oh and clean underwear in case you get run over on the way there. Maybe we should have T shirts made. Bright orange "Get out of my way I am going to jump"
maybe a weekly mass suicide. We can have a picnic on the banks and get to know each other, then hold hands and on the count of three.................St Peter is going to get pretty mad when a load of orange shirts show up each week soaking wet. "No wings for you"

Harolm, your profile says you are in Georgia, but you are really in Toronto?
What do you mean by home nurse, a psw, rpn, rn?? St Elizabeth is probably the biggest agency in the province and I'm sure they are always looking for qualified individuals.

I think the issue of sports injuries is a lot like the smoking issue years ago, ex players suffering today didn't know the damage they were doing to themselves.

Small whine with explanation... Father's Day - trying to be nice to husband. Went with him, FIL, MIL and son to gun range (they shoot, I do not but have a great book). MIL is facing a (possible) new diagnosis related to her ongoing battle with non-hodgkins cutaneous (skin) lymphoma. I say possible because she left oncologist office not exactly sure of what was said by doctor and not having taken notes. MIL and FIL were both at appointment. She has bloodwork results with a word on it that MIL "researched" and gave my husband a single page about. Hmmm. MIL is supposed to go to hematologist (blood oncologist) to get follow up testing for diagnosis (possible weird type of cancer that only 3 in 100,000 people get). After a week, MIL has still not heard back from doctor. MIL is "not sure" of where hospital is and asked me multiple times if I knew where the complex was or could find it. I deflected. Later she kept telling me "Like Mother in law, Like Daughter in law"; "we are so much alike", "how close we have gotten since your mother died", "it's such a comfort to know you and *husband* are nearby". I have told my husband that I am not taking his parents on as my project. I work two part time jobs and am primary caregiver for our high functioning autistic son. Just because it's summer, I am not taking them over!!! cheese, please. Husband is not arguing at this point, but it's lurking nearby I know. Thanks for quick vent:)

PS there is no cognitive decline in MIL - she has Parkinson's but "she's fine" it's all fine. Every conversation with husband is that "they are fine, no problems". Until there is a BIG problem and it's clean up time.

Shilo8,I sleep on the couch next to my Mother who sleeps in her lift chair.It wouldnt be so bad,if I didnt have my own physical pain,but I do miss my bed and snuggling with my dog...and husband.My whine today,is our Hospice nurse.She immediatly went to my Mother and unzipped her robe and said 'I gotta see those Mother has a rash under her boobs and the bathaid from yesterdayhad told her !" Not like a normal person that would come in,say hello first and then tell the patient what they were doing.Mother felt scared and attacked.I dont blame her!

I hear about how great some of you have wonderful Hospice Companies.If Mother easnt so close to passing we would switch.It seems like everyday,its just 1 problem after another.