I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
The NH has wifi, so I can work there, and plan to do so on Sundays so that I can spend more time with her. She seems very determined to come home, so this is not going to be easy.
Do try to take an objective view - have a real good talk to yourself and determine what you can and more importantly what you can't manage to cope with and try to just lock your heart out of this one.
If you end up doing so much that you become ill who then is going to care for Mum. All the best with a god awful decision xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As far as the recliner is concerned GO AND BUY ONE like today. You really do need it and will probably never give it up. I let the cleaners change hubby's sheets and we are exploring how we can manage with a lot of frozen meals. Cooking is just too exhausting having to stand in the kitchen at the stove then cleaning up. So we will go round the grocery store and find some good quality meals that we like.
Some times you just have to do what you have to do. Isn't this the gentleman who just spent a month in Israel? bet he did not do his own chores there. How hard is it to just turn the dial on a washing machine. Go for it FF spend a few days at an undisclosed destination.
I hope you get an aide there soon.2 years ago,when we had a different Hospice nurse,she fell asleep at our table for an hour.You just never know......
For the time being, I'm just going to operate on the assumption that she *will* be coming home and take this 20 days to get things done around the house that I didn't accomplish last time, because she ended up coming home 10 days into her stay. Not happening this time, unless by some miracle she manages to regain enough strength in 10 days and they NH releases her, but I'm going to push for her to stay the full 20 days this time. Going to lay out a plan of 1 room being done every 2-3 days - deep cleaning, de-cluttering, selling/donating unnecessary stuff (nothing sentimental or that my siblings might want), shredding old documents, etc. Also joined a neat reminder service called "Get Your S--T Together" that sets up 30-day challenges that help you get your "stuff" together in terms of important end-of-life documentation, etc. Living wills, advance directives, things like that - it was started by a woman who didn't have these things together when her husband was suddenly killed, and she was left floating in a sea of paperwork and unknown circumstances. Reading her story and thinking of Mom's circumstances makes me realize that as many times as I've said I'm going to get my own stuff together, I still haven't done it. Going to take some time while I'm not having to care for Mom to get this stuff done. I refuse to put my care into my childrens' hands, since one of them doesn't speak to me, another has her hands too full with her special needs kids (and drug/alcohol addicted husband) and the other is the only one that seems to have his head on straight - I want him to at least achieve his goals and not have to worry about my care. So I'm going to make sure I have *my* stuff together before that time comes, and at the same time, finish getting Mom's stuff together too.
Already sold the 2 twin bed frames that I had purchased for Mom over the past couple of years, since she now has a hospital bed to use. $50 in my pocket. (Good thing, since I'm dealing with a client that is not paying on time right now...her life is "so busy" and she'll "pay later"....that's not going to last long with me. No pay, no work!) The amount she owes me isn't huge, but right now, it looks like wagon wheels to me. I need it pretty badly at this point.
This week's goals:
Medicaid app done and submitted for Mom.
Documentation obtained on the few assets she has so I can turn those in with the app and send some of the to the attorney because they're involved in Mom's will.
Dad's old bedroom cleaned out and stuff sorted to sell/donate/trash
Living room and my desk cleaned up and organized
New grill put together (*still* haven't done that!)
Finish killing weeds & clearing them out of the driveway
Call about getting a load of crushed concrete or gravel for the driveway
I figured my brother would have a fit when he saw I had brought yet another critter in the house but he fell in love with her too...I have a new routine figured out and am making it work...she has a shaded deck to sleep on and I have her on a thing where she won't get tangled and also she is right outside the door where Mama stays so I can keep an eye on both of them..ha
Brother pressure washed the deck and porch for me and it is so clean and fresh and feels so much better on my feet...so now looms before me the 4th of July...the only potential issue I have is whether to let my cousin come for the day...I know she's expecting it but that wll mean an entire day of waiting on her and so don't know if I'm up to it....jury is still out on that one...
Anyway, pretty good weekend over all....at least it was not so stinking hot...
Susan, praying your Mom continues to improve, and hope her appetite will come back...I know how frustrating that can be...Have you ever blended smooth peanut butter into an ensure? it makes a really great drink and has LOTS of protein...I hae made Mama those a lot and also add chocolate at time...like a Reeces shake...I add so any things to Mama's vanilla ensure that she never knows what is coming next..but she has been able to maintain her weight since being bedfast..of course if you have peanut allergies etc, you'd have to change what you blend accordingly, which goes without saying, but now I'm too lazy to delete it.. :)
Nice to remember that my ex-husband did make me laugh sometimes.
Susan, You are going to feel good getting some of the stuff on the list done and I think all else will fall into place! On my lists I am glad if I can even get a few things done even if I don't tackle all of it. Anything accomplished is progress of some sort.
Mom is alert today but sleepy and the blood pressure has been running a bit low. Since she is bedridden and not walking about where she could pass out, the nurse is not too concerned.
I bawled so much last night my eyes are still swollen and puffy. Maybe I was the alien you saw over your bed last night Veronica. I kind of resemble one today.
I hope I don't sound like a self pitying broken record. But it hasn't even been two months yet so I guess I should give myself some slack.
Stopped in today. Dad insisted the back end of a truck he can see from the AL's "backyard field " was his despite me telling him that my sister has "borrowed" it and will bring back in August. so I took him for a ride to show him it was not his truck. Plus I had my sister text me a photo. Not sure how long he will remember that. I then took local gas station which sells soft serve ice cream and made a couple root beer floats which we took back and enjoyed (my poor waistline).
He did ask about mom again.
But late this afternoon I got an email from activities director asking what was in that drink as dad was real happy and lively during games this afternoon.
Maybe turned a corner with the anxiety.
There must be something in the air. Mom was laughing, really cracking up tonite and I asked what was so funny...she said humanity and all the preposterous things people do and think is important ...She had the news on. I guess if you step back and detach and access things in a detached manner it does appear that humans have been pretty ridiculous all through history....I was glad she found it all so humorous as I haven't heard her laugh like that in well over a year....
Well first it was a major headache to find a facility that her insurance and I both agreed on and had a private room.once we got her in things seemed okay however there was some concern on my part because visitors had to wear a gown and gloves when visiting and she was not allowed to leave her room. These precautions were the same as the hospital but I did not see the staff following the same behavior. When I confronted several staff, they all gave me some "well it is really an individual choice. The most important thing is hand washing.
So she has been in NH for several weeks and all her therapy has been limited to her room. She remains symptom free and has been getting stronger. Two weeks ago they said that she would be able to go home soon because she was almost done with her antibiotics. They said once she was done they would take three stool samples to see if she was still positive.so I told my family she would be coming home soon. I spoke with PT and they said she was doing really well. I told them about the biggest obstacle which was the incline coming up to our house. They could not work on that because they were limited to working with her in the room.ell they decided they would come to her room early and take her down to the therapy room to work on the ramp. Mom is still getting stronger and we both want her to come home. They did one test which got tested in two ways. One was positive and one negative. The nurse said that it probably meant that it was colonized , but she could still go home. About 4 days later they did test number two but I have yet to hear what the results are. This was done early last week. The nurse, the PT all say that she could go home, we would just need to use careful cleaning procedures and get her back to the doctor if she started showing symptoms.
So last week, I contacted social services to find out when we could get her dismissed. The social service person told me that she is covered for Physical therapy at least until 7/8, so we would see what the PTthought at that point. I told her that I had been speaking g with the PT and they felt she could go home. Then she said that she needed to speak with nursing. She also said that her insurance company might have a different discharge date in mind. I told her that I had already spoken to nursing and they didn't know why she was still there. I told her that I wanted Mom home, Mom wanted to be home and that I wanted a meeting with everyone on Monday.she was a little hesitant but I reminded her that I had P.O.A. and was her medical surface, so we would be meeting.
Today came and no phone call. I called the Social Service person and left a message. I called my mom and asked if anyone had spoken to her about leaving and she said no. She said she had done her early morning therapy and then was doing more right then. Since the therapist was there I asked to speak to her. I asked if there was any meeting scheduled. She said no, she didn't know anything about it and volunteered to track the social service lady down. About a half hour later, I got a call. The social service lady told me that she had explained that my mother had until 7/8 until her therapy was done and she said that Mom said that she didn't mind staying the extra week or so. WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! MY MOTHER ALSO HAD TOLD HER THAT IT WAS UP TO ME BUT SHE WAS FINE BEING THERE I knew this was a blatant lie because we have talked about how much she wants to get home to her dog and she misses seeing my granddaughter. Friday I told her that I would get her out as soon as I could regardless of what I had to do to make it happen and she was pleased. This place is not a bad place but she wants to be home and have company and do things together. I kept my cool and said that I wanted mom to come home tomorrow. The social service lady got pretty flustered and asked if she could have more time because there was paperwork that needed to be done. I asked her how much time she needed and she asked for two or three days. I gave her two. After getting off the phone with her, I called mom back and she completely denied saying she wouldn't mind staying. This woman is just a bean counter who knows she can get more money at a private room with therapy rate and didn't want to let that go until the insurance didn't want to pay any more. Arrrggggg!
Why in heaven's name social work training doesn't include an entire module on "Communication Skills, or, Don't Ask Leading Questions Moron!" I cannot understand. If you ask a reasonably good-natured senior 'if it would be better for you to stay for a few more days would that be okay?' she will likely reply that she'd rather not, but yes. On account of it won't actually kill her and she doesn't want to be contrary.
But I suspect you're right - that she already knew what answer she wanted to hear. Grrrrrrrrrr gnash.
Communication seems to be worse than ever and now we have all these devices to communicate and people can't seem to do it! I hope you can get your Mom home where she will be happier soon. I agree with CM that classes on communication skills should be a prerequisite for social workers....or anyone dealing with people!
After two weeks confined to a hospital room a patient especially if elderly will be very weak and expect it to take many weeks or months to recover. PT in the room is helpful but can not replace plain walking around the halls or gardens. A long course of antibiotics will also slow recovery because of their negative effect on the digestive system. Reluctance to eat will also slow recovery because weight and strength will be lost. Hospitals and nursing homes do not make mega bucks from Medicare so they try and get medicare patients out as soon as possible so the bed can be filled by someone having with better insurance. The hospital bills mega bucks but Medicare reduces the amount they believe the services are worth and pays 80% of that, then the patient or their secondary insurance pays the rest plus the patient has to pay any predetermined co-pays which are a set amount. Medicaid is different and pays much better and I have no experience with that.