I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Update on cousin...she told me via text that the doctor had told her on her last visit that she was going to need social services to help her and that is why he needed a friend or family to be with her....oh Lord...yall were right....had I taken the bait and gone with her I would have been "it"...I'm guessing....I am so thankful (that sounds odd to say it that way) but I am, that I did not go...I have always thought I was invincible, stepped up and stepped out and did it when others would not...and as a result I have gotten aggravated, resentful and worn out...Could it be that a lot of folks could have, and would have done a lot more had I just sat down and shut up for a bit and let them take the helm??? I did not change the course of history....I wore myself out....why is it I find myself looking back so much resenting a lot of people who, at the time, griped and whined about why they couldn't do this or that but yet once I took the load on suddenly they found a new sense of energy to go on trips, spas, lunch with the girls, etc....amazing how much it energizes folks when they suddenly know they don't have to do anything except what they want to do...
My oldest nephew, as much as I love him, has moved away from here and so he never comes to see my Mama, who literally lived to see this child once he hit the planet..She thought no one existed but him once he was born...Now, even when he does come home, and comes within two blocks of our house, he does not even come by to see her...what a shame...how ugly, ugly on him...yet he and his live in love, both of them now extreme left radical types, who have lived their entire lives literally having it handed to them, spoiled rotten, getting to spend their entire lives just being cool, and free, and awesome and making sure the world sees how awesome and free and intelligent and compassionate...yes, the compassionate thing kills me....especially when they have abandoned one of the main people on this earth who literally lived for this child once he arrived....I am ashamed on him...and that thing he calls a girlfriend....
Lord, I am sniping today aren't I??? Migraines do that to me...I'm sitting here typing with my eyes closed my head hurts so bad but by cracky I am venting aren't I.
On a fun note, I bought my new puppy a new outfit for the 4th of July.a cute little dress with a pink polka dot ruffle and a little hat with heart shaped sunglasses to match...Yall bear with me..I have never had a little foo foo dog before and so it is kind of fun playing dress up with her....I'e gotten so physically out of shape these days I don't buy myself anything cute anymore so I used my sparse wardrobe fund to buy my pup a cute outfit....I am going to put it on her today and hope she likes it.. I actually figured I was going to get chewed out by my brother for getting her but lo and behold he loved her and told me he didn't blame me, he couldn't have left her either....I guess I told that already...
It's scary how long I can ramble about absolutely nothing these days.....hmmmmm
The little dog outfit sounds adorable! I hope the little puppy will be ok with that and like the outfit...I had a dog once that would tear off any cute thing you put on her...even a little bow. Guess she liked being a nudist..heehee.
I'm sorry I couldn't wish one of them well and I just pray that one day guilt strikes them hard ( preferably on the end of their stuck up noses) actually my preference would be for them to become bowel incontinent while in the spa - no more trips there then!!!!!! Me ........Malicious? Oh yes!
I called a hospice agency in this area and asked them how they handle getting a medical bed. It is not a simple case with them. The person I spoke with made it sound complicated and without a wider bed my mother's heart rate would go out of control. I can not put her through something like that because it would be another trip to the hospital. I don't know why they have to make this hospice / medicaid thing so complicated. If you have one then you have to give up the other. My mother needs the transportation she gets through medicaid to get her to all her physician appointments.
I called Social Security 3 months ago to update our address but Medicare still does not have our current address. Once of my mom's physician's office told me I needed to call medicare to update the address or they will start denying the insurance claims. I told the woman that I already contacted medicare and I wasn't going to do it again. It is between SS and medicare and if the bills don't get paid I didn't care anymore. I am done...you have the correct address to bill medicare and I have done my work. I turned and walked away...as she suggested I take a few depth breaths. If I had all the time it takes to set up everything for this govt agency or that one and instead put that toward taking care of my mother I would be a whole lot happier.
I just ignored a call from her case manager from medicaid...so take that! I asked her to call me on the home phone which doesn't cost me anything but she continues to call me on my pay as you go cell phone. Yes, I just reminded her yesterday that it cost me money and asked her twice to call on the home phone. It just goes to show you people just do not listen to your messages or care about you.
Last but not least, I am tired of hearing people who do not help me end the conversation with "and have a blessed day". So so sick of that.
I have to say, as ridiculous as it may sound, it was almost impossible for me to hold myself back from stepping out and helping my cousin..even knowing what I know...but it is sooooo hard for me to not help people...but sadly, people all know that about me and so they sure have no problem dumping their responsibilities on me....and the term "sucker" is indeed right...for I am one...I'm a good sucker...but I'm a sucker...haha
I am loving my Mama so much...I do love her...I hope no one ever thinks I am an ungrateful hateful old 'b" but I miss her so much and I am so ashamed at people in my alleged family who have just disappeared off the face of the earth..and remembering how Mama and Daddy were there for all their sorry behinds makes it even more infuriating...
Shilo...Lord love you...I don't even know what to say...I understand how infuriating, frustrating and every other word you can think of dealing with all the hospice, medicaid, etc. you are having to deal with...now you do know that if your Mom has to go to dr. appointments and such associated with her hospice admission hospice will arrange those, right??? Ours does, folks please speak up and correct me if this is a state thing...but I know when Mama had to have her abcessed teeth removed, the hospice folks arranged the ambulance and everything and she was there and back in LESS THAN AN HOUR...but let me say as well, this was the thing that set about my looking for a new hospice provider as the old one just flat out informed me they weren't going to do anything for my Mama...as she lay here with her head swelled up like a melon...Well, needless to say, I started cussing them and they had to create a new section of ugly words in Websters but those folks found out this meek little sweet southern girl had a nasty temper.....but after I changed hospice providers (and it happened very quickly actually) but the new one started up pulling the same stuff on me...So I had to take off my southern belle bonnet again and put back on my battle helmet....I let it fly...the nurse was here that morning and after she left the house she called them and apparently let them know that I was about to go ballistic on some butts and within an hour, it was all arranged and the very next day it was handled...end of story... why is it we have to show our behinds to make people do stuff for our loved ones...I just don't understand it.....
Katie...yes, I hope she will tolerate the outfits...I already have found a little captains hat and a swim vest for when and if we ever get to go to the lake again.... I also found a cute hat that looks like a little sand crab...and just all kinds of cool stuff...hey...I never had kids...I guess this is my chance....
I heard a 7.8 on the richter scale...or is that sphincter scale....ugh...oh Lord, help me me calm.....
Jude....I love it...may all these fools we deal with" become bowel incontinent while in a crowded spa at high noon" !!!
Hope, those little outfits sound cuter and cuter...a little sand crab...How adorable! This little dog is well loved by you and I am so glad.
I just went to get the garbage can in and found the front of my car has been dented. What a wonderful world we live in when a person can not even own up to hitting another person's vehicle and take responsibility for his/her own actions.
I had such a vivid one this morning. I can remember parts like getting a birthday card from mom with a check in it. My sister "picked" mom up its seems like she was away but back now as she didn't want to miss my birthday.
She said she wanted dad out of that place now (his AL). I remember thinking I cannot cash check as I closed that account and it's now at a different bank and what is she going to think of how I have spent their money? then I woke up. Just a very unsettling dream but so vivid!
Gruesome eh?
I know its only been a couple of mths. since she passed and this is to be expected but I wake up so depressed because of these dreams. You see my Mom didn't ever regain consciousness in the hospital and the whole time she was there and I was sitting there with her I was hoping and praying she would wake up so I could say good-bye. So I understand why I have these dreams. I just wish they would go away.
My hubby is not an emotional rock either. He makes these glib little remarks so I don't even turn to him anymore for support.
And Hope, have you had any stool sample done? This C- Diff is very common for elderly who get long series of antibiotics. They can get better and then have recurring diarrhea until it is treated.
Can you get mom into an assisted living facility or memory care center? You're tougher than I am to have kept going this long and far into things, but we all have a point of having to say "I can't do this anymore". It sounds like your husband needs (not to mention deserves) your full attention.
Several people thought I needed a hug so I received 3 today.
The first was from the UPS driver. He was making a delivery when I found the damage to my car. I went off on hating the area and then everyone, etc. He has seen me before and even handed me his knife once to open a damaged box to make sure the item was acceptable. I turned away from him and said with the way I feel about people these days and I don't know how to use a knife I better open this away from you. He laughed and told me I was alright. (you think?) Anyway, he looked at the damage to my car and gave me a hug.
Second and third hug came when I stopped at the gas station. Someone pulled up in a car and asked if I would buy them some chew because they were disabled. I didn't want to help anyone out, not today and especially not to buy tobacco but when he said he was disabled I said yes. It was easier than to explain I wouldn't buy tobacco for anyone. Did he look disabled? No. However you can not always tell by looking at someone if they are disabled or not. I walked in and immediately went to the register in front of 2 other customers and said to them and the cashier 'help me remember (name of chew), it is for someone outside'. Cashier told me he was not disabled just lazy, he comes in the store all the time. I started crying and the cashier grabbed my hand and told me it was going to be alright. I told him I didn't need this to happen to me today. How can someone use the 'disabled card' like that? I apologized to the customers as I didn't mean to cut in front of them. They were understanding. I wiped away my tears, went out and asked the guy if that was what he wanted and said have a nice day. The cashier made sure I was coming back inside because I didn't get what I went there for myself. He then gave me a hug and one of the other customers told him to give me one from him too. They said that guy would get his someday. Then the cashier asked how my mom was he hasn't seen me for a week...he always asks how she is doing and then asks how I am doing.
Katie...I know it's not funny, but the thought of getting stuck behind a bunch of porta potties sounds about like the story of my life too...If I am not wiping hinies, I am scooping poop or wiping up doggie do....I can carry on a conversation for quite a while about nothing but poo....not exactly good conversation for a dinner date...thankfully the thought of dating is so unappealing to me now that I don't have to worry about that...
I remember right after my Daddy passed, I was always wondering if I had told him I loved him enough...I always told him...always, so much that sometimes I feared I drove him nuts, but I had to say it always...anyway, after he crossed over, I started dreaming that I saw him in the most beautiful lush forest type setting, beside a crystal blue stream...He was so healthy looking and so happy. I saw him and ran towards him and then, just behind him, I saw my kitty, Miss Priss, sitting on a white fence beside him...I had had to have her put to sleep a couple of months before Daddy passed. Anyway, I saw her and I said..."Oh wow, Miss Priss!!!...they do go to heaven!!! and he said..yeah, she's a good cat....and he told me "well kiddo, I have to go"...I called after him...and said..Wait Daddy, I have to be sure you now how much I love you...he told me "yeah, Kiddo, I know...I love you too"...and he was gone....but I woke up exhilerated...I knew he was ok...and my pets were also there...and for a long time I would dream about him so often..and they were wonderful happy dreams. I think they are glimpses into heaven ..and to reassure me that's it's all going to be ok....once I got stronger, the dreams began to subside...and now I don't dream a lot about him, and that makes me sad...because it's always like a visit when he comes....but I know he's ok...and one day I'll see him...but I think it just happens, when God knows we need it most....I believe your Mom knows, and heard your heart before she left this world...but you'll get a message one day..when God knows you need it most...