I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Balls or lack thereof...I'm personally thinking lack of balls. WTF indeed, if I boasted about my IQ in one sentence yet got beat up by someone whom obviously respects his DOG in the other sentence... hehe, well... I'd say the IQ isn't as high as you believe it is. Sounded pretty damn stupid to me. Sometimes I think you are jealous that people can and DO unconditionally their animals and you've never had unconditional love. I am proud of my big pibble. I spend a lot of time with her and trust me, it is me whose been rewarded with her big loving heart filled with trust that I'd never toss her from a truck, yes... I was rewarded for saving her, actually, many times I've felt she saved me during the most horrific time so far in my life. The fact that she may be looked upon as a bad dog or vicious because she's a pittie mix makes me love her even more and makes me think less of those whom IQ's are so damn high they can't find a spark of "love" in their old burnt up backwoods country canning heart. You've been on this website a lot longer than I have... yet apparently you can't read or else you wouldn't have the time to even bother with us animal lovers due to all the sadness and pain that goes on here. There doesn't seem to be an empathetic bone in your body anymore, which is very concerning...I mean, even a "graying" dog wants to do away with your hatred of life. Did caregiving for your mother do this to you? or is just the way you have always been... are people born a**holes or is it learned?
Being a kind person isn't being a doormat. It's being true to yourself and a very good attribute to have. Of course we feel stupid at times for always being the nice one when other's are so stoic and standoffish. Personally I don't care anymore, I will be who I am and do whatever makes me feel good inside. The dynamics of caregiving and siblings is almost unreal at times. We all seem to have went into this with the best of intentions and hopes that help would be there when needed yet more than likely help never arrives. We caregivers suffer from serious psychological trauma if you ask me... the anger and disappointment I feel towards my brothers is just plane unhealthy and I honestly need to let it slip away and be gone, never forgotten, just gone. I mean really now, it's just incomprehensible that 3 grown ass boys, all older than me, could be so uncaring for the ONE person who truly loved them. The more I try to understand people whom are capable of just not giving a shit the more headache I get.... so much easier scratching my big pibs back side... and pibbles do have the cutest beefy butts, and getting her sweet smiley kisses than trying to kiss family's ass just for them to act decent.
Shilo... please keep in touch/informed of what you're doing, God knows we worry!! I wish there was a way to help you with your final task... prayers that all goes well is all I can do from here :)
I have a really silly high IQ and I have balls for other people BUT no common sense and no balls to handle my own fights - although the Lord help anyone when it comes to me fighting for my mom's rights.
As for dogs - not a dog lover but would never harm one and if i did ever feel the love it would always be for a rescue dog AND I would train him/her because as I am sure everyone agrees - well almost everyone - it is not the dog (well not usually) it is the owner - that said I do know that in the past some dogs with mental health issues (yes they get them too) can NEVER be safe around others.
Are people born assholes or is it learned? That made me smile I think we are all born with the potential to be the former but we only become the latter through our experiences and social upbringing
I agree with you on the caregiving - spot on matey - I didn't ever INTEND to do this - I find it hard, damned hard and sometimes noigh on impossible and anyone who tells you different is either incredibly fortunate or is lying.
Much love sweetheart xxx
I find the idea of a video interesting. Can you imagine some of these people watching what we must go through daily? I also imagine my follow up video to all who have failed me looking much like Hope's dream of sitting on a beach in a lovely dress someday sipping a tropical drink with a little umbrella and swizzle stick with fruits in it. Has anyone ever gotten those obnoxious Christmas holiday braggity newsletters? My Mom still gets one of those and we got one too this past holiday, and I am thinking what would ours look like telling of the day to day trials and worries we go through?!!...That would floor them!
I sometimes wonder if my children were less vulnerable to bullies only because they were nothing compared to me. I told my youngest that she had nothing to fear from witches because I was one and I would see them off if they ever gave her any trouble. That may not have been my greatest-ever piece of lateral thinking. Nota bene: it takes quite some time for children to be absolutely sure that there are no such things as witches, so never assume that they will know you are joking.
In my defence, this was mainly the result of early training at reform school, as we described our modest boarding school. The parody of Psalm 23 that goes "yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil - because I'm the meanest goddam' b*st*rd in the whole valley" made a deep impression on me, aged about 12. Way to go, I thought, and it sort of worked.
However. Speaking of matters biblical, there was a knock at the door twenty minutes ago and on a dull Monday lunchtime that can mean only one thing - the Jehovah's Witnesses are back. Fight or flight? [note: I am speaking figuratively - I am always polite to all well-meaning callers, if I can't manage to hide in the utility room in time.] I decided it would be quicker and less fraught to answer the door and plead pressure of business, so I did.
Just the one JW today (they normally hunt in pairs), and she said quickly that she knew I was having a difficult time (the last time we met was the day after mother had died and I was expecting the funeral directors. I may not have been quite myself on that occasion) so she had chosen a booklet specially for me and would leave it with me. Then off she scuttled.
This pamphlet is call "How to Deal With ANXIETY." There are various sections, such as
"The Challenge: Unchangeable Circumstances" which winds up with "Bottom Line: You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you may be able to control your response to them."
"The Challenge: Overwhelming Demands. Bottom Line: If you try to do *everything*, you may render yourself unable to do *anything*."
We also have a beginner's guide to Mongolia, an article about malaria and what symptoms to look out for, and a description of crocodile parenting in support of an argument for intelligent design.
There is even a boxed section cautioning those who are suffering excessive anxiety to seek medical help.
Have the Jehovah's Witnesses been taken over recently or something? Uncontroversial common sense and moderation in argument are not necessarily the first things I would have associated with them.
No I have no plans to join. But this is one call I'm glad I didn't block.
If concerned about current pills one is taking, have on hand the "Physicians Desk Reference" (PDR) book which lists all inactive ingredients in virtually all prescription medications. But take note, pharmaceutical companies have a habit of changing their products.
It was just last year that my Mom told me she can only have pills made by a certain pharmaceutical company, otherwise she has various side effects [no problem with lactose, I got that from my Dad]. I couldn't believe it, it was the very same pharmaceutical company that I had narrowed down for myself. Guess I had inherited my Mom's sensitivity to stuff placed in pills [Mom didn't quite understand about the fillers].
Yesterday was sheer madness, but it came off well. Got up early, went to see mom for about 15 mins, then back home to make the bday cake (pound cake w/mixed crushed berries, topped with whipped cream and berries in the shape of a US flag on top). Yanked all the crapola out of the van that has been residing in there for a few months (haven't had time to clean it out), pulled the seat out, got the other seat slid all the way back and had PT at the NH check out the setup. They helped Mom get into the van using the lift and her wheelchair, and she transferred to the remaining rear seat. Worked like a charm. She was grinning like the Cheshire Cat as we pulled out of the NH parking lot. We didn't go far, just rode around for about an hour, but it was enough to make her happy. She only made one comment about hating to go back and how much she hated it at the NH, but no tears, and she was pretty accepting of it. I ran back home after I dropped her off, rested for about 20 minutes, loaded all the party stuff into the van and then back to the NH. Grabbed one of their food carts, loaded all the stuff onto it and wheeled it out onto the patio. Easy peasy! Had about 15 people show up for the party,which was fine - not too big, not too small. All the sibs showed up, plus one of my kids with 2 of the grandies. Mom received some very nice gifts and lots of cards, which I put up on her bulletin board in her room. I left around 7:45 to go home, and she called me 3x after that, saying how bored she was. (sigh) Can't win, I guess!
She's in far better spirits today - memory still bad, of course, so we're still doing the repeated questions thing, but that's to be expected. But she's not crying and saying how she wants to go home - at least today. She's living on the memory of her party and the nice day she had yesterday. I've arranged to take time off on Sunday mornings from here on out so I can go pick her up and take her for rides every Sunday, or out to breakfast.
Regarding people and their high IQ's...granted, having one doesn' t mean you automatically have social skills..because obviously some people definitely do NOT...but to brag about how high your IQ is and then throw a childish hissy fit because of a "graying" dog...that in all likelihood can't hear or see very well, or also very likely doesn't care to deal with a grouchy ass old coot....well, just by damn get over it....
I turned my filter off today and I think I am going to permanently disconnect it...I often wonder why my Mama raised me to be tolerant of everyone's BS...I am sick of it...as ridiculously childish as I KNOW it was, I did make the comment on FB last night that I was over it...and I already knew after Mama was gone I was on my own....I am not getting many likes, except for a few folks who know exactly what and who I'm talking about...I hope I don't get booted off here..but those can kiss my a**.
The more I think of that spoiled rotten brat 2nd cousin of mine, with her fancy a** lifestyle which has been handed to her while she sat on her butt and lived and was treated like a princess, her Mom (my cousin) posting at least 20 or 30 pics of her every week of her posed like a beauty queen...and the bragadacious sorry uncle (cousin's Dad) whom my Mama put through school, helped buy their first house, blah blah blah and when Mama was within 2 miles of his house he didn't have the decency to go visit her...I want to see him try to blame ME with that one...I wasn't even there because I was two hours away moving my stuff last year...sorry pieces of garbage..I hope they get the message I am done with them all....and yet he will be the first one here when something happens with Mama, with his good Christian manners, wanting to run the show, go to the funeral home, etc...I will tell him so damn fast "LOOK , IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE HAD YOU VISITED YOUR SISTER WHEN IT MATTERED, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE NOW".....
I'm afraid I have for sure been psychologically destroyed...I can feel it...I feel almost suicidal but I'm too angry to be suicidal...
I too have never been on Facebook and have no intention of joining. I don't tweet, scipe or text and have no intention of starting. Email is the furthest I will go.
I also have friends in the UK who regularily send me their post itinaries every Christmas to which I reply "Bully for you" I really don't want to go to Australia for the tenth time.
I do admit to sending a Christmas letter to far away friends with news of ourselves and the family. One set of friends told me they had kept all those letters for so many years.
Hope I think you need to get a bill board and march up and down the street with all the complaints you have. Start with "I hate my family, honk if you agree" and go in for there.
Common Sense is far more important than IQ. A PhD won't do you much good when you can't light a fire.
Shilo many hugs to you. This to will pass.
I also have three older brothers that my mom did everything for. My dad passed away at 44 and Mom work 6 days a week to make sure that everyone had what they needed and sat at the kitchen table many nights helping them with Latin, Spanish, Calculus and architecture. They all have been successful, they have moved to different parts of the country and have at times needed a helping hand financially from Mom and my stepdad. They dutifully made time about once a year to visit when Mom and My stepdad moved to Florida. I moved down about two years later about 1/2 mile away. I had a very loving relationship with my stepdad. He had two adult sons and they also lived out of state, called regularly, and visited with their families at least once a year. My stepdad passed away about 6 years ago. It was very difficult but he had lived to the ripe old age of 91 and he was really ready to go.
When he passed, my husband and I asked my Mom to move in with us, but at that time she felt like it was too early.she continued her active life until she started to notice that she was forgetting things and felt it was time to start going through her stuff, getting rid, giving away, and telling me all the important stuff preparing for her move into our house. When she she was moving, no one volunteered to come down and help pack, or move. All they really did was put in dibs on her stuff!
Now that she is in my house they call less, help less if that is possible and don't offer much support emotional or otherwise. I did manage to get all my blood relatives here for her 90th birthday, which I felt was a major accomplishment.
I am sometimes pissed about their lake of care, but I am glad I have her all to myself!
Enjoying a much quieter work week compared to last week. 40 email blasts sent out Friday. 3 so far today. Huge difference. I'm also back on track with my eating, down 8 lbs since Mom went into the NH 8 days ago. Feeling far better about things compared to 10 days ago, when Mom was in the hospital again, headed for the nursing home, and experiencing Sundowners symptoms in the hospital. Dark days, those were. Things are looking a bit brighter.
I need to crunch numbers and see if I can go to see my youngest son later this year (just for a long weekend), plus need to see how to manage the expenses here at the house without Mom's income contributing. She didn't have a huge income, but enough to cover the house payment, utility bills and insurances, plus a couple other odd bills. I *think* I can do it, but may need to cut some expenses somehow. The grocery bill will drop drastically - I don't need (or want) a meat and potatoes meal every single night like Mom does. I'm good with a salad, or just a bit of protein, cheese and celery stick or cucumbers to munch on to keep me going. I occasionally make something bigger, but not often. I have a freezer full of meat to use up, so that's covered. My grocery bill will drop from over $100 a week to less than $50. Lots to think about and figure out.
I hope to goodness that as she put the phone down she thought "aaarrrggghhh ohmygod please say I didn't just say what I said…" She probably wishes she could bite her own tongue off.
Kids Say the Darndest Things! And hopefully not in public.
Was really tired yesterday so didn't have the energy to do much so I did not see dad.
Just got back from visiting him and was told that he was having a rough day, something about selling his house with his permission- house was sold over 12 yrs ago. People swiping his stuff. Then he was looking out his window and it's a small field for his view and he thought the grass in the field were dogs, something about them having puppies. Eek... Distracted his though as I have a FB friend who is in the area for a hot rod convention. Tomorrow dad and I will go to lunch then dad gets a ride in my friend's hot rod. Hoping he will enjoy that.
Now go make yourself a warm drink congratulate yourself on yet another successful day. Successful? You're still here! xxxx bless you all
Thanks to all that chimed in, in regards to the schpeel about our beloved pets. I harbor no angst towards anyone anymore, not even him. heh, we wouldn't be so diversified if we all shared the same beliefs, thoughts and feelings now would we? My new motto in life is "I don't bother you, please don't bother me". I go out of my way to keep to myself these days...
Susan, mom's party sounded spectacular!! Great job... a special one time kudo's to those who showed up :/ may they continue to do so, right? Yeah...I also understand crunching numbers... I cut back half on everything now that mom is no longer here with me, so I get it. My favorite evening meal is now cereal. Too hot for much else...I am sure you'll figure this out, as long as your beloved mother is keeping occupied and stays somewhat happy you'll be able to concentrate on all the rest.
Katie, do you ever check your messages?
Hope dear... I am with you on the billboard V suggested. Really though, with the new puppy and the other kids not being as happy... it is time you get that respite to find that special peace you normally have. Right?
57twin, I have wondered many times which is worse...your loved one at home or in a NH. A few times I thought AT HOME but when reading yours and others post, I do tend to lean towards a NH. You have to visit or else the guilt will eat you up, least it would me. I'm a chronic "Feel Guilty" person... meh, means I care, right? Lord, I just wish I could get 2 straight days of a decent nights sleep...the sky was lightening before I finally drifted off to a dream filled 2 hours of weirdness this morning, then up at 8.
A few years ago I disabled all "notifications" on my IPhone, heck, I barely let it ring now. If it is that important people do know my cellie #, if not, there is no reason for me to "hear" ping ping ping everytime I get a spam email or someone wants to post about their whatevers... in other words, I choose to participate when I want, even on here, I do not get email notifications. I like to be surprised these days.
Cap ole buddy, stop being so angry. You were and still are a good friend. We don't have to agree on things but I would never trash your way of thinking. All you did was make me give my big pib extra hugs and oh yeah, a few extra mouth kisses coming from you ;)...even early this morning as she's snoring softly in my ear I thought "wow, Cap sure needs a snuggle n snorer" to get him to smile again. hehe
If I heard it I probably would ball. In fact any somewhat sad, melodic songs tear me up these days.
I laughed yesterday. I talked to my sister and she told me she e-mailed the pastor and told him to keep in touch with me cause she was worried about me cause of my grief over my Mom. The reason I laugh is that my sister has a tendency to send angry e-mails when she is drunk and I can imagine the pastor getting one of those. He may regret giving out his e-mail.
Anyhow, I wish you all the best. Even you captain....you grumpy old fart!! :)