My "whine moment today." What's yours?

So sorry for my spelling errors, as I can't see the little blue box to do corrections. I hope you all can figure out what I'm trying to say!

Ya, my parents always said to be serious at the border, because my Mom used to smuggle Good Canadian Sausages to make Saugage Rolls, as our Sausage is too fatty, als those 222's, Codeine tablets for her Arthritis. She never got caught though. A ways back in the convo, some people (Jude) mentioned Black/blood Pudding, ya, they smuggled that too! My parents were from wales, UK, the best parents ever!

Man, I'm so frazzled I lost most of my post. SIGH

Okay.... I was saying just how fantastically awesome you ladies are!! I know you'll understand when I say "I chickened out". She won't give him lots of locals to numb him and cut it off, it's too big. After telling her how healthy he is for an 18 year old, and begging her to o blood work to make sure...( It came back excellent I might add) she said she would knock him out quickly and do it. Hey, what's the worst thing that could happen, he die tomorrow instead of today. Least I will have tried to keep him alive as long as he's not suffering. So in he goes at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

Yes, the hits keep on coming. WHY? I feel like I did something wrong at times.

So my son finally called ( he's still an ass ) but told me had had to tell me something and I'd better "sit down". ARGH!!! Sorry, but I had to tell him if it had anything to do with him, if he was in trouble again... write me a letter. Just can't deal with it anymore. It wasn't him. Apparently, his biological dad had put his name down as an emergency contact. I have zero clue why he'd do this since Josh has chosen not to speak to him ( no matter how I tried ) for 25 years. Now, Josh has several half bros n one sister who could be his twin, why he didn't put them down, I guess I will never know. Apparently, he's been on life support since the 3rd. His liver is gone ( Hep C ) which is causing the other organs to go. sigh. Josh wasn't sure what to do so I called the hospital and got all the details about his dad, then tracked his dads brother and aunt down... tomorrow at 3:00 PMT all of his various Dr's are going to do a conference call to all of us since most are out of state. They want to take him off everything and let it be. Too many organs are beyond repair. So sad. You know, even though I haven't "seen" him in many many years, we talked on the phone and kept in touch quite often. He was even going to come here when mom was at her worst and help me out. I knew he wasn't feeling well at the time and told him I could handle it but thanked him. He called when my mother passed and we reminisced about her. He loved her too. Not even my OWN family has done that, which includes my selfish son. People should never wonder why some choose to step back out of life, enjoy their pets and simple things which makes them happy. See? This is why I have no notifications on my phone, rarely check my emails, heck, rarely answer the phone anymore. If I want to know something, trust me, I know how to find it out vs it finding me. Easier that way.

Stacey, I am in Oregon, more the northern end of it and I LOVE google earth! I have driven all over my old stomping grounds. Lots of fun!!

Shar, you're welcome. I learned so much from these wonderful ladies/men on here, which in turned helped me be a good daughter/carer for my mother... well, if I could have did more to keep her around longer I would have taken every opportunity. 7 weeks and it feels like yesterday.

hehe, I wish the goog ole USA would sell 222's to the public. although, pot os now legal here and for an entrance fee, you can get a free bag of good bud here in Oregon. cept I don't smoke pot...bet it would help me sleep at night though? hmmm....

Susan, how'd mom do today? Did she get moved yet? Good grief but it truly makes me wonder how much she needed you to entertain her everyday plus you had to keep up with everything else?!?!

Oh my goodness..... I just realized I can't visit my Aunt tomorrow, not only is Poochie having surgery and I have that conference call, but I also have a Dr's appointment. All I want to do is smile and find something that is HAPPY to do. Geez though, enough with the unpleasantness already!

Thank you all so much for the advise on my hoarding mother.... She does not have inside pets but feeds stray cats, racoons and a skunk.... So i know she won't leave because of them... I know its an illness, thats what makes it so hard, she shuts down when I say something or hurry up and leave when im there...Its starting to look like I will have to be 100% ready to clean the house and get her out when I call for help... She has a lot of good stuff in the house, so not just anyone can go through it, family antiques and more.... uggg Thank you all so much!

Well, what I thought was Mom having a good day was her covering up her dementia issues again. She was bright and cheery this morning, said she had a good night's sleep, etc. But I received absolutely no phone calls from her today - yesterday, I received 6 calls - so I knew something wasn't right. Talked to the night nurse tonight and found out that Mom *didn't* have a good night's sleep last night - in fact, she didn't sleep at all. She was up and down out of her bed all night long - even with the sleeping pill. So she slept most of the day today, and that's why I didn't get any phone calls.

Ack everyone has had quite a day!
Jude I like Flakes and Orange KitKats. We have a store called World Market and they sell all sorts of chocolates and biscuits from around the world.
Anyhow my friend that gave dad a ride in his hot rod video'd it and posted on You Tube. I watched last night and during parts of it dad looks like he is going to cry, or is scared and confused. What was I thinking....though he said he liked the ride.

There used to be a website called nicecupofteaandasitdown which gave a comprehensive guide to tea time treats around the world, as well as attempting to lay down the law on pink wafers but my goodness they were inviting trouble there… anyway, I'll just see if it's still going...

Oh thank goodness, yes it is, and currently discussing the controversial (in my view) introduction of Lotus biscuit spread. If anyone has time to waste on a pleasant browse, you just add the usual www and dot com at the end.

Jeanette, that's great that his bloodwork is excellent...I had a cat whom I found as an injured stray adult...He had a horribly injured leg and the vet couldn't save it even though he tried..I had never had a cat with three legs but he assured me he could have a happy long life...Fast forward..I had that sweet old kitty for another 23 years...and he had to have some vet work requiring light numbing/anesthesia a couple of times in his much later years and though it took him a little longer to wake up, he did quite fine and that old fella had a very long happy life...Your pibbles could have years left...I'll keep positive thoughts for him.

One of my aunts called tonight..she is a sister to the one who hurt my feelings very badly about two months ago...I know she is waiting for me to bring up that incident but it is not going to happen...and while I have moved past it in forgiving my aunt, I still remember, but I am not apologizing. I still think her refusal to simply confirm what my Mama had told her so I could more easily get the deed on this house fixed was wrong and it for sure was very hurtful..especially her comment about not wanting to hurt my brother...heck, I didn't want to hurt him either..I just wanted to get business handled so I didn't have to do it later down the road when I will not be as here mentally to deal with it...I got it handled anyway, she didn't hurt my brother, but she sure did hurt me and right now it is not a hurt I am going to be able to just forget quickly...

Noooo, hope, Poochie isn't my big pibble!! I rescued Poochie during a hurricane 18 years ago, thus, he's older than 18. Syd is appx 4.

Lotus biscuit spread? Waahhhh..... I have no clue what that is.

hope, I do admire you tenacity.

Ooooh...I'm sorry...I got them confused...well, prayers for Poochie then..try not to worry,...after seeing my vet handle poor old Homer's plight, I saw they're pretty good with the senior kitties and puppies now....thinking good thoughts...and prayers :)

I'm still trying to get the cats and the new pup used to each other...it is not a fast process. A few of them are somewhat ok with her..they are the ones who are indoors all the time..the indoor / outdoor kids are none too happy and they are the ones I have to worry about getting in at night because of the coyotes so it has created a whole bunch of work for me. Nevertheless, as long as I can do it, here she will stay unless someone whom I KNOW and whom I know will take good care of her and would never consider letting her go would have a chance at her....She loves me so much...she is so excited when I play with her...but she continues to be excited when all I want to do is put my feet up and rest a bit and she is too busy licking me or peeing on me to settle down...that is not something I am enjoying...

I hate it when anyone in my family asks me how I'm doing. They all have this attitude that is "Oh Mom was such a great mother and I just think about the good times with her" la de da.....

Isn't it funny how they didn't do any of the heavy lifting when she was alive and now they are all in such a good place now with her memory.

I however am just sad and can't even go to those happier memories cause all I want to do is cry every time cause I miss her so much. Instead I just think about the sad times and the hard times and moments in the hospital when she was dying. I don't know why I can't seem to get past this.

There was one moment in the hospital that I can't stop thinking about. My Mom had been unconscious for three days. We had started her on comfort care so she was morphined out most of the time. But one afternoon when I was with her she just started to moan and I went over to her and said in her ear. "Its Donna, I'm here" She just started to wail and cry and she opened her eyes and there were tears in them. I just kept saying I love you Mom, I love you, it will all be better soon.

I can't stop thinking about that. Why? It just runs through my head over and over. Maybe cause that was the only time in the hospital where i think she really knew I was there and maybe she was crying cause she knew that was her good-bye. I don't know but it just breaks my heart when i think about it.

Gershun...bless your heart. Maybe your Mom was crying because she just loved you so much and at that time that was her way of conveying it to you . I don't know what happens in those final hours but you know sometimes happiness and excitement can come out in the forum of tears too so maybe she was experiencing glimpses from the other side and trying, in her way to convey them to you. I think toy are still just longing for her so much and that is ok. Everyone reacts to grief in their own way. Just try to remember she knew you were there. The others boastings i think are to make themselves feel better but that's something they may have a hard time doing. .they most likely won't show it to you though. .but you were there. Your sweet Mom knew it too.

You cry because in that moment Gershun she realised that to go to her brighter place she had to leave the one person who truly loved and cared for her with all their heart,as you did, behind. This should be in your happy memory file darling...for in that moment she remembered and to be her lasting memory is something so very special xxxxxx

Gershun, I think Jude is totally right. Your Mom was so full of gratitude that you helped her so very much and this was her way of showing you her love and letting you know how much she appreciated all you did for her.
Jeanette, You are in my thoughts and prayers today. So much going on. I like the idea of using Google Earth to go to past places...I did this myself checking out where I lived as a kid, and it was so interesting how much was still there.
I have had a rough week so far mentally, dealing with what is going on with my poor Mom. Also worried about my husband's health though he insists he is fine, and now I have other things going on with potential changes to income, etc. Every day things just fly at me like I am in a tornado. The gloom and rain don't help my mood. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights at times and I don't like that feeling....It is probably a matter of just being hit with too much at once and needing to process everything in my mind...who has time for that!?! Day at a time is all I can do....

Gershun, your Mom's passing was not that long ago. You were such a big part of her life as she was yours after caring for her the way you did. Your are grieving, and the thoughts about that time when she knew you were there, which of course she did, is part of the process. It is normal. When you are ready, seek out grief support. Many hospices offer it as do some churches. Take care of you, take your time. Nobody can tell you how long this will take, it is on your schedule.

Speaking of Google Earth, has anyone tried Google Sky?? My brother showed it to me and it is amazing!!! I am fascinated at the night sky and you can hold it directly over head and it shows you exactly what planets, constellations, etc. are there, move it to this side, that side, etc. it shows you where all the constellations and stars are...If you hold it towards your feet, it will show you the sky on the other side of the world...It's pretty amazing. When we had the recent conjunction, true to it's word, it showed Venus and Jupiter literally on top of one another, so it's all real time...We can't have a world so amazing and me not believe in a hereafter :)

Hope, very cool. Will have to try that tonight!

Im with you Gershun about remembering hellish days and lifting and loading and carrying and wiping and doing a million things you have no desire to do but its the right thing to do,so you do it because no one else will help and youd never let your Mother down,especially when she needed you the most..The others dont remember the bad times because they never dealt with them.They are embedded in our minds forever because we have dealt with each and every problem day after day,year after year.
I am so sorry you lost your Mother.Take good care.

Oh Gershun/Donna, my heart is breaking for you right now, as I to had those moments with my Mom, as I just wasn't ready to let her go. I still just want my Mom back, and its been 11 year's. All I can tell you is that it takes time, though I know that is not much comfort at all. Take care friend!

As I read throu the last few pauge's on this thread, I am amazed at the kindness and caring of strangers,for Gershun, Jeanette, Katie. Lucky, Glas, Hope and Jude, and every one else I missed, but we are not strangers anymore are we, we are warriors, in the good times and bad, trying our best to be there for one and other, and I appreciate you ALL, for all of your kindness through the pain and it makes my heart swell with pride that you all just understand and are there waiting to bolster each of us up, kinder people I have never known!

Gershun, I don't find it at all hard to imagine that when I get round to dying, even if I live to be 110, I will still hate to leave my children "alone" in the world. She didn't want to leave you behind, it's not that she was afraid for herself. That's my bet, anyway.

If you're the sort of person who does this sort of thing, have a word and tell her you miss her but you'll be okay. Not much comfort, I know, but better than nothing and you can always do it when nobody's looking (like I might, for example).

Chocolate dipped strawberries are definitely vegetable, (the chocolate is vegetable, everybody knows strawberries are fruit).

Last nite, i ate pea 4 dnr.
PEA = Phenylethylamine-organic compound in chocolate helps release endorphins & serotonin in the brain.
DNR = dinner

Hmmm I ate faggots and peas for dinner and they were lovely roars with laughter at those who don't know what food faggots are and think I have done something very weird

Jude, I Love Faggots and Peas! Haven't had them in years though. I'll have to get my eldest sister to help me prepare some and have an old fashion English LUNCHEON! With a nice trifle for dessert! YumYum!

Awh, Gershun/Donna, you made tears well up and the way Jude explained what happened made then overflow. It's so hard, especially since your mother never quite became conscious again. Perhaps your inner thoughts are upset that you didn't get to have a true final goodbye? My mother really never woke up either... 5 days she slept solidly. Really rock solid, the dog barking near her didn't wake her up. Ok, so the 4th day she woke briefly, maybe 30 minutes and kind of looked around. Sheesh, I pounced on her immediately asking if she wanted anything, water, juice - ensure? She just kind of looked at me and went back to sleep. Day 5 , well... we've all been told the dying can hear our words but maybe subconsciously we wonder if they truly do hear. I dunno, I'm just babbling on things I think about. We both need to keep the faith that our mother's are fine now. They KNOW we loved them and will miss them tremendously and will see them one day.

Hope, I can't wait to try that app out tonight!!! Thanks for sharing the info!! As far as you aunt and the hurt, well, from what I've seen on here and what happened in my own life, the hurt you receive during the most trying part in your life, well, that hurt doesn't go away, it just hides away on the inside and life goes on. Such a shame though.

Stacey, what part of Canada?

Susan, do you think your mother is beginning to sundown? Unless I knocked my mother completely out, nothing stopped her and yes, she would sleep most of the next day. It was a difficult phase for sure.

Jude, you know I've got to hit up google now!!

OH, the vet called, my li'l old fella seemed to do okay. They pulled four teeth while they were at it. They'll keep him another five hours to make sure...then I can bring him home n give his good ole pampering :) If they hadn't of tried he would be gone. Doesn't EVER hurt to try to make life nicer.

Jeanette, I most definitely think Mom is Sundowning - but it's not consistent right now - only from time to time. Not sure what's up with that. The nurse said she hit her call button repeatedly all night long, begging for a pain pill, when she'd had one, and they gave her a sleeping pill - she still didn't sleep. She was up and down out of the bed all night and running the nurses half nuts with her call button. I didn't get a chance to talk to a nurse yet today about last night to see what happened - Mom said she slept ok, but she said that about the night before too, and that's when she was up all night.

As much as I like the one CNA that cares for Mom in the evenings, she seems all too ready to push Mom into the dementia care unit - she says she thinks she'll do better there. No one else on the staff agrees with that - they all say Mom is *not* ready for that ward yet. (Good thing the CNA has no input whatsoever where Mom is placed.) My own personal opinion is that Mom's physical symptoms are what has placed her in the NH - not the dementia. It's there, yes - but it's not so severe at this point as to require her to be moved to a dementia unit, where there will be many people far worse than she is - I think that would be a bad move, given her depression, etc. That time will come soon enough - no need to rush it. She is, however, going to be moved very soon (possibly today) to a residential room where she has a roommate. I think that will help her outlook considerably...at least I hope so.

Susan, I hope the move will help your Mom to feel better. It may make a huge difference with a roomate. I think my Mom felt isolated in the NH when she was in her room alone,though the staff did try to get her to activities. She felt that sometimes the activities were dumb and would probably have preferred one on one conversations or company.
Jeanette, I am happy to hear the little guy is doing ok!!
Hope, that Google app sounds awesome. I have always been interested in astronomy. There is no place that we can't go even if we can't leave our homes if we Google anyplace!
I hope everyone is having a good day. Mine turned stranger... I got a call from my Mom's friend that her husband was just rushed to the hospital...he fell and hit his head getting out of bed. He has Alzheimer's and Mom's friend has been caring for him but had a stroke from the stress a few weeks ago. Luckily she recovered from that but now this! It has been a rough week for me...too much worrying.

Was so relieved to hear about pet dog's improvement and your efforts at caring.
All the caregivers, too, caring for their people, so grateful, so encouraged!
My dog too, last Oct. 2014, my consolation now is that the 24/7 care we gave was not wasted on my dog. Then, we knew when it was time.
Loving dogs and people, here on this site!