I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Ex-husband may not be as crazy as it first sounds. A friend of mine is POA for her ex-husband, as she's the closest thing to family he has left. They are on friendly terms, obviously. He had a massive stroke recently, and she drove 6 hours to be there as he was doubtful to survive. He did, and she arranged discharge to snf and is overseeing things from a distance.
I'm sorry to hear about the pneumonia coming back. Did your SIL say how your mother herself is feeling (apart from shagged out and fed up, I should think)?
Don't feel bad about the laissez faire approach to the mole - yours is obviously the right approach, unless this particular mole is brand new and munching its way across her entire face or something ghastly like that. In which case I think the medics might have mentioned it, eh.
The level-headed and sensible medic's response to SIL's worry, by the way, would be to get his laptop, open his mole-checker application, and subject mother's mole to a quick identity parade. He will thus be able to give it its proper Latin name, which will almost certainly translate as "entirely uninteresting and harmless common or garden variety accumulation of pigmented skin", and/but reassure patient and relative that he has paid attention. Which is exactly what our lovely, now retired GP did when I hauled mother's undervest up and said "aaaarrrrggghhh what's that?!?!?!?" Takes two minutes and nips horrible imaginings in the bud.
OK. So I'm 600 miles from aging parents, keeping track of things daily, worrying bout the next event. All the chat about cruises and vacations is enticing. My wife's home place is an 8 hour drive north west to UP of MI. We go up every year and I dread it. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful up there but all the cleaning, packing, planning, driving, then reversing the process just about kills us.
We, or should say she, has 2 horses, geriatric dog and mean as hell cat. Wife's sis and BIL graciously agree to come up for a week and take care of the empire, but wife on pins and needles about critters all week and I just know the second we leave I'll get "The phone call" and have to drive (flying to my folks would take about 20 plane changes) 20 hours to deal with God knows what.
And here's the other thing, While on this vacation I will be expected to take part in all sorts of physical, recreational activities like biking and kyacking. (Oh, wife just came in with am paper, handed me full page ad for hearing aids with a 10 question quiz for determining your hearing loss)
So wish me luck and pray for me. If y'all don't hear from me for a while it's cause I was attacked by a moose or drowned while paddling in Lake Superior.
This thread I great. I feel better all ready!
Windyridge, the western UP of MI is my favorite place. I have family there, my parents grew up there and it was where we spent our summer and Christmas vacations. I plan to move there when I retire or when I'm no longer taking care of Mom, which ever comes first. (yes, I know, I'm nuts.) Dip your toes in Lake Superior for me, pick some pretty rocks on the shore, eat a pasty and enjoy the beauty. Make sure you take mosquito dope. They're bad up there this year.
Starting the day out right with zucchini "hash browns", eggs and cheese mixed together into patties. My first attempt at these, we'll see how it goes. I forgot to add any seasoning to them before I cooked them, so I'm sure they'll be a little bland this time. I'll throw some onion in there next time.
I started crunching the numbers for the "new" household budget (minus Mom's income) - it's going to be an interesting year.
I doubt it will develop into anything at her age. But it is on her face where she can see it and may be worried and constantly reminded of it and probably touching picking a it. They will either remove it or maybe even be able to freeze it off or use a lazer. Anyway very simple office proceedure.
My thoughts on vacations are do things that you will enjoy not things others think will be good for you.
I have actually stayed in convents several times. Small closed orders but those ladies are very friendly and they took me out on long walks to do things like collecting used tea leaves to make their own drinks. A friend and I went to one in Dublin where they ran an eldercare home. All ranges of women. We had tea with them and they had baked cakes which we were a bit leery of eating but did not get sick. i guess the baking had killed the salmonella. We did all the touristy thing just went back for meals etc which were plain but adequate. We had seperate rooms and a list of bath times. The meals were silent but you could read a book.
Another place I used to go was in London when I needed some tranquility just for an after noon. there I would help roll bandages etc to send out to the missionaries in Africa. There were a number of older nurses in various hospitals that would save disposable items also to be sent to the missionaries. it was so tranquil and one was welcome in chapel just to sit or participate in the many daily services.
Another thing I personally would consider is to rent a vacation home in the off season and just vegetate for a week. Take any hobbies that interest you. You could also stay on a farm or with a homesteader who offered courses in anything you have never done. Then there are colleges that offer short courses during summer vacation where you stay in the dormitories. As I said I would not go anywhere where there were a lot of jolly people,
About the medical care in Africa. My husband has spent several months in a major hospital in Malawi which is a peaceful country and they are sadly lacking in medical supplies even today. The nurses often don't have gloves and the hospice teams don't have pain medications.. There are many fine physicians there mostly from Europe because it is such a good place to learn about true barefoot medicine. They come for 6-12 months but they are frustrated because of lack of equipment and poorly trained nurses. it is made very difficult for European trained nurses to be allowed to work even on a volunteer basis. Not suggesting Malawi for a vacation although it is a very beautiful country. if you rent a house it come with a security guard.
Wife's mom was a head nurse in a hospital up there for about 100 years. I never got to meet her before she passed but from all accounts she was the character that "Nurse Ratched" was based on. I'm am daily subjected to what I call "Swedish health nurse standards". Wife is a chip of the ol block I think.....
Trips right now are a long way off, but I can live vicariously through those on here who are going....I am actually pretty excited just knowing that Mama is going to respite for a week starting next Monday. That sounds horrible....I know I will miss her, and I will worry about her. But after the day I had yesterday it is an absolute necessity for me to do it. I am making NO plans..I have had a few folks telling me what I ought to do, but like someone above mentioned, doing what I WANT to do instead of something someone else thinks I should do...My preferences are much simpler and more relaxing than a lot of folks and I totally agree with Katie that a cruise would not be the place for me these days..NO LARGE GROUPS OF CAPTIVE PEOPLE. I can envision myself either stealing one of the life rafts and going over board, or just forget the raft and overboard I would go....I am fortunate I was not on a ship yesterday because they would still be looking for me this morning..
Mama actually woke up smiling today, and seemed to know me...So that alone means a much better day. I am just really realizing how totally it controls my mind when she's non responsive...as her mood goes, so goes mine....when she is not alert, it feels like she has left me already....waiting on our nurse and then going to busy myself in the yard for a bit. We had a pretty good storm last night and my formerly golf course quality yard is a total mess...but the sweating and activity is good for my head....hope everyone has a good day
I guess my aim here is twofold, not to cause her physical pain and not to cause her needless anxiety (I should mention that anxiety is my mother's main issue, and was the reason she had to move out of her own home into IL;although she's on antidepressants and antianxiety meds, it remains a problem from time to time).
I met my yooper wife a while later and she splained it to me.
I miss going on vacation. I wanted to take Momthere but she would never be comfortable for the drive or the flight. We were thinking of renting anRV which would be more comfortable, but she has been too sick. The RV would also allow us to take the dogs!
Hope, I am so glad you got the Hospice week in place. Honestly, you were worrying me with all those angry posts!! LOL No one has ever apologized to me either. Thank goodness it just doesn't bother me anymore. With your brother, I think it's his wife that gives him a hard time about coming over to relieve you for awhile. He seems like a nice guy - who is trapped under the "skirt'. I duhno though, this whole cargiver/sibling dispute is just mind boggling to me. There are so many posts about how the siblings don't help, just complain or never show up. Hell, I haven't seen my brothers since mom passed 2 months ago. No one calls to check on me... never in my life did I imagine this all happening when I moved here. I'm sure you never imagined it either... or anyone in that case. Such a shame...
Susan, my bad!!, I did see you'd posted of your moms b-day party and uhm, I forgot, WHICH is why I went to Wal-Mart and bought a giant tub of coconut oil. Good grief I don't want to lose memory :((( hey, lots of people said it helps tremendously so... I jumped on the band wagon :))) ahhh, your poor mother. A colostomy bad? Please tell me it's sealed, right? Egads man, I would find it hard to stay in a room if it smelled like that. Sigh, I feel for you going through this. I know it's hard trying to keep both of your lives going. Glad you decided to "get healthy", I'm trying to do that also. Guess today was my cheat day... I forgot to get coffee yesterday so I uhm, had to go to McDonalds and uhm, well, 2 sausage egg McMuffins later... wahhhh
Katie!!!! YES!! Y'all know I love the water of any kind but beaches are my favorite. 6 days in a beach resort with all you can handle snorkeling, kayaking, eating, drinking and chilling is my kind of vacay. My problem is I don't know many here and ...I don't want to go alone, besides, they all have lives and since I didn't have one for 3 years. I'm kind of the lonely orphan around here. Sigh.
Cleaned moms room out yesterday - sigh, today I will drag the bed back in and put it all back together.
Oh, I have a question about Hospice workers. Do you think they are not allowed to become "outside" friends with hospice patients family? Reason I ask is mom's hospice nurse sent me a text yesterday. Now I thought we had sparked a great friendship and often talked about things we'd go do when I was able... hey, she knows how hard it is for carer's to "get back into life". Anywho, she was supposed to attend mom life celebrations but said she was sick and I haven't heard from her since, so this text conversation goes like this -
Her - Hi, how are you doing?
Me - Oh HEY girl!! How am I doing? A bit unmotivated and lonely, working on it though, at least I'm alive ;) How are you doing?
Her - Do you have a shower chair?
Me - Oh, Ok, I see. Yes, you know I have a shower chair. You should have just asked me that vs. asking how I'm doing. Damn.
Her - Oh shut up, that was an afterthought!!
Her - Does it have a back on it?
Whatever.... then she quickly calls and tries to tell me that they aren't allowed to really be "Friends" with patient's families. Uhm ok. It all just makes me tired so I think I shall attempt a nap.
The sw came in to tell that the Hospice nurse, with whom we had a consult, was asking after mom's condition ( not knowing she was ill). Interesting how mom had been doing quite famously (back to walking a bit last we) and now pneumonia . I guess I could interpret that as a vulture, but I don't think so, I think she was just checking in. Maybe we're coming to a new chapter here. Time will tell.
When mom had her stroke (July 2013), she had an episode the first day in subacute rehab. Right after her first pt session, she became unconscious and unresponsive. They were able to get her stable again, but after a few minutes, one of the nurses noticed me in the room (one of the side benefits of not screaming and crying) and walked me to her office. I sat down and had a good cry and then made sure I had all the important phone numbers I would need "in case". I think I realized that day that we were losing mom by inches.
Jeanette, that is interesting about the hospice personnel not being able to be friends due to some policy of theirs. I have wondered about that myself.
Luckylu, I understand how you feel. I sometimes feel I will never go anywhere again. Sometimes I feel so down and tell myself my life is over and then other days I feel more positive and forge ahead and feel there is a future afterall and that I just need to get my Mom through this time. Today I felt a bit better until I tried an art project that failed and I ruined a lamp shade! Then I thought I had better stick to simpler projects like making pudding and ended up spilling milk all over my kitchen! Perhaps if I just sit and read I won't destroy my house....
However after that relationship is ended if people want to become friends there is no problem with that. As a student nurse i became friends with a supervisor and she was told in no uncertain terms to end the friendship.
After that we remained friends but left the nurses home separately and met up somewhere public and continued our outing. there was only about a four year age difference between us and we remained in touch for many years.
Instead the park services were doing their park beautification today. Almost the whole time I was sitting there, there was a convoy of dump trucks etc.going past.
They finally stopped and then three little boys started throwing rocks at the ducks in the pond. I don't usually scold other peoples kids but there were no parents to be found so just before I left I went and told them off.
Oh well, next time I'll go there on a rainy day and maybe it will be more peaceful.
The tip about the rash and hair dryer my sister told me and it works great if you grit your teeth the first 30 seconds of using the hairdryer.
Hope I hope your respite week is very de-stressing to you and you get recharged.
Of course I am guilty as Instead of stopping in to see dad before work I went to the farmers market and had to get right home after work so get some outside work done before the rain tomorrow and the temps start to rise. I go in earlier to work tomorrow and have a couple errands after so it will have to be Friday. I bet my sister who lives 1000 miles away never worries or feels guilty on not visiting like I do.
Feeling lost, you must be a horsie person. Would you like 2 more? I'll deliver them to your home unless you're in thr UK or something. Seriously though, wife's sis and BIL have horse sat before and know the ropes. Our boys are trained and pretty calm but they can get spooked by the damnnest things and stomp you half to death trying to get away. Wife is limping around with a sprained angle right now.