My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Today was my worse day ever, husband got crazy, tried to kill me. Dementia.
I have nobody around to help.Cant calm down, cant sleep.

Nadin give us some more information. If your husband really tried to kill you, first and foremost you need to contact the police.

What do you mean when you say nobody around to help? If you want people on this forum to help you please elaborate.

I know our first Hospice provider kept more of a distance it seemed, even though we were friendly. My current Hospice provider has been much friendlier. I can understand the need to have a certain distance in some ways...but both our nurse and our aid have given me their personal contact number and have always told me to call them whenever I might need to just talk. They actually seem very much like good friends..much more so that my friends before all this happened. I don't invade their personal time, even though they told me it's ok...but I feel like we will be friends for a long time...Our nurse even told me I was welcome to come and pick all the vegetables I wanted from their garden next week....I have also had other healthcare folks when Mama was in the hospital who told me to keep in touch, keep them posted of Mama's progress, etc. and after she began to get better, I called them, and was promptly met with an almost cold, uncaring greeting...it was hurtful..but oh well....

There is a definite difference in Mama during the early morning and the afternoon and into the evening..like two completely different people...she keeps me running these days...and the digestive issues are getting worse and worse.....I am concerned about there as something seems very wrong...BUT...at her age and given all the circmstances...I would NEVER want to even think of starting anything invasive at this point...I hope I am right in that regard..I just think it would put her through an awful lot that actually could shorten her life, if she was even able to withstand it in the first place...no...just no.

Nadin, I hope you are safe tonight, Gershun is right, call the police! Figure the rest out tomorrow! Take care of You! Stacey B

Gershun..I applaud you!! i wish more people would step up and scold kids when they do things like that. I stayed on their behinds all the time when I lived on the pond but I was not going to sit there and watch them tormenting those poor ducks ...But I caught heck for it all the time..oh well, I didn't back down..so good for you!!!

You know Hope I sat there and watched other adults just sit there and do nothing and I could tell it was bothering them too and to be honest with you if they had been older kids with a chip on their shoulder I may of thought twice. But they were younger and it bothered me so much. I love the ducks on the pond and I hate bratty, misbehaving kids so I said what the hell and told them.

Im so glad you did. We had some really hateful smart a**teenagers at our condo association and as you said they had a chip on their shoulder. I just went for it. Got cursed out a lot but i got rid of em. It wasn't pleasant but i didn't care. I'd more people stood up and taught them how to act we wouldn't have as many delinquents roaming around
.

These days you can never be too careful. Yell at the wrong person and you might get more than you bargained for. If you know what I mean.

But you are right Hope. Upbringing is important. Children need to be taught manners.

Gershwin you are correct! Many years ago, an elderly woman was taking a walk and crossed paths with a teenage boy playing a boom box with rap music on it. All she did was ask him to turn it down and he beat her to death with the boom box and then tried to burn her body to get rid of the evidence. Horrible boy. He was a student at the school I worked at and was emotionally disturbed. You never know

You are right Sharadale. There have been a lot of hateful crimes committed here. Usually by adolescents, guys and girls. Trust me I would not of said anything to these kids if they had been teenagers and there hadn't been any other adults around.

Lucky, I know what you mean about siblings talking about vacation, etc… and there I am sooo envious! When bedridden (vegetative-like) state mom was still alive, they would have the nerve to call me last minute and invite to me lunch. Uhm.. mom and dad are bedridden. Who’s going to be with them while I’m having lunch with you? … Silence on the other side of the phone…. Awkward! I guess they thought that ‘it’s the thought that counts.” Mom has passed away about 2 years ago. Dad is still in good condition where I can FINALLY now travel off-island. I paid with Dad’s money $900.00 for various family members to babysit him while I’m gone. Two of them learned how to change pampers. I’m hoping that dad’s still okay next year. I won a free Delta ticket on a raffle that’s good until next year. Hoping, hoping, hoping….

By the way, when my brothers were around when I was struggling with mom, I remembered snapping at them to help me. One brother was watching me change mom’s pamper all by myself. He didn’t even get up to at least hold mom on her sides while I cleaned her bottom end. However, he did have the nerve to Tell Me While I was cleaning her, How To do It Better. I snapped. Stopped. Turned to him. And said in an angry voice, “Do you want to take over?” His eyes widened, and he shook his head no.

Gershun, just be careful, Even if there are other adults around. I learned this - by watching that show, "What Would You Do?" I learned how so many people will walk away or pretend nothing is happening. There were a few where NO ONE even called 911!! Just be careful...

Had a bit of a rough night. Mom woke around midnight calling for me but nothing seemed wrong, thankfully. She seemed confused that it was the middle of the night. Maybe she thought it was morning already. Needless to say I had trouble falling asleep after that as I kept listening, and feel fuzzy headed this morning.
Gershun, I am glad you spared those poor ducks further harassment. I am always leery about saying anything to kids because nowadays the parent often gets angry at the person saying something to their misbehaving kids. What kind of a society is this going to create...people who can't be told anything will never learn and develop into mature responsible citizens...It is scary. Relatives in Europe tell me it is the same there...kids can't be told anything. Our movies often depict adults as screaming morons and kids see us that way...not good. I wish things would change where there was more respect all around.
I visited the UP once when I was young with my family...it was lovely and maybe someday I can visit again. I do have a list of places I would visit if I could. A long list....

Well I read the posts and when the two lads next door started screaming swear words that I dare not repeat on here I thought ...you know what? I don't need this in my life....so I took myself off to next door - three mother is away for 5 days and they aren't kids they nearly in their 20s. I was polite I asked them to keep the noise down if they were going to swear because my mum doesn't need to hear that and I was sure they could find another way of dealing with issues that screaming swear words at each other. Now the son of the neighbour apologised - he know not to mess but the other lad was visiting and was absolutely vile.....I suspect he didn't expect it back and then some. He called me a f%^&Jing of fat C^&* never a good idea - Ive been called worse in my time. I said I couldn't agree more as you will find out young man, turned on my heel and left with more swearing ringing in my ears. I got home rang the police and they are there now dealing with young man and I suspect the lad who did apologise is going to get a severe ear bashing when his Mum comes home because they will come back to speak to her! Oh how sad!!!! NOT

Through the ages people have complained about how bad kids are today. Have no values, no work ethic and so on. Each generation complains about the previous one. I'm no sociologist but I that won't stop me from giving my expert opinion.

I would argue that over the last couple decades the state of young people has gotten decidedly worse. In the US sex education, planned parenthood have become dirty words. School boards are terrified by the religious right. Parents, many who should have never had kids in the first place, are working two, three or more jobs just to get by. Kids aren't planned they just happen. The world in which many of my generation grew up is long gone: Dad went to work for a good wage, produced all the stuff that we now import from low wage countries, had insurance and a pension, Mom stayed home, kids were given attention and provided for and usually were exposed to decent role models. That life is now gone forever in our new Walmart world.

And it not just the great masses of the poor and unwashed who are popping out sociopathic kids. Some of the worst are the overindulged suburban brats who are terrorizing the neighborhoods and weaker less affluent kids.

So when it's time to Vote got your school board, county commissioners, state legislature, take a look at who is willing to do the right things for future generations, not the person that will only represent a tiny, reactionary minority.

How's that for a whine.............

It's a good one, Windy, but not all that new. I think Plato warmed to a similar theme about three thousand years ago.

What's worrying me about the health of society right now is the hell-for-leather drive for open all hours seven days a week *everything*. In the UK they're about to relax retail regulations so that 24/7 opening will become the norm. On top of that, our Dear Leader - who, to be fair, has substantial personal experience of caring for a sick child - is throwing his weight into a fight with the doctors' unions to enforce 7-day working on senior hospital staff (good luck with that. Trying to force these people to do anything they don't want to doesn't usually end well).

At first sight, whoopee. We can shop at three in the morning if we want to. We can break our leg on a Friday night and expect a top orthopedic surgeon to attend us at the double. But what bothers me is not just that we're becoming a society that never sleeps; it's that we seem to be destroying all sense of collective rhythm.

I know it's not fashionable to approve of the ten commandments, or the direct equivalents thereof that are common to *all* of the major religions as far as I can tell; but there is a good reason why a sabbath of some sort appears in every one. Healthy societies work to an accepted pattern, and give their members a schedule for work, reflection and rest.

Take away structure, and some people will take constructive advantage of their additional freedom of action - and others will be lost, and get into a mess, and never feel sure of how they ought to be organising their time. I haven't done the research so I can't say; but I suspect that the majority of average, normal ordinary people fall into the latter category.

And our politicians have just awarded themselves a 10% pay rise. No, really, they have.

Some guy named Plato huh...Is he on this site?

Yeah, the sabbath. I'm not religious but always liked a day off. One of the many in the republican clown car primary race, Jeb Bush, (amazing that another Bush could be president ) made some sort of noise that Americans need to work longer hours.

My think that my husband worked himself into his heart condition....these companies are all into overtime and more overtime, and don't care about the workers....If they keel they will just get another temp worker and on it goes. What they are about to see is that many of the indulged younger generation does not want to work hard, and they sit on their devices any chance they get. The older workers are burning out....production goes down, management howls for more overtime thinking that is the solution to it all yet makes it worse, and it becomes a mindless cycle, and they never see that the company did so much better before when the workers were treated better and given time off to rest and recharge. When did humanity get so stupid or was it always this way???!!!

Jude, whenever I hear of extremely stupid behavior from kids like this I picture the person that is attacked being the boss when this kid comes in for a job interview one fine day.....and saying.."yes, I remember YOU young man!" Or being the teacher in a class this kid wants so bad to get a good grade in, or the kid waking up in an ER and the person that was attacked being a doctor or nurse he is dependent on and then the kid realizing how very stupid and self damaging that outburst was......

bookluvr,
Every weekend,these 2 boys in their 60s go hiking and then on Sundays,they show Mother all the pictures on their phone of the pretty waterfalls,swimming with their dogs,laughing with friends in the sunshine having a wonderful time.While luckylu "gets to" do a million chores in pain,staring at death before my eyes 24-7.They have always been extremely selfish and seem to enjoy hurting me over and over.They both own one third of this home of my parents.They never do anything on the yard or home for its upkeep.My husband does all the yardwork and they dont even thank him.I can only pray God has seen and heard it all and they can tell their lies to Him or maybe there is karma.But Mother has always been able to count on me to come through for her and I will have few regrets.Tonite marks 1,100 nights Ive slept on the couch beside Mother.
Sorry you have a selfish brother too.Hope you are able to get off the island....Mothers calling!

On Saturday, June 13 - the 21 year old son of neighbor home on leave from Army in his 2014 Black Dodge Challenger with fancy rims and fully loaded with all options package popped the curb two houses down in our neighborhood, took out their brick mailbox and traveled across two lawns before crossing our lawn. He gouged one of the trees in our front yard as he drove between the tree and our brick mailbox to finally hit my car broadside in our driveway next to my husband's truck. He hit my car so hard it knocked car and truck sideways into neighbor's yard on left with vehicles ending up at 45 degree angle to original driveway. He then spent the next 2 hours complaining about his car while my husband cleaned up the debris field in our yard. Needless to say, our vehicles were totaled. He followed that up with trying to grab broom from my husband when 21 year old got nagged by mom and stepdad (who finally showed up). My husband after 2 hours of this had enough. He told the 21 year old to get the F* away from him. Mind you, cops are on scene and our yard is full of people with cell phones in case the white cops were mean to the poor 21 year old (any guesses). 21 year old responded that no one could speak to him that way, that he was gonna beat my husband's a**. At which point my husband informed the cops that the 21 year old could go to jail with an assault charge. The cops could not find anyone in the neighborhood who would admit to seeing the 21 year old driving the car including his 20 year old passenger, so they could not take him in for DUI at first. Cops took 21 year old to hospital first (him protesting that he was not drinking, well not drunk, well maybe a beer or two) for busted chin. My husband finished cleaning yard, signed complaint, and all the looky-loos with cell phones left. No show! Polite cops, jerk 21 year old. Later cop calls my husband to say 21 year old had alcohol, PCP, and prescription mix in his system - thanked my husband for giving him reason to get 21 year off streets. When mommy went to bail him out, the 21 year old had MP hold on him from the army and could not bail him out. All the rest of neighborhood has heard since is how awful it was that he had to stay in jail. So where do you think 21 year old learned his entitlement and narcissism? PS 21 year old grandparents apologized to my husband. the mother and stepfather never helped clean up and have avoided us ever since. So 21 year is getting hard BUG lesson but we were the windshield. Just painful for us.

Where I used to live, it was originally a owner occupied property and it was written into the Buyers agreement when I bought my condo that was part of the deal..OWNER OCCUPIED...Shortly after I bought my home, they began to sell to developers who promptly started doing section 8 housing and for whatever reason, there was absolutely nothing we could do about it....not only section 8, but just as problematic were the wealthy parents who bought these condos for their college student spoiled brats who would have parties all night, take up 10 spaces (we each had TWO alloted to us)...we have the sorriest excuse for a manger of anyone who ever hit the planet. I lived right on a small pond and you could literally spit from the patio into the pond..(If I was disgusting enough to do so)...but long story short. I had to endure a whole lot of crap off of every arrogant, lazy, low life, most of whom did not work, or were living off their parents income and partied all day and all night...I spent most of my "down" time, being cursed at, peeped out through my windows...staying on a**'s of folks who threw rocks at the ducks, smaller kids, etc. I got called every vile name on the planet and many times parents of the kids who did live there would come over to chew me out..by the time they left they did not come back again. Finally I got a neighbor who was just as fed up and outspoken as I was about the goings on there and that made it easier because I had backup...police were called all the time but we were constantly told that because they rented there was nothing they could do to them...if they lived there they could fine them...wth????? it was stupid and infuriating...I hate to sound like a lot of folks out there who gripe about the younger generation but truthfully it's not just the younger folks either, the whole world seems to have lost it's mind...people are just rude, tacky, stupid, childish, spend way too much time harping on junk that doesn't matter and have forgotten how to be good decent citizens. When I was a kid, had I behaved the way ANY of those people behaved down there, I would have feared when my parents got hold of me. But now, just as down at my house in that college town, parents are a part of the problem...when a parent can stand there while their smart a** kid calls you a "stupid idiot C-word" and the parent backs them up....you know you're dealing with jackasses....

That particular person however pushed the envelope too far with me and after he threatened to kill me in front of some of the other neighbors I let our property management know that if he came near me again or I was injured in any way I was coming after all of them legally because we had all dealt with that crapola for way too many years...That man and his family had to move....When I remember a lot of the stuff that happened down there, it makes me actually happy that I am no longer there...you should be able to come home and have some peace..if you can't be at peace in your home then you need to find somewhere you can.....I had lined up several folks who were going to take the ducks from the pond because I did not want to leave them there to be tormented in my absence..Sadly, the second I had to move home, our property management came in and "relocated" the ducks...(things is, it is illegal to relocate muscovey ducks here) I found out they had in fact killed my ducks...It almost killed me.....but they will get theirs one day..I hope...the only solace is, from what I understand, they were given something that made them just go to sleep....I pray that is true because as horrible as it is...being stuck at that place and tormented on a daily basis, being injured and left to fend on their own.....would have been worse imo...

Kuddos to you Jude! I love our take no prisoners mindset.. :) And I agree we have to be careful...but I have to tell you, I've had to put up with too much garbage in my earlier years to take it now....To be honest, most of the people in that neighborhood did not like me because they knew they could't get away with their crap near our home...but there were a few who were very sad to hear I had to leave for good due to my circumstances because they said the neighborhood would be gone to heck soon..and sure enough...it has... :(

guest...holy smoke...just reading your post made my blood boil...I feel so bad for you both...and without getting too cranked up on that issue that can't be discussed...I for one am sick and tired of having to put up with that mess. Can't say anything to em, can't do anything to their self entitled, lazy, worthless behinds without being called all kinds of names..sick of it..sooooo sick of it. We had to put up with a bunch of that mess. so I know how infuriating it is. So glad the MP got involved and kept his sorry worthless behind in jail. It makes me sick even thinking of someone like that in our military...Hopefully yall had insurance to cover the damages...you sure have plenty of grounds to sue...if you're like me, you just want to get back to business and not have to deal with him again...but wow..wow...just makes me livid for you....

lucky...bless your heart..I can identify with you too. The last time I was away from this house overnight was April of 2012....over 3 1/4 years ago...insane....but the last time I did it, my brother started calling so much the last day of my break that I was angry and a nervous wreck by the time i got home so that was it for me.

Guesshopadmin, Guess that fancy vehicle will be repossesed now!!!! What a pity. Hope your insurance pays up prompto. Infuriating.
Well as a former employer I know exactly why they go for the overtime rather that hiring extra workers.They don't pay benefits to the part timers
and the extra work the full time people do does not increase the costs of their benefits. Nothings fair in this world, but probably never was.
I too would keep far away from other peoples kids but if i saw them throwing rocks at the ducks I would walk a safe distance away and call 911. go Jude go you know your neighbors and it sounds as though the kids actually have responsible parents.

guestshop, wow, I mean just WOW!! What an awful scary night that must have been!! Pretty sure his parent's are ducking you because they are actually ashamed of what he did. Nice that the grandparents stepped up though. Was he ever charged and held accountable for all the damage? again, wow...

Thanks for the replies on the hospice nurse. I can't say too much about her because she was so great with my mother, they all were. The reason it's so hurtful to me is SHE was right beside me as my mother took her last breath. She explained very quietly what was going to happen in then next 30 minutes. She had tears flowing down her face as did I. She new I was afraid of being alone when my mother passed. So yeah, I just found it hurtful since she's always going to be special to "me".

Hope, I am wondering if while your mom is at the respite house they might come up with a reason why she has runny bm's and maybe fix it? Wouldn't that be nice?? Does your mom understand where she's going? Mine didn't...

lucky, I always have to chuckle when we talk about our siblings, especially when they are in their late 50's n 60's. They are NO longer boys but men yet they act like boys when it comes to helping out. Since I'm 9 years younger than my oldest brother I will always think of them as boys... since apparently their emotional mental level is that of boys.

I don't like bratty kids either. Gershun, I would have told them off too. Some kids find such joy in torturing animals. If it wasn't against the law and I'd get in trouble, well, there's been many a bratty kids I would have loved to take aside and torture them as they tortured the animal.

Ok. I need to figure out how to get a life here in this small town. Suggestions?

Thanks for the good thoughts. We got fair money for car and truck but since both were paid off, we now have car payments. Didn't want to get a used car - we are still paying off hubby's last truck repair from April after truck is gone. We have same insurance company so parts are fine - adjuster for 21 year old is an airhead and didn't understand what kind of property damage we might have incurred when his Dodge ran across our yard with a load of bricks from mailbox? I may change avatar to car pic sometime. We will be ok, but yes, kids these days....I must say I included the note about cell phones video-ers because it just drove me bats. They weren't there to help clean up, or to see if we were ok - drama to post to the internet to feed some bias. I can see based on parents where the narcissism came in - the grandparents were great and helped Robert. Even tried to defuse the situation when 21 year old went off. But to no avail. 21 year old was bound and determined to be that bug and he hit the windshield of my husband. The cop was also glad that my husband - who has a concealed carry permit - did not go inside and get it given the rather ugly nature of the video-ers. I quote - I would not have blamed you given the diarrhea of the mouth, but I'd rather not do the paperwork. We will be ok. Thanks for letting me whinge a little:)

Jeanette..no she doesn't really understand anything...I think it is best to just tell her as they come to get her that she is going to get to take a little change of scenery for a few days while I do some things at the house and leave it at that. i don't think she really knows if she is here or there or wherever...

I am going to talk to the nurse again about the BM's...but for one thing, since all she has is the totally ensure diet, even with added fruits and such, blended..but all she "eats" is what she drinks...so they have told me repeatedly that she is not going to have anything other than the loose BM's...I don't fully buy it because I know at some points it has not been that way. Without being more graphic than I already have been here at lunch time..(sorry folks) but in all honesty, the odor of this situation is similar to what I have smelled in my rescue efforts when dogs have parvo...and I'm not joking...that is the closest way I know to describe it. I have been doing this so long I am not squeamish by any means, but it is almost unbearable even for me...it is horrid. I have long feared colon cancer...as her abdomen is always puffy and swollen. I have pointed this out on many many occasions, even before we were on Hospice when she had her regular doctor. I am guessing at her age they know there is nothing that would be doable that would not be even worse and cause even more pain. She has moments of smiling and laughing a little but not often and by no means anywhere near how she used to be when we would joke and cut up. It is horrible...it is killing me...the sadness is completel overwhelming to me and it feels like I am being eaten alive by something I cannot describe...I went through losing Daddy for an extended period and that was horrible as well...but he didn't get this way until right at the last...This has been almost four years of this and the past year and a half has been especially bad...kind of like dreams I used to have as a kid where I wold see my Mama or someone close to me sick and I would be crying uncontrollably in my dream and it seemed to never end and then finally I would wake up and be so glad it was just a dream..But this is not a dream and is all too real..The pain is almost unbearable...And not wanting to get back on my woe is me jag again...it is just about more than I think I can take anymore....I sometimes wish I would die so it would just end.

Jeannette why not start a club hun - see if there is any interest you could meet at a local park or a cafe to start with.

Lu if you keep this house together girl and you do all the upkeep them let me give you a kick up the arse - when are you going to send them the bills?

You may think ah but I live there free - YOU DO NOT. You living there is not even remotely compensated for by the work you do for your Mum - I record my work just in case I need to prove anything - last week I did over 92 hours one on one care/support/house hunting for her not including the laundry, the dishes, the cooking cleaning and gardening so please don't tell me you get to live there free.

You need to have a little chat with them about sharing. Now as I see it they have 2 choices well possibly more.
Either

PLAN A
Mum pays you to care every week for the hours you do over an agreed amount (Count number of siblings note how many hours you do divide total number of hours by total number of children (include yourself) and that's YOUR hours - your contribution - she gets that care because you stay in the house free - if you contribute financially then that is ruled out completely and plan B comes into play).
Or
PLAN B
she pays you for every hour and you pay her rent to stay there. Caregiving can for some people be financially ruinous and it is not wrong to want payment...moreover it is wrong NOT to want payment. So either there is a payment made from Mum
OR
PLAN C
They pay you to do their share of the care ....now they don't have to pay you money they could pay it you on Mums death when your bills could be enacted as a larger share of the house - but either way you are not left destitute while they have lived the life of Riley enjoying themselves.

Caregiving is not a fairy tale like damned Cinderella - Its bloody hard responsible work that deserves to be honoured by all who receive it and all who dump their share onto their siblings.

Sorry to makes me bloody furious when siblings do sweet all to help then expect a full share as a bloody right. I would rather leave my home to a dog shelter quite frankly than let them have any part of it...but I suppose you're going to tell me how she thinks the damned world of them and yet treats you like Cinder effing Ella (seem to recall that line from pretty woman film)

Sorry for ranting Lu but I feel very strongly about this 'do it for love' garbage - it's a job; it takes the place of the job you used to do so you MUST get paid for it.

Hang on let me come over there and march in front of the White House with you all

Geustshopadmin, OMG! That is just horrific, I am so sorry that this happened to you both, and that you were so disrespected! I hope in the end, that the punishment fits the crime! Sue him. You bet! Time to grow up and face the music, and he a member of our Armed Forces! He is certainly entitled to enjoy his leave. But should certainly know better, and be held accountable for what complete and utter havoc he has committed. I'm sorry you were an innocent party to this disgusting behavior!