I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Gershun, I'm with you on the kids' behavior - and sometimes, an unknown adult giving them heck about it can make all the difference in the world. I was grocery shopping once when a young girl, about 10 years old, quickly slipped around the corner ahead of me, hid behind one of the cardboard displays at the end of the aisle and started making quick jerking motions with her arms (which was all I could see). Feeling this wasn't a game of hide-and-seek, I strolled over to see what she was up to back there. She was quickly ripping open a package of ink pens (fancy frillies, I call them - pens that really serve no purpose but are just pretty), and stuffing them in her backpack. I was outraged - I immediately confronted her and said rather loudly, "DON'T YOU TAKE THOSE! YOU PUT THOSE BACK RIGHT NOW! SHAME ON YOU!!" She was scared half out of her skin, I think - she went absolutely white, then absolutely red in the face, stammered an apology, dropped the pens and ran out of the store. I can only hope it had a lasting effect and she never tried it again.
Susan, does your Mom qualify for Medicaid, VA pension, or some other grant? My mom was divorced from my father, and her social security increased when he died because they were married more than 10 years. She didn't apply for it and it was not an immediate gimme. Mom got it because my stepmother (who my father divorced to *protect her financially* from all of his escapades - the psychiatrist who needed therapy) applied when my father died and didn't qualify as she was married less than 10 years. Stepmom pushing the issue irritated the social security person who investigated and found that there was a former wife who was qualified for the extra social security but not stepmom. Yark.
It's no fun going through your parent's stuff alone. Actually it sucks and is very sad. Basically it all boils down to it's just "stuff". Even all the old pictures of them when they were little, sure I love to look at them but it's just stuff. When I'm gone I doubt they ever get looked at again ya know? My SIL told me a month ago that as soon as her parent's left from their visit she would help me go through everything.... not a word from anyone, just silence. So I am trudging through it alone. No one better ever ask what happened to what since it seems to be always me that makes decisions. God what a headache it gives me...
Hope honey, I am so sorry you're going through such a rough spell. We all know what a strong woman you are, and this too shall pass. Keep your chin up sweetie, we are here if you need us and you know how to contact me if you need to actually talk vs type. (((hugs)))
I'm also having to go through things on my own, Jeanette, even though Mom is not gone yet. My siblings apparently don't want to go through Dad's stuff at all, so I've been going through and sorting out/storing items they may want later. Not fun. You know what gave me the worst trouble? His dresser drawer containing his red handkerchiefs, which were a constant thing with him - always one at hand. Not sure why that bothered me so much, but it did.
Guestshop, are you sure about that SS thing? Mom qualifies for Medicaid because she's in the NH, but when Dad died, she was allowed to keep the larger of the 2 SS incomes, which still left her about $400 short every month of paying the bills - so I've been picking up the shortfall. Ironically, it will now cost $400 more for her to stay in the NH in the private room every month.
Mom grumbles to me about the mess around his desk and his chair because she keeps things so very neat and organized. Usually all I do is pick up "stuff" that has fallen onto the floor and underneath Dad's recliner... pencils, pocket notebooks, ruler, eraser, warranty booklets, photos from the 1930's and 40's that are 2"x2", empty pill bottle, paper clips, several magnifying glasses. Well, it will have to stay there, I physically can't get down and reach for stuff right now.
I heard on the t.v. one day that this instant gratification people get from Smartphones etc. is giving everyone Attention Deficit Disorder. Everybody wants it now, now, now. Kids have no patience with adults or each other. We've lost the ability to communicate. Its sad actually when you think about it. I remember when I was young we spent every minute we could get playing outside. Our Moms used to have to call us in at night. Now kids are playing on their smart phones, computers etc. There is even a game called Duck Hunter I think where you shoot at ducks. Thats probably where those little pukes learned their behavior from yesterday. Ah well. I'll get off my soap box now.
Hope I'm sorry you are having such a bad time. Just remember to take a deep breathe every now and then. I remember when things were really bad with my Mom my breathing became really shallow. I was always in a state of panic.
I nearly passed out once when we had to take Mom to the hospital cause she had fallen. So its always good to breathe. Sounds obvious but you would be surprised what some good deep breathes can do for you especially when you are stressed.
I hated visiting her there cause I felt so sorry for her. Just thinking about it now brings it all back. Ah I miss her so.....
Hope, in addition to breathing evenly when under stress, make sure you stay well hydrated. Iknow it sounds like an obvious thing but I often forget to drink enough water when I am running around. Gershun is right in that it does make a difference and it is easy to forget to take care of ourselves right now.
Also, speaking of smartphones, I just saw a report that says people who use them for over 60 min a day seem to suffer more depression than those that don't. How true these studies are I wonder, but it would explain some of some people's odd behavior.
I've notice since my boss has had one of those Smartphones he tends to be very abrupt with people. Half the time I can't understand what he is saying and that puts him on edge, but where he is calling has too much background nose. Call me back on a landline, please.
Ba-da-bum.
As we'd just discussed yesterday's residents outing to lunch, she knows she's able to get out. So what she was telling me was that I, as her daughter, should be getting her out more and that's why she's depressed. I calmly told her that in addition to my mom, I also have a 94 yo FIL to aid and a husband with ongoing health issues and a fulltime job. That I was doing what I was able, as best I could. She backpedaled a bit like she didn't mean to be putting me on the defensive, but I don't think she was expecting me to be ready for her subtle little tactics. The others in the room stepped into the moment and moved the topic on.
I'm glad she has people who really like being with her, it makes her feel good and they enjoy her. But they have absolutely no idea of what had to transpire to make me go low contact. And even at that, I'm eating Pepcid. We've turned ourselves inside out trying care for her, make her happy, for years. And at the end of the day, all the world sees is that this delightful little lady is so sad because she had such neglectful, uncaring daughters.
Sorry for the pity party. I just want to resign. And all my gut wants is oatmeal.
Then there are the private rooms - which, when I showed one to Mom, she seemed to like. I think she likes being able to see out the window and leave the curtains open or closed - her choice. Also, she can watch TV in this private room without disturbing anyone else.
Sorry to hear about your wife's sprained ankle. Spooking is just part of being a prey animal--run first, ask questions later.
Before Dad moved here he made noises about how he'd enjoy going out to the barn, be involved with the goings on. Not. He's wandered out a couple times when we had guests over riding, but mostly he sits in his room and watches out the window with binoculars. Complains about how much time we spend with the horses and how they are top priority.
On a brighter note, he fixed his own (leftovers) supper for the second night in a row!! He's been complaining about how late I serve, I finally told him "there's leftovers in the fridge & tv dinners in the freezer, if you want to eat earlier help yourself". He just kept on grousing, till now. Not expecting it to last, but nice while it does.
oh well.
My Dad keeps saying he needs a physical, even though he recently had one. Doctors find out everything they need through blood test. No more reading the eye chart. No more walking a straight line, or touching your nose with your arms out and bending your arm to your nose. No more fluoroscope [sp?] x-ray. Dad apparently misses those types of physicals.
He's a big fat guy and he was so red in the face I thought he was gonna stroke out. I did have the good sense to hold my tounge until AFTER the prostrate exam. I'm not a total idiot!
Mind you I have worked as a medical office assistant and it is a struggle when you are scheduling patients when someone takes longer at their visit than was expected. We were told to always schedule elderly people at the end of the day or just before lunch seeing as how some elderly patients like to talk. Its sad actually, some old people just go to see their doctors cause they want someone to talk to.
But I agree that the idea of some random data entry clerk thinking "oo that's interesting" is a new low.
I am seeing that our family doctor likes to immediately farm patients out to specialists, even if it is just for something simple I think he could prescribe. It may be a matter of lawsuits as the symptom could be a cold... or something worse, so the specialist visit is scheduled and then weeks later you finally get relief with a suppository or prescription for something simple that could have been handled much sooner. Then there is the billing codes system that does not allow for the human condition. No flexibility and if something doesn't fall intoa certain category they get all confused. Sounds like they need better computer programs to allow for individual cases.
Susan, I think the single room will be best considering the experiences with a roomate. She will have her own space and can watch the TV when she wants, and most importantly look out the window! She can always go out of the room if they have an activity or a lounge area within the NH for interaction, yet have the privacy of her own space too.