Follow
Share
Read More
Gershen, Your Mom must have given you a great sense of humor too. Keep that, always. Hugs to you tonight.
(2)
Report

How come I am more tired now Mum is in hospital than I ever am when she is at home? Ah that would be the packing the endless 4 hour visits to the hospital the total reversing of my sleep pattern and now I am 'not doing anything' everyone else wants a piece of me. Son - could I babysit - NO daughter could I help her do the garden - NO Mum 's friend would I drive over and sort her oven out NO

I AM TIRED
(4)
Report

Jude, I often feel like I am on auto pilot and if the caregiving were put on hold or stopped that I would just sleep for days on end. The last time my Mom went to hospital and then the nursing home for rehab I did sleep 10 hours straight without waking up once. Try to get some rest when you can. I know this feeling of never in my life before having been this tired.
A couple of years ago I dyed my gold blond hair a rich medium brown and put blond highlights in... It looked nice but it was hard to maintain so I went back to the blond...Sometimes I think I would like that frosted look from the 60's as I think there is a lot of gray under there lately from all that I have been going through and that might be a way to blend it all in. I had red hair for awhile when I was in my early 20s. I like reddish blond...I think they call it strawberry blond too. I don't think I would want a tattoo though...I am always changing my mind about things lately and that is so permanent. My dermatologist would freak out. He had to treat a young woman once that got a tattoo and she had a bad allergic reaction to the ink and ended up getting skin grafts etc.
Well, I had better get my day started. I hope everyone has a good day.
(2)
Report

Jesus, Jude! They're all a bit quick off the mark aren't they??? Hugs to you - I nearly nodded off at the wheel on one trip to visit mother after Christmas, and then realised that wanting to spend every waking hour at her bedside did not mean that I could physically stay awake at every hour. Do take this opportunity to get your sleep pattern sorted out - you'll be glad you did once she comes home and it all goes to h*ll again…

How's she getting on?
(2)
Report

Jude...why is it that once folks know you aren't at home taking care of your Mom, they suddenly think, oh, now she can help ME with all my crapola....I am intentionally NOT letting folks know I am putting Mama in respite next week for that very reason. My cousin has already mentioned she has a doctors appt next week but she thinks another cousin is going to take her...yay..she doesn't need me then..

I have a feeling if folks knew I was off I would suddenly be having to fend off a bunch of plans of everyone else but me. I am not meaning to sound like a jerk, but this time if anyone finds out and starts planning for me I am going to tell them thanks, but I have not had five days to myself in almost four years and NO......

Since Mama seems to be at a pretty good spot right now, I have to admit it almost feels like I am going on vacation...even if I go nowhere that is how it feels....I really put forth the effort to get all the boring stuff done this week, so I could hopefully get a few things in that are enjoyable. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I sure have traveled the world in my head already....

Katie, I went nuts and dyed my hair a dark brown about 15 years ago and it turned out a fly green....literally, it was so dark it looked green like those nasty flies when the sun hits them....Absolutely horrible....I won't go that route again...but I do think I would enjoy a pretty auburn red because it wold go with my skin tone BUT now that I have grayed excessively the past couple of years I know how quickly it would be before the gray would start showing. I am lucky that my gray is more of a platinum blonde like my Mama's so it actually blends nicely with my "real" hair and I am even considering just leaving it alone and letting it do it's thing and be done with the coloring...I like being me.....Then all I'd have to do is keep it shaped up...

Ah tatoos...I always wanted a tiny butterfly just above one of my boobs and a kitten's pawprint on my ankle. The pawprint would probably still be ok but by now the tiny butterfly would probably look more like a luna moth that had kind of melted if you catch my drift...

Brother is coming today instead of tomorrow because that fits HIS plans...I don't even think about it anymore...I told him you know I'll be here, we'll see you whenever...at least today I know it won't be but a day or so and I'll finally have a little time to me.....
(4)
Report

Mother made it through the night and it looks like well get another day together,Thank God.I hurt all over so bad today from a fall I took yesterday.One of the surgeries I need is on my right foot.I havent been able to wear a real shoe since May 2014.The surgical shoe I wear broke and my husband went to the foot doctors and got me a new one.I was happy for a minute with it,until I hit the linolium floor hard in the kitchen and ofcourse I hit my already bad shoulder and wrist.Ive got bruises all over but I am so grateful I didnt break my right wrist I need so much.What hurt even more than the fall was that my brother was here and saw me fall and he didnt even say "are you ok?" or anything.Why he hates me so much for doing the right things in life,Ill never know.Anyway,back to my chores.Hope you ALL are getting through your day.Thanks for being here.
(2)
Report

Geez, lu, what is with your brother? Was he too shocked to react?

Anyway, I must say that this reminds me that we are not twenty-somethings!!!!!!!! We are sixty,seventy-somethings taking care of eighty and ninety-somethings!!!!!!!
(5)
Report

Lucky, please be careful. I am hoping you are not hurting from the fall. The brother is another story...some men think that if they ignore something like this well then maybe it didn't happen. His behavior may very well come back on him someday as that is how it often works. Someday if he falls on his bum someone else may look the other way or even laugh at him....

Hope, I had my hair turn an odd shade of greenish once when I put some henna in it a zillion years ago when I was about 20. It finally faded and grew out. Now it probably wouldn't make a difference. I saw a cashier in the grocery store this morning who had turquoise hair! I like the color but not for hair....prefer the colors nature intended.
It does seem like people think we caregivers are pushovers that when the person we are caring for is not with us then they can dump on us. Our time to ourselves is precious! This is where I would really start screening my phone calls and emails!
(2)
Report

All this hair talk has reminded me of an exchange in a comic strip from years back between Augusta and her glamorous Grandma:

"Grandma, are you a natural blonde?"
"Of course, darling! Have been since 1958. Before that I was a natural red-head, and before *that* I was a sort of unnatural mouse… Isn't Nature wonderful?"
(5)
Report

lucky....Lord love you...you are having such a difficult time...I hope you are ok...i am finally realizing it does not all have to be done every day. I keep a clean home...not up to my normal standards and certainly not the way Mama always kept it, but I am cutting myself some slack and acknowledging I am doing a good job and actually the best I can right now...So let some of those chores go and take care of yourself.

I know that's easier said than done when you have an elderly loved one who needs round the clock care...and the situation you are having with your Mom is similar to my Mama with her digestive issues, but I try to save most of my energy for her care and her tasks and when she is napping, I actually just take one as she does if I am weary....

I used to obsess if the house was perfect when I knew my brother was coming because he was constantly criticizing me for every little thing that needed doing and it was hurtful, and considering I had always kept a clean home, it was also embarrassing....I still care about having a clean home, but I care more about caring for Mama and not being worn to the point of exhaustion...The house will be here later and so I keep it clean and germ free, but to say it is not cluttered would not be true. It is impossible to keep it clutter free with all the equipment, supplies, boxes upon boxes, etc....I think I'm doing pretty dog gone good.. :) and I think all of you are too!
(2)
Report

I finally got the morning routine finished...just in tme to start the lunch routine, but I am currently enjoying a cup of coffee...who knows when my brother is coming. I don't even ask him anymore. I just keep reminding myself that in a day and a half I will have five days to decompress and maybe get in a few fun things to boot!!
(2)
Report

I was talking with my hair stylist about the blues and greens used in hair hessian green color isobars for your hair- I suppose like black. He said you have to strip your hair color out until it is white. Then the dye colors do not last very long.
For us hot and humid weather the next few days. Best to keep dad inside. Worked outside this morning now to clean up and visit dad before grocery shopping.
(2)
Report

I have definitely decided I am a cold weather person. I can always find enough to keep me warm but when it's this hot, there is no way to stay cool unless you just stay indoors all the time in the AC...it has really been hot this year for sure
(1)
Report

So tired? We call that 'crashing' here in the U.S.
Why are all these people you mentioned, Jude, asking you to do things for them?
Where were they???? Ask them to come over to help you pack, or take you to visit Mum. Better yet, they should take you out for a bite to eat.
(2)
Report

Well I guess I won't dye my hair. You have all talked some sense into me. The tattoo. That was just a flight of fancy I was having in my own mind. Won't ever happen.

As far as disapproving brothers. That must be commonplace. Cause my one brother is the same way. When we had the after get together after my Mom's service he was looking at everybody like we were a pit of vipers and he was an angel or something. Anytime someone laughed at something he looked so mad.
I mean I was probably more upset than anyone but what were we supposed to be doing, sobbing our eyes out. Even my one sister said "how come you weren't crying at the service?" Cause I don't like to cry in front of people. My husband said "trust me, she cries" and then kind of rolled his eyes. Damned if I do, damned if I don't I guess.

I find my family seems to like to cause drama. I've personally had enough drama in my life. One of my sisters e-mailed me and asked me how the other one was doing. I suspect she was just fishing for information. I'm staying out of all of it.

Anyhow, Hope, Katie, Lucky, Jude I am always thinking of you guys and praying for you. ((((hugs))))
(3)
Report

I have a whine...bad drivers! Husband was home so I decided to make a quick trip to the library for a few books. On the way back an SUV coming the opposite way decided to cut over the oncoming 2 lanes of traffic to turn left in front of me and another car....luckily I hit my brakes but it was only a matter of a couple of feet that this young woman would have been broadsided by me and the other car left of me going in the same direction. Ugh. Talk about ones stomach jumping into ones throat....I cannot be injured in some hospital when I have my Mom to take care of !! Please be careful and always watch other drivers out there...you never know what kind of boneheaded move they may make like this one! I mean turning left over 2 lanes of oncoming traffic without seeing oncoming cars coming a couple of car lengths away!!! Still trying to catch my breath from this one..
(4)
Report

I'm glad you are okay Katie and no one else got killed either. Calm down!
(1)
Report

Mercy, Katie...so glad you are ok...Those kind of close calls sure can leave you feeling like the bottom fell out of everything..so thankful you are ok....you do have to watch out all the time out there...I think everything has their mind on other things these days and do not put the import on driving that they should . just glad you are ok...

Well, brother never came, never called today. what else is new. Not that it 's a big deal, not like I ever get to go anywhere that I can't go during the week, but I HATE waiting on someone worse than anything...He knows that...I am betting the man who is supposed to finish up his landscaping came back today instead of tomorrow like he told me last night so that means he'll probably come tomorrow...to be honest, I would have been out working in the yard today but I did go ahead and ger ready in case he came...Jokes on me...not laughing...why the heck is it so hard for people to let you know something? I am SO good at that little detail that it really irks me big time when others can't. Because to me it takes NOTHING to take two seconds to send a text or call and say, hey, so sorry but so and so came and I won't be coming today...that's all that is required...another one of the oversights that imo shows total lack of consideration for me. ah well, what are you gonna do???
(1)
Report

Glad you're okay, Katie. We have a huge problem with bad drivers here, so defensive scanning is my norm behind the wheel. New favorite seems to be turning out in front of oncoming traffic. Anymore when my light turns green I expect at least one car to turn right into my lane. And they never seem to hit the gas, just linger there blocking the lane.

Small step forward today--with much fussing and whining, and me "holding hostage" a few things he needed help with, I got dad to sign the application papers for assisted living.

At the same time, he's asking me if there's a way for him to watch fall football via the internet, since we don't have TV here. Seems that moving *next week* has not actually sunk in.
(2)
Report

My post about hair color didn't make sense -eek. green hair color hard on the condition on your hair.
Stopped at dads and showed him photos of our zoo visit yesterday. Plan on taking him to a different zoo when my sis is here- the one we went to is too far a drive. He liked the photos though then of course asked where we are staying tonight, etc. same old questions.
I did tell him that tomorrow is my birthday and to guess my age he started at 25 and I told him he has to do higher once he reached 50 he said I was older than he was. No Dad I will be 58 and you are 85. He does this funny laugh as I do not think he believes me. Again sitting in living room vs being cooped up in his room which I hope helps a bit though he rarely talks to anyone.
(2)
Report

Well Mums still in hospital they haven't got her diarrhoea sorted out and so now I am starting to get a bit concerned.

Results of stool tests - oh its the weekend? AND YOUR EFFING POINT IS? Grrr don't get me started on that.

Could I speak to her doctor please - erm it s the weekend...and if Mum is worse? Does she have to wait till Monday to be ill ffs.

Mum doesn't have a curtain at her window the nurse pulled a little too hard and it came right off the end of the curtain rod....could you call maintenance to put it back - it's the weekend. So Mum has to put up with blinding sun during the day and the heat that generates and no privacy?

Oh I don't think so get me the ward manager please so that we can have a little discussion - erm she doesn't work weekends.

I feel a volcanic blow out emerging here.I very calmly say to a very sweet nurse who can see I am not going to take any more 5H!T do you think you could get me someone who DOES work weekends before I get so enraged I go find them myself and trust me I will find someone (If security didn't get me first that is!)

After about 20 minutes of me hovering over the nurses station a maintenance man arrived. Excellent. I showed him the issue and what did he say....Ah yes I will get one of my lads on to it first thing Monday morning. Vesuvius erupted

No I said very calmly to begin with you will get someone on to it now or I will sue this place for abuse of vulnerable adults and YOU sir will right in the firing line - I do not want my mother overlooked while she is bed bathed or having her pads changed and you will either sort this curtain out now or bring down a screen that will give her her dignity have I made myself clear?

It's sorted - funny that!

While I love the NHS in some ways , its limitations drive me nuts and weekend absences make me nuts the most.

If it is C-Diff I am going to be so so cross because she was fine when she went in as far as stools were concerned.
(3)
Report

Its maddening isn't it Jude. Since when did medical care take the weekend off?
(3)
Report

Jude I suppose they think people are ill only Monday to Friday 8-5 so it fits in their schedule!
(1)
Report

OH Jude....so sorry you're going through all this. Praying your mom doesn't have C-Diff. Most staff can tell right off if it is - the stool has a particularly foul odor that's unmistakable with C-Diff. It can drive you right out of the room, it's so bad.

It's pretty amazing what happens when our loved ones end up in the hospital or the nursing home. You'd think you have all this free time, that you'll finally get things sorted, house cleaned top to bottom, etc - yeah, right! If anything, I have less time now that mom is in the NH. I've had the same stack of totes and boxes sitting about in the living room as I had 2 weeks ago - I've had relatives stop by twice in that time, and had to explain why things are still so tumbled. Ugh. And now I have to look at taking on additional work in order to make ends meet.
(4)
Report

I am so proud of you Jude. You hang in there and keep after them.. Someone will listen. I have learned to not put up with the crap. I am very polite and will do anything for anybody but don't mess with my Family when they are sick. Get R Done! Way to go Jude! Love & Prayers for all the caregivers!!!!!
(4)
Report

You can add medical care taking holidays off as well as taking weekends off.

My mother is no longer alive because of hospitals having a short staff and scheduling people on an "on call" bases during holiday time. Yes, most often holidays fall on a weekend which makes it that much worse.
(3)
Report

Jude I hope for your mother's sake she does not have c-diff. She doesn't need to be on another antibiotic. Susan is right about the foul odor. Hopefully it is just a reaction to the medicine or food she has had and nothing more.
(2)
Report

The hour got late and I never heard a word from my brother, which made me very worried for him. He had as much as told me he was coming today instead of tomorrow because they are coming back to finish up the landscaping tomorrow...so I wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...I finally knew he was not coming by 2:30 so I stopped looking but it frustrated me to think he would just not simply tell me he wasn't coming. I hate thinking someone is on the road and they never show up...I can't help worrying.

Anyway, by 8:30 still had not heard so I texted him, and later texted him again...and I was about to call the wife when I got a text from him saying that he and she were doing things all day that they knew the landscapers would not be doing tomorrow. Well, that's just terrific. Did he not know he was going to be doing that last night? Of course I know there's a more than excellent chance the wife decided for him what he would be doing today...but he could have at least let me know. I'm sorry but I just think that's very inconsiderate...but since this all began, everyone I know has been nothing but inconsiderate...I guess they assume...hey, she's there all the time, it doesn't matter when, or if I show up...What has happened to just basic decency and manners????

I would never think of telling someone I was coming and then just never say anything else and never show up...never...unless I was dead.
(5)
Report

hope22, I have a brother who did this same thing while 2 families waited for him at our vacation spot. Never showed up, never called. My sister's family ended up packing all the stuff he left there and taking it home or he'd never see it again. Frustrating, isn't it? And very rude!
(3)
Report

I think it's extremely rude. To me, the unspoken message is, my time is more important than yours and what I have to do is more important and your feelings and worry is not worth my taking a second to just let you know I'm not going to be able to make it. In all honesty, my expecting him today did cause me to reorganize my day around him, hence I got nothing done that i otherwise would have done today and then he didn't even have the common decency to just tell me he wasn't coming. I have a suspicion his wife decided FOR him what his plans were going to be and for whatever reason he lets her rule the roost and in her opinion my feelings can just go to h*ll....I don't know what she has up her craw but she has been angry about something since April 2012 and I have no idea what it is...I have point blank asked my brother ...did I do something to hurt her feelings? Did I offend her? Tell me what I did and I will fix it...He finally told me not to worry about it...so what else can I do? All I know is her stupid childish actions are really hurting our family at a time when we should be able to be celebrating my Mama's time with us...and it is going to be hard to ever forgive her for it...
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter