I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I AM TIRED
A couple of years ago I dyed my gold blond hair a rich medium brown and put blond highlights in... It looked nice but it was hard to maintain so I went back to the blond...Sometimes I think I would like that frosted look from the 60's as I think there is a lot of gray under there lately from all that I have been going through and that might be a way to blend it all in. I had red hair for awhile when I was in my early 20s. I like reddish blond...I think they call it strawberry blond too. I don't think I would want a tattoo though...I am always changing my mind about things lately and that is so permanent. My dermatologist would freak out. He had to treat a young woman once that got a tattoo and she had a bad allergic reaction to the ink and ended up getting skin grafts etc.
Well, I had better get my day started. I hope everyone has a good day.
How's she getting on?
I have a feeling if folks knew I was off I would suddenly be having to fend off a bunch of plans of everyone else but me. I am not meaning to sound like a jerk, but this time if anyone finds out and starts planning for me I am going to tell them thanks, but I have not had five days to myself in almost four years and NO......
Since Mama seems to be at a pretty good spot right now, I have to admit it almost feels like I am going on vacation...even if I go nowhere that is how it feels....I really put forth the effort to get all the boring stuff done this week, so I could hopefully get a few things in that are enjoyable. I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I sure have traveled the world in my head already....
Katie, I went nuts and dyed my hair a dark brown about 15 years ago and it turned out a fly green....literally, it was so dark it looked green like those nasty flies when the sun hits them....Absolutely horrible....I won't go that route again...but I do think I would enjoy a pretty auburn red because it wold go with my skin tone BUT now that I have grayed excessively the past couple of years I know how quickly it would be before the gray would start showing. I am lucky that my gray is more of a platinum blonde like my Mama's so it actually blends nicely with my "real" hair and I am even considering just leaving it alone and letting it do it's thing and be done with the coloring...I like being me.....Then all I'd have to do is keep it shaped up...
Ah tatoos...I always wanted a tiny butterfly just above one of my boobs and a kitten's pawprint on my ankle. The pawprint would probably still be ok but by now the tiny butterfly would probably look more like a luna moth that had kind of melted if you catch my drift...
Brother is coming today instead of tomorrow because that fits HIS plans...I don't even think about it anymore...I told him you know I'll be here, we'll see you whenever...at least today I know it won't be but a day or so and I'll finally have a little time to me.....
Anyway, I must say that this reminds me that we are not twenty-somethings!!!!!!!! We are sixty,seventy-somethings taking care of eighty and ninety-somethings!!!!!!!
Hope, I had my hair turn an odd shade of greenish once when I put some henna in it a zillion years ago when I was about 20. It finally faded and grew out. Now it probably wouldn't make a difference. I saw a cashier in the grocery store this morning who had turquoise hair! I like the color but not for hair....prefer the colors nature intended.
It does seem like people think we caregivers are pushovers that when the person we are caring for is not with us then they can dump on us. Our time to ourselves is precious! This is where I would really start screening my phone calls and emails!
"Grandma, are you a natural blonde?"
"Of course, darling! Have been since 1958. Before that I was a natural red-head, and before *that* I was a sort of unnatural mouse… Isn't Nature wonderful?"
I know that's easier said than done when you have an elderly loved one who needs round the clock care...and the situation you are having with your Mom is similar to my Mama with her digestive issues, but I try to save most of my energy for her care and her tasks and when she is napping, I actually just take one as she does if I am weary....
I used to obsess if the house was perfect when I knew my brother was coming because he was constantly criticizing me for every little thing that needed doing and it was hurtful, and considering I had always kept a clean home, it was also embarrassing....I still care about having a clean home, but I care more about caring for Mama and not being worn to the point of exhaustion...The house will be here later and so I keep it clean and germ free, but to say it is not cluttered would not be true. It is impossible to keep it clutter free with all the equipment, supplies, boxes upon boxes, etc....I think I'm doing pretty dog gone good.. :) and I think all of you are too!
For us hot and humid weather the next few days. Best to keep dad inside. Worked outside this morning now to clean up and visit dad before grocery shopping.
Why are all these people you mentioned, Jude, asking you to do things for them?
Where were they???? Ask them to come over to help you pack, or take you to visit Mum. Better yet, they should take you out for a bite to eat.
As far as disapproving brothers. That must be commonplace. Cause my one brother is the same way. When we had the after get together after my Mom's service he was looking at everybody like we were a pit of vipers and he was an angel or something. Anytime someone laughed at something he looked so mad.
I mean I was probably more upset than anyone but what were we supposed to be doing, sobbing our eyes out. Even my one sister said "how come you weren't crying at the service?" Cause I don't like to cry in front of people. My husband said "trust me, she cries" and then kind of rolled his eyes. Damned if I do, damned if I don't I guess.
I find my family seems to like to cause drama. I've personally had enough drama in my life. One of my sisters e-mailed me and asked me how the other one was doing. I suspect she was just fishing for information. I'm staying out of all of it.
Anyhow, Hope, Katie, Lucky, Jude I am always thinking of you guys and praying for you. ((((hugs))))
Well, brother never came, never called today. what else is new. Not that it 's a big deal, not like I ever get to go anywhere that I can't go during the week, but I HATE waiting on someone worse than anything...He knows that...I am betting the man who is supposed to finish up his landscaping came back today instead of tomorrow like he told me last night so that means he'll probably come tomorrow...to be honest, I would have been out working in the yard today but I did go ahead and ger ready in case he came...Jokes on me...not laughing...why the heck is it so hard for people to let you know something? I am SO good at that little detail that it really irks me big time when others can't. Because to me it takes NOTHING to take two seconds to send a text or call and say, hey, so sorry but so and so came and I won't be coming today...that's all that is required...another one of the oversights that imo shows total lack of consideration for me. ah well, what are you gonna do???
Small step forward today--with much fussing and whining, and me "holding hostage" a few things he needed help with, I got dad to sign the application papers for assisted living.
At the same time, he's asking me if there's a way for him to watch fall football via the internet, since we don't have TV here. Seems that moving *next week* has not actually sunk in.
Stopped at dads and showed him photos of our zoo visit yesterday. Plan on taking him to a different zoo when my sis is here- the one we went to is too far a drive. He liked the photos though then of course asked where we are staying tonight, etc. same old questions.
I did tell him that tomorrow is my birthday and to guess my age he started at 25 and I told him he has to do higher once he reached 50 he said I was older than he was. No Dad I will be 58 and you are 85. He does this funny laugh as I do not think he believes me. Again sitting in living room vs being cooped up in his room which I hope helps a bit though he rarely talks to anyone.
Results of stool tests - oh its the weekend? AND YOUR EFFING POINT IS? Grrr don't get me started on that.
Could I speak to her doctor please - erm it s the weekend...and if Mum is worse? Does she have to wait till Monday to be ill ffs.
Mum doesn't have a curtain at her window the nurse pulled a little too hard and it came right off the end of the curtain rod....could you call maintenance to put it back - it's the weekend. So Mum has to put up with blinding sun during the day and the heat that generates and no privacy?
Oh I don't think so get me the ward manager please so that we can have a little discussion - erm she doesn't work weekends.
I feel a volcanic blow out emerging here.I very calmly say to a very sweet nurse who can see I am not going to take any more 5H!T do you think you could get me someone who DOES work weekends before I get so enraged I go find them myself and trust me I will find someone (If security didn't get me first that is!)
After about 20 minutes of me hovering over the nurses station a maintenance man arrived. Excellent. I showed him the issue and what did he say....Ah yes I will get one of my lads on to it first thing Monday morning. Vesuvius erupted
No I said very calmly to begin with you will get someone on to it now or I will sue this place for abuse of vulnerable adults and YOU sir will right in the firing line - I do not want my mother overlooked while she is bed bathed or having her pads changed and you will either sort this curtain out now or bring down a screen that will give her her dignity have I made myself clear?
It's sorted - funny that!
While I love the NHS in some ways , its limitations drive me nuts and weekend absences make me nuts the most.
If it is C-Diff I am going to be so so cross because she was fine when she went in as far as stools were concerned.
It's pretty amazing what happens when our loved ones end up in the hospital or the nursing home. You'd think you have all this free time, that you'll finally get things sorted, house cleaned top to bottom, etc - yeah, right! If anything, I have less time now that mom is in the NH. I've had the same stack of totes and boxes sitting about in the living room as I had 2 weeks ago - I've had relatives stop by twice in that time, and had to explain why things are still so tumbled. Ugh. And now I have to look at taking on additional work in order to make ends meet.
My mother is no longer alive because of hospitals having a short staff and scheduling people on an "on call" bases during holiday time. Yes, most often holidays fall on a weekend which makes it that much worse.
Anyway, by 8:30 still had not heard so I texted him, and later texted him again...and I was about to call the wife when I got a text from him saying that he and she were doing things all day that they knew the landscapers would not be doing tomorrow. Well, that's just terrific. Did he not know he was going to be doing that last night? Of course I know there's a more than excellent chance the wife decided for him what he would be doing today...but he could have at least let me know. I'm sorry but I just think that's very inconsiderate...but since this all began, everyone I know has been nothing but inconsiderate...I guess they assume...hey, she's there all the time, it doesn't matter when, or if I show up...What has happened to just basic decency and manners????
I would never think of telling someone I was coming and then just never say anything else and never show up...never...unless I was dead.