My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Jeanette I'm happy for you too that you had a nice dream with your Mom. I had one a few nights ago. Mom and I were sitting on my couch watching t.v. together like we have so many times. I kept staring at her and wanting to touch her face cause I didn't think she was real but I stopped myself cause I sensed that she didn't know she was dead.

Are there any dream interpreters out there?

When my brother died I had dreams of him all the time. One in particular that seemed so real. He knocked on my door and when I answered it he just kept saying "Move out, move out. they are all going to die in the furnace" I said who is going to die and he just walked away. That was ten yrs. ago but I still wonder if I should move. Dreams are weird.

Hope I have never had a face book account for the very reason that you described. I have enough people I know making me feel bad. I don't need it from people I don't know. Plus what would I talk about?

It reminds me of those "I Saw You" ads in the paper. You know the ones. "Oh you were on the bus. We looked at each other. I looked away. I regret it now. E-mail me" To me this is just an easier way for stalkers to get their victims.

My Mom and I used to always joke about this. I always imagined someone saying about me. "Oh I saw you staggering down the hall in your pajamas to get your mail, I could tell you hadn't washed your hair in days, I just love the food stains on your pajama top. E-mail me" My Mom and I had a good laugh.

Anyway, forgive me for babbling.

Hope, Staceyb said it best! I am hoping you enjoy your well deserved respite!

Hope...You and your mom enjoy the respite. Get to bed earlier than usual even if you don't fall asleep, you can still get rest. I do not like FB partly for the reason that it is much easier for bullies to attack. I was also told several times to set up a FB account for job searching. No one will force me to set up a FB account to job search...ain't going to happen. In my opinion, anyone who goes off on someone on FB is smaller than small. Don't spend another minute thinking of what was said...not worth it. You take care and rest!!!

Jude...This past winter I was looking for a place to live while my Mother was in the hospital. We moved a week after she was released home. I pray everything works out with your move.

Jeanette & Gershun - I am glad that you had a good dream about your mom. (I hope I read that correctly.)

Gershun, you are so Friggin funny!

Well, Mama is all settled in and I did go over this evening to make doubly sure. I was kind of dismayed when I arrived..She was in a room that she is sharing with someone else this time..she is not by a window...it was dark...she was flat on her back, not elevated, which she MUST be. No water, no anything, just lying there....they were serving dinner to all the other residents and I heard the lady on that hall tell a coworker that's it..I'm done for the night..and I knew Mama had not eaten...or I thought she had not..I went to the front desk and sure enough she had not. I asked them had they been informed that Mama only gets ensure and that I had brought the baby food fruit mixes to blend in with her ensure and showed them where it all was..finally the same woman who had earlier said she was done...came in glaring at me, grabbed one of Mama's ensures out of the closet (warm) popped the top and stuck a straw in it...dinner is served. I guess I looked astonished. I told her...uh..are we gonna get some ice and a glass please? she grudgingly went and got a cup with ice...I let the lady know what I expected and then I called our nurse and let them know what was going on (and what was not going on) and not long after the administrator with the hospice crew called me and let me know they would put Mama on daily assistance so that one of their crew would see Mama each day and also they would have the on call folks checking on her as well. I let them know I am expecting it...

I stayed and made sure Mama drank her ensure and she drank some water. She had a good bit before she went, I made sure, so she should sleep well tonight...

I tried to be kind but I let them know I would be checking in on Mama randomly and wanted to make sure she was well taken care of.....

I got take out on the way home and put my feet up and watched the Bachelorette and keep thinking I need to get Mama ready for bed then remember she is fast asleep over there....bless her heart...I miss her so much. I am just praying all goes well and she rests as well as she seems to be....It's nerve wrecking not being able to peep at her all the time...but I think they'll take good care of her..

Re the whole FB thing..I agree..it is easy enough to cyber bully someone on there..And to report me where I could not even respond to his garbage and by the time I could he had unfriended me and blocked me...such a coward...ah well...distant memory and true, not worth my time thinking about... thanks everyone again for your support...I think I needed the break more than I realized...

I tried to watch the Bachelorette but it just didn't keep my interest. I had been on the "care" website and I saw a couple jobs that I wanted to look into but I had to complete profiles in each category. I am not in the mood and not a creative person to build a profile so I gave up. Why couldn't they just give you the contact info? I just wanted to verify whether it was part-time or full time work. It is listed as full-time then goes on to say 2 hours a day where time can be flexible. That doesn't sound like full-time to me.

Oh sh**!! I missed the Bachelorette!! Damn!! Did she pick Shawn???

We, meaning my dogs and I,, spend every evening outside and bbq

whatever it is we have for dinner, it all goes on the grill during the summer.

Donna... hehe, had to spit out some of my bbq LOL, my dogs thank you for that and I guess I do too. Less food in my mouth means less pounds, right?

Hope, that sounds like a very unsettling experience. I can understand why you keep thinking of your mom. I would be dismayed to, it's all about image isn't it. You did a great job of advocating for her and making sure not only her needs were met but that the administrator/staff knew about it as well. God be with you both.

Lukylu, how is your mother this morning? How are you feeling?

Jude, you are a natural leader! I love your spunk!

To all of you going through a difficult time right now, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Yes, it was very unsettling ...But I am glad I went to the front desk and investigated..it got the hospice admin involved last night and Mama's nurse has already been out there and checked her orders and called me twice..Turns out they had gotten her orders wrong...Had written her ensure for two a day AS REQUESTED....are you kidding??? Mama won't request it if she is starving. I will ask her "Mama are you hungry"? she will say "no"....I get it anyway and she drinks it...I have told them this before. I used to have to remind my cousin of it...Told them offer it to her whether she asks or not because she will drink it..don't force it, but offer it ...maybe now they'll stay on track..Thankful as well they had her ordered for a daily visit from her aid during respite and also for the nurse to keep constant check on her...I feel relieved now..

I have to admit it was odd being able to get up and not have to hit the ground running...I am enjoying all the sounds of a summer morning and my coffee as I visit with you all.

I am scheduled to get a makeover tomorrow...and I can't wait for that...I have not had anything professionally done to my hair since last October so you can imagine...I found a cute cut that is shorter than I usually wear it but I'm going for it.

I wish some of my friends lived in town so we could maybe do lunch but the closest one is about 50 miles away but we'll see. I may venture that way...but I think I am going to have to go back..for the THIRD time and see if the condenser needs replacing on my AC as it continues to not cool as it should. Who knew I had to tell them to replace that while they were replacing everything else...I thought when you paid major bucks for a new compressor they would have automatically checked that...

Well, I think I am going to roam through some of the little shops that I normally don't have time to browse...might even do lunch out by myself...for sure up for a little drive through the countryside...

I hope you all have a really good day...

Lucky I hope your Mom is doing better and you are able to get some rest. I know how exhausting it is to be dealing with all those issues.

Jude, how's your Mom? Hope she is better as well and the move is not driving you nuts...I remember that too...It's not fun to say the least..

I'll just ask God to watch over us and send us what each of us need to care for our loved ones and protect us as we make our way through this day..and this journey...thank you all for being here for me....

Hope Can you meet your friend somewhere in the middle for lunch or a visit in a park? Have a few suggestions before you even contact the friend.

Globetrotter and Hope-Thanks for asking about Mother.The Hospice nurse just left and she said Mothers lungs are half full and she has crackles.Mother cannot seem to get comfortable.Yesterday,she couldnt keep her eyes open all day.The nurse told me mother doesnt have much time left.We havent been able to take our daily walk around the block due to the heat.This afternoon,she has a beauty shop appointment,but I dont know if she will make it to it.And me?I hurt so bad from the fall I took Friday and every movement with Mother or myself hurts me making a hard time harder.I have wondered for a long time,how much a human being can take before they just collapse.I already had a torn rotator cuff and I think I completly tore it all the way or its painful arc.Someday,I hope to get some physical help on my beaten body.Im 5^2 and weigh 104 lbs and all the lifting and loading of the wheelchair and oxygen tanks ETC. has done a number on me.
Its really nice,that someone in this world actually cares enough to ask.Thank you very much.I hope everyone is getting through this day good.To all,Take care.
PS.Hope,I hope your respite time works out well for you and your Mama.
Jude,Sorry youre having a rough time with your Mum.

I thought about that..but this is also the friend who kind of went absent two years ago....the only time I hear from her is the occasional "like" on FB...so I'm not overly into meeting her anyway..hence my reluctance to meet her..

I have a few ideas running around in my head but I think how I'm going to enjoy this most is just do what hits me in the moment. I didn't have a lot of time to plan ahead...which who of us do , right? but I was out there watering all the plants and got to thinking of all the nice shops that have gone up since I have been able to just roam and enjoy them...also I found a nice landscaping place on the way home last evening that has all kinds of landscaping stone...I had some at my other home..the natural blue tone irregularly shaped ones and I had made a little pathway where you could meander through and because they were natural they really looked pretty with all the plants...I saw what appeared to be some of that yesterday so I think I will go and get some and work on my little natural flower bed..or at least get my stone and then I will have it after Mama comes home since I can do "work work" when she is here...right now I want to use this rare free time for fun stuff...is that awful?? I feel like being positively bad this week...nothing too major now, just fun stuff like maybe throwing a steak on the grill and actually having some wine or a beer with it...getting a pedicure, the makeover (checking that one off tomorrow morining) just all fun stuff....wooo hoooo

We love you luckylu....I know what a difficult time you and your Mama are having..I am about to be off of here for a bit but as soon as I am I am going to say a special prayer for both of you......It seems trite to say hang in there...but that's all we can do when it gets this way.....I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this...I know we are not right there...but we are with you in heart and spirit...and again..we love you.

I'm very leery of Facebook myself, and rarely visit it. I actually cancelled it a while back to had to access the sight for a message. I had a really bad experience with a long time friend; I don't know if her identity was hacked but there was just too much information that only she would know about. I kept getting emails saying so and so would like to meet you. It gave me a creepy feeling so under the guidance of my tech savvy niece we went into it and discovered she (or someone who stole her identity, just in case) had created an account for me on a Christian match making website. The filth she put on it made me sick to my stomach and in shock. I contacted the site in question and informed them of the situation and they removed it. After getting feedback from another friend I emailed this person and told her I know what she did and if she does anything like this again I will press charges. I have not had any contact with her since. What an eye opener! How evil this world can be!

Hope can you make up a chart with the times Mama should be fed and what it should be and leave a column for the person who feeds her to sign and date. Put it on the over bed table or some where they can see it. If she has a white board in her room put a message on that too

You could be talking about my situation, except it's my husband. It's a real challenge. I get so tired of it, as I'm sure you do. I really don't have all the answers. I am learning to take short cuts, using what he likes that is easy.
Breakfast: oatmeal and raisins, microwaved
Lunch: hot dogs, lunchmeat, chipped beef, egg/tuna salad.
Dinner: grilled cheese, leftover chicken over salad greens, spaghetti, hamburgers
Reading this over, I can see why I push going out for some of our meals. I try to take half of my meal home home to have for the next day.

P.S. i dont think fast food once in awhile is bad. At their age, theyx'e earned it, and we've earned a break.

Hi everyone, just caught up on the posts here from the past few days. Hope you're all finding a moment (or TWO even!) for yourselves.
Re-hair color: I have an appt for this Sat, which is a few weeks past its "sell by" date, lol. But my hair gal has been out of town. And hey, who cares anyway? :)
Update on last week's "was my mother scammed" drama: After hours of online sleuthing, going to the local branch of her bank, tossing and turning all night, trying to make sure I left no stone unturned -- the next day, I texted her caregiver for another matter (reminder to pick up my mother's prescriptions--one of her meds has a warning about NOT stopping suddenly, and it looked like she might be running very low). I asked if she had a few minutes to talk; she said sure, so I spoke with her. She informed me that last Tuesday (the day of the strange "electrician" appointment and bizarre check), my mother's new stovetop was finally installed (believe me, I'm not thrilled that she decided to go buy herself a new stovetop). I said, "I thought that was taken care of over a month ago." She said, "Well, they delivered it, but it wasn't hooked up until last Tuesday."
OH.
I also asked her caregiver if she wouldn't mind providing me with her vehicle info, so that if I decided to add more restrictions on who can/can't drive in to see my mother, I could set her up with the security gate and she wouldn't be inconvenienced. She then told me, "Oh, I got a vendor pass a long time ago."
OH.
Well, that explains why I stopped seeing email alerts for her ages ago. I assumed that since she's a regular, the gate let her through, which was fine with me -- but to learn about this loophole kind of floored me.
Anyway, all my paranoia and subsequent detective work was nothing but a waste of energy. Which is good -- I'm very relieved to be wrong about my mother being scammed. After realizing how I could have possibly caused a lot of trouble for innocent people (I was thinking about contacting everyone I thought might be involved or affected), thank goodness it just happened to work out that I got the facts before doing anything else. I saw clearly (for maybe the first time) how hard I've been trying, how hard I've been working, how much energy I devote, how seriously I've been taking this role of keeping my mother cared for and out of harm's way -- and I very little consideration. And this has been going on for years, and will most likely continue to go on for years. My mother wants me not to be involved at all, and I'm resigned to providing her with the illusion of "independence" by handling everything behind the scenes and keeping contact with her to the minimum. But the flip side is that it probably appears to others that I am not involved, and/or that I don't care. I have to hound and pester and dig (and for better or for worse, I have to Google) for whatever information I NEED in order to do what I have to do on my end. And I suspect a lot of badmouthing about me from my mother, which only adds to my frustration and indignation.
Anyway, this latest thing was a bit of a wake-up call for me. I'm doing the best I can, and it's ridiculous to be so darn consumed by all of it emotionally. All it does is make me literally ill.
So, I'm practicing that dance, where I'm still conscientious and responsible, but NOT emotional. It's hard--I thought I was doing so well--but obviously, there is still room for improvement.
Thanks for letting me rant! :)

OMG Hope, you sound better already! What a difference freedom does for you outlook on life! Go out there and enjoy life for a while! I wish I could beam myself to you and wander the shops and have lunch with you! ! You go girl!
Luckylu, on a whole different front, it does sound like your Mama is really slowing down now, I pray that your time left with her is easier but beautiful, do try to think of it that way, you are such a blessing to her, and deserve to be richly rewarded. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Love!
Jude, you are probably one of the hardest worker I know! I hope you are getting some rest between trips to see your Mum, and all that packing. I hope your Mum has a better day and that the Nurses are on their toes! I wouldn't want to be on the end of your stick that's for sure! Lol you're a good egg!
Katie, you and your Mama are in my prayers too dear!
Gershun, keep being you Sweetie!
Everybody else, have a wonderful Day!

Looloo, it's called Love, and commitment and peace of mind, and bless you for caring so much, even if it isn't always appreciated! The fact that you care enough about your Mom speaks volumes about the kind of person you truly are! Never Change, ! You are a terrific person!

Stacey you are a little ray of sunshine, just like Hope said.

Luckylu try to just enjoy your Mom and be in the moment. I know with my Mom sometimes I was in my own head too much worrying about things and I missed a lot of my actual moments with her. They are so precious, especially now.

Hope have fun! I know that probably sounds like a foreign word to you now. But whoop it up girl. Even if its by yourself. Sounds to me like besides your Mom you are the best person you know anyway.

Thanks Gershun, I can be sweet, but you can be Funny!

I agree, Stacey you are a ray of sunshine. Always such heartfelt replies. I do hope your world is a bit more peaceful!!

Looloo, I love doing detective work on the internet!!! You did a great job tracking it all down. I did have to chuckle at your "OH" moments...hehehe

Lucky, again I just have to agree on "cherish every single moment" with your dear mother. It's been 2 months and a day since mom left me and let me tell you not a single day and probably an hour has went by that I've not missed her and thought of her. Sure the work is hard at lonely at times. When all is said and done though, you will be filled with satisfaction and love of how well you took care of your mother. Siblings be damned!!!

Hope, catch up on some Z's, read a good book outside enjoying your lovely yard. Just do whatever makes you happy this week. What Gershun said is so spot on. "Besides your mom, YOU are the best person you know"!! I'm slowly realizing that my own self! :)

QUESTION:
There are at least 7 giant photo albums, 15 of those smaller ones and tons of other pictures that my brother whom lives far away has sent to my parents for the past 25 years. I have zero relationship with him or his wife for years now.

Is throwing them all away an acceptable thing to do? It would cost a small fortune to mail it all back to them. I just want a clear conscious on this.

One more thing. Lots of them have nice picture frames. Can I toss the pics and keep the frames??? LOL

Jeannette email and say what do you want me to do with these...if I don't hear from you by xxxxxx I am going to trash them. If you want them mailed back I will do that but you will have to pay carrier costs - then its not your problem any more

Jeanette, BONFIRE!!! No really, I would say hold up, and when you are ready, go through them and pull out and nice pix of your Mom singularly, and/or with you, if there are any, and toss the lot if they leave you with bad feelings. You shouldn't be expected to store, move them about through the rest of your life! If it makes you feel any better, you could email your brother and tell him that if he wants them back, then to send the postage, or to come and get them but quick, with a specific date, cause you're clearing house and going on a trip around the world and won't be back in a long long time what with all that lottery money you've just won! That aught to piss him off! To Infinity and Beyond!

Jeanette, Jude already told you what my suggestion would be. If your sibling wants the pictures then they can pay to have them shipped to them. If you have the means to scan any of them and want to copy them to make a slide show do that first. It maybe they sent copies and don't want them. In that case you now have some good album covers.

This isn't a whine about what I had to do but it is a whine about there not being enough staff so I had to do it (if that makes sense)

I went in to see Mum again today - after packing two more boxes, going to the solicitors getting her watch fixed and finding her some fruit she wanted. She has had a brain transplant. I was met with a cheery smile and she was nice to me for the first time in years.

She is still very confused (I realised why she was so pleased to see me when she called me Mum!) Yet again she hadn't had a wash and we can all tell when places haven't been washed properly.

I called the nurse over and asked for towel, cloths bowl etc so I could do it for her - Nurse vinegar knickers said she has been washed so she doesn't need another one.

I went from nice to mean in a microsecond. OK show me in the notes where she has had a wash...quite ...not there so can I have the bowl etc please and I will wash her - I am not asking you to do it.

Nurse vinegar knickers has turned into nurse sulphuric acid knickers and she very crossly put the things in front of me. Thank you so much I said in that gooey sickly sweet manner - and off I set to wash Mum. I think it is wrong that they are so short staffed that one person off sick means nothing makes the general standard of care like it should, but hey it is what it is and we don't pay as much as I know you all have to over there.

I have washed her completely except for the undercarriage and I washed her front undercarriage first. As I checked the cloth it was covered in faecal matter - so I thought hell to this I need the sister. Sister came and was a) quite shocked to see me washing Mum and b) incensed that there was faecal matter and so much of it in exactly the place that causes bloody UTIs in the first place.

Miss Sulphuric acid 2015 was called over and instructed to go and shower my Mum - no bloody chance. I said no I would rather do this myself if thats ok you're all very busy and I am more than capable of doing the job - just show me where everything is.

Mum is now pristine clean massaged, creamed, moisturised and comfortable. Miss sulphuric acid was less sulphuric once she realised I hadn't complained about her - she's the least of my worries and I don't want any backlash as a result of me whinging - although let's be fair - it really would NOT be a good idea!

Sister said had I thought about working with the elderly once this was all over - I said yes and theres not a chance in hell!

Hope In that case I suggest plan a date with your furry friends instead. Either go to a park or better yet throw a blanket on the grass in your own backyard. Get out your music and their play toys and spend some time with them. Don't forget your food, drink and some snacks for your "friends". Look at the weather forecast and pick a good day.