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I know the nursing home where my Mom was at before she died was good. If I wasn't there visiting her I was phoning her and every time I was there they popped their heads in the door every hour, offering my Mom food, ensures, fruit, you name it.

Same thing when I was on the phone with her. So I know it sounds bleak but there are good places out there. You wouldn't know it by this thread however.

I'm just sorry so many people out there have such bad experiences.
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The AL place dad is at is awesome. It may help that it had only been open a month when he moved in and he was the first man. The place is just the right size 22 beds. If only about 5 minutes from my house, wonderful staff and I think a lot of staff at least 5 aides then the 2 kitchen staff, nurse, activities director and his assistant. Super clean never any old people odor. Lots of activities.
I did have dad at a respite place about 20 minutes away the month before he moved. Ick. Would never have considered that place as a permanent home.
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As good as this place was last year, it was just as bad this time.. And I miscounted earlier...I had carried a total of 16 ensures to begin with, planning on carrying more today or tomorrow...Of those 16, I gave her one of them Monday night, and one of them this afternoon, that means they gave her ONE ENSURE from Monday at noon until today at 5:00!!! OMG....350 calories for 2 1/2 days. Thank God I found out. ALSO..I counted out her meds so I could keep track of them and kind of monitor what they did with them...They sent every last pill back with her which means they gave her ZERO of her daily meds...I have just found this out as I was unpacking her things and now I am livid all over again..and it is her coumadin...and it took forever to get that at the right level...I will be on the phone again bright and early and I will be following p with a formal letter to both the facility and our hospice provider...there is no excuse for that kind of lax attitude with our loved ones...ZERO TOLERANCE for that kind of crappy care....I guess they figure since she couldn't tell on them, they didn't have to worry about it...I have my ways of keeping an eye on them....Dang I am soooo angry!!! Thank God that she is home and safe with me.
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Lax caregiving? No, this is criminal neglect at the very least, Hope.
Are you sure they did not have prescriptions for Mom from their own supply, I doubt it, but just asking.
Can we help put them out of business in anyway?
You take care of Mom, let's try to get some answers from legal experts on here. It is so very dangerous for a patient to abruptly withdraw from meds!
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Oh Hope No! I am So sorry that this has happened to you and your Sweet Mama! It is totally inexcusable, especially since you went over it so many times and they knew how fragile she is and how much You needed this much needed break to recharge! Actually something similar happened to me and our Mom when she was home with my sister, bedridden and on hospice. My sister had had a prior trip to the UK planned, just before my Mom had started hospice care, and in while the rest of the siblings were working, the Nurses advised my sister to take advantage of the in patient hospice respite program and to go ahead with he longstanding vacation plan, as she surely deserved it. So Sister lefy, and I followed Mom in the cabulance to the hospice Hospital. A beautiful place, and she got tucked in, unfortunately she was placed behind a curtain and furthest from the window, also, Seattle was in the middle of a really bad hot spell, and the room was stifling hot. Mom was not a complainer, but she was in severe pain from the pelvic bone Cancer, so she decided she would stay. But the following day, when I visited the weather and room condition was too much to bear, FOR ME! I could not in good conscious leave her there another minute, so I pushed to bring her home where I could take the time off work, and care for her myself, with the help of my other siblings. It took another full day to make the necessary arrangements, cabulance, home hospice orders, meds (she was on DilaudidVIV), and on, but she was so much more comfortable with us at home, with her air conditioner. It wasn't really the hospice Hospita's fault, other than the crappy room, but I couldn't see her languishing there for a whole 2 weeks. But it all worked out in the end, and to me, I look at it as that much more time that I had with her, that I can never get again, now that she is gone. So Hope Dear, nobody does it better than you, and of course all the intention was on the mark, and you certainly deserved the break, it just was never going to be the rest you deserved as it's very hard to leave someone who is so precious and important to you, in anybody else's hands. YOU ARE SIMPLY THE BEST!!!
We also see it in others like Jude, she's always at the hospital, and always finds something fishy going on! We become so very protective over our Loved ones! Nobody does it better! We have all been there, We are all really special people! God, I hope there are some left when we need them! Lol. Love to you all!
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I really appreciate all of your support I had written a long winded response but it didn't go through and then it just disappeared...Maybe God knew I didn't need to send it..lol...anyway, Mama is all comfy and happy and has drank and drank and drank ice water and had plenty ensure once I got hold of her...and she is back on her meds and I am so happy she is here....just not the same without her here...The more I thought the more I realized it was like letting a week of being with her get away from me, so I'm glad she's home, but it's really horrid the shameful way they handled it all.

And it's just inexcusable to not give her one single dose of her meds...I bet they never looked in there to realize I had counted out exactly what she needed so I could tell if they gave it to her...they didn't ..not one time...

At least my hair is cute...and I enjoyed that time. And I am thankful to finally get my AC fixed on the truck.It is nice and cold now. They tried really hard and I think they sensed I was kind of discombobulated...so God is watching over us.

I have Mama all tucked in and changed, the kitties are settled, the puppy is settled and I am about to be so as well...again thank you all for your support and encouragement. I guess I am disappointed because I am really really tired, but I will just plan on little naps when Mama is napping and make it work. I can see I'm not ever going to trust anyone else with her care again after this fiasco....
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Gosh Hope, I just can't get this out of my mind, and now I read about her lack of meds on top of no food/calories? It just too too horrible for words! At least now you can sleep some at least, and now tomorrow will have to get her INR levels back on track from being without her Coumadin. Gee Hope, I really am sorry this happened to you! Love Stacey B
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sendme2 and Globetrotter....you know, I often times worry that I am just totally incompetent and I worry I should do more for Mama, but after this past couple of days I know that she is exactly where she needs to be, right here with me...I may not be perfect ..and who is...but Mama was so happy to see me and come home..and it does make me wonder what else may have gone on. It almost looks like a bruise on her arm and I am watching that closely and I have taken pictures, not because I'm trying to start something but I am documenting everthing...If I find a bruise I'm probably going to be creating a new outdoor living area at that place....all I know is Mama never complains, is always very accomodating and sweet and does not argue and thrash around so they cannot convince me that she is difficult or wouldn't cooperate...No one is sweeter than she is when it comes to caring for someone...From what I saw there there was not a lot of action going on with any of those bozos roaming the halls..

My eyes are by nature kind of blue green, but when I get really mad they turn almost violet...by the time I left that joint my face AND my eyes were purple....I do not want to know what my BP was by then...
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Thank you so much Stacey....yes, I hope it hasn't messed those numbers up too badly.. I"ve got a feeling our hospice folks are going to be livid too when they hear they didn't give her one dose of her meds..because her doctor worked really hard to get her numbers regulated...just so sad and inexcusable...

She was just lying there this afternoon with her eyes closed and I went in there and leaned close to her and said "Mama, ,,Mama...she opened her eyes....and I told her...hey, I'm lonely...would you come back home now"....she just started smiling with that sweet little smile of hers and she was all too ready to oblige... :) so glad she's home...thank you Stacey...and thank you all. yes, I will sleep better tonight knowing she is right where I can keep an eye on her....
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And you know what else??? People are always griping at me for "being the way I am"...well, THIS kind of crap is why I am the way I am..and thank God for it I say...
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Hope honey that really isn't the norm with respite sweetheart - that said I wouldn't let it rest there...if not for your mama for other people's mamas (and papas). A long time ago I failed to report something I should have done and I live with the guilt that the same person may have gone to harm others in the way he did me. There must be an authority you can report this neglect to. Not that it will necessarily do any good this time but you may not be the first to report this and that would mean a whispery of neglect that would need to be investigated.. It won't recoup your respite honey but it will mean your mind can be at rest babes
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whispery? HISTORY grrrrr
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Hope, I am so sorry to hear about the awful NH. It is just unbelievable how these people are allowed to exist and have jobs and get paid to do nothing. Is there a state nursing home ombudsman you can complain to? Or the State
Department of health? I would let as many places know about what happened. This and my own experiences with a couple of bad NHs is why I have Mom here and I don't know why so many people I encounter do not get that! They have obviously never been in a caregiving situation and encountered a NH that should have their license taken away! I am glad you got your hair done and the truck AC fixed. At least you can rest assured that your Mom will now be well taken care of with you and have peace of mind.

My whine already this morning...I hardly slept last night and I am wracked with worry. Mom was restless and rang that wireless doorbell and didn't know why she did it. She has done this twice before. After that occurred, the worries about this and that set in and I could not sleep. Yesterday was a test....my regular health aide called off sick. Then I encountered a person I deal with on a professional level and it was all bragging....every movie I want to see and can't go she has seen, every place I want to vacation for just a few days someday her son is moving to after a huge windfall. Cruises, vacations, cars...etc. etc.If my garden yields 3 tomatoes her son's has 30....You get the idea. After hearing about all these charmed lifestyles, in the same hour a phone call came with some clown in a far away country telling me he is with Windows and my computer is broken.....Needless to say after all that bragging I was ready to tear into someone...told him I knew it was a scam and to not call me as I don't have a computer and I use the ones at the library. That always sends them for a loop.Then I had accidently set my coffeemaker on brew instead of auto and it made a whole pot of coffee right before bedtime. Like some horror movie indicating the sleepless night to come.....
Now I sit here bleary eyed and worried about so many things, income property, Mom etc. and I hope Mom does not go into delirium again. I also wonder why some people are so blessed with charmed lives and others go through the wringer on a daily basis who don't deserve all this stress....
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Hope I am so sorry your respite was such a disaster but mama is safe and home again.
You should report this to the sate dept of health and they will definitely pay the NH a visit and possibly the hospice. Hot feeding mamaor ensuing she was receiving adequate nutrition is definitely a reportable expense. You only have to wonder how many other residents who can not feed themselves are ignored and die so quickly once they enter a N/H
I can not comment on the medications because staff are usually not permitted to administer medications the patient brings with them. The N/H Dr has to prescribe them and then the N/H obtains and administers them. Don't worry too much about the Coumadin, it takes about five days to get out of the system so the INR may not be too far off and the numbers should soon return to normal range. If someone is on coumadin and needs surgery it has to be stopped for five days before the proceedure, and when tested a week later it is usually within normal range again. Your experience just underlines the need for us all to research everything for ourselves and not be afraid to question the Dr and ask for chapter and verse.
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Its awful how old and handicapped people are treated.As if they havent endured enough heartache in life already.Some people just have black,selfish souls,I guess.How they live with themselves,I willl never understand.I f we would have put Mother in a nursing home,She would have died there in the first 3 days.Im so sorry Hope,that your respite time didnt work right.
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Awh Katie, If I could give you a break, I'd be there in a flash. Being sleep deprived just makes the rest of the day awful. So sorry hun. Yes, I've also wondered how some get the charmed life and others get the struggle through it life. Guess we need to make our own charmed life?

Hope, I am GLAD you brought her home. Not eating was also my major concern when mom went to hospice house and is exactly WHY I visited her several times as well as her home carer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize a person with latter stage AD cannot verbalize hunger. Just pisses me off how some CNA's can be so stupid. Where my mom went they had a menu that you marked off providing what you wanted to eat that day. Really? I spent half the morning explaining to everyone that mom cannot tell you what she wants, nor can she manage to eat on her own that someone needed to help feed her!! GRRRR!!!! As far as the medication, well, I've also bitched about that on here. All the meds I'd sent with her were sent back full. I honestly think they gave her loads of morphine but... you know, for me, it was more stressful worrying about her care than actually taking care of her myself. I see you feel the same way. And you StacyB, it was wonderful how your siblings and you banded together to bring your mother home and get proper care!! Like a poster said, those are the very reasons mom stayed here with me. Buttheads!!

We are in another heat wave. Temps in the high 90's - 105's for the next week. Oregon doesn't seem to get those wonderful thunder storms that most states do when it gets this hot. Bummer. I love those kind of storms.

Thank you for the, as always, wonderful suggestions in regards to all those damn photo's. I emailed, no reply, today is garbage day. Problem solved.

Life trudges on, my sleep is getting more regular and the images of my dear mother's last few months are slowing waning. They do pop up at the strangest times and I have to take a deep breath and be still.

Guess Cap isn't coming back :(
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Don't forget to look at the moon the next few nights. I hear it's going to be a blue moon. It was simply gorgeous last night!!
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Oh Katie, one again I want to beam myself to you and give you some rest honey! You should have spoken up to that Aide, and told them that your situation is hard enough being constantly exhausted, burnt out, and depressed and that they are supposed to help you, bolster you up, instead of making you feel worse by bragging to you. That is their job, and maybe you might have gotten through to her! Often people think they are just making conversation and lots of people are bragger's by nature, uhem, I live with one old fart that does this constantly, but there is no changing him at 85 ys old. Sometimes you just have to say ENOUGH! We are not yet to that sstage of having outside assistance come into our home, and we are really private people, what I mean by that is that in our marriage, we don't air our dirty laundry, and don't like people to just POP in, we like that 15 min warning so that we can tidy up the place, even with our kids! So having strangers in our home, even to help, will be a big adjustable, especially for my husband. So I don't envying people's situations where outside help is needed in the home, it must be very hard, especially with people who think they know better than you. Constructive criticism I can tae, as well as helpful suggestions, but someone bragging is not helpful and makes your situation so much worse. Sp speak up, I know it is easier said than done, as I an congenial by nature, and let things build up, but then Watch Out! I really would be there for you in a heartbeat if I could! ♥♥♥
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Thanks everyone...and Jeanette, you are exactly right, it was more stressful on me worrying about her than bringing her home. Last night I woke up and had just started thinking, oh Lord I hope she is ok, then I remembered...she is right there, I could hear her sleeping sweetly and I was able to go back to sleep. She has been really happy this morning. I made one of her favorite meals...2 ensures with vanilla and maraschino cherries and she drank just about the entire thing ..I know she is much happier here..and I know without a doubt I take the best care of Mama that anyone could and would...yes, those people are buttheads...

Jude, I have already been on the phone this morning with our Hospice director and had a long discussion and let them know that Mama's treatment was inexcusable and failure to keep her nourished bordered on criminal imo...I told them I was very concerned about not only Mama but all the other people who entrusted their loved ones to these places and this one in particular and wanted to know what they were going to do regarding followup...I am thinking of drafting a very detailed letter to the state, and copying all of the buttheads involved because not only does it matter how my Mama was treated....it matters to me than anyone entrusted to their care could be in that same position

I know my brother just assumes that her being in there means she is being cared for...He has not bothered to check on her and didn't even check on me..other than a short...you ok? he's gong to be shocked when he discovers what all transpired..People who never actively participate in the care of their loved ones have ZERO clue how much can go wrong if you don't actively advocate for them...

I do know that respite is not like that for everyone...But I will not be doing it again...

Veronica...why do they ask us to send their meds with them if they aren't going to administer them. I know the CNA's can't do it, but if the doctor has ordered them, why do their nurses not give them as written? That is bizarre...how do people ever get to go to respite..the only thing Mama takes is the coumadin, I know most elderly people are on a vast assortment of meds...so how do they ever go to respite?

On that same note I did NOT send any of her comfort care meds because I did not want them giving her morphine or any of the anxiety meds because I knew Mama should not need them. Our nurse assured me if Mama got fractious they had to contact them and our doctor had to order anything they gave...Would that not apply to meds too?

I can't imagine EVER doing respite again....what a nightmare...I am thankful she came back from the other experience ok...who knows, maybe they didn't care for her properly then and I was so covered up with my moving I didn't catch on...thank God Mama is good and we are having a happy morning.

She has been laughing and .. She did ask if they brought her Chevrolet back...I don't have a clue what that means...lol
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Oh..oh~~~ I just remembered re the meds...they already knew we were leaving by this time, but the nurse came in and handed me the meds and told me, now she has been given her meds but is due tonight around 9:00...so they lied on top of that and that also indicates to me that for whatever reason they are supposed to give them....aaaargh....
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Stacey...oh dear one....you and I are so alike in that regard..Mama and I both are very private people..we do not like pop in company...never have..Mama is more tolerant than me...but when all this stuff started it was a really hard adjustment for me for strangers to be coming in our home...You do become used to them when they send the same ones most of the time (thank God they do that much for us) but we have also had a few nutcases along the way but I got rid of those pretty quickly... especially the one who spoke very vulgar about how her male patients were always asking for things from her.....use your imagination...or when that same one would snap her fingers at me and tell me to get up and help her....that one was dispatched promptly and was a different hospice altogether...but I had let them know then that if she ever set foot on our property again I would change providers...(did anyway later on...but for something else)

Before Mama's Alzheimers got so bad, when she still got therapy and was just having home health, the PT was very coarse and ill tempered with Mama and Mama loves everyone but she did not like this woman one bit. She was MEAN..I didn't care for her either but at that time didn't know I could have changed PT's..anyway..Mama got to where she would make faces at her and started getting snippy with her..I had never seen Mama do that in my life...then she started quoting poetry to her...which really aggravated the therapist...Mama was still living alone for the most part then but I would come home often and check on her..I was heading home one day and the therapist called me and told me Mama had ordered her out of the house...I loved it....she was really hateful to me too and said she wasn't leaving until I got there and signed her paperwork. I told her she could come back and I would sign her paperwork but for now she needed to just go...she told me...your Mother doesn't know what she's talking about...I told her you are wrong..Mama knows exactly what she's talking about and she wants you gone and so do it...please go now...I will be there soon and you can either mail me what you want me to sign or bring it back or I will swing by and sign it..but go....she left...and that was that....but she was rough with Mama...I knew it and it made me wonder just how rough she might be getting with me not there for Mama to order her out of her house...because I've never seen or heard Mama do anything like that in my life....

I wish yall could see her right now...she is sleeping really deeply...all cleaned up..all in pink..all clean and fresh and flowery....I so love her being here...right here...beside me, where I can keep an eye on her and just love the heck out of her...
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Yep Hope, exactly. I remember bawling like a baby when they took her, that sweet, trusting yet confused look on her face. Bawled again when they brought her home.

One other thing I noticed. They requested I send with her everything she'll need. So I sent several pairs of her favorite pj's, her favorite gowns... but they never used them. As soon as she got there they apparently took the clothes I sent her in, off. They kept her in those ugly hospital gowns. Their reason was it's easier to change her. Lazy buttheads to boot!!
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Absolutely...that was it in a nutshell Jeanette...totally lazy..you could tell it by the way they were acting with all the other patients...patients were hollering out, some were sitting in chairs...slumped over...that one in Mama's room kept asking me to do things for her...and I was trying to either hand her what she needed or get someone who could get it...now I know that some patients are difficult. And I know there are ones who want the curtains open, now I want them closed, now i want the remote, now I want the curtains open again...it is sad, but Mama is not like that. ask for nothing...just lies there...and 99.9 times out of a 100 if you ask her is she hungry she will say NO.....I told them that....I'm guessing that is what they did this time..she said no, so I'm not fooling with it....

Again, I'm just so thankful Mama is home....I feel so much more rested...Maybe that's what I needed..to know that I am happier with her HERE and me knowing all her moves than being somewhere else and having to worry all the time...maybe now I can settle down a bit.. :)
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Like my plate is empty. Completed a 20 page questionnaire from the solicitor, had to fill out about 6 forms for something else that I had forgotten to do when Mum went into hospital, rang the council over election forms they sent me and yes regardless of how gaga Mum gets she is eligible to vote - you go figure, rang a paralegal about a matter that hasn't been answered for 4 weeks and she is on holiday, sorted out a flaming roofer for Mums friend who was in tears on the phone took all the forms that I had filled in to the solicitor to witness - re-signed said forms - must have been having a moment, dashed over to the hospital only to find Mum is back in isolation with diarrhoea once more and thinks she is about to die and wants to come home, that raised Dad back to me so I got upset and had to have a minute alone,then my bloody DIL rang to ask if I would mind having a word with my son because he said something honest but nasty to her. Well actually yes I would mind and I would mind a lot - you married him - you deal with it.. Rant over
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Here's a change of subject to whine about regarding my husband of almost 8 yrs. of dementia: I've been saying for a few months that my car seems a little "off" and needs a check-up. My son drove it once and said the same thing. My husband changed the oil and said not to let a garage change the air filter because he bought one. He said also that the spark plugs have never been changed and a rear tail light can be rewired by one of our sons, not the garage. Okay. Got it.

I take the car in and the spark plugs and wires need changing. A gasket is leaking oil. Some fitting I have no idea of is falling apart & needs replacing. Okay, do it. We pick up the car and I pay the bill. At home my husband looks at it and yells that I'm wasting our money because he could have changed the spark plugs and this or that and the last (unrelated) move I made to save money for us is useless because of this money I just threw away...blah, blah, blah, blame, blame, blame...!
Really?? Why didn't he speak up these past few months? Why didn't he look at the car himself? Why didn't he tell me he could change the spark plugs and wires or just DO it? Why didn't he say he'd like to hear the calls from the garage to see if he could do any of the work himself?? WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??? I can't read his mind! I followed his directions!

And now, a couple of hours later, he seems to have forgotten it and wants to take me out to dinner before I leave for a months' vacation!!

It's a crazy life I'm living.
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Coloresue, what a life it can be! I don't think I would let anyone with Alz work on a car. No telling what might happen -- spark plugs wrong gap, water in the brake fluid, gas in the radiator. Yikes. I like to take my car to Pep Boys. They have coupons every month and good prices. They can do things just about as cheap as I can and I don't have to worry about getting rid of nasty stuff.

Love that he forgot about being mad so fast. Hope that dinner is good. He sounds like a sweet man. :)
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Jeanette I'm like you. I love a good storm. We had a really bad wind storm about five or so years ago. I had my bedroom window wide open at 1:00 in the morning watching the trees outside being bent to the ground and all the transformers blowing up. Probably dangerous but I was carefree :)
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Oh I noticed the moon last night too. It was beautiful!
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colorsue, wait...what??? A MONTHS long vacation???

Donna, is it blistering there? I'm a few ticks from 100, by 5:00 p.m. it will be well over a 100.

Pool time (again)
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Its not blistering but its hot. I have my AC on constantly so I hardly know it when I'm inside. In fact this AC works too darn good. I'm actually cold. BRRRR!!!

I'm a fair skinned irish lass so the sun is not my friend.
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