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Jude, that sounds like my day yesterday...ten things a minute flying at me. And the DIL wants YOU to scold your son for being mean?? Bad timing on her part too.

Coloresue, at least the car was fixed, and if he forgets about it I am hoping he won't mention it again and you will be safe driving now.

I am seeing why Mom got squirrely at midnite last nite and rang that wireless doorbell she has to call me if something is wrong, but she doesn't remember it...I walked into her room this afternoon after her nap to see dark red blood in the catheter bag. So much for the gallons of cranberry juice she drinks daily. Her nurse will be here in the morning so I will see how they want to handle that. That is always so dismaying to see.

I am going to try to see that moon tonite....Still tired from little sleep last night though. Now I have that blood to worry about on top of the 5-6 other things going on.

I hope everyone has a peaceful night....sounds very hot out West, hope you can sleep!
{{Hugs}} to all.
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Its tough sleeping at night. My AC is only for the front rooms. Its too noisy for the bedroom so I sleep in a puddle of sweat when it gets hot. No cuddling for hubby unless he wants to call 911 to pry our sweaty bodies apart in the morning. :)

Katie I hope all will be well with your Mom. Try not to worry and get a good nite's sleep.
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JesseBelle,
He doesn't have ALZ, he was dx'ed with dementia and was h*ll to live with for 6 yrs. of abuse, now has quieted down and become much MORE NORMAL but NOT normal. Figure that out and you'll know more than I do. I wish we had a Pep Boys or something similar. I am very fortunate he's become better rather than worse, but he is difficult to live with.

He seems to remember now that he doesn't like me. He's acting like I abuse him...like he's the victim! I guess because he just woke from a nap and his attitude is different? I just don't understand him. But I know a lot of people have a much worse struggle than I do right now.
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My whine today is the insensitive remarks made by people who should know better.The bathaid said"So,What exiting plans do you all have for the weekend?I want to yell,"Were trying to survive and stay alive!!!"But I tell her "none".Then she goes on about her upcoming vacation and how shell be gone..blah,blah,blah.
Its been too hot in Missouri this past week to go out and the 4 walls come in on us,but Mother doesnt feel like doing anything anyway.Today Ive been reading some poetry Mother likes to her by YAMEN.I am so grateful she can hear me better..
Dinnertime has become a nightmare at our house.All Mother will eat is chicken noodle soup,mashed potatoes and gravy and jello.Im beyond sick of it but grateful if she eats anything.Speaking of dinner............later.
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Jeanette,
Yes, a whole month(!!!) is traditional for our family and extended family to reunite and visit. Some stay different amounts of time. Since I'm disabled, I can stay all month. I know it's a fantastic privilege and I treat it as such. I take a ridiculous amount of medicine and medical equipment with me but I can make it!! Thank you Lord!! While there I help take care of my parents. My Mom is showing some alarming changes and we all will be observing and helping where appropriate to try to understand what is happening.

I've been through hell with my husband's dementia but he's actually improved in the last 1.5 yrs. He makes it a hurtful point to never come on this vacation with me. Not 1 day. I know many people caring for a loved one or two need a vacation so very badly and I so want to see them get one. Even a small one...but I'm helpless to do so except I do pray for them and hope they will get a much needed break with their loved one well cared for.
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Ack! I forgot...It's as hot and humid as Florida gets!! We had no choice on the month and ended up with one of the hottest---August. One we would normally avoid. Fortunately we've had extraordinary rains and many many flood warnings so the temp drops but the humidity is about 100%.
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My whine for today? Lack of privacy. It's hard to set boundaries with the aides who come in to help. After all, they are caring for my father and they are helpful to my mother, but I no longer have time to have coffee and a cigarette in the morning. They want to talk, and talk, and talk, and one of them follows me out to the garage where I go to smoke and gather my thoughts in the morning. As thankful as I am to these ladies, I just want to have a morning to MYSELF. I want to wake up alone, and have my coffee alone, and smoke my cigarette alone, and think - alone. It's been so long since I could do these things. I used to feel sorry for my dad because he's lost ALL privacy, but now I am going insane and I only feel sorry for me.

Oh yeah, and I'll throw in another whine for the sister who's making having her 5th vacation this year, but won't come home to give me a week off. Yay for deadbeat siblings!
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Dear AlwaysTired,
I can see how you were probably excited at first to know you were going to have aides to help, only to find not a minute of privacy for yourself! I would go insane, too! I hope you find a gentle way to approach the subject of them giving you a little time alone. Maybe they think they are rescuing you from terrible boredom and being all alone by talking!!
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Thanks, Coloresque! My cousin just suggested to me that I pretend I am on my cell phone. I can do that! :)
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So after a week of dealing with application paperwork for AL, making dad go over each page with me and sign the right spots, hand delivering them together on Monday, talking to the doctor about the 1823 medical form they have to have, each day telling him we don't have it all yet but I think we will get it....and with a couple of calls to the doctor office today we finally got it.

So I got home this evening and told dad that everything is in place and we will be moving him tomorrow--and he acts like he's never heard of the idea! Me, move? As in out of this house? Tomorrow?!? Why? And when I insisted that yes, he is going to move, tomorrow, he doesn't need to worry about moving stuff SO and I will take care of it, he did a fine impression of a toddler and stomped off to his room.
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All need to check out "The Long and Winding Road" blog and the post today related to Presidential candidates and their thoughts on funding for Alzheimer's research and helping family caregivers. Google "Ann Napoletan" she write this blog that has received awards. Get out there, get active, have our voices heard!
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AlwaysTired, why not just tell them straight up that you want some quiet time to yourself? "I don't get much quiet time with dad and mom both needing attention, so the most helpful thing you can do for me is to let me sit/stand/go outside by myself. I don't mean to be anti-social, I just need some mental down time."
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Feeling tired but very accomplished this evening.

-Tackled the patch of tall weeds by the garage that my lawn guy seems to ignore consistently - so they were waist-high. Pulled the biggest of them out of the ground by the roots (like small trees!) and instructed him to mow down the rest today. He didn't. SMH.

-Trundled the brand new, still-in-the-box bbq grill out to the van to be delivered to the person that bought it. Got less for it than I paid for it, but at least it's out of the house. I bought it for Mom's big birthday bash, but she ended up in the NH and the party got downsized. And with it just being me here now, what do I need with a big grill? Delivered the grill and got paid. :-)

-Visited Mom this morning and evening, and she was doing significantly better than yesterday. Close monitoring and bloodwork will continue until we know how her kidneys are going to react to the med changes.

-Put together my new desk chair. Took an hour....since I put the arms on backwards the first time and had to take them off and turn them around. But in the end, I won. And as a bonus, the chair fits me well, is comfy and the arms aren't too high for my short frame, which is rare. I need to remember where I got the chair so I can get another when this one wears out, because it's really hard to find a chair that fits me so well!

-Took photos of more items to sell, will get those posted up tomorrow. My books are next after that. (Only keeping those I can't bear to part with.)

-Shipped 2 packages out to the grandkids - more stuff out of the way in the house. Sent them things I'd been holding onto for birthdays/Christmas, with instructions to their parents to either give them the things right away or hold onto them for gifts later, to save them money at that time when money is tight. I reserved ONE gift per grandchild for me to give them at Christmas, but the rest is going into their parents' hands and they can do what they want with it.

-Found things I had purchased for my estranged son, that I never got to give him before he stopped talking to me about a year ago. Cried for a bit, then boxed them up to be given to someone who will appreciate them.

-Cooked up a big package of chicken thighs on the grill - froze some, refrigerated the others for meals over the weekend.

Tomorrow I'll tackle some more. As for right now, the joints in my hands and knees are swollen and sore, but I feel like I got a heck of a lot done today. It has taken me weeks of living amongst the clutter since Mom went into the NH to finally get to the point where I could complete something.

I picked up a good-sized project that will bring a significant income boost for the next month or so, plus I interviewed with a potential new long-term client this week - I'll hear back from her tomorrow as to whether she's coming on board or not, but the interview went very well, so I have some hope that she will.
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Susan you make me feel so useless. Seriously.....I'm going to the doc tomorrow and demand to get blood work done to find out why I feel so lethargic all the time now.

I'm sure its just depression due to grief over my Mom but I still think it should be checked out.

Anyways Susan bottle up some of your energy and send it my way.
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Gershun, you're *not* useless. You're grieving a great loss. Give yourself time. And yes, see the doc just to rule out anything else, but give yourself time to deal with your grief.

If I could bottle this stuff, I would. I wish I had this much energy every day, but I don't always - but as the weight comes off and I feel better, it's coming back.
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Good on ya Susan. You need the energy more than I do anyhow.
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Gershen, seeing your posts about energy, I was reminded about the bottled helps that we take: omega 3 oils, (found also in chia seeds); sublingual B-12, and other supplements that an alternative physician or nutritionist can advise you.

It would not be unusual for you to have lack of energy during a difficult time, but you are right to check in with your doctor. Give yourself some time. Can you start an exercise class with others? Something light.
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Sendme I used to exercise quite regularly but when I became more and more concerned with my Mom exercise took a back seat and now its not even in the car anymore if you know what I mean.

I've been really trying to eat healthy, take vitamins and incorporate exercise into my routine again but its hard. I've become a sloth.

We'll see what the doc comes back with.

Anyhow good nite all you wonderful caregivers.
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Goodnight, Gershen. Goodnight everyone.
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Susan, that is great you are using these energy bursts to get things done...sounds like you really accomplished quite a bit. My energy comes and goes, but I try to do a few things each day even if they are simple things.

Gershun, I hope all goes well at the doctor's. It is normal to be tired and need rest right now as you have been through a lot. Give yourself time to rest. Have you tried some gentle Yoga? The gentle stretches feel good in the morning when I remember to do them. I could never do advanced Yoga and bend like a pretzel like some people do, but the gentle Yoga feels good.

FeelingLost, I hope your Dad's move goes well and that he becomes receptive to the idea once he gets there. Best wishes for the move!

I did get outside at dawn in the porch and sit for about a half hour very early this morning and look at that fabulous moon and hear the birds waking up. So much is going on in my life right now and after a few minutes of sitting there I realized how much better just taking in the moon and the birds singing made me feel. We should all try to give ourselves a little time like this even if for a few short minutes...I know today will have it's very rough moments and I feel now that no matter what, I had a few minutes to charge up my batteries to face the day.
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Colours the struggle you have is very personal no-one's is 'better' or 'worse' and you have been through the mill too, let's not forget that. I hate dementias they seriously make me angry for the person who loses their capacity slowly but surely and for the carers who have a tough time, for the family who do care for they have to sit and watch the decline unable to change the long road uphill and furious at the family who do nothing and let others do it all without any support and very often only contact to criticise (odd how these same people will be the first vultures to land once it is all over)
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Susan,
It sounds like you had a very productive day. That's got to feel good! Congratulations on successfully tackling many projects, including emotionally difficult ones. Quite a successful day! May you have many more.
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Feelinglost, good luck today with your Dad and his move! I hope it all goes smoothly!
Susan, Wow, you have been busy! You sound great but you be careful too! So happy your Mom is doing OK too!
Gershun, it all takes time Love, glad you are seeing the Dr though, I hope everything checks out OK, don't be too hard on yourself!
Katie Doll, taking time in the morning to charge up is exactly what I do every Morning, I try to get up for my cuppa in my backyard before my little pup Charlie-girl gets up because after she's up its all about her and that darned ball! She can chase that thing all bloody day, but she is the light of my life, so I'll keep throwing it to keep her happy!
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Had a bit of an upset stomach so I didn't stay for dads happy hour. Several do the rosary before happy hour (called holy hour then happy hour!) Dad was there taking a quick snooze. Wonder if he is getting a cold his voice was real groggy.
Another lady had a mask on and yet another mentioned that a few residents have colds. Dad has an excellent immune system but will bear watching.
I usually do not see him Saturday's but will stop Sunday afternoon for ice cream.
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The move went as well as it could, better than I expected. The social worker's suggestion to have someone keep him busy while we moved his stuff worked perfectly--he got started with the staff PT, and we got an hour of peace which was enough to get everything unloaded and mostly set up in the apartment.

When I left the drama king was holding court with the director of nursing and her staff, disputing with great theatrics the doctor's instruction that they manage his meds for him. Watching how gently and yet effectively they handled his rant, I knew we made the right choice.

We stopped to eat on the way home, and found ourselves taking a lot of deep breaths, letting go of the huge amount of tension we've been carrying the last several months.

The only sorta-whine is that I missed a couple boxes of stuff that dad had hidden in the bathroom. Fortunately nothing he needs before Monday, when I will be there to take him to the doctor.

Hugs to all here.
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All this mention of ice cream!....I think I will indulge a little in that tonite I have 3 kinds in the freezer, chocolate, salted caramel, and coconut chocolate chip. Ice cream seems to have become a staple in my diet lately....
The nurse called in the prescription for the UTI and I always rest a little easier when Mom has started on the antibiotic as I fear another episode of delirium.
Mom looks really tired though...her eyes look more sunken in and smaller. I am glad I got another day of caregiving in and hope everyone has a peaceful night.

FeelingLost, Glad the move went better than you expected!

Twin, Hope you feel better.
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57twin, your a good egg!
Feelinglost, so great to hear that the move went well, now Breathe!
Katie, did you say Ice cream? Yummy, can I come? I hope your Mom responds well to the antibiotics, and is feeling better soon! Love to you both!
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Staceyb, Thank you for your kind words. Your little dog is so cute and must bring you so much happiness!
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Mom is back down again, not sure what's going on. She's tired, sleeps most of the day away, and then is restless all night. Last night, for the first time, she refused to get out of bed when I visited. Normally, even if she is sleeping when I get there, she wants to get up and go sit on the patio with me. Not last night. And this morning, she refused breakfast (which she does often) and when I came to visit, she didn't want to get up, said she just wanted to sleep. I asked if she wanted me to stay and visit and she said no, I could go home and she'd see me later.

I alerted the nurse, who seemed at a loss as to what I wanted her to do about it. I told her I wanted Mom checked out, because I felt there may be something wrong - she told me she'd check her out, but that all she could do were the normal tests - heart, lungs, belly sounds, etc. Going to call in a bit to see if she's up and around yet. It could be just depression, but not sure.
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Hugs, Susan, I'd want her checked out too. It's quite true that 'what do you expect me to do about it?' is a valid question, but it misses the point. Which is that this is not normal for your mother, and you want to exclude anything obvious, which nevertheless they won't find if they don't look.

On the other hand, everyone's entitled to an "off" day or two; so I'll hope it's nothing to worry you and she'll be more herself next time you go to see her.
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