My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Big whine for me, anyone heard of costochondritis? Apparently that's what I've got, and it is not fun. Two nights running I've woken up yelping with a pain in my side, and had to get up because lying down was too sore. Not fair! Anyway, the on call GP has given me some pills and told me - not that comfortingly, now I think about it - that it will eventually go away. How long is eventually? I can't stand up forever.

huge hugs Susan all this yo-yoing must be driving you insane

Thanks ladies - yes, it's driving me nuts, but another nurse mentioned that they did increase her Zoloft dosage this past week (which I was aware of), and that the increase may be causing her to be lethargic and sleepy until her body adjusts to it - that's why they give it at night, but for Mom, it seems to be doing the opposite - she's staying awake at night and sleeping during the day.

Susan stupid suggestion maybe if they give the Zoloft in the morning instead of at night they will get the desired result. Many time drugs will have the opposite effect to that desired in the elderly. Worth a try anyway. Increases in this type of medication do take a couple of weeks to become fully effective.

CM never heard of your new nasty affliction but did a search on the a Mayo clinic site. It seems to be an inflamation of ligaments joined to the ribs. cause is usually unknown but certain things like heart problems should be ruled out. it can be brought on by stress (what isn't) or heavy lifting but usually no cause is found and treatment consists of alleviating the pain and it as the Dr says eventually will go away which can be several weeks. There are fancy treatments like having the area injected with steroids and local anesthetics. you can try ice or heat to the area or OTC local anesthetic sprays and a TENS unit. I have had chronic post hepatic neuralgia pain for the past four years from Shingles and so far the most helpful thing i have found is the Lidocaine patches. You put one on over the most painful area and leave it on for 12 hours then remove, wait 12 hours and repeat

Miss a day or so and miss a lifetime with all you caregivers out there. Just makes me so even more mindful of how hectic our lives truly are, even though no one else seems to acknowledge that.

Funny how once I got Mama home I enjoyed the remained of my "respite" that the actual 1 1/2 of real respite....Maybe that all happened to help me be aware of why I did this in the first place, to be here for Mama and be able to spend precious time with her. I definitely know the reason I felt so unsettled was because she truly did need me to come and get her....I am so thankful I got her home..

I am just going to live this life right here in this house and do the best I can one day at a time...take a break with her when I need one...find a little project to motivate my enjoyment of life...I used to love all kinds of stuff and have just allowed myself to get so down in the dumps...almost like I've been living for later on and what I want to do is live for NOW, because that's all any of us really have anyway...

Let tomorrow take care of itself when it gets here...that may sound foolish and irresponsible but it's the only way I can do it anymore...

One of my aunts (one who actually has started offering to help) came yesterday and we had a nice visit. Thank God she understands I do not do long visits well, but at least she knows when to go...just long enough to be enjoyable..Mama was laughing too. I think my respite fiasco and my wanting to bring Mama home made her realize that I really am trying hard to care for her and she told me if I ever needed to just get out and go somewhere to let her know and they would come down if they didn't have a doctors appointment or something...so that was nice .

We are having a preview of fall this morning and wow am I loving it...

I can surely identify with those of you who hate losing your privacy..that has been one of the most difficult things for me to get used to. I finally just told them I did not need the social worker anymore..all she did was upset me with all her grilling and needling and they finally stopped sending her....She told me if I needed her I could always call...For me some of these folks are akin to a total stranger walking in the door and just saying...well how's it going to day...I don't want to talk to total strangers about any of this.

I get along just fine with our aid, our nurse and the chaplain (on a much less frequent basis) that is all we need...I'm finding my voice a little better....I'm learning to let people know what I want without losing my temper from the get go...Feeling hopeful today...I hope everyone has a good day today..along with all your loved ones..

You know, I am noticing so often when I think Mama is sleeping that often she is just lying here with her eyes closed or half closed...I have started trying to talk to her more even when she is not responding...And I notice that when I talk to her and say things that used to make her laugh, she perks up and wants to eat more....I never force food (ensure) on her, but I want to make sure she has what she needs....she sure is happy today.....I hope she has a good day...it dawned on me the other day that as tired as I get sometimes of being here alone...I am guessing many times I get on her last nerve...even though she can't tell me....

Susan, sure hope your Mama is feeling more alert today, and that it is just the Rx adjustment and will be better soon!
CM, I too have had Costochondritis, several times, and it really hurts, mine has always been right in the front of my breast bones, and have been Rx'd strong anti-inflamatories for it, plus pain meds. Heat seemed to help, but try icing it too, as everyone is different.
Katie, you know my stance on people who just stop in without calling first, I hate that! Just give me a 15 minute warning, so I can hide the body's! I'm so glad you are just letting life live, one day at a time, it's truly the only way most of us manage anyways, one crisis at a time or we would all make ourselves sicker than we already are! Do you like to do crafts or refinish furniture? That is my next project, a dresser, just for fun. Something funky, I don't know where I will put it as my house is packed, maybe my walk in closet. Anyways, you all have a FAB DAY TODAY!
Oh ya My Whine. ?. My house is under threat of an attack from the ner do well BIL & wife, who I've never met, the wife that is. They are "on the road" headed north from Crazy SIL's in San Francisco, where they have been mooching off of her for the last 8 weeks, supposedly with a trailer of "all their worldly possessions" , an NORTH sound's a little bit ominous to me, a surprise attack is what I am preparing for, as we haven't seen this guy for 11 year's, but he has been calling now for the past 2 months or so, now that he knows his Dad is really failing. The Vultures are circling and scheming, my husband knew that they would! In the 1st of of these phone calls, he just wanted"bygones be bygones", but he has been caught in so many lies, since when SIL calls, their stories never add up. So this should get interesting, but he will not be permitted to cross my threshold, as he is a lying theiving chister, who has only ever caused his parents and my husband pain and problems, as well as screwing them all out of money and possessions. In one of the last phone calls, he had the gall to tell my husband that he made a deathbed promise to his Mom, that he would take care of his Dad, well, he wasn't here"on her death bed, he couldn't be bothered, and the last time we saw him was 11 years ago at my home for his Mother's wake! Way to go! Great care giving! NOT! They are both selfish disgusting human beings, and I know that they started out scheming in the last few months, but now they are turning and burning on each other, it's kinda comical, but I really don't have the mental energy to waste on them, yet it is wearing all of us down in our home and causing a lot of tension, which none of us need! The ols man (FIL) gets really shaky when either of them call, and now are both saying that they are moving to the Seattle area, WTF, what for!?? The old man wants nothing to do with them, and , HELLO!? A LITTLE BIT TOO LATE! That ship sailed when they showed their true colors. We never expected much, but the misery stress and anguish they have caused over many many years, just can't be rectified at this point. They are clearly circling the wagons to pick the bones, but he's not dead, not dying, and God help Me, this could go on for 11 more years, and there probably won't be any thing ($$$) left! And anything left is already going to my husband anyhow! It's really a horrible situation when siblings
Aren't involved lovingly in their parents care from the get go. I Never had any troubles with the Caregiving and estate distributions with my 6 siblings. We all held to our strengths, and gave our all to our parents to the end, and 5 months after my Mom past away, we all took a mini cruise on her IRS refund monies to celebrate their lives and our Victorious life with them and harmonious support of one an other in doing such a great job together! OK, gotta go get my Armor on, and see what this day brings, I hope it isn't any RATFINKS! TaDa, Stacey B

Nobody ever told me I was short of words! Sorry, but when I get going, I really get going! So now you know my whole life story, well not everything but...

Thanks everyone - I really do hope it's just the Zoloft adjustment that is doing this. Veronica, I will discuss that change of time for the Zoloft to see if that may make a difference. Our family has some real medical anomalies that may just be at play here. Most of us carry a low body temp, so when we get to 99 or 100, we're really running what would be a 102 or 103 fever in anyone else. Some of us run extremely low blood pressure, and we don't always display typical medical symptoms for severe ailments. I almost had my appendix rupture while I was pregnant because I didn't display the normal symptoms - no white count elevation, no fever (or at least what *they* thought was a fever), and pain on my left side, not my right. They finally SAW the inflamed appendix on an ultrasound, which is not at all a normal occurrence, and I was in surgery the next morning for removal of the offending object. They did an exploratory while they were in there, because they *still* didn't quite believe what they were seeing, and though something else must have been the culprit. So, long story short, Mom's issues may just be another of those medical anomalies our family seems to have - where a medication has the opposite effect than it should have, and Mom's age and other issues are probably not helping, either.

Been calling and checking on her today, and she still seems very out of it, but the nurses don't seem concerned - they say all her vitals are fine, so for now, we wait, I guess...to see what's next.

Just called to check on mom again, and none of the nurses are answering the phone on her floor.. I *hate* that....

Susan, I understand your concern. I will keep your Mom in my prayers...and you as well. It seems that it would go without saying at the residential homes and such that we want to know our loved ones are ok, but I know when I called they always seemed to take on an attitude with me as if I was bothering them....If I worked at one of them I would expect folks loved ones to call and check on them..would hope they would in fact...and once you know all is ok then we can feel confident in their care...we seem to just live in a world where people do not want to be bothered....hopefully if all your Mom's vitals are good she is just resting and they are making their rounds and you will be able to get them soon...Prayers for you.

Stacey...oh me....11 years since you've seen the BIL and now here he comes??? ugh....that seems to be a common trait of that sort. no where to be found until they think there is about to be something in it for them....I don't blame you..I'd be peeping out the peep hole for those folks...

My thoughts on people who are never here til it doesn't matter anymore are why can't they see that since they weren't here when it mattered we sure don't need to have to deal with their mess now that it doesn't....too late...too bad..so sad...

There is all kinds of stuff that needs doiing outdoors today and it's a nice pretty day and not nearly as hot as it has been...but I am leaning in the direction of taking a nap..and not feeling one bit bad about it....

I know what you mean Hope, I feel the same. No energy enough to do what I usually do. My poor Momma is still sick with acid reflux. It was good for about a week and1/2 then she got bad again. The doctor doubled up on the meds and she was good for 4 days. Now today she is complaining about her throat hurting and coughing. ugh! I hate this when I can't help her. Poor Momma. Time to call doctor again!!!!!!!!!!

Hope, and even if there wasn't Bad Blood, it's gonna be so frigging awkward, too! " HEY, HOW YA DOIN', LONG TIME NO SEE! COME ON IN, CAN I FIX YOU SOMETHING TO EAT, COFEE, DRINKS?" Come on, for Christ's sake, its not going to happen! I just can't be fake at this point regarding my FIL, I'm just so protective of him, and Nobody, not even his " long lost Son " is going to prance in here and act as if everything is hunky dory, I can't, I just can't. I'm much more likely to frigging Go Off on him, Big Time, which is not my true nature. But I'm really frigging Pissed Off on these delusional people! And I've never met his wife ( #9 , no really, #9! ) I've been with my husband for 31 years, and the Brother has married 7 women in that time! How awkward is this gonna get? I'm flat out embarrassed to be associated with him, let alone be sort of related to him! Well we will just see how this plays out! I feel sorry for the poor doormat of a girl, ahem, women, as she is older than me! I know she had a very good government job when he met her, and In the time that they have been married, about 3-4 years, that I know of, they have moved at least, 7 times, and he is disabled with a bad heart, so he doesn't work, above board anyways , so then she's the one who has had to go out and find a jobto support them, and we all know what the economy has been in the past few years, job hunting in podunk depressed little towns must be brutal! As that is where he likes to live, little depressed areas where he can swindle people out of their money, and then quickly split town, and move on to the next one, and more innocent victims! He has dragged this poor inocent girl into his disgusting lifestyle. It has been his MO for as long as I've known him! In fact, oh I just remembered this, 31+ years ago, he hit on me the night we met, and I was dating his own Brother (now hubby). Eeuuww! Safe to say he's not my favorite person! This could get interesting! Tune in tomorrow on THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES! LATER KIDS!

I think you should invite them in Stacey and make them one of my special cakes to celebrate their return. My special cake is a chocolate cake and the topping is heavily laced with exlax. Of course if they get diarrhoea (and they will) you couldn't possibly allow them the house for risk of cross infection. They would have to be 3 days clear before that could happen! And you could always offer them more cake!!!
Me vindictive? Oh you don't know the half!

On a serious note - if you think it is going to be a problem and it is going to be a problem then you will have to take a very hard line.

Look .....You haven't seen Dad for 11 years so you will have to be introduced back to him slowly - may be an hour a week controlled visit - with you present to begin with then an hour twice a week - it could take months before you will be able to be alone with him and even then ONLY if he is not disturbed by your visits. If he is then I am afraid you won't be able to see him as we have to ensure he is kept calm and free from anxiety.

Then you have demonstrated your willing less to realign the family should there ever be a challenge - BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE DIARIED IT WONT YOU
You will have a rationale for the accompanied visits and the eventual refusal of a visit based on health grounds.

Well I'll be. .i actually fell asleep. ..i didn't mean to but i sure enough did. Now im all disoriented. .

I wish i had some chocolate cake. .but leave off the exlax..
Lol you'd think people would know better than to aggravate a tired caregiver. ..not really a good idea. ..lol

Jude, I like it, I like it alot! So much talk about poopie on here!

No, this guy doesn't stay in one place for very long, so it will never be an issue. He has Never been close to his Dad, and I quite believe that he is a Sociopath. Without a doubt, he is a pathological Liar, proven hundreds of times since I've met him, and hubby's sister is much the same. We have only rarely heard from him or her for that matter, and generally those two, (he had been living in Arizona, and SIL in San Francisco) have hated each other and have never gotten along. It is only recently, 8 weeks, that BIL went to "help straighten out drunkard SIL) in San Francisco, andthat these 2 have been calling. Now they call separately, each "tattling on each other, mind you, he's 61, she's 65, catching each other in lies, but now are both stating that they are separately moving to Seattle, WTF? They are scheming to get at their Dad's money, now that he is becoming more and more fragile. They really know nothing of the situation up here in Seattle at my house where we have been caring for FIL in our home X11 years, except perhaps what the Old Man has told them on the phone regarding his health, but I'm VERY certain that he has only said he is quite content here with us, , and I know FIL is terrified of these two, who have only ever cheated and stolen money from him and my deceased MIL, for many many years. These 2 have been cohorting and scheming, but now they are turning and burning each other, as they are oil and vinegar. The race is on to get to Seattle, but we are quite prepared, emotionally and legally. And have been for years. It is such a culture shock comming from a pretty normal family, to this disastrously dysfunctional family, and trying to understand how my husband turned out so different, but he left home to basically live with his girlfriend's family when he was 17, as his parents moved 35 miles away when he was in high school, that may have helped. In the 31 years I've been with my husband, we as a family have always been close to his parents and always got along well, but the other 2 almost always lived in other states and had nothing to do with them. So, this is nothing new, just another threat, and one which will probably never come to fruition, but it sure has caused a lot of tension and stress here, and the old man certainly doesn't need this now! The Vultures are circling, but there is NO MEAT!

Yes Jude, I record every call and highlights of each conversation! The latest "intelligence" is that BIL/and or SIL, depending on whom you speak to, is that they are threatening to call Adult Protective Services on my husband as he is holding the Old Man Hostage! HA! Bring it on! The Friggin Nerve! That One Thousand Dollars the Old Man was gonna leave each of you in his Will is Dwindling!

Stacey does your husband have POA for his father? both medical and health?
I would make sure any financial records of your fathers and yours be well hidden as I am sure that will be a priority for your BIL to find.
I agree carefully controlled limited contact is best. Will your FIL even recognize his son. You mentioned they are coming with a trailer. Hope your driveway is not large enough for them to drive in as they may not want to leave. Strategically placing your vehicles should be considered.
Went and bought more disinfecting wipes for dads room as sometimes I go in the bathroom and it smells like his aim my not be the best. I had a couple other containers thought I had them at my house with the rest of my cleaning supplies. nope. I checked his closet a couple times and they were not there either.
Bought some flashlights too as he has none and the batteries I have which have not expired according to label are not working.
Also need to fill his birdfeeders and bring another bag of jellybean. This will be tomorrow afternoon as I have a baby shower to attend earlier.

Oh No, they will not be permitted in to my home! We will ask them to call the old man once they land in the place they intend to stay, and definitely not in my driveway, hahaha, my husband would S*#T!The last time my BIL entered my home, he stole collectable coins, and a picture and frame of his parents right off of my mantel! Ya No, not comming in!
Yes POA, and all legal documents have been done for many years now, as well as will, trust, and bank accounts are in both of their names. Insurance, everything is sealed up tight and locked in a safe with copies in the bank vault and filed with his lawyer. No worries, and Nothing can be contested or they will receive nothing, not that they are getting much anyways! They have stolen and cheated him out of so many thousands over the years, they have already received their inheritance according to their Dad.

57twin, I love how you lovingly care for your Dad, you are so Sweet! I totally get you regarding AIM, LOL

Hope, how ya doing hon? I hope your day went well!
Luckylu, my heart goes out to you too, as I know how hard it is right now for you! It does sound like you are getting all your ducks in a row though! Take the time to rest and Love Love Love on your Sweet Mama!
Jude, I read that your Mam was really lucid, was that today? Wowza, how very interesting! Is she on Prednisone by chance? I hope it lasts and that her disposition stays sweet and kind! Also that she continues on the up and up!
Jeanette and Gershun, stay strong you too and be kind to yourselves!
Love to you all.

Thank-you Stacey! I went to my Doctor's appt. yesterday. He checked my thyroid and sent me for my bloodwork. So we shall see. Then me and hubby went downtown and got caught in the gay pride festivities. My God, Sodom and Gomorrah had nothing on that. Need I say more?

Laid low today and made big plate of spaghetti for dinner.

Anyhow all have a great rest of your weekend!

Gershun, that's so you Funny you mentioned the Gay Pride Parade, as it is huge here in Seattle too, and Anything Goes! All in the name of good fun and support!

A couple of whines for me today. Mother has 4000$ hearing aids and refuses to wear them. She is extremely HOH. TV blasting ALL day and I have to repeat myself 3-4-5? Even 6 times before she gets what I'm saying. Often I don't repeat myself because It wears me down. She misses conversations when the siblings visit and is constantly saying ' what was that?' It's almost like she enjoys her cocoon but is very nosy about everything.
Also, making meals, every day I make dinner from scratch, either ' it has no flavor, too spicy, not cooked enough, over cooked, etc'. Never a thank you this is good. And I am a decent cook, not a thing wrong with the meals. I have learned not to expect 'this was tasty' comment. Clothes are 'Dingy', you forgot to turn out the light, did you break that ceiling fan switch, don't forget to put the recyclables out, did you mail those letters. No Mom, I threw them in the trash! Wtf do you think I did with them! Sometimes I want to drop kick her into outer space! It never ends!

Hi Stacey..yes, Mama and I had a nice quiet day yesterday. I never did make it to the yard....hehe.....I did well to make it to the sofa for some reason...I was all energetic during the morning, got dressed, makeup on hair done and then started feeling sooo sleepy...like I had been drugged kind of sleepy...I made the mistake of putting my feet up and lying back to play with my puppy and it was lights out...I woke up with the pupster sleeping on me, surrounded by my cats and Mama snoozing merrily beside me...it took me awhile to recompose...even though I love afternoon naps when I can get them, I wake up feeling horrible for a little while..but sure felt good at the time...

Mama sure did eat well yesterday....usually if I can get three ensures in a day I"m doing well..but she had five yesterday and drank a lot the day before too. Poor thing, they really did just let her go without at the respite facility. I am thinking I will have a hard time ever doing that again....If I do decide to do it, they told me they use the little place not one mile from here across the highway where at least running by on a daily basis if I had to would not be difficult...the other place was such a haul it made it exhausting going there so often.

Mama went to this place years ago for rehab after she broke her leg and the staff was very nice, the place seemed clean and they seemed good at watching after her...but that was when she could eat on her own, ate regular meals etc...and the reason I did not let her go there this time was that last time there she had beautiful skin going in, left with a horrid case of scabies....which I promptly caught while continuing care for her...so that was enough of that..ok talked myself out of that already...

Good morning or afternoon, all you superb caregivers out there, and peace to all of you on this Sunday morning!

Joanie, I hear you! I also have a profoundly hard of hearing mother, so the repetitive questions and cognitive decline from Alzheimer's combined with those related to the inability to hear is very trying and tiring.

I thought I was the only one who couldn't cook right! Mom is rarely satisfied with my cooking also. Well, at least we know where the food is coming from and what is put in it (to a certain extent). We eat to live, not live to eat, right? (lol).

Hope22;Do you put Hershys chocolote syrup in with your Mamas Ensure?I put in 5 or 6 squirts and a bunch of ice and I can get 1 Ensure down my Mother in the mornings.
Joanie,My Mother cant hear either and I totally understand your frustration and it really wears you out!
Mothers birthday is tomarrow.Tonite at 500,I am loading her up to take her to my Uncles Home.I am really hoping he makes twice baked potatoes so Mother will be able to eat something.At this point though.she could care less about food.She and I are grateful we get this day,another day together.

Good morning all! Its a gorgeous Sunday morning here in Seattle! I took my coffee out on th back patio for my morning constitution, and a little bug promptly jumped into it, Ugh, had to fish his little corpse Righ out, oh well, 5 second rule, lol!
Globtrotter, I have a simular situation where my FIL repeats everything we sa such as, "gonna be nice and sunny today", yep, "nice and sunny", or just anything newsworthy, and he repeats that, Ugh, so freaking frustrating! Hes not hard of hearing, just annoying! And he interrupts every conversation, just buts right in with something all togather different than what you are talking about, and never apologies for it, even if I say EXCUSE ME! OK, my last pet peeve is that he never says thank you or nice dinner when my husband works hard to put together a nice meal for him, he just dishes up says OK AND takes his meal back into his TV room. The times where I do say " it would be nice to say thank you or complement him on the meal" and he says he did say thank you, and he just never does, its a lie! The man has no manners, and it drives me crazy! Ok, I feel better now, kinda.
Hope, yea! I love that you got a good nap in, especially with Mama next to you and your doggy culed right in! Sounds cozy! You are sounding better every day, I think your whole perspective has changed! Not that I think you should totally rule out Respite in the future, as you never know, this job can really wear you down, and God forbid anything happened to you where you absolutely need a few days off! The little place down the road sounds alright, any place could get scabies outbreak, its not a dirty thing ( yes nasty to deal with I know) just a very communicable disease or ity bitty parasite, that is usually easily treated, if everyone around you is all treated at the same time. Its funny, over the course of 30 years working as a Medical Assistant, scabies would come and go, like in cycles, and I haven't heard of it in a long long time. Is it , I wonder a constant problem in Nursing homes and the like? I'll bet that ship sailed along time ago, and it might be worth while to check out that little place again for perhaps down the road you may try/need it again. Hey Hope, what kind of Dog is your Pup, My Charlie-girl is a Chihuahua and Maltese mix, so floppy ears, and longer hair, and her snout is. A little bit more squared off than your typical Chihuahua, otherwise she is tiny, 4# , and lean , a very picky eater, that makes 3vin the house excluding me, lol, and she is smart as all get out! I never had a dog in my adulthood, too busy with work and kids, but she is so sweet and fun, I just love having her, she is nearly 2 and we got her from a rescue at 4 mo of age. The was the littlest of he litter, and I loved her instantly, I am her one and only though, and she goes everywhere I go. She is sitting quite happy on my lap as I type away. Well enough about my little Char, tell me more about your little baby. Well darling, I'm going to go collect my free points from the online Casino, yes I just said that, I love slots! If I were rich, I would live in Vegas I think, No but I do like them alot! Toodles