My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Stacyb could you have hubby stationed at the door with his shotgun at the ready?
Failing that be at an upstairs window above the front door with a large pail of day old urine ready to pour on the visitors heads.
Jude would probably use boiling oil!!!!!!!!!!!
Or get some of those spikes the police use to puncture tires to put on the drive way

I was much nicer Veronica - how very dare you! I offered to lace their chocolate cream cake with exlax!!!!!! and then refuse them entrance on the grounds of cross infection

Hey all... hope you are having a wonderful peaceful Sunday :)

I've been putting up crown molding in the house...it's that new Polystyrene kind. Looks exactly like the hugely expensive wood kind but a fraction of the price, lightweight and totally do-it-your-selfable! You can paint it to look like wood if you choose. I'm doing the living room, dining room and hallway for under $300.00 Fun, therapeutic and looks fantastic.

Finally got a reply to the email I sent wayward brother #3. I had asked him what he wanted done with the 20 some years of pictures, albums and crap he'd sent the parents. His reply " I would like the urn and whatever else mom n dad wanted me to have". Uhm... that wasn't my question idiot!! I really hope this doesn't turn into a problem in regards to the little money that was left after mom passed. Gave the other 2 idiots a few thousand, even though they KNEW they didn't deserve it but I wanted peace and to shut them up. This idiot though, had not seen nor talked to mom in well over 2 years. He'd told his other idiots in his mind she was already gone.

Hmmm, Jude darling, you gave me a great idea. Along with mom's little urn and obit I shall throw in some brownies laced with exlax and a note saying mom had baked them for him, froze them and intended them to be a last surprise for him. mwuahahaha

Okay, my whine moment over the past week. Against my better judgment, I went on a day trip on Thursday because I just wanted at least one day away, and my sister said that her partner would come down and spend time with mom in the afternoon until I got back at 6:30. Mom would also have a short visit in the morning from the volunteer from the church. I typed up detailed notes about where I was going and who was coming and what time I'd be back. I asked mom if I she was okay with me going out just for the day and she says something to the effect of yes, she's not a baby, don't use her as an excuse for cancelling the day trip. So, okay. The day was beautiful and the tour of the sheep, lavender and trout farms was fun. I tried calling on my cell phone to check in but there was no service, and it was long distance. While stopped for lunch, the phone rang and mom was frantic and angry. I dialled her back long distance and she was so upset with me that she hung up after ranting incoherently and being very confused and distraught. I called the house at the time my sister's partner was supposed to show up and he assured me that she was okay now, an unhappy camper but everything was essentially under control. I also found out she called my brother, who happened to be in California on business.

The one thing this made me realize is that the disease has really progressed, and mom cannot stay alone any more without supervision. It was appalling the degree of confusion and cognitive decline. She is also having hallucinations of a sort, seeing dad and thinking other people have been here. She also sees her mother frequently. After seeing dad go through that starting a year or so before he died, I think mom is transitioning into the end stage, preparing for death. She often wakes up at night complaining about pain and just wanting to die.

Anyway, my whine is that my sister and brother are saying we have to get together and make plans essentially to put her in a nursing home. I know she won't go voluntarily and financially it will drain much of our resources. I wouldn't mind, but they don't offer any support and are not caught up in the day to day process. For them I believe it is a matter of convenience so they don't get that odd phone call and won't have to feel guilty.

As hard as it is for me, I've come to the conclusion that I just may have to give up work in September, even though that will be a bit of a strain financially (although the cost of nursing home care would be much more). I know intellectually that I need to put my life on hold in order to take care of mom right now, and I know I can't be angry with her because it is not her fault, but I can't help feeling royally ticked off and irritated, especially when she resists all forms of support. Even in the middle of the night when I go to see what's up, she'll say there's nothing you can do, go back to bed. Arrrgh! However, I will have a clear conscience when she does pass away and there will be no complicated grief.

Globe, mom's resources, not yours, should be used for her care. Have you looked into getting her qualified for Medicaid ?

Jude and Jeanette...they say knowledge is power, and if there is one thing we caregivers know about it is poop...Love the ex-lax idea...heehee. = : D

On the other hand, Mom is eating very little and sleeping a lot still. Kind of sullen and a bit crabby today. It may be the UTI, but she has been slowly declining in this limbo state for a long time. I found the blankets bunched up on top of her and the pillow as well this morning...asked if she had been cold during the night to do that but she said she was comfortable....I am wondering if she is getting spells of restlessness during the night at times.

Hope, maybe the closer place has changed ownership or management and is better now....sometimes these places change drastically when there is a management and staff change. For now, just take things a day at a time and look for the good in each day.

Globe, I see you are in Toronto. You sibs do realize you can't just decide you need a nursing home, your mom will have to be evaluated to see if she is eligible and then put on a waiting list, right?
I wouldn't recommend giving up your job, your Mom may be with you for many years and you have to think about your own future. Have you explored day care and any available aids through CCAC?

Jeannette bad bad girl ...luv it

KAtie I don't know whether this would help but I have posted it before I found a rather large (about 18inches long) teddy bear and Mum cuddles it every night. She seems to sleep much better with it and wakes in a better mood than without it - might be something that just gives her comfort - we call him Kevin because although she calls it a teddy it is in fact a koala

Just got back from dads. Had my nieces baby shower won a game prize and door prize yippee! Drove back though big tstorm though.
Had some items in car grabbed birdseed and thought I would fill feeders and then get the root beer float but dad was sleeping in bed?
So went in and said dad is sleeping the one aide send he told them he was tired after lunch. I know he gets his alzopram after lunch. So let myself in and woke him up. No didn't want ice cream. Wiped up around toilet and saw he took his razor apart had to go to car and get glasses and my phone so I could find instructions how to put back together.
He pretty much was dozing the entire time. So I woke him up and told him I was leaving and raced home as now we have the thunderstorms.
Hoping he is more awake tomorrow.

JeanetteB, I Love crown molding, but my house unfortunately wouldn't accommodate it, we have a modern open concept home with very high ceilings and all sorts of weird angles and cut ins. But the polystyrene kind look so amazing when done, I'm so jealous! I always wanted an old grand home with the crown moldings, but I will stick it out here in this one as it's all one floor, a ranch style I think it's called, I have really crummy knees and stairs are difficult anymore. But it is a pretty house and I have a gorgeous yard that is very private. JeanetteB, your brother is an A*s! Pay him no mind, and don't bother with a response, see how many times it takes to get a proper answer! In his little mind she was already gone? How very considerate of your feelings, Gheez! I don't know why I'm surprised, my husbands sibling's are much the same, absolutely zero consideration for their brother or for me, what is wrong with people? As long as they can go about their lives without being put out in any way shape or form, the all is right in their world's, but uh uh uh, that sort of feelings eventually catches up to them, and when it does, don't come looking to me, I will not stand ffor being disregarded so cruelly. I can't wrap my head around it. Anyways Sweets, I'm glad you are jumping into a cool project, and also hope you are feeling better about, well everything!

Ever have a WTF moment? I just did...

My dad purchased a matching set commemorative Winchester rifles. They are extremely old and never been shot. We made a nice gun rack for them to place over the fireplace. Now, I was here when he was bidding on them and know he paid $1500.00 for them. I put the boxes with the certificates of authentication under the bed in the back room. Many month ago I took the rack/rifles down (not my kind of décor) being lazy and wanting to finish my painting I laid the rifles on the bed vs. putting them in their boxes. I rarely went into that room.

So, fast forward, mom gets hospital bed so I had to move her bed out and into garage. Fast forward again, mom passes away and I move the entire furniture in the back bedroom ( grandma's bed n all ) not even thinking about those boxes. Leaned the rifles against the wall in the closet. ( heck I just wanted to finish moving that heavy furniture and be DONE)!

So...I'm cleaning out the bedroom so I can knock the wall down and make my room bigger and it hit me. The boxes are GONE? WTF man? Who would take the boxes and not the rifles? They are not in this house, I've scoured it's entirety. Those rifles are pretty worthless without the boxes and authentication and probably couldn't be sold.

Now, my untrusting mind has an idea of whom took those boxes and why.

JeanetteB I had a similar experience when my father died, many of his WWI collectibles disappeared and I only had what I thought were trusted friends in his house. Like you, I looked at everyone with suspicious eyes. They never turned up. Its amazing the things people take when people pass and we are all so busy during that time that we don't notice until well after the fact. I hope you find those boxes!!

The only thing I wanted after my Mom died was these little (tiny) ceramic kitties surrounding a little pail of milk that had spilled. A cute little ornament that my Mom had admired when her and I were going for a walk when I was a little girl. My older sister purchased it for me to give to Mom as a birthday present. It always sat on a little shelf above my Mom's kitchen sink. So I have it now.

Jeanette your brother wants the urn with your Mom's ashes? He actually thinks he has a right to that? Geeze just another example of people not having a clue.

Get a fake urn. Fill it with little scraps of paper that say F*** You!

Babalou, thanks for thinking about and validating the right to retain my resources. As it stands now, mom and I pool our resources. I live in Ontario, Canada so there is no Medicaid. There are government run nursing homes but there are problems with a number of them because of quality of care. I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place. Because of an invisible disability, mild as it is, I have been unsuccessful in securing sustainable employment, despite a degree and a college diploma. So I have to plan not only for mom's short term future, given that she's 92, but also my future without a spouse or children to support me in my old age, and how I'm going to be financially independent. I believe I will be fine, but I tend to feel more secure taking a conservative approach.

CWillie, thanks for your post. Yes, I am in the Toronto area and I do understand you can't just place someone in a nursing home. Mom has been resistant to CCAC services (I've tried them, respite worker, and it just did not work out, caused more stress for everyone involved). She has a strong will, there's no way she's going to agree to go into one. However, I feel a little pressure from various people (some with hearts in the right place) to look at the possibility of that eventuality and plan for it now. However, that will be the very last resort. For now, client self determination rules the roost (lol), with good reason, can you imagine how many seniors would be placed in long term care for the sake of convenience?

JeanetteB, OMG & WTH for sure! Did the crook not realize that the guns were not inside? Like those heavy duty gun cases, and they were in such a hurry that they did not check? Or are those cases expensive in their own right? I don't understand why they would take empty cases, call me silly! We had a similar experience too, I did post it, but not sure where, anyways many years back when we were living in our old house, BIL stole some of my husband's collectable coins, we knew it was him as my hubby had only just been showing them to him, and also a picture of their parents, frame and all, right off of my mantel! Only to visit him and his 4th, or was it his 5th wife's home in Idaho, and there was my picture, still in my pink marbled frame! I should have kyped it right back, but oh did my hubby and I laugh about it in bed that night! I honestly would have been happy to give him a picture if he had asked, as we had loads of them from the many cruises we had taken with them, but he didn't, so now he will never be permitted into my home again, simple as that! And good bloody riddance! I really did like that frame though, it matched the one with my parents pix in it. Live and learn.

Gershun that is so Sweet! Sometimes it's the smallest things that mean the very most! I know I have said that my parents were from Wales, UK, well I was the one kid in the family that Loved Plaid, ya know, Scottish plaid, well very near my Dad's passing, he came out of his bedroom and handed me this little Plaid zippered pouch, and I thought, heck, he's giving me money? No, he gave me that little Plaid pouch, empty, and I will cherish forever!
JeanetteB, I was wondering about the Urn too. I like the idea of the fake Urn! Make it a real cheapo! Definitely filled with FU's!

JeanetteB, you should still take the guns in to a professional to have them evaluated, they may be worth more than you think! I wonder if that was what your brother was alluding to in the email, "and whatever else your parents intended he receive ". Just maybe he wants the contents of those gun cases, hahaha! Funny guy! Don't dare take that bait! Send the FU Urn instead! No disrespect intended, hon!

Jeanette.. you could also contact the manufactuer of the guns with the serial numbers ( probably on the barrel) and see if you can get replacement certificates? Good luck!

Stacey, yes the crown molding is really making a difference in this house!! What makes it better is I can do it myself. Almost finished with all the corners, then it's patch the rest in. It's an older house but slowly n surely I will do-it-myself upgrading.

Your house sounds lovely. I'm jealous of your high ceilings!! These ceilings here are your standard height which makes me feel like I'm in a box at times... Is your back yard your paradise an escape? Mine is. It's very large and private as well. It is a corner house and the outside corner has those giant shrub tree things. I forget the name but you cannot see through them. The rest has a privacy fence. The tree/shrubs gives me light and greenery which makes it lovely... it is my playground. I put in a big above ground pool (which my big pibble loves to swim around in), a fire pit and other fun things. I spend hours outside during the summer.

Personally, I would have taken my picture/frame back!! LOL, maybe put something to replace it, like a "gotcha" sign! People do such weird things...

The urn he's talking about is one of those tiny ones. When dad passed I had the funeral parlor put part of the ashes in 4 small urns for each child. Did the same with mom's (those things are spendy)!! That's the urn he's talking about. Hmmm, I can tell he's been talking to the other idiots or he would have never known about the urn. Yeah, I'll send him the urn, along with a 5 page letter I wrote to him not shortly after mom passed. Believe me I was quite detailed about how traumatic my past 3 years have been without a single helping hand from any of my brothers. That will be enough f-you trust me.

Those rifles were in their original boxes when purchased 50-60 years ago. Collector items are worth more if you have the original boxes. I stashed them under the bed to keep them out of harms way. One would have to LOOK to find them, besides, why take 2 obvious empty rifle boxes from under the bed and leave the rifles on top of the bed. This brother I'm thinking about has also mentioned them to me... asking if I was selling them. Told him no, they're fine where they are, that I had no plans of selling anything in this house, it is ALL fine where it is. Oh yeah, get this, I told him I was taking the wall out between the two bedrooms making mine larger, he said it wasn't a good idea, that a two bedroom house is worth less money on the market. Uhm, who's selling this house? Not me. It IS MY house. They ALL know dad gave me the house for leaving my life that I loved to come care for them. Greedy a** no help b*stards. None of them has done one single thing to help me around this house. Nothing. Much less help their mother... asshats.

The million dollar question is how do I go about enquiring about said rifle boxes? I could go to his house while he's at work and snoop through it looking for them ( I know where he hides his key).

You know what? This is why I keep to myself. I just can't do stress and drama sh*t anymore. Watching/helping both my parent's pass on just about done me in. What I did to deserve this type of treatment from my own brothers is just so beyond my scope of crazy ( and I do have a large scope of crazy )....life is so much easier with just the dogs and I. I enjoy puttering about the house fixing it up and my back yard retreat.

Stacey, it's my 2 brothers who live 15 miles from me that has me wondering. One in particular that is extremely money hungry. They both are very VERY knowledgeable guns. He actually told me that dad said one was to go to him and the other to my other brother here. Well, I called bullsh*t on that because I KNOW those rifles are worth more as a pair. They are his n hers. Tried to explain that to his dumba** but he couldn't comprehend it. Besides.... if I did sell them I'd split it 4 ways.... so all this over what?, 400 dollars? Give me a break.... he knows how valuable those boxes are and I know how he thinks.

Can you tell him you called an appraiser, and they said the guns are worth squat without the boxes.. Oh my oh my where could they be? I guess I;ll just have to put them away and HOPE the boxes show up...

JeanetteB, yes, my backyard is my personal escape, every day, weather permitting I am out there on my tablet, chatting with you guy's, and I love Ebay as well as Casino Slots! My little Charlie-girl runs in circles around me. My husband loves working in the yard, so it is beautiful, I just pick out the plants and point to where I want them placed, lol. We just pulled out our hot tub, as we had it about 10 years and they get cruddy. I have a fire pit too, but we haven't used it much this year as our weather has been so hot and dry, as there is a burn ban, yes even on gas fire pits, it only takes one spark! I am exhausted dealing with F'd up inlaws, the last few days has been just terrible, just waiting to see if one or the other just shows up. But at this point I think it is all BS, and neither of them could deal with my husband's rage at them at this point, so I believe that they are scared off for now, so that's OK by me! Chat soon, it's dinner time, and I don't miss many meals, if you know what I mean! TaDa Stacey B

Hey Jeanette your fire pit sounds lovely!! We'll be there in an hour. Get the barbecue ready. :)

Jude,My Mother sleeps with 2 bunnies named"Teeg" and 'Precious".The little bunny fits in the crook of her neck and she holds the other one,She doesnt have alzeimers,its just a comfort.
I loaded up Mother and got her to my Uncles home tonight for her birthday party-#86.The actual dinner ws very nice,but listening to my 2 brothers talk about swimming and going to the fair,Etc.was SOhurtful!And again,they watched me do all the work and never lifted a finger..Im in such bad shape with my bones,and they just dont care.One of them says he loves me when he leaves,but he doesnt ever show it by helping or giving me a break.Im glad to be back home and Mother is too.They wont turn up the AC and Mother cant breathe without her fan..I have alot more chores to do tonite and Im beat.Im whining bigtime!

Donna, burgers go on as soon as I finish my last corner of crown molding. Each is 8 ft long so yeah, I am up n down the ladder

Luckylu, happy birthday to your mom! I'm glad it went off relatively smoothly, minus the insensitive bragging about recreational activities and environmental discomforts. Did the lack of air conditioning cause difficulty with your mom's breathing? I find that these outings tend to tire mom out. I bet your mom will sleep tonight.

lucky, a very Happy Birthday to mom!! Her present is YOU!

Why our brothers feel they can mistreat us is again, beyond my scope of crazy.

Your reward when all is said and done is knowing you gave your dear mother the best. Nothing to be sad about.... don't be alarmed if they scurry at one point.

Luckylu, WHY WHY WHY, are they such As* h*le''s? Are they friggin blind? Me thinks you need to put them in their place in front of others to make a very pointy point! Otherwise, they will never see the obvious, and you will continue to be miserable in your relationships with them, and they will never step up to the plate to help you with your Mom. Yes, so easy for me to say, but I am in a simular yet different position in that my deadbeat offenders are my husband's siblings, so there is nothing I can do but play a supportive role and secure my property from the possible invasion, 11 years too late. But they have an inkling that their Dad who has lived in my home for the past 11 years, is failing, and he is, but not yet to hospice level, yet they are definitely scheming and circling like vultures, and I understood exactly what they are doing, these two have been praying on the weak for as long as I've known them and we are prepared. You can count on that!

Luckylu, I forget to say that I'm glad your Mama enjoyed her Birthday with you, and good for you for your efforts of making it nice for her! You are So Sweet and Special! Be Proud of Yourself!