My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Hi all, its a Very busy Early Sunday morning here in The PNW, things are Crazy, but first, to let you all know, I hit the LIKE Button on every single Post, so as to let you know that I've read everything! I don't know if everyone else does but it doesn't mean that I " Like" what is going on in your lives, just that I've noted it. Check.
NOW, My FIL called out to me at 6am this morning, saying that he doesn't feel good, which is Not good, as he Never Complains! So he says he has been having severe pain on the lower left side of his abdomen, and will I look at his urine in the toilet, Yes Okay, ir is very dark, 1st morning, but does have some matter, possibly blood, not sure, so put out a glass to collect next one. I asked him Why he didn't wake me up, but he's very difficult to get clear answers from, but he states he does have a lump that does get bigger and goes down, post BM, and that his BM's have been very dark to almost Black in the past few day's, WHAT? He never tells me anything! But now Severe Pain? He wants to go to the hospital, and thinks that this could be the beginning of the end and is searching in the desk drawer for his Advance Directive, WHAT? So I checked his temp, 98.2, and had him lay on his bed, and felt his abdomen, and Yes he does have a swelling LL Quadrant, closer to his left pubice, which has previously been identified by his Dr. as a Enlarged Lymph node from his Mantel Cell Lymphoma, which is in a Wait and Watch since finishing CA treatment 10 years now. He has pain every where I press on the L, and when he bears down. He does look terrible, he is Anemic, always is with the Lymphoma, and he is very weak and stumbling all over the place. So off my husband goes with The Old Man, to the ER, as he didnt want an Aid car, as "it would upset the dog" gheez! now I'm just waiting for a phone call to hear what's up! Oh, and the pain had been going on for 3 hours! Honestly, sad to say, but again he is never one to complain, but with all of the stress and issues with his other 2 kids calling , and that we Have been having some serious discussions lately about what if scenarios, he may have been holding things in and not saying anything about his health, because he is terrified of ending up in a Nursing Home, and he truly does Want to leave all his money to John, (it isnt all that much)which is so Sad, oh, I hope he's Not been suffering in silence, I don't mean suffering, but you know, not reporting any bad symptoms. Now I'm on pins and needles.

My mind is racing, I know that FIL just really wants to die at home, but for him to tell me that he thinks he's dying, is really scaring me now! My heart is racing and skipping, and this is how I get with internal stress, ugh! I'm not Blaming the Shitty sibling's, I'm not, because this medical situation has probably been going on for a while knowing him, but he is a quiet internal kinda guy too! I know he has been sitting in his little TV room, worrying about the next phone call from one of them,and you know that on some TV's, where the Tel. # comes up? Well the#'s come up on his TV, so I'm going to try to figure out how to stop that now, as I think it makes him anxious. I hate waiting. Im gonna go now, but I'll check in later, bye all!

Stacey I hope you get some answers soon. The waiting is so stressfull.
Driving back from class reunion. Some women and some of the fuys looked good. One classmate is lucky to have that beautiful silvery gray hair. Stayed up real late both evenings so a bit tired. Had a good time.
Will stop and see dad later after a nap.

Thanks Shara....it is really strange how people change. My SIL and I (the second one...the current one) and I were very close from the start....Always had a ball...when I lived off we called each other all the time and would talk for hours...always enjoyed our get togethers..for the first time in my adult life our family got to be together and not have all the drama...sadly, my Daddy didn't get to enjoy it as he passed much earlier...but NOW....

something has happened and she is very very angry about something and I do not know what it is...I truly don't know. Not wanting to make it worse, I even talked to my brother and asked him to tell me what I did...what could I do...is it something I could do to make it ok again...he finally just told me leave it alone, it wasn't my fault...

I don't really know what to do...I have always been one who would just go to the person with whom the problem is and tell them, look there seems to be something going on and I know I can say things that come out wrong so if I did then tell me ...but he told me not to do it...

I don't know...all I can do is trust what he says and leave it alone and pray that God will show me the way...but it is so hurtful....when the first SIL was in our lives she made my Daddy's final days a nightmare and it damaged me permanently...largely because my brother didn't step up and shut her down...I can never make that up to my Daddy....I should have protected him better ...I tried but got shut down every time I tried...

But I was thankful that with this one we could be together ...and a family at such a time...except something has happened and I do not have a clue what it is...I can only pray Mama does not really know all that and I pray God just surrounds her with His love and comfort and protects her from anything that could make her sad....but it breaks my heart...then again..her own family has not been here either..maybe it's just that when folks get this ill...no one knows how to handle it, what to say, what to do..so they just do what way too many do...turn their backs and walk away because that is the thing that is the easiest...for those types....not for me...I could never turn my back on people I love and who have been so dear to me....so hard to understand...

CRISIS AVERTED! Husband and FIL have just walked in the door from the ER, and It's A Hernia! I kinc of thought so, given his symptoms, but when he old me it was the beginning of the End, I sort of freaked out as I said, he is just the type to hold in his Symptoms. Ahh gheez, well I am relieved! Now he wants me to review all of his legal documents and his Will, to see if all is in order, buf I do feel weird about doing this, but I will because he's asked me to. I have so many things I want to say to you all in reference to all your posts, because I care about you all. But I think I will go and settle the Old Man in, and settle my own self down as well! Chat soon, Stacey B pS, thanks 57twin! All is OK now, and I'm so glad you had Fun at your reunion. It sounds as if we are all about the same age, hmmm!

ugh...sedentary and eating junk...ME in a nutshell..and it is destroying my health...You know, good food has always been a huge part of our family...the gatherings, the holidays, just being together and enjoying one another...cooking out, picnics, dinners at church on the ground...I think that is why I eat right now...it's not even about the food as much as about the "comfort" of the food...reminds me of being safe and together with my family when everyone was healthy and happy....

Falcon...as it turns out it has been exactly one year from this month when I had to move all my wordly belongings from my former home...I still remember the trauma of it...I was even reliving it yesterday and found I needed to stop thinking about it because it was making me stress too much. I hate moving...I don't plan on ever doing it again..unless I find a nice patch of private land somewhere I can afford and build me a very VERY small cottage and surround it with a pond (and a MOTE) and put a large cannon at the gate ...

But all goofiness aside...having to move the way you are doing and dealing with all the issues of your Mom being frail and such...you have my prayers and hugs because as hard as a move is at any time...there is no one who can possibly identify with it doing what we are doing and having to move at the same time...I know so many of us have gone through that...and I think we can all agree...it really stinks....

Remembering again now about the move...the only person who helped me..praise be, was my brother. I think you all remember that is the only other time I put Mama in respite..thank God they took good care of her that time...but we had to move it all ...at least the big stuff, in that one day..including all the packing etc...it was horrific. and by then my back was almost gone, I was an emotional basket case..and I will never forget, I got so emotional and was literally having to crawl up the staircase towards the end I was so embarrassed for my brother to see me like that ...I starting crying, several times..not so much because of the pain but the emotion was hitting me finally that I was leaving the home where I had spent all my adult life and would never be returning...but you know, now as I sit here, I think he also finally got it...and understood how all of this had affected me...maybe it was good that he saw it...but it was soooo hard. And it almost felt like I went from being a youthful, career woman with friends and fun things to do...to a life of being alone....friends all vanished...family hating me...lost so many of my precious furbabies at first because of the coyotes because I did not realize how many we had.......you know...I'm going to pat myself on the back..because I suddenly realize I'm still standing...thank you God...

Stacey, bless your heart...so glad you got some good news there...It's a nice quiet day here and since brother came yesterday it will be just Mama and me and a good hot pot of coffee.....

I hope you can now breathe a little and relax...

Shara...girl I started sneaking stuff into the movies a long time ago..haha....I haven't been to the movies in a long time, but the prices are insane...I will usually buy the soda...sometimes when I am feeling very extravagant I will also buy popcorn....but that's only if I've lost my mind...I carry a big purse, so I can get a lot in there... :)

OMG Hope, your last 3 posts, girl, you and I are So alike! The anxiety, feelings, and stress of dealing with others, the sudden changes from career to Carer, WTF, we have just completely changed our whole lives to accommodate our Loved ones but at such a great cost! Of course and like you, I have held on to my faith, and I appreciate every day and every one, but I tend to turn inwards in order to deal with it all! And Eat, geez, if only !could turn to exercise, I'd be a skinny mini, but I'm VERY far from that! I just Love you Hope! I hope you have an Amazing Day today! Thanks for being there for me!
Sheradale, you are killing me, the movies! I have been sneaking in treats and drinks for ages now! I try to go to the movies about once a month with my daughter, it's nice to have dates with her!
The Old Geezer is sleeping now, I think he must have been up alot in the night, and all the early morning excitement has tuckered him out! It totally slipped my mind that he has been taking 1-2 Vicodin pain pills daily for the past 6 or so months for his painful back and legs, and his Peripheral Nueropathy in his feet from the Type 2 Diabetes, which probably causes him Constipation, but he as never mentioned it to me, but could certainly worsen a Hernia for sure, I will get him the recommended Mirilax to keep everything running Smoothly, which, I know is very different than what you all are dealing with! Oh God, it's So much harder foreme, to deal with my FIL than my own Father, as he just doesn't communicate! If/when things start really going South, they are going to have to lock me up and throw away the key! It is so different! I'm not exactly sure why, but I guess it's just the parent/child thing and the closeness I guess? Alrighty, Later! This is starting to feel like Dear Diary today, I wish I could just pick up the phone!

Stacey, so sorry for what your FIL is going through. Some men are the strong silent type. My husband keeps his mouth shut until he has to go to the ER. By then he is writhing in pain having terrible spasms in his stomach, throwing up and having explosive diarrhea at the same time. We have yet to pin down what it is. We know it is not cancer or a blockage. Once he gets a Valium and a pain killer in him he calms down and is okay. I have told him it is lousy bacteria because he eats crap all the time and hyper stress due to drug addicted son. He won't go back to the Dr because the colonoscopy and CAT scan and endoscopy were all normal. So for him, there is nothing wrong. God help us both!

Okay ladies, has anyone heard from Jude? I notice no comments and that is unlike her. Did I miss out on something. It is quite possible.

Mom is feeling better today. I did all her laundry yesterday with bleach and changed her bedding twice because a I didn't put the cap on her cup tight and it leaked orange Gatorade all over her Pjs and linens! I set the alarm every 6 hours to make sure I get her Vancomycin and toast in her on time. This morning she also asked for a banana and said she thought she might come out and sit in her chair. She hasn't moved yet though.

Oh Stacey, I completely agree with you about Hope :) She's able to put into words that is so hard for me to do. Not understanding why family is so angry at you. Being the type to talk it out and able to forgive and move on. Leaving the career you loved, all the friends you loved - being a fun friendly laughing smiling person who loved to joke around - leaving all that to a world of aloneness. Being disliked by your entire family - going through so much pain and hardship alone... oh God, I'm bawling like a baby now. It's just me and the dogs. It kills me that there's no more fun family time, big cook-outs in the back yard. Playing bingo for scratch off cards, laughing and carousing. All that ended when daddy passed - I am not as strong as you. Although I don't mind being alone, I just don't understand why it has to be this way when I have 2 brothers here that I truly adore. I can forgive the one brother telling me to F-Off. He was probably tired from work and having a bad day ( and a bit jealous ).

I remember your move hope, and how very trying it was for you. Sending mom to hospice, worrying about her and doing the awful task of packing/moving and leaving your home. I can't believe it's been a year already?

Stacey, WOW did you have a crazy emotional morning!! Glad the Old Man is going to be ok... hey, who wants to be a skinny Minnie? Food taste to good and makes you feel good too. I gained 50 lbs this past 2 years. Thankfully 25 of those are gone. Now it's not so much the food that's the problem, it's the adult beverages!! LOL, those flavored vodka's, especially the mango/pineapple one are scrumptious on these hot days... ;)

Yup, raising my hand, guilty on bringing my own snacks and beverages into the movies. They charge just way to frickin much for their snack and such. Hell, I bring my own buttered popcorn! Wow, haven't been to a movie in years...

Today is carpet shampoo day. So far I've procrastinated and puttered and doing other things. I am going to try putting a tiny bit of fabric softener in the machine... with 3 dogs, one of whom is blind/deaf and ancient, well...he will pee right there if I don't catch him in time. I'm gonna look for a used baby play pen for him during the night... sigh, I hate that the ones we love have to get old :(

One more thing that just sucks now.

You know that question on forms that asks "Who to Contact in Case of Emergency"? I put down my name and my number... normally no one really looks that hard and questions it. another sigh

Um, i think Jude has morphed into Falcon.

Oh Jeanette, just put down Donald Trump! Maybe he will help you out, lol. I'm sorry you have to find someone to put on that line. I know what you all mean about our careers. It was so important to me that I build a statewide reputation of excellence so that when I retired you could make lots of extra money in private consulting. I still get the calls but I can't take the jobs! What's it they say,"God laughs when we make plans". Mom's dressed and I am still in my PJs
I tried to change my profile picture but every time I do, it kicks me off, so I think this is meant to be!

HAHAHA!!
Right on Shar !

Emergency Contact Name: Donald Trump
Phone Number: 411

JeanetteB and Sheradale, You both are Great writers and both post your thoughts and feelings as if I'm right there chatting with you guy's! I love that! What a difference a day makes, huh? Yesterday or was it the day before, we were all goofy in our cups, well Jeanette, You Were in Your Cups from the sound of it, lol! But today, well, it all got so scary so fast, and now I'm just feeling ho hum! But now I think I'm gonna go escape to the Casino for a couple of hours, it's too close, only 20 minutes away, but I only take 100 dollars, so win or lose, I won't be out much! I hope it gets me outa my funk! I just wish we all could just get together for a Big ole Barbecue, to hang out, get loaded and probably end up crying boohoo together! I don't normally drink, but I can hang with the bes of them! Everything has settled down now, but when the Old Man said he thought this was the beginning of the end, and was searching for his Living Will, well it totally hit me how much he could be internalizing his symptoms and his anxiety about dying, and I don't know, but life is so fragile for all of us, God, here I go again, I wish Ya'all could interrupt me and smack me up against my head! Maudlin, me thinks it's called, nd you guy's know I'm just not like this normally, what ever that is! And little Charlie-girl is scratching at my leg, as she doesn't get any of this either! Gee gotta go take a xanax or something, but I don't take xanax or even have any! Yikes! OK, my Peeps, I'm outa here, and I'll come back in better spirits! SMOOCHIES to Everyone!

Come to think of it, I think I have put DEATH, out of my head, and haven't even thought about it, and just thinking about it completely took me by surprise, and I am just not at all prepared to visit those feelings, as 12 years ago when we last lost 3 parents, I shut down, and with only one left, and when it does happen,, Ugg, we will be orphans! All I know is that I'm not ready, and I thought I was.

Jeanette and Stacey.I loved those big barbecues too. In fact, I bought some ground chuck yesterday so I could actually throw a few burgers on the grill and close my eyes and pretend for a little while...

Stacey...girl I wish I could hope on board and hit the casino with you. That is something I love to do and have not been since right as this all started. My neighbor back home and I used to go all the time. Like you said..we'd only take a modest amount because as we know 99% of the time we're not coming back with anything...but it was just fun. It was one of the things I did enjoy as I'm not a clothes horse, not that into shoes, handbags, etc...so to me..I spent less doing that than most of my friends who spent all their spare time shopping for stuff they didn't really need...

Sadly, I had decided I would run to the closest place to me...which is actually a two hour drive...but that is what I was going to do..just as a fun little road trip but as we know...that all changed quickly when I had to bring Mama home suddenl. But all in all, I guess I need to chalk it up to probably not needing to go at that time....there's reasons for things I think.

Jeanette, it is sad and I totally understand....I can almost hear the laughter here at this house, remember all the fun times we had getting ready for the holidays...I remember we always sat down to dinner together...always watching the funny tv shows at night together...it was like that until my brother married...and she turned really quickly into a greedy, hateful, money grubbing winch...seemingly intent on destroying my family...and my brother kind of stood by and let her have at it....

I don't know...Mama and Daddy just told me let it go...allt he time..let it go..it doesn't matter...but you know...respecting Mama and Daddy did and DOES matter...it's all that matters and now I look back and am angry at myself for not doing more...but what do you do? I did what I could, and became the villain for trying to protect my own family...

As my brother is always telling me..."good grief..that happened a long time ago..let it go" but I always tell him...YOU had a choice...we didn't..and I will never forget....but I do pray about it all the time.

I guess I'm crazy..but I remember right before I left my home..for the last time, I stopped and looked out the upstairs window...over the pond, where I used to stand and dream...and make my plans...and sadly had to turn and walk away from the only thing I'd known for over thirty years...left this home as a young lady, full of dreams...came home as a much older version...not as recognizable anymore..tired..sad...missing the life I might have had...but trying to remember that as long as there is life there is hope.....so we just keep on keeping on....

Good luck Stacey..hope you hit the big jackpot!!!!

The Donald....what a nut...you know..I truly admire people who say what they think and when cornered don't back down..but there's a difference in that and in saying things that seem to be intentionally hurtful or ugly...and the remark he made about Megan was, imo, just plain horrible....still, it is interesting to see what reslts it has on the polls....

I'm gong to be keeping my big yap shut more this go round on the elections....lately people on FB seem really good at attacking you when they don't even know one thing about you...just wanting to emote and it is easy to do it online.

Last night I saw a very ugly rant by one of my highschool classmates...and granted the rant may have been justified but it was on a topic that was not involving people in her own life...but naming names and calling people out on things and even posting pictures of them and making fun of them on HER page...it was shocking ...

wow..re the next of kind thing...or who to call in case of emergency...I guess that would be my brother..but I'm kind of certain it would take him a really long time to get there. So I need to just my own name on there as well..thanks Jeanette...good idea...

My sis went and took dad out for ice cream and a ride in her new car a convertible. Dad asked where I was using my name! I wasn't sure he remembered my name so really surprised.
She needs to do her bonding with him before she leaves Friday.

My mom is caught in one of her goofy loops and I'm not handling it very well. She wants to lie down(she's already in bed), she wants to turn over(I've turned you 5 minutes ago), did the mail come?(no,its Sunday, and what kind of mail are you expecting?) money (how nice,I wish someone would send me money) would you turn me over?(no, lets go sit in your chair)....C****?C****?(what would you like now mom) can we go lie down now? (no, just chill out and listen to the music) OK, I'm sorry, can you turn me over? (no mom, you're sitting in a chair) OK, C******, can you turn me over?
AARRRGH! This has been going on all afternoon and I feel like such a b**ch but i just want her to go back to being a zombie like she usually is.

57twin and Cwillie, It must be so very difficult dealing with Dementia, and ALZHEIMER'S, other than my Nana, and I was just a kid/teenager at the time, and I wasn't really helping or understanding it at that time in my life. I honestly don't even know how I could deal with it if my FIL should come to that. As it is, he is now showing some definite signs of what I think is Senility, but I guess I better educate myself more on the early signs, and definitely accompany him to his next Dr's appointment, to not only get this latest Hernia issue checked out, but ask him to do a 'mini test' to evaluate him for signs and symptoms of mental decline. Such a really sad process,dealing with someone who you love so much, lose their memory and so much more. You all are incredible, handling your loved ones who are struggling, and I admire you all so much!

Hi all yep I morphed into falcon there is a reason for the name - when I was at Uni I studied some weird stuff and I came across this:


Training begins with a wild bird on a tether. You teach it to fly, controlled, in a very confined area. You reward obedience with affection, and kindness, and an occasional treat. As the bird responds, the tether gets longer, the area of freedom expands, but remains under control. As trust and loyalty grows, so does the tether, and eventually, it is no longer necessary.

Replacing the tether is the voice command; strong, sure, and unyielding. When the response is positive, the voice softens, becomes pleasing. The bird responds. Even the best trainer, with the best falcon, takes a shallow breath as the unfettered bird leaves his gloved arm, wondering as it flies away if it's in its mind to return. You feel it every time. Sometimes, it's only a passing thought, relatively sure you've done your job well, and have your bird's loyalty, and confidence.

The bird goes thru it's paces, as instructed, as planned. You think that you've provided an atmosphere that will make the creature WANT to return, even if it doesn't have to. You've conditioned it, thru love, and caring, that being on your arm is a better place to be than free, and defenseless, and on it's own. You think all this for just a moment, and you breathe again.

Then, just once in awhile, the creature doesn’t make the turn. It has traveled just a little farther, a little faster than usual. You wonder if it has decided that the lure of the unknown, the things not yet experienced, the call of the wild may be just a bit stronger than your training, and it's loyalty. You see it looking towards the mountain, flying towards it, mesmerized by it.

You know you can use your call, a verbal signal that would break the animal's concentration, train of thought. The sound would elicit an immediate response, you know, as it has so many times before. But this time, this one time, you see something different in the way the bird is flying. Stronger, straighter, with a purpose. Is it merely stretching it's wings, exploring it's boundaries, curious as to the world it is in? Or has it decided to explore a new world, an untethered one.

You could call.... but you don't. You decide, in that instant, to allow the creature it's freedom, it's choice. Somehow, you know it needs to make it, it needs to know for itself where it belongs. So you hold your voice, and your breath, and your heart, and you wait. And suddenly... it turns. It's flight back to you is straighter, faster than usual. And you breathe again, and feel pride, for this mighty creature is here because it wants to be, not because it was trained to be.

My falcon; I love you, and trust you, and am comfortable with you, albeit sometimes from the edge of my seat

It is about something entirely different that I don't subscribe to but I can associate this with my Mum to some extent.

Mum is still not pooping norm,ally, they won't release her yet and the respite home won't take her so I can have a break - Mum said I have had a break while she has been in hospital - she has no idea! And I am just plain tuckered out to use an Americanism

In American, we just as often say pooped out. Keep flying well falcon, you can stop circling any day now.

Stacey, how'd you do that, changing yout avatar twice in one minute? I was getting ready to respond, and there you go again.