My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Sharadale, you should have sweet dreams tonight! Good night everyone. 11:00 p.m. Southern California time.
Trying a new insomnia cure: stop all electronics/kindle one hour before bed. The light that comes from them keeps you awake (as reported in the last few weeks on tech news/LeoLaPorte/twitlive, etc.

Mina, I know that sinking feeling of waking up and realization of what has happened or is going on hits....I wake up often from a bad dream and realize that things are even worse, so much has changed in my life...Mom is bedridden and declining, husband's heart condition, problems with a property, both my neighbors died within a few months of one another, in law issues...etc. It is such a sinking feeling. Sometimes I have even woken up groaning at the realization of it all. Somehow, I am still getting out of bed and trying to tackle the problems and things that come out of left field one at a time....After some good coffee. I don't know what I would do without my coffee!

I heard about stopping all the electronics before bed. I actually read a book, not a kindle, in bed for about an hour before I turn off the light. I do sleep well most nights, but the freaky dreams start early in the morning until I wake up. I have always had crazy dreams. Now for some gentle Yoga stretches and more coffee so I can face whatever is thrown at me today!

Falcon....I am thinking of you and your Mum. I hope the doctor can give you some insight as to the stage and prognosis. {{{HUGS}}},

Katie, I continue to keep all of you in my prayers. You all are so special in what you do. I just always see it as a natural progression of the love that Mom always had for me. Always accepting, always nurturing, it is just natural that I would pay her back for all those years. I just try every day to cast my burdens on the Lord. I can't carry the worry for my stepson, because it is always possible that any day he could be arrested again or worse yet die from overdose or kill someone from driving under the influence. But if I think about that daily I would never get out of bed. I struggle with my desire to control my surroundings, and writing on this page is also very therapeutic and helpful to know that you all know exactly how I feel.

I thought my Mother was going to die on the toilet last night.I had gotten her down for bedtime about 11:30 and at 12:10 she woke up and started vomiting.Then she said she was cramping and had to get to the bathroom.She sat there 45 minutes and had a huge black explosion.It took Everything to get back to her liftchair.She was panting short fast breaths and her eyes were cloudy and almost black.Her pulse was high at 142 and128.Finally she went to sleep and I was really scared she wouldnt wake up this morning but Thank God,she did.The Hospice nurse just left and sid it sounded like she vagulled out with her vagel nerve when she was pooping.I really dont want her to die on the toiilet.Im hoping to get a quick shower.No telling what will happen next.

Another day...another day....it is unbelievable how much has happened every day by the time this hour rolls around...Already exhausted.

Mama seems to be doing a little better...At least she seems to be breathing easier...She's still eating ok. Life still goes on. I think for so long I have been putting myslef on a time bomb just waiting for "it" to happen and by doing that I am just destroying my mental health. I am a controller by nature..I think maybe a lot of us are...but I am having to finally just acknowledge that none of us know the day or the hour or the moment that our time on this earth will be done, so I am trying really hard to just "be" ...in the moment. I don't think I can make it any other way.

I seem to start each day with a list of projects to finish. By days end, some of the are done, most of them not, but a lot of things I didn't anticipate got handled.

We had a huge thunderstorm last night and we greatly needed it, and yet now all those leaves and stuff all over the yard...again...more work..yippee...

Have got to get the pup to the vet to have her spayed....I call her a pup..actually I think she's around a year old or so...but need to get her there and have it taken care of ...the vet I normally use said they require that they now be vaccinated for at least two weeks before they will do the surgery. I've never heard of that. I always took my cats and had it all handled at once. So this is going to be more time consuming.

No real whines today...just sitting here drinking my coffee and "being". I have been looking at land in Wyoming...just dreaming I know...but it makes me remember that there is still life out there...it's just hard to plan knowing that when that opportunity does arise, something much sadder will have transpired...and will most likely change all my plans in an instant....

Maybe that's part of the sadness to me...it's hard to get excited about my future knowing that in order for my future to be possible, means I will have to say goodbye to the dearest soul on earth to me.....And it makes that future just look very sad.....

lucky...I sure hope your Mom will rest better today...I know that had to be terribly frightening...did she have an impaction ? maybe her digestive system was clearing itself out and she will feel better...I know that has happened with Mama before...not pleasant at the time but she felt better after... prayers for you and your Mom.

Yesterday took a trip down memory lane of a lovely time when I was in Colorado for six weeks. It was the first time I'd ever flown...so that made it all the more exciting. I met a quite handsome man there and he began to call me and I went to church with him and after we went on a picnic out in the most beautiful meadow...it was like something out of movie to me....He was very nice, but I think just being out in that unbelievable beauty in a part of the world I only once dreamed of...and I remember how happy I was...my life as an adult was just beginning...All kinds of wonderful things seemed to be falling into place, and I thought..wow..I'm really blessed, my life is actually going to be pretty amazing.......I don't remember exactly what happened when it all began to slide downhill....but a lot of had to do with my brother's marriage taking a nose dive...at least their relationship...they dragged on through another 17 years of h#ll and dragged us all along with them...it wore me out and wore me down...by the time it finally ended I was in my early 40's...and all of a sudden I realized I had let MY life vanish while I busied myself with trying to be there for everyone else but me...It makes me very sad now....so I guess I did have a whine...sorry to be a bummer.....

Gos JUDE, Not one more thing! I am praying for you and your Mam, I just can't imagine you dealing with Cancer on top of all the rest, life is just not fair sometimes!
Jeanette, I hate the Dr's too, they always find something else to treat, Rx, or another test to run, I avoid her, and then I start getting those reminder notices. Can't they just leave me alone! I'm dealing with other things right now, and I'm on the bottom of the list.
The Old Man is really and all of a sudden showing signs of dementia, and I'm freaking out! That is the one thing I thought I would ever have to deal with. He has a ER f/u appointment tomorrow, and I have called the Dr's office to ask them to do some simple cognitive testing, so we will see. This Will put my husband over the edge, for sure! I truly do not think hubby could handle it, and it will make everything so much worse! I honestly feel a bit defeated at the moment even thinking about it. The Old Man was on the phone this morning, paying a CC payment, why he doesn't wait for the bill, bill, I'll never know, but it took him exactly 20 minutes, reading and rereading, and repeating the account #, over and over again,writing their 1-800 # down, repeating it, " no, that's not my account# " God, The representative must have the patience of Jobe! This can't be happening!

Stacey....Mama has had dementia for some time now...and it is very hard to see someone you love so much slowly disappear from your very eyes...It's still Mama but there are so many things I know for a fact I can almost here her saying to me if she was able. I know that one of the main ones would be for me to NOT do what I am doing I know that...But there is just no way I could do anything else. I am thankful to be here..and you just kind of morph into it...if he has dementia...and I tend to believe that if we live to be a certain age, most of us will have it to some extent...some sooner than others, but if he is diagnosed with it, you will be able to do it...won't be easy, but you can.

I think the hardest part for me is just remembering Mama the way she was and knowing that person is gone forever....there are times it feels like she is gone already...I don't mean for that to sound harsh or uncaring because Mama is my life but that other person who was so bubbly and funny and always busy and doing and going and cooking and hugging and loving her family...she's already gone...I can't think about it too much...It is too painful....

Falcon...I'm concerned about you to say the least...I pray for you and your sweet Mum...I don't know if you said she had been diagnosed with cancer or if the doc thinks it is a strong possibility...Life is just so unfair it seems...I'm so sorry you are having so many things going on at once.... (((hugs)))

I don't have much to offer, other than huge hugs and thoughs for all everyone is going through right now.

HOPE, Thank you, if it co(a dementia dx) , then we will obviously just have to deal with it, but for me, I just don't have a deep profound love for him to begin with, I mean, I do love him, but for my husband, he will just want it to be over, and that could take a long long time, as most of you all know. Hubby is not the kind of guy who will go to the Internet and educate himself, he is the type to get frustrated and angry, and we well know that that sort of behavior absolutely worsens every aspect of any type of Caregiving, nand only makes the situation harder to handle. He
Hubby has only just finally, after 8 uncertain years of dealing with a Labor & Industry injury to his back, been granted a lifetime pension, which is a great relief but his injury occurred during his highest earning year's, and it definitely set us back, financially, and with me also going out of work with my own arthritis problems, And dealing with his Dad, well, it has all been very stressful and depressing for him, the money worries are at least for the most part over but I don't know how he will deal with this next chapter, and the sibling's are adding so much stress to the situation. Last night, the sister called , she was very drunk, slurring her words, telling the Old Man that brother is broke, and homeless somewhere on the Oregon Coast, but after that arduous conversation, hubby calls brother, only to hear, he's hanging out under the stars, enjoy marshmallows and hotdogs! WTF? I think these two concoct things up between them and phone here, just to drive hubby crazy, and it's working. Sister is hinting at (and its always Hinting, never cut and dry) that the Old Man should send brother money, or hubby should just drive down there (400+ miles) Oregon to investigate. The guy is 61 years old, and with his wife, and everything is just peachy, according to him. Tomorrow will be a whole new concocted story, and we don't want to hear about them anymore. Nobody in our house is handling things well at this moment, my thoughts are all over the place, I think that's called Stress, pass the xanax. No, I don't take xanax, but I have heard that phrase on TV alot, lol

Also, Nobody is sending money or driving to Oregon State! No Way!

KATIE SWEET KATIE, you have been missed, I hope you are doing OK! I'm thinking about you!

Luckylu, that had to have been especially scary for you, and the Black stool part, could she be bleeding somewhere in her GI tract, that is concerning, especially if she is so very weak and tired. I know that it is hard to decipher all these Sx most of the time. Big hugs and prayers for you and your Mam, do take good care of yourself too! Love Stacey B

Hope, I love to sit quiet with a cuppa and day dream sometimes. Especially crazy sexy daydreams of the good ole day's! But remember Love, your life is Not over, and when your journey with your Mama is over. You will be able to resume and create your own future, just exactly the way you want, and with all of your life experience, you will won't have to make nearly the mistakes a lot of people make, as you are too smart for that, but will can take your time and do it right, as I'm sure you have been dreaming of exactly what it is you want to do next, I know I am! Oh Day Dreams, they can be so much Fun!

Hope, just promise me that you won't go into Caregiving! Ha, I know that you won't!
Don't you think it would be a lot easier if we all lived closer to one another. I would love to zip on over for a good old face to face! But we would probably then all run away from our Crazy Life's, together! Now that is a a daydream!

Stacey, sounds like the brother is doing ok and the sister had maybe too much to drink and it clouded her judgement of how things were going for him. As long as he says he is ok. You don't need this drama right now!

Luckylu, I hope your Mom is ok today and just had some rough digestive issues last night that have resolved.

I hope everyone is doing ok and hanging in there and has a peaceful night.

Thanks Katie,but Im afraid were about at the end.Im very worried and I only got 3 hours of sleep so I feel awful.My Uncle will be coming soon and I am glad.I almost called him to come last nite at 2 in the morning.He really cares about Mother,his sister.He is a retired dentist.
One more time,thanks to all for giving a hoot about us.

Stacey...ugh....drama when you don't need it....didn't sound like the brother wanted anything, just the sis stirring the pot?? family....sometimes I don't know what to say. wouldn't it be fun to get together ..all of us as a group....there might be a lot of crying..there would definitely be a lot of laughing....it would be fun indeed!

Our hospice folks have mentioned to me that I would be excellent with their company one day..................no................................no.........................I think I am good at it, but as far as an every day thing again......................no.........................I think I will always be mindful of people who find themselves in my situation..depending on who it is...I might help them...but there are some folks...I don't know.................no...............

took the pupster to the vet today to get her vaccinations, heartworm test (negative...yay) and preventative and she goes in this time next week for her spay...I don't know why they changed the policy on that but anywho that part is done so the spay and then that is behind me til next years vaccinations....that stinker loved and I do mean LOVED the ride in the truck...she stood there in the passenger window watching the traffic and looked like she was laughing at everyone...she probably won't feel too great for a day or so but I'm glad that is behind me.

Mama is not eating well today....sleeping a lot..but I let her sleep when she is sleeping taht soundly....I think that good sleep is good for her...

Falcon, my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer during a visit to the emergency department for another matter almost 10 years ago. The emergency doctor had sharp diagnostic skills and dad underwent a iliostomy very soon after. The family and I had him dead and buried quite a few times since then. The doctor warned he may not make it through the surgery; he did. He ended up with a low blood count and they gave him a blood transfusion - we didn't think he was going to last; he did. He came home, had visiting nurses and eventually went into the nursing home, where he lasted for, as I say, about ten years. I personally know a couple of people walking around with ostomy bags, so if the surgeon can get the cancer in time, it is not always fatal. What a double whammy! Just when you are looking forward to a new beginning in a new home! I'll be thinking and praying for you and your mom.

Oh Lucky. I am so sorry that must have been terrible for both of you. I read somewhere that many people die on the toilet. Like Elvis did. Some folks have heart attacks from straining. I pray none of us have to experience that indignity.

You know guy's, my BIL may very well have been sitting across the table from my SIL when sh called drunk last night., just to see if the Old Man would actually send the A**hole money, they are that twisted and disgusting. I even thought they could possibly stage such a scheme to get my hubby on the road down to Oregon, just so he could sweep in here (Seattle), to see the Old Man, who doesn't want to be seen. I'm, in fact we are all losing sleep over those idiots, when really they are Nothing to us. Just now, the Old Man, curious about last night's calls, asked my husband, and hubby got so angry just repeating it, this is adding just too much pressure, and clearly he is not coping well right now. The Old Man looks dreadful today, stumbling, gray skin, dark circles, sunken, he looks awful, I can't wait to get him in on Thursday to see the Dr. Hubby needs to get out of the house, or go over to see the kid's& Grandies, he's stress out! I can handle pressure so much better than him, it must be a women thing! Sorry guy's on here! But gheez!

Awh lucky ...I got a lump in my throat... I really and truly feel so heartbroken for you right now. Maybe when Uncle gets there you can get a quick nap in? We do give a hoot for you, a big HOOT! So there! ;) Sending hugs n prayers your way!!!

Speaking of ostomy bags, I've blocked all means of contact with those family members of mine that cause me so much pain and stress. Cmagnum posted such a magnificent piece on the dysfunction thread today, must read for those who are finding it difficult to find a life after caregiving. Anyway, the only way ANY of them will be able to contact me is snail mail. I find myself caring far too much for those who don't care about me. Hopefully it will help shed some of this toxin of them out of my body so I can get back to life. Besides, I am so tired of ... well, them and their ugly ways.

Funny, odd funny not ha ha funny, but I spend way more time at home now vs when mom was here and couldn't come and go as I please. Having the carer 3 times a week and only 3 hours at a time, really made me get up, get out and GO! I'd spend 1 day running the errands and grocery shopping, the other 2 days I took my dog for wonderful hikes. I haven't done since mom passed either. So in yet another effort to move my body, I deactivated FB as well. Least until winter ;) I spent far too much time reading about life vs forging on with my own. I can always play candy crush without being on FB, can't I?? Oregon in the summers is the best place to be. I still want to take the dogs to the coast this summer. During the week you can really get great deals on nice condo's overlooking the ocean. Loads of places where you can let your dogs run free and play all they want, hey, you can even drive your vehicle down the beach as far away from people as you want. Yes, I definitely have become a lazy slug.

Oh yeah, back to ostomy thing. So have my monthly check up. Yes, I go monthly, it's mandatory if you take phentermine for weight loss. At 5'2 n 1/2, the 50 pounds I gained last winter was taking a toll on me... so I begged my doc for help. If you're not losing weight or a percentage of weight they'll take you off it. First month was da bomb with a 15 lb weight loss. 2nd month so so...8 lbs, this month I'd thought I had gained weight back since I've been chowing on everything and lots of Smirnoff Icee's!! LOL, I really thought I was done for! Nope! Down 5 more... but wait, she was going to take me off them if my BP continues to stay high. Vigilantly I've taken my HBP pills, forgot to today though...thought I was done for sure, but... even it wasn't bad. 140/80. That used to be really high for me... used to be. Butt, I did have to pay a price :/ She made me promise to keep an apt once the referral went through.... for.....a .....colonoscopy. Not Fair!!! Doesn't she know by know I hate knowing what might be going on!?!? I tried to tell her I have no one to drive me home, so not going to happen. She told me to pay someone, while tapping her prescription pad. I was totally blackmailed today and should file a complaint LOL She knows how I want to get back to a healthier weight and insisted it would do me no good being slimmer if other stuff was going on. Gads. Oh yeah, doing the entire blood test tomorrow (fasting). Hey, I will either be a very happy camper or pissed of person after all this!! ha ha, just thought of something, let's see, I'm worried about my hair falling out and weight loss. Vain much? LOL I even put some bouncy curls (to disguise the thinning) in my hair and applied some makeup. Well, eyeliner and mascara, which is all I wear in the summer with my glowing tan... and ever wrinkling skin!!

Hope, I never heard of such things.... perhaps it is a ploy to get you to spend more money vs killing more unwanted pets. That's awful. What if your on a tight budget and saved just enough... and unless your infested with mosquito's , heart worm isn't necessary yet very expensive. Oh, and hope, just say NO!!!

Katie, you are so right. NO DRAMA ALLOWED!! That's the last thing needed. Why family members think drama is more proactive vs their HELP is just beyond beyond.

Uh oh.... no FB = writing a novel on here. OH WELL PEOPLE!

Ever notice when you write these long book of a post, that when you do finally post it, your like 4 pages behind again? ha!

Hope, I read about your dog that loved the ride in the car and it reminds me of a sweet dog I had years ago when I was married to my practice husband. Her name was Stoney and she loved to go on "Puppy Patrol". She didn't go for walks in the neighborhood, she went for rides around the block. She would bark at every dog she saw,head hanging out the window, tail wagging a mile a minute. If you said "you want to go on puppy patrol" she would get so excited. It is so great to live with a dog. I really believe that we will see our pets in heaven!

I know whining doesn't need solutions but...Stew meat will freeze for the winter. :)

Luckylu as Jeanette said we all give a hoot and a holler for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Have you ever heard of arrow prayers? My Mom used to say if she saw someone on the bus or where ever that looked like they needed someone to pray for them she would shoot little arrow prayers at them. So Lucky I am sending a big arrow prayer your way.

Jeanette you go get your blood test done girl. I went and had my blood checked again today cause I didn't fast for the last one and my hubby's dad who is a doctor thinks it will make a difference in my cholesterol result. So I have the little band aid on my arm.

It was stinking hot out today though. We left the doctor's office and got hit by hot air. I thought I might pass out seeing as how I hadn't eaten since yesterday and it was 4:00 in the afternoon.

As far as relatives go. I have sent e-mails out to two of my sisters and haven't received any replies so if they want to have a relationship at all with me they aren't batting a thousand. I don't phone cause they have oh so busy lives. Or so they say.

Okay, what got in the wi-fi waves with us? I have an Rx to get a mammo, my blood work and after taking my mo. To see a new gastroenterologist about her problem, I liked him so much I admitted that at 59 I have yet to have a colonoscopy and made an appointment to go back to see him next week for the preparation appointment! Are you kidding me! I have been avoiding every plan my GP had for his test. I actually have been to two other gastroscope but didn't like them so I cancelled the procedure, lol. And I have also been thinking about he dreaded diet. As I said before, I need to lose about 80 lbs to be healthy and to help my chronic pain and arthritic hips.i said I have been thinking about it. That is the first step. This step may last 2 months but I am working on it. It just is really hard to think about depriving myself of my 10:00 ice cream or key lime pie after all I do for others. I have to change my thinking that not eating it is really what I am doing for myself.
It is very discouraging as I get older because I know that one more diet, means one more success eventually, but that crap about a lifestyle just doesn't last for me.i have lost and kept it off for 4 years once, but every time you diet, you always, always always, gain more back.and thinking about ever being heavier than I am now scares the crap out of me. I am on several medications that will make it difficult to lose and I can't take anything to help me because I have an erratic heart beat.

As far as Mom is concerned, she is feeling much better. The doctor recognized the problem of a recurrence of CDiff because the nursing home and attending physician stopped the Vancomycin cold. He said the protocol is to taper off. So he will keep her on 250 mg until a week from Thursday and then prescribe 125 mg and taper those down day by day until she is not taking any. He also said not to worry about the dogs having it unless they have symptoms.
A mom's strength was pretty good today.she had a good appetite eating yogurt and a banana for breakfast and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch. Then she had chicken and potato salad for dinner. She had a normal day of eating! She even wanted ice cream for her dessert! I could be dancing on the clouds!