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For some reason when I do yard work, I really do a lot of thinking...most often way too much....today I certainly did..and by the time I was done I had worked myself into a frenzy...was mad as a wet hen. I made myself just sit down and think...ok..look, now not one thing has happened while you have been in this yard...stop it...STOP...and I just told myself get a grip on reality sister and move on...

Regarding the grocery store..I remember shortly after Daddy passed, I would cry at the sight of a french creme twirl...that was his favorite treat...I loved them too...but it was a very long time before I ever bought one again. I think I may have had ONE since he passed...it made me sad....isn't that odd how we all do that...
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Susan, that sounds perfect! I'll start buying Lottery tickets too! I would like the cabin idea as well, nice and cozy, but we will need a big Hot Tub too, Jeanette can be in charge of the water levels! Hahaha! I've never traveled to that neck of the wood's, and it sounds lovely!
Gershun, my Dad was a looker too! Very handsome and charming, with his British accent, he was quite dapper. My Mom was pretty as well, and pretty happy with him, after all, they did have six kids, wink wink! I used to look like my Dad, but now I think I look more like my Mom, you know how babies change, resembling their parents and changing back and forth, well I'm changing into my Mom, which ain't a bad thing, just weird.
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Hope you just make me LOL for real! Reading your own post and not knowing it, lol! Only you!
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Stacey my Mom had seven kids so yeah.....wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more!
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Speaking of Compounds, my Dad, who loved all his kids and Grandies, always wanted us to all live together forever in a compound, and on occasion we would be driving along and he would point out that that one would work, hey how about that one, he was such an amazing Dad! I miss him so much! He had a devilish sense of humor too! And he loved that I was ticklish just above the kneecap, abdsitting in the mmiddle of the front seat of the station waggon, he would always get me. One time he made me go up to Communion before I had had my First Holy Communion, and I did, but I didn't know what to do so I just passed when it was my turn. I have 3 older sister's and I think he must have forgotten, it was so funny! My Dad had really bad GI stuff, like Chrohns disease, so he loved any tthing to do with farting, he would laugh, just a big belly laugh, which is terrible I know, but you had to have grown up with it I suppose. One time when the folk's lived in their Apartment, on the 5th floot, well he was in a wheelchair, and he myself and one sister were getting into the elevator to go down, and he DID, and I jumped out in time before the door closed, leaving my sister with him in there. I ran down the stairs, meeting them at the bottom as the door opened, and he was laughing so hard tears were comming down his face, and my sister was practically retching. Now that was funny times!
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Okay, the OK Corral! Yeah! My husband has always wanted to get a few hundred acres up against federal wildlife lands and Montana has been mentioned! I prefer the southeast myself. I grew up in New Jersey and the cold wet winters always made me sad and my skin got so itchy and scaley and it was obvious that I inherited psoriasis from Mom. I don't have the problem in Florida, but whenever I go to a colder climate, my skin starts to turn red and dry and it hurts to even put on jeans.
Our dream was to go on a road trip in an RV with the dogs. Whenever we have gone on a vacation, we have missed the dogs so much! Our other though was to have a smaller place here, maybe 5 acres, and a lake house up in Northern Georgia. At one point this was really a possibility. We were offered1.5 million for our ranch, but I said no. I thought I still has about 10 years left in my career and my stepson was still in school, my mom and stepdad were still here, and I just felt the timing wasn't right. Shortly after that, they changed the zoning and now developers would only be interested if they bought up a bunch of the agricultural grounds around here.
What I have learned is that you never know what is around the corner, so to worry or to plan is such a waste of energy.
Bless you all, enjoy your evening.
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My dad is a looker also!! So handsome. There are only 4 of us ( mom dad sibs) but there's another sister out there! Wait...maybe this isn't a wink wink nudge nudge moment. LOL. Oh lord, I met her 10 years ago. Life goes one.

WHAT? A cabin, by a lake?
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Gershun, hey, I love comming from a big family! We all live really close to one another so there's always something to look forward to!
Sheradale, your ranch sounds gorgeous, and I would love to see that part of the US! I've been to Miami on vacation. And have Cruised out of there before, but that is all. So you are a Jersey girl! I'll just bet you were trouble, not to stereotype though, just from your sense of humor, that is! It does sound like a great place to grow up in though! I've never been there either! Would love to see it too!
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Sometimes I wish we could post pictures, but then it would turn into FB, so that won't work! I'm gonna try to post a pix of my my home as my Avatar sometime!
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Shar, I moved back to the PNW from South Florida. Lived there 15 + years. There are a few things I truly miss, but living in the PNW ... not so much anymore. (making mental note, Stacey is ticklish above the kneecaps) Got it!

My dad was a bit different. Maybe 3 older boys had something to do with it but I grew up a bonafide tomboy, 4-H lover and my fav things are still outdoor stuff, fishing, fishing, boating, fishing...hiking...

BTW!! Tonight's starry lightshow is going to be spectacular!! Hundreds of falling stars... one after the other. My blanket is set up, my wine is chilling, took my big girl for a really long a** walk...puff puff, we both almost crawled home, anyway, if your skies are clear and it's warm enough, grab your best blankie and your best fur pup.... or spouse, your choice. :)
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Susan, just got back from Copper Harbor. My wife is a yooper from Hancock and I grew up in WV. We combine yooper and hillbilly grammar: "Y'all come back now, eh?" You musta yoosta been a yooper eh?
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JeanetteB, funny funny haha! Thanks for the update on the stars tonite! Hopefully our hazy skies will dissipate and we be able to see them, maybe I'll convince hunny to go for a car ride to the beach in our ragtop sports car!
Hi Windy! Ya big hillbilly you!
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Waitressing sucks! Maybe better in a truck stop, but standing on your feet all day, feeling the grease from the kitchen on your ski all day, wearing stupid costumes that someone picked out. I have been a waitress and some people cheat you on your tips and make a disgusting mess at the table. I was also a cocktail waitress which is more profitable, but it can be so annoying getting hit on!.i have done so many things before I became a teacher!
I worked at a beauty salon as a teenager cleaning and making shampoo and conditioner, cleaning brushes and combs, all the crap jobs for $1.25 an hour! I worked every day after school for 2 hours.
I worked at several fast food restaurants, pizza places, and other restaurants. I was an assistant to a dog groomer, combing, brushing, shampooing and drying the dogs. I did taxes and accounting work on Saturdays one year while I was I college. I worked in several retail stores, auto and general merchandise. I worked at a Six Flags park. I all this was before I graduated college.
After graduating with a degree in Psychology and Sociology, I worked at an Easter Seals Sheltered workshop as a vocational trainer, I did drug rehab in inpatient as well as outpatient. I worked in a day treatment facility as a counselor for chronic schizophrenics who had just been released from the state hospitals in NJ.
I didn't start teaching until I moved to Fl. Then I was offered a job teaching students who qualified as Severely Emotionally Disturbed. As I got more eduction in education of students to with disabilities, I taught many different types of kids. Finally after 17 years in the classroom, I became a professional developer teaching teachers the most effective strategies for kids with special needs. I also became an expert in technology, instructional and assistive (such as software that reads digital text for students with severe reading disabilities or vision problems. I loved my job very much but when the chronic pain got really bad, I wasn't loving the travel and standing in front of groups. Another novel by Sharadale!
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Oh and we didn't get concrete today because there was a bigger job in the town north of us. We are in a rough spot because we went to his boss to be he general contractor so we can't complain much. When I get mad thoug, I do call and kind of bust his balls about stuff. When my mom was in the hospital, I really gave him an earful saying it would be nice if she lived long enough to even get to sleep one night there.
Maybe tomorrow
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Jeanette, my niece lives in Portland. I finally went to visit two years ago. She is like the daughter I never had and she has been begging me to come for a visit for such a long time. I went for 8 days and stayed at her house with her and her partner. She is a vet which comes in handy when I have a question about my pups. Her partner is a chef so that was awesome since I am such a foodie! We had a great time. I left the hubby at home and we spent time exploring. We went to Hood River and drove to the seashore on day where the big rock comes out of the ocean. We drove up the coast to Washington and just spent nights in the backyard around her fire pit talking about stuff and God. But it was summertime and I was cold on many nights. We had wonderful visit.
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Oh thank you SHERADALE, I just love hearing about your exciting career, that is an amazing resume! I worked as a Medical Assistant for 30 + years, started off in a Labratory, processing samples of every variety, then I worked in Pulmonary, then Cardiology, then I took a job in Asthma and Allergy drug research, which was a lot of fun. Then I worked for 15 years in Family Medicine in the usual capacity. The final 4 years of my working was as a surgical Tech, working in Dermatology, with Skin Cancer patients. And finally in the beauty end of Dermatology, assisting in laser, and injectable beautification! . But like you Sheradale, time standing with bad knees, took me out of work early, and now I'm a bum, And caregiver. I'd rather be working though! The pay is so much better!
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Well, I just got knocked to my knees in a fit of tears. Shaddy posted about how no one talks about the aftermath of death.

Gonna go lay in the back yard with my big girl....watch the meteor show and stars falling. Maybe a wish will come true.
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Oh yes Stacey, is that your house? Very nice. I will try to take one of mine when we get the addition done, maybe next year, lol.
I was kind of tired of the politics involved in my job. We had a small team and everyone had a different role. My boss was the typical administrator, incompetent and afraid that someone was out to get her job so she was a people pleaser and said yes to everything whether we could reasonably do it or not. She didn't really care because she just assigned it to me or one of her other flunkies.
It is really hard working for someone that is so much less intelligent than you. I was always told I should be an administrator, but was not interested in spending my days in meetings getting nothing done and picking up a pay check for it. So fortunately when Momneeded me, I was able to retire with a pension, but the health insurance is more than half my monthly pension check!
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I'm just catching up on everything you folks on the west coast have been chatting about last night, a compound on Lake Superior? Sounds lovely in the Summer and Fall, but I think you had better plan on an additional compound somewhere warmer for Winter and Black Fly season!
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Wait, what, BLACK FLIES? Nobody said anything about black flies! Do they bite? I dont like bugs of any variety, so maybe it will be a summer camp for the down trodden. We will purchase a winter place somewhere warm! Buying my lottery tickets today, I wrote it on my hand!
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Lol Stacey, you can't get away from bugs of any kind!
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Humph. There is an area of torrential rain seventeen miles to the west. There is an area of lightning and even heavier rain twenty miles to the east. And over my newly replanted rhododendron? Not a drop. Dry as a bone. I've spent the best part of the last three days digging out roots, improving the soil and settling the blasted thing in to its new home and the last thing I want to do now is lug ten gallons of water to it. I don't even *like* stupid rhododendrons, I just felt sorry for it in its scruffy old half barrel. Humph again.
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I wondered if Mother would wake up this morning,again.Thankfully,she slowly came to.She is very confused though and didnt know what day it was.She has shown the end signs for a long time.I know Im supposed to call Hospice when I find her gone,but Ill probably call my Uncle to come first.I still have no plan after all these years or a black dress.I hear that there is alot to do after someone dies..Some people take antidepressants and I have been offered some,but Im afraid they wouldnt let me be my real self and they would mask all my real feelings and then the grief or whatever would smash me so I take nothing but asprin and I havent had a drink since the day Mother broke her neck over 9 years ago.I cant afford to be tireder and with my bad luck,Mother would fall or something and then Id have to talk to the doctors and id be worthless.My head is all over the place this am and Mothers oxygen is on the way so I guess I better git.Hope you all are having a decent day with your loved ones.
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Lucky, ur Mom is on Hospice. If so, they r called first so they can declare the death. They also get rid of the medications and clean the patient up.
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Well, what an odd morning...it has and continues to be very busy morning with Mama...She is in a VERY talkative mood, is feeling great and has been eating well....so why am I having to fight back tears?

This morning out of the blue she told me "I know you are getting tired of having to fool with me".....I said why on earth would you say that Mama...I will never get tired of you...we are having a fun time...she said..well, ok....I kept trying to reassure her I wold be nowhere else but here...I was trimming her hair, her fingernails and having a long extended breakfast with her and she has started talking about "them"...and seeing people doing things...and saying "here I go"...and almost sitting up in the bed and looking like she is looking for something or someone...but yet she said she is feeling really good and she truly seems to feel better than she has felt in a long long time..

I have been through this before...these sudden active bursts...the lucidity...I know it doesn't necessarily mean anything, but then again, I know it could...I am staying close to her....When she told me that she was going...I asked her if she'd like to go..and she said well, maybe...I told her...that I loved her...and I wanted her to be happy and as long as she is hapy I wanted her to stay..but if she ever felt like going that it was ok....that we would not be apart for long.....

This is the oddest thing,...she has not seemed so comfortable and so happy in a very long time......but it is scaring me to death...yet in my heart I know that even now we are not alone...I am sitting her watching her and she is looking at things I cannot see...moving her hands towards things that aren't there...I wonder who all is here with us even now...I wish I could see them....

I'm just going to ask God to tell me what to do....I only pray that if we are close to that oint that I can remain calm and be here for her and let her go gently. I'm almost afraid to walk away from her, but I guess I need to remember God has handled this all along...and He will handle it now.....

We have spent a beautiful morning together...I'm going to try to be strong.

Lucky I am praying for you...I understand how frightening it is right now...but you are not alone...you are surrounded by a host of angels and God's love and all will be with you all through this journey...I can feel it...I know it is true...
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Oh Hope, I know exactly how that feels. You should be happy that she's so content, but the dread of what it might mean makes it almost impossible to relax and share her mood. But, you know, that's what you ought to try to do. Think on ahead - do you want to look back and remember a really good day, or be bursting into tears because it was there and you missed it? Grab it while it's there. And may there be more good days ahead yet.
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Lucky, I remember I got through my fathers funeral by floating on rye whisky, my mom was obviously ODing on her migraine medication and valium. Don't be afraid to keep a little something on hand for when the time comes if you should need it. Nobody can be strong all the time.
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You know what luckylu? You are incredible, just flat out incredible. My admiration for you is huge.

There are a few of us that have wondered about taking antidepressants and it masking our grief. I don't think I could have made it through the past 3 years without them. About 18 months ago I stopped taking them, within 2 months I was so depressed I could barely function, mom was still able to function somewhat on her own, thank God... for my sake as well as my mother's future sake, I immediately went back on them. So yeah, you luckylu are a strong woman. Yes, there is a lot to do when your loved one passes. Then you get the joy of filing taxes for them...just more stuff to bring up memories...ahhh

CM, now that was funny!! You should post that in "You know you're a caregiver if". LOL, you start caring for everything, including scruffy rhododendrons. ha ha

The meteor show was spectacular... I saw at least 20 falling stars. Some zooming across the sky, others slowly falling while burning out... If it's clear tonight I will watch again. My big girl wasn't too happy with it, I believe she was afraid of the dark!! LOL!! Every little sound she jumped... I could feel her big butt shivering... no, it wasn't cold either...hehe. Yeah, be afraid of the big pitbull ! Oh oh, I saw 4 drones buzzing around also. Those things are everywhere...sneaky little bastards!

Those big black flies do BITE! I detest anything that buzzes around me.
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JoAnn, our hospice only declared the death, they did not get rid of the medications nor clean her up. I did that. Her hospice nurse was with me when mom passed...she even suggested I take one of moms alprazolam's do calm myself down so I wasn't a sobbing mess while holding mother. Every single thing hospice provided for us, was left with us. I, uhm, yeah, disposed of mom's meds... cough cough :)

Oh Hope...I'm choking up here as well. Take these wonderful days your mother is having and hold on tight, cherish every moment with her. It's no wonder she is feeling better with the awesome care you give her. Hang in there girl... you've got this :)
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Luckylu, hello this morning. We were so tired from the heat that a phone call woke us up about an hour ago at 9:30 a.m. when I read your post just above, I was reminded of an elderly lady who had taken care of her husband on hospice and was so tired, she needed a nights sleep. You mentioned your Uncle, could you call him now and ask him to sit with Mom overnight while you get some less worried sleep? Or a friend?
You could be so tired that you might not of thought about it. What about Hospice sending a nurse just one night? I am with you on the less medication choice. You know yourself best. If you do ever need something, ask your doctor for something you can take (p.r.n.) whenever necessary instead of starting on a course of meds you take all the time. Trying to be there for you, we all are.
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