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CM, I have many Rhododendrons in my yard that are have curled leaves from it being so hot and dry, but they are hardy plants and they always come around, and I will give them all a drink tonight, too.
Luckylu, I know that you are scared right now, but it will all be alright, you are doing such an incredibly important and loving job for your sweet Mama right now, just being by her side, and loving her they way that you do! You never know when the time will come, but know that you both are surrounded by God's love right now.
Hope, my Mom would hold full on conversations with my Dad when she was bed bound ,on hospice and also on Morphine. I swear I could feel an electricity like feeling in the air in her room, and have to admit that I could feel others presence sometimes. It actually didn't scare me, and it was a huge comfort to her, so I have to believe that there were many watching and waiting for her when her time came. We have to remember that our Loved ones have had their lives and hopefully have lived them well, and they would wish for us to go on to have wonderful lives after they are gone. Yes. There will be heartaches that last a lifetime, because we miss them, and we are forever changed for caring for them, but they do want what is best for us to, and for us to be happy. That goes for all of us, Jeanette, Gershun! It does take time, and we all grieve at our own pace. I have a sister who still, 11 & 12 years later, still cries Every time we speak of our parents, we do still, but it is just her way, but we often laugh too! Life is just so darn hard! We are all here for you all!
JeanetteB, our skies never cleared last nite, but it's clear today, so I hope to see the Shooting Stars tonite!
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Sendhelp, that is a very good idea, for Luckylu to ask for some aditional help with sleep right now, as she needs to be strong and restored to keep up with her Mamma. We are here for you guy's! Thank you Sendhelp, good thinking!
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Had dad over for lunch. He did mention a couple of times that he had been here before. I do not mention him living here last year. His appetite is slowing down but still probably eats more than others his age.
We have a John Deere Gator so drove him around the yard and to next door the property we bought cia foreclosure and he looked around.
He does have a bit of difficulty getting up from a chair or in a car. Alot of changes from a year ago.
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CM, Stacey and Jeanette...yes, I agree...I don't want to miss out on a good day ...as hard as it is, I think if I can embrace it and what a wonderful thing if her last days can be happy and pleasant and excited..she does seem excited...and as you said CM..maybe lots more of them to come.

I did check with our nurse and cofirm whether the Scope patches they just prescribed might have anything to do with this and she said they should not....I am thinking...and hoping...maybe it is just that she is feeling so much beter not having those secretions in her throat all the time that she is feeling a lot better...

The main thing is she is happy...I don't want her to go, but I made sure I told her it was ok if she decided to go....I do find it tremendously comforting to know that this home will not be empty when the time does arrive. I believe it will be full of angels and people who love her...waiting to welcome her home....I don't want to miss the opportunity to feel it...I know when I lost Daddy, as much as I panicked before the time arrived, I remember AT the time, I felt comforted and when he left us, there was a warmth and something almost like a giant, invisible hug that was present in the room...others saw it and felt it too...so rahter than fear it, I want to embrace it....

She's still looking and still talking..but she's happy...so I will be happy for her...
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57twin, I'll bet your Dad loved the tractor ride, I know that I would! Lol! I totally agree about what a difference a year makes, my FIL was up early, making the cofee, driving to the grocery store, drug store, the bank. Preparing his breakfast and lunch ever day, doing his own laundry and making his bed, taking a bath, down in the tub, and now he can't/doesn't do any of these things anymore. But he has completely stopped his constant humming, murmuring and stuttering that he did for the last 11 years, and has become more appreciative lately, so that's good! He has lost a lot of weight, looks so pale and has really dark circles under his eyes, but claims to sleep well, and we know he is Anemic, which is part of his Cancer diagnosis. Hisback, hips and legs hurt all of the time now, and he does now take a couple of pain pills daily, which is all new in the past year. I can't even imagine what the next year will bring. My latest concerns are his cognitive changes, so we are looking into this now. I'm sure it is very hard to get old, having to depend on other's, it is all so darn scary! I have 4 older siblings, and I really pray that their own kids step up when the time comes, as I don't think that I have it in me to care give any more people in my life, but I think they will!
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HOPE, You sound as healthy and prepared as anyone could be, I only wish you had more help to help you, so that you could have a few hours here and there, completely off the clock, but knowing you, you wouldn't take them, lol! But I totally get that, as I was like that as well with my Mom. Even though she was in my sisters home, and there were 5 other siblings all putting in the time to help my sister, often I just couldn't leave her, or I would run home (about 3 miles) to shower and change, and go racing back. We just want every minute we can, while we can, and that's right for alot of us. You enjoy your day today! Oh, how's your little poochie doing? I'm glad you are thinking about keeping her! They are happy distractions!
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Windyridge - my mother is from Ontonagon, my dad is from Hubbell - my uncle owned the gas station on the main street in Hubbell and fixed up used toys, bikes and toy trucks all year long and distributed them to underprivileged kids at Christmas, dressed as Santa. We have a LOT of history up there. I plan to move there as soon as I can. The winters are harsh and the mosquitos are huge, but you learn to live with it so you can live in the unparalelled beauty that is the U.P.

I just made pasties with Mom at the NH the other day - introduced a whole new crowd to the pleasure of the pasty.
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So mom asks me if there is some place I'd like to go..........a dozen places came to mind. The steak house across the road, visiting either one of my sisters that live out of state, visiting my sister and brother in law..(.my deceased husbands only brother.)..sitting on the back porch sipping a glass of wine....Hawaii...Hawaii...Hawaii.....feeling so sorry for myself. She caught me at a really bad time...can't stop crying.
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I just want to say to Lucky and Hope. My heart is right there with you both. Hope if this is your Mom's last days enjoy the fact that she is awake and aware. Cherish every second. She could just be having a good day and might be around for a while yet.

Lucky if you need to take something to sleep don't feel bad. You are only human.

oldestof3 if you need to have a good cry for what ever reason you just go ahead. Its good for you to have a good bawl now and then.

Jeanette I couldn't see the stars where I am last night but I'm sure it must of been beautiful.
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Susan , we are in northern Mi but it's still an 8 hour drive to wife's hometown. It's all like "The little towns that time forget" up there. As our petting zoo dies off we would like to get up more often. But good god, the winters! We have rough ones down here too but not like da yoopers!
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Oldestof3...I am feeling like you are tonite. I am fine if I don't think about going any place and keep on autopilot just doing my routine and chores etc each day until I fall into bed exhausted. That way I don't have time to think about what I am missing in life. Sometimes when I hear people are going on vacation or visiting friends or relatives, I just want to weep later when I am alone, though I am happy for people that they can go while they can! I was hoping to travel to see my 97 yr old Aunt one more time but could not go as I need to take care of Mom, and she passed away last Spring. My husband and I used to love to travel. I felt it kept me sane because I would see life going on in other places and feel there was a whole World out there I could escape to...Now a quick trip to the grocery or the ice cream place is an exiting activity. Right now I think that this is what I am supposed to be doing...taking care of my Mom 24/7 as she is completely bedridden. I do miss being free to take a road trip or even go to baseball games, let alone visiting other countries or islands.
I don't know why I feel so weepy tonite. I am in a mood where I could win the lotto and it wouldn't make me happy. Maybe I just need some sleep ....
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Susan if you move to the UP I will visit as I am really close living near Green Bay. Been to Ontonagon maybe drove through Hubbell. Pasties are always in my freezer!
Well sis leaves tomorrow we are taking dad out to breakfast before she departs.
She will come back for a day early October then at Christmas time. Hopefully she gets know how dad is and remember.
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Reading all of your posts makes me a little uneasy. Although I feel like my mommy will live to be 100, there are times that I am afraid to leave her. Right now she is doing well in spite of the CDiff. There's have done the trick again, she is up but we can't go anywhere. She stays up all night, but then so do I. Ion one hand, I want her to pass away here rather than in a hospital, but then really thinking about it, I don't know how I will do. My husband would be freaked out so no help there. Every morning as I go in to see if she wants something to eat, I always brace myself that today could be the day and I would find her gone. It can happen to any of us at anytime. They don't send you a shipping label for return shipping on a specific date! I even check my husband's chest! I think I have become a little morbid today so I'm changing subjects.
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Sharadale I feel morbid today too. I just had a good bawl. I think the more time that goes by the more I realize my mom really isn't coming back, EVER!

My mom was always so supportive of me. At her memorial the pastor told us of a time when he visited my mom in the hospital and he came away feeling like he had been blessed by the visit with her, not the other way around.

I always felt that way when I was with my mom too. I came away feeling better about life in general. She had that way about her. I guess today I really needed some of that and it suddenly dawned on me that I am going to have to find it somewhere else from now on.
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I just got word from a co-worker from my old office that my boss fell at a school and fractured her foot! I couldn't help but giggle! Lord forgive me, but thank you for your grace! You see she has wanted more money in her budget and I had the highest salary except her. So although I suffer from chronic pain and have limitations regarding standing and sitting, walking and lifting, driving long distances etc, I still have done a documented highly effective job for the last four years of working. One month after receiving that evaluation from her!, I was told by the superintendent that she was informed that lately my medical issues were impacting my performance and I was being told to see one of their paid cronies to determine if I was fit. Due to the above mentioned limitations and my med list that includes narcotic pain mess. They all knew that and I have been on them for years. I do not react like a newbie. So I can function and drive, but I was found to be unfit because of this and the requirement to drive on school board business.
Well hearing about her fractured foot and knowing that it will be worker's comp which means they will put her through the wringer and it will be a long drawn out process and she will not be able to do many things and will probably need some pain mess. I love God's will! Some people say Karma, but I decided not to pursue a lawsuit against them because the stress would increase my pain and retiring would convince Mom to move in with us. As it turned out, retiring would have been necessary anyway because Mom needed me. But I was so upset when all this went down because for many years I would meet with her in her office and pray with her for her daughter who had brain issues. After praying with her out loud she told me one day that I had changed her life. She said that she was praying to Jesus now instead of saying Hail Mary's and all that and felt she was closer to God.
Then she does crap like this? What kind of people do stuff like that? I was so hurt and she tried to tell me she was trying to help me! After hearing her complain about how our budget was 98% salaries and benefits and she was hoping this person would retire. She (the boss) had already retired and was collecting her pension and came back to work one month(the required time) later. And guess who ran the place while she was gone? Yooouuuuu guessed it, MOI.
There have been so many times when I thought hmmm I could really screw her over by...... But I didn't do anything. So forgive me if I take a little unChristian pleasure in this news. I will pray for God's will in this matter, lol.
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New topic.... We have concrete! The workman came this morning and I was happy that the bark stop collars worked pretty well. I am not saying that Buddy (the instigator) and Misty (the follower) were silent, but the were easily calmed down and I put Buddy in Mom's room where he would feel safer and brought Misty in the room with me. This way everyone got more sleep since we were up until 4 this morning. I am so thankful that we have a slab and a porch, next comes the block. Perhaps tomorrow.
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Sharadale, I believe it is called "Just Desserts", oh so sweet! Discrimination against employees with disabilities is so rampant, and you are right, the stress involved in fighting that discrimination can be more detrimental to your emotional and physical health.
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Gershun, I am so sorry that you are feeling so alone today. I can't even begin to imagine life without Mom. She has also always been my biggest supporter and whenever I would meet one of her friends, coworkers, business connections they always said how proud my mom was of me and that they felt like they knew me.
Since I was the youngest and only girl, we always have had a special relationship. I remember when I moved to Florida and got my first teaching job, I had to go back to school to take the courses required for a permanent certificate. Before we moved, Mom found us our house which was one block over from her house! While I was working and going to school Mom decided she would help me by doing all our laundry! She picked it up at my house, washed, dried, folded or put it on hangers and put it in my closets and drawers!
Now when I do her laundry I am reminded that I have the opportunity to pay her back for all of the things she has done for me. I am so blessed to have a Mom that I love and that she loves me.
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thanks for understanding Globetrotter!
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I'm feeling somewhat despondent today. Someone mentioned being tired of waiting, which is what I am right now. Waiting for two measly cheques for hours of hard mental labour that goes into my business. Then I go out this afternoon for a couple of hours to get some groceries and other supplies. I told mom where I was going and how long I'd be, wrote it down on a note, and when I called her on my cell to let her know I was on the way home she yells at me asking where have I been and hangs up on me, then starts again when I open the door. I know it's the disease plus some family dynamics, but she just presses my buttons. Then she turns it around and says she never thought it would turn out like this, I just want her in a nursing home, I was the one angry with her, always criticizing her (now that's a switch!), she'd do anything for me. I said she doesn't need to go in a nursing home, we had the perfect solution - home care/respite relief but she kicked them out and cancelled the services. Then of course she starts having one of her little spells and I think, okay, this is the end, but she has other things in store for me. Her love was always a controlling, possessive type of love, although I'm sure she really does love me, but combine that with her increasing neediness and loss of functioning I am really getting cabin fever stuck in here since July.
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I really want to share picture too! I want to share my Mom on her 90th and my pups, my hubby and my granddaughter. That is my family and the most important part of my life.
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I'm new here and DH has PD. He is in about the 2.5 stage. Today we saw his neurologist and he was ruling out Lewy Body Dementia. Said that things look good but wondered about his minor cases of hallicuation which he says could be related to the meds. We will try new ones. The thing is that I am so overwhelmed right now. DH and his needs, my own fears, trying to find some bit of a life of my own, getting more involved in the world around me so that we have some support if needed. But, I am today so totally exhausted. I have never been so tired. No question that he has PD, it set in for sure today. And there are things MUST do even when I would just rather hide. Is this all normal? I just want to cry but really can't do it for my dog will bark when he sees me cry.....he worries about me, at least. , I try very hard to hide my fears from DH but today we talked about LBD and I think it hit him for a loop. Did I do wrong to talk to him about it? We have been very honest about his PD. I just have tried to hide my fears re. His disease. Myy whine......
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whoa...I don't know what to do...I mentioned this morning that Mama has been talking and laughing and acting like she feels better than she has in a long time...She has been like a freight train on adrenaline all day and still is going...has not slept all day...doesn't look good any time soon....It dawned on me that the transdermal patch..scops patch I think it is called...it was prescribed for her because of the secretions she has an issue with these days..anyway..I finally texted her nurse and checked to be sure it would not cause any of these really sudden changes...she indicated it should not...but now looking at several of the sites...(and I know you have to watch doing this) but many of them indicate that some of the side effects of those patches MAY include hallucinations, restlessness, agitation, sudden change in moods and/or mental issues....so now what to do...this patch is supposed to stay on til tomorrow night ...it has certainly solved the secretion problem...but she is wound up....and I do mean wound up..she is seeing babies...talking to people..hollering hey here (one of her favorite phrases..) and just talking and talking and talking.....I'm trying to get her nurse....

She said she is not in pain, she seems very happy..if she is then I'm fine with it of course...but it said that these side effects can be indicative of a severe adverse reaction...that is my concern..... VERONICA...where are you!!!!! anyone???? anyone had anything like this from this med????
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Katie, I also feel that my purpose at this time is to care for mom 24/7 and most of the time she's cooperative and easy to care for, especially after reading some of these posts and knowing what other caregivers are dealing with. Her question caught me off guard and I thought of all the little things I'm missing and the tears came....and kept on coming.
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Hope, I am so sorry for your predicament. Is there an oncall nurse that you can call? Or a doctor or pharmacist?sometimes nurses and doctors don't have as much knowledge as we would like them to.
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Patricia, welcome to the whine and cheese party. Sometimes we don't have answers but we always have an open heart. It is totally normal to be confused and have a myriad of feelings especially when this is the person that you normally lean on in difficult times. I don't know much about dementia since my Mom fortunately does not suffer from it yet. There are a few folks with experience that can help, but I just want you know we are here to listen.
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Hope, as long as you feel your Mom is Safe, Then wait calmly for the Nurse to call you back, and/or call your Pharmacist, or Mom's Dr to get some recommendations. I do not think that keeping the patch on, will do her any harm, but do get an answer soon. The Scopalomine Patch acts very much like a Antihistamine, and in most people it usually makes them a little drowsy at first, but some people have the opposite effect. It may have built up in her sensitive system. That's all I've got, but do get a professional answer and direction. I hope they call doon, but don't worry as long as she is comfortable. Good luck Honey, and let us know how it goes!
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Patricia317, welcome to The Whine! I'm so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed right now. This is a great place to come and to vent, for sure. While I am not well versed in all of the symptoms of Dementia( I am currently learning all I can), I am betting your DH , while perhaps scared, he probably appreciated you being honest with him. I do believe the Aging Care Community will be a really good sounding board and a supportive environment for you. Be sure to use the search bar at the top right hand corner of every page, I know that you are in good company here, and will find a host of great sources and friendly people, as well as information from professionals to help you through your journey. Again welcome, and don't forget to breathe, and to rest when ever you can! Sincerely, Stacey B
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Gee, I am so sorry to hear so many of you are feeling weepy today, and I wish I had a good solution, other than to say that this to shall pass. Bing overtired and overwhelmed will definitely add to that, but I find a good ole cry sometimes makes me feel better, and let's it all out. I am thinking of you all and your lovely Mom's, and you all know that you are doing a Brilliant job caring for them! Much love to everyone!
PATRICIA317, my little doggy doesn't like it when I cry, cough or sneeze! Aren't they intuitive little creatures? I love my pup! Take care no!
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Thank you everyone..I finally heard back from our nurse and she told me it was ok to just remove it...so I have..about an hour or so ago and of course it's going to take a while for it to get out of her system, but she is still talking up a storm, and yet she is almost asleep...I thought she was talking to me so I went over to her and said...What Mama?...she jumped and said..what...did I say something?? I definitely think that patch brought this on..I can't be certain and I"m certainly not a doctor...but I am tending to think, along with all I have read, that that very well could be what brought on all this activity...I am worn slap out...of course in many ways it has been great...but then too so much of what she said I could not understand..and at one point she even got very agitated and told me to shut up..that is understandable I know with elderly folks, but such sudden changes like this I have to believe are attributable to something new introduced into her system or routine and in this case...the patch is it...

I hope there is a way of using these patches for the secretions without keeping them on the full three days...I wonder if that's doable..I will talk with her nurse or doctor and see what they say..It has been a godsend for her not to have to be clearing her throat all the time....

I don't know if I'm relieved or sad all I know is I am exhausted.....I hope everyone is having a good day..I haven't made it through all the posts....

Stacey, I love your house....I see your cute pup back now but I did see your pretty home and meant to tell you....Gershun I hope you are feeling better....I'm sorry you had a distressing day....All of this is mind boggling...I got dressed to go to the store for a few things, but after Mama began acting so strange I was afraid to leave her....I just remembered I forgot to eat tonight ...and again I have waited to late...oh well..didn't need it anyway...hugs to all....
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