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Oh dear WORKHORSE, Sweetie, you sound like a Work horse! At 77, I think you should have your feet up relaxing! Do you have any Children to help you? How about Home Health Aides? I'll bet there are services available to you, have you checked with your counties Elderly Support Resources? Perhaps you are just having one of those days and needed to vent, well you've come to the right blog. Everybody here are wondering people who are often in your shoes, and always have a ear to listen, can relate and often have great suggestions for you. I do so hope that you have some support, and that you reach out and take advantage of those people, so you can get some rest enough to recharge those batteries once and awhile! Dementia is so incredible demanding on the caregiver, and you can't afford to get sick yourself. Does your husband have the capability and capacity to offer you help, or is he being a Pill? If he can, then you need to insist he help, but if he can't, well then you need to find help for you! I'm sorry you are struggling right now! Take care now! Stacey B
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Katie I don't think it's a UTI...she's too happy and no fevers...I think it very well could be and most likely is a reaction to that patch...probably just too much for her frail self..or else just had an odd interaction with her system...she is still wired up but maybe not quite as much as earlier...but still...I can't see how she isn't sleeping...I guess another long night...also, she seems to be having trouble remembering how to "eat" her shakes.....it's still kind of unsettling....I love that she's happy, but not quite sure where it's coming from...

Gershun yeah, it does sting for sure, but it's not like I haven't heard it all my life. I have always known there is just a special bond between Mamas and sons...as there is Daddy's and daughters...and yet I know Mama loves me, but I don't think she would ever say those kinds of things had she not had the mental thing going on...but still....as we know..words hurt....to me much more than a slap to the face most times...
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Jeanette...I LOVE it..you are 100% spot on re the nasty Hospice nurse....NO EXCUSE for how she is acting...I'm like you, when I was reading lucky's post I could feel the ire building in me...I would love to kick her butt over the moon...talk about insensitive...I do think a call to the office is in order ...I don't enjoy pitching a fit by any means, but I finally learned when it came to Mama it was as good a reason as any...and I sure have pitched some doozies...but it got it done....

Lucky, again, my heart just aches for you and I agree with Stacey earlier and Jeanette and others who feel you and your Mom deserve more help and respect than you're getting from this doozie....
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Workhorse bless your heart..You sound so much like my Mama...she was always on the go, doing and doing and doing...why is it that so many men seem to think when they get home from work, works done for the day....or when they retire, they never have to work again...I often feel bad when I remember how hard Mama worked all the time...She and Daddy had a very good marriage, but to be honest, I think when he retired he thought he had put his time in...we always helped her around the house, but it's not right . Take some time for you..and take care of yourself.....(((hugs)))
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I love that expression "pitching a fit". Kind of like that expression" I'm fixing to get mad"

In my case anger is not something I deal with well. I usually internalize it and make myself sick. I'm going to have to learn how to pitch a fit. :)
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Gershwin, it's easy. Just start throwing things, but make sure you don't throw anything that belongs to you and don't hit anyone!
In my case I get so angry, I cry. It is very frustrating because I can be so angry but I come across as some little baby. That just makes me madder. My hubby thinks I do it to manipulate him because he can't deal with my tears, so with him I have learned how to get mad so that he will listen and take me seriously. Usually I end up. Eying anyway because I hate fighting with him. Funny thing is whenever I get really mad, I clean like a whirling dervish.
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Same here Shar. I get into a cleaning frenzy when I'm mad.
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Well, I have not had a good marriage. He has had a good one. As long as I did what he wanted it went well. No, he just doesn't want to help, because he didn't want to before dementia. Dr said how he was before dementia, he will be. I weigh 135 and love to be active. I've always wanted to go and see things. Husband did not. I thought he would at retirement. Then came dementia. So here we are. Yep some days are tough, this was one, but tonight is better. God is good, and by His grace, l'll make it! Thanks so much for the encouragement!
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Geez you two, I guess I should get Mad more Often, my house needs a Good Clean! I'm Fixin for a Doozy of a fight, so I too can turn into a Whirling Dervish! OMG SHERADALE, your killin me! I cry whenever I hold a baby, cause they are so pure! I love babies, pld people and animals too! It's so weird we all have so much in common, other than Menopause! Tee hee!
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Yay WORKHORSE, Glad you are feeling better tonite! Hopefully we here on The Whine Thread helped in some way, and that you keep coming back!
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Yes, Stacey, you all helped a lot and I will be back! I think my problem is I love this guy in spite of it all.
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WORKHORSE, Can't live with Um, can't shoot Um!
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How on earth can Mama still be going like this??? Something is surely way off with her....on the one hand I keep telling myself I should be thankful...and I am very happy she is happy and laughing and talking...but I cannot understand most of what she is saying and it is almost non stop...I was awake all night listening to her go on and on and laugh and hoop and holler....what on earth is going on??? My brother thinks it is a riot....I just kept telling him..24/7 buddy...24/7.....I know yall must think I'm awful...but I can't get her to go to sleep...I'm afraid to give her any of the comfort care pack in case something interacts negatively with the patch stuff...I have never seen anyone this age go on and on and on like this...I am exhausted...
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Hope my Mom carried on like this now and then. It usually was due to a U T I. I'm sure you have thought of this already but it wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.

It sounds like fun but for you it is probably worrisome I'm sure. Did the nurse tell you how long before the patch medication wears off completely?

Hope you and your Ma can get some z's tonight.

I just posted a question on aging care about weird things going on with electronics in my home. I've heard thats how loved ones who have died can communicate with you. I've always been skeptical about these things but I have had a lot of this happening lately.

Its probably just a coincidence but ........anyway.
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She has FINALLY gone to sleep!!! I can usually tell when she has a UTI and this is nowhere near what she usually does. I think it is more than likely the patch..and maybe it is starting to wear off. She has not been in distress AT ALL....happy as a claim...high as a kite...I think the patch did it's job but it had such a strong effect on her, I guess too much of a good thing...praying she will get some much needed sleep...and me too.. Hope you all rest well.. :)
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Hope, she will most likely sleep for awhile now because she was active for so many hours. I can never understand where all that energy comes from when Mom got the UTIs and this happened 3x. It happened once too, from a reaction to one type of antibiotic. I never knew it could be this way. Who will watch out for me when and if I get that old?....It also seems that the medical field often does not fully understand the behavioral issues that can occur with medication reaction or UTI's. I always thought old people sit in a chair and get quiet....

Luckylu, My first reaction to your hospice nurse was I would like to give her a punch in the nose and a good talking to! Right now there are alot of people that I have dealt with over the last 14 months that deserve a good uppercut! I was surprised at the help and compassion of our hospice team after all the dealings with hospitals and 2 bogus nursing homes and the losers that work there for rehab until we finally found a good NH that led us to hospice. . By all means you can talk to someone or change nurses or service if you are not happy. They are supposed to help you, not cause further bad feelings.

Workhorse, welcome, and post all you need! I do a lot of work myself around here as hubby works hard at his job, but wonder if he would help when he retires or takes an easier pre-retirement job...He seems to not understand what needs done around here! It seems easier if I just tackle the work myself if I can.

Gershun, that is interesting about the electronics. People carry a certain amount of electricity in them and energy etc...and I have often wondered where that energy goes when they pass on.
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I am weepy today. Blocked my sister from my life which is OK, but the stress of mom is ALOT. I put her in the same nursing home my uncle was in because it is close to me and it is a good one. I loved my uncle dearly, he was the best man, we lost him in April and I did not realize how hard it would be to be in that nursing home again. I was there a minimum of 3 or 4 days a week for 4 years before he died. I am hitting brick walls everywhere with what to do with Mom after rehab at the home, but on the bright side the social services director is helping me and talking with their lawyer about the various options for POA guardianship etc. My live in boyfriend keeps promising to go with me to see Mom at the home, but never does, so my trust in his promises is shot, nothing new, he did the same with my uncle. So yes I am having a bit of A pity party today.
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Katie...yes, after a brief moment of "alertness" in the middle of the night, for hte most part now she is asleep...and I do mean aslep...but it seems to be a really deep deep sleep which I know she needed badly. I was actually afraid that she was so wired she could expire from a heart attack or stroke...she was that hyper...but now she is back to the former and also back to the digestive issues....I

I don't wonder what is going to happen to me when I get older...I KNOW.....I will get by as best as I can and probably be found "gone" after a couple of months of not posting on FB...I say that somewhat in jest and yet it is too possible to be kidding.

My olderst nephew and his girlfriend are now in Chicago....I wonder how it must be to live a life of not giving a sh$t about anyone else besides yourself. You know, on the one hand I'm happy he is getting to be happy and live his dream...but how the heck did that happen? Never had to be responsible for himself his entire life...sure as heck didn't worry about checking on his grandmother when she became so ill...even though he comes within two blocks of here when he visits his dad...(my brother) the other one is making something of himself and I understand him not coming to see us...he comes when he can..but it is amazing to me....and don't even get me going on the girlfriend...spends her entire life going to school...doing crafts...trying to break into showbusiness....while living on the coattails of my nephew......every time I get out in the yard working and sweating and getting eaten alive by insects, scarred for life from at home lawn equipment accidents. etc...not one single female friend or relative I know of has EVER worked the way I do...they all got to spend their lives being pampered princesses...how does that work. I grew up being taught to have something you had to work for it. I have spent my entire life working for it and THEY are the ones who benefitted from it...sorry for the pity party....just needing to emote...

But you know...it would all be ok...if ANY of it was appreciated in the tiniest little way...but it isn't...I am the 'b" brother is God's gift to humanity and then the inevitable comment...."Why do you act the way you do? " seriously??? SERIOUSLY?????? SMH
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While working in the yard yesterday...I started thinking...again....about my life...I always do that when I am gardening for some reason...anyway, it again dawned on me that at the ripe old age of 56 I truly have spent my entire life living for everyone else BUT me....And that is truly MY fault...because I did have a choice...but I always chose to be here for Mama and Daddy because the brother was too busy to be bothered, Because they were both older when they had us, it quickly seemed to fall to me to take them here and there...family reunions, etc. even though I lived over two hours away...I always missed out on the fun stuff back "home"....with my friends...they never got it...mostly because none of them seemed to have the kind of relationship they had with their parents...but also most of them lived within a stones throw and could see them all the time anyway...It has worn on me....I don't even think the 60's or 70's are old any longer...but I feel so worn out and I look so tired and droopy...I look at my FB profile pic from right before I moved back home....I look 20 years younger imo than how I feel I look now...so all that to say that one day...if God allows me life at that time....I am not going to be thinking of dating, or waiting on other people...call me selfish or whatever you want to call me...but I hope that I have at least some time to actually see how it feels to LIVE MY OWN LIFE........kind of a rant....but just worn out this morning...
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Hope, I know what you mean.... I realized yesterday that at this place in my life, I am surrounded, locally, by only people or pets that NEED me.... how did I let this happen.... like you, I own it.... and I have even gotten very good at saying NO....but I come home from a long day (and week) of Ms.Whiney and then the dog and cat are in my face.... I doubt they were happy to see me, they wanted outside, to be fed, petted, and then the neighbor calls that she needs help getting her 80 lb dog outside...... so ya, jump up and help, stupid..... after getting the towel around the dog, lifting and tugging, and going down the long ramp and out into the yard,,,, THEN I realize we have a very young and strong young man that lives on the other side of me....of course by then,my back and neck hurt, was already hurting from working all week.... think I will just change my screen name to "Stupid" and have a clown for an avatar...... if you figure out how to get a 'LIFE' , please share... sending you hugs this morning.... hugs around your waist as I can not raise my arms to hug your neck....
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ladee..you may not have meant that to be funny but I could not help laughing....but I totally could have written that...and we might have to fight over that screen name...lol....I do totally know the mess I find myself in (not calling Mama a mess..just the life situation in general) is on ME...for through it all seemingly not being able to say no and realizing that it would have been OK to say NO every now and then...even to my parents..especially back when they were totally able to be on their own by themselves.....there was just something IN me that felt so dang responsible for their total happiness...truly lthat it felt like their happiness came before my own.

Like you, I have a next door neighbor who is a brawny, healthy man, owns his own concrete and landscaping business and when I had three large oak trees cut he went riding by in his truck and literally stopped and gave me the thumbs up as he watched me hauling LARGE cuts of logs to the curb for pick up...there are men who wouldn't pick up logs that size...apparently he was one of them...but he gave me that thumbs up and hollered carry on....and went rolling on by....I gave him a "gesture" as well......

Funny as busy as I am and hard as I work. I swear if I sit down for over ten minutes...it takes me a bit when I stand up to get my muscles to want to work again...I feel like I walk bent over..my back is gone...I know what you mean....I shake my head at my own self these days....
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Well,I WAS serious, and it is funny.... IF I did not have a sense of humor and choose to make light of some things, well, POSTAL comes to mind.... often.!!!
Guess we could be Dumb and Dumber...... I am probably a lot older than you so I get to use Dumber, I have had more practice at being stupid......
Laughed at the fact you had a 'gesture' for the neighbor.... my neighbor did come help when I called him..... he is 16, takes care of his grandfather and fixes me breakfast on Sunday morning..... sorry ya'll, I'm keeping him for myself.... I am usually not selfish, but this young man is MINE....very rare young man, and I am blessed to have him so close.... my own kids wouldn't come if I called.... see, God provides.... sometimes we just have to look for it... so see ya later Dumb..... cant wait to see the new avitar....tho I love the one you have now....
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Gershun, my one sister who had my parents live in her attached MIL apartment for the 8 years of my parents decline, and who is the one who has had the toughest time dealing with the grief of losing my parents does truly have a lot of 'psychic ability, has had many episodes of electrical energy moments in her home. The one that stands out was one Christmas, she had a strand of Christmas lights on her fake tree light up and twinkle when the tree was completely unplugged, which completely freaked her out. She called me hysterical, knowing that it was our Dad, who loved Christmas and all the decorations. She talks about it to this day, it was that profound, and another time when the TV turned itself on Loud, out in the MIL apartment and she now is scared to go out there. This is also my sister who, with three others, saw a UFO, while driving home from work late one night while stopped at a light, the three other cars stopped, and eventually, when the UFO left, they got out of their cars and chatted about what they had all just seen. Perhaps some people are more electricity than others and attract such things, or are more open to the possibilities. I would welcome it, thinking it is a visit from our loved ones.
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Im glad its Saturday abd no Hospice people are coming.Im sure my 2 brothers are out hiking in the woods together as I wipe Mothers hindend and do al the work as usual.Neither brother or anyone has said they want to be with Mother when the time is closer so Im sure Ill be alone with Mother when she decides to go be with Dad and God.They all have missed alot of good memories they could have made with Mom by their own selfishness.My 2 SILs have never done anything for Mother or I either.Its beyond sad.
I had 1 good friend for 25 years but even she wont come and she doesnt "get"my situation.We have workmen coming to fix the dishwasher atlast today.Better get back to my chores.Take care all.
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COTHRANGIRL3, I am sure it must be difficult to enter the Nursing home your Uncle passed away in, as it triggers a sad memory for you, many, including me feel the same about Hospital's. Perhaps it is triggering old uncomfortable memories with your boyfriend, or that he is afraid of what Nursing homes represent, old people who often never leave, and die there, and often alone. While I'm sure that his behavior upsets you, there may be a underlying reason, which you may just have to respect or at least talk about. Sisters can be difficult, I have 3, all completely different, but there have been times when they flat out Pi** me off. Just remember no matter how much you are angry or hurt by her, she is your sister, and hopefully some time apart will be better for You. I'm sorry you are struggling right now, but this is a nice place to blog about your experiences and I hope you come back to share with us, we all learn from others situations. Sincerely Stacey B
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lucky, I swear if you had one more brother, you would be ME in another dimension. My one SIL did nothing, NOTHING, she doesn't work at all so it shouldn't have been a difficult thing for her. My brothers were always hiking, hunting, fishing or horseback riding while I sat in this house for days, weeks, months and years. I was alone with both parent's when they passed even though I begged them to be with us...but no, they never made it in time, I'd call or text them to please come...sigh Honey, I feel for you... it is hard.

Hope and ladee, you are cracking me UP!!!! dumb n dumber...ROFLMAO! You know, I would say you needed to add me as the 3rd one "dumbest", but after doing for everyone and everything all my life, at the young age of 51, I realize now how wrong it was to keep giving my all and getting nothing in return. So then, who wants to claim "dumbest"? ha ha... silly girls!

CG3, you just go ahead and have that pity party for a little while. Personally, I believe they are good for you. Just don't stay there too long.
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Gosh you guy's, it's absolutely disgusting the way your siblings have treated you and I am so sorry. It shouldn't be this, but there is nothing you can do, and will be on their own concious, if they ever have one, which appears NOT! I do wish there was something that I could say to make you all feel better, but there is not, other than to say that neither of you are DUMB, DUMBER AND DUMMEST in my eyes, just selfless, kind caring people who did, at the time, believe in what you thoughtwas best in each and eevery situation, and I know that that is Comendable in God's eyes,! I mean, what in the world would happen if there were No People Like You all, caring for and about people as well as our parents, well it would SUCK, that's what it would be, life would SUCK if everyone turned a blind eye, and we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves, so you all know deep down inside, that you are the ones who make happiness happen for our Loved ones and others, and that the rest of those people can deal with their own consequences, what ever that might be, but I hope they all end up needing help someday and then you can tell them to KMA, and I hope they all end up alone, unhappy, afraid and in a really shi**y home somewhere. That is what they deserve! I feel terrible for even saying that but, Wait No, I really don't!
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Globetrotter, I would make a guess and say your mother's behavior is a giant acumination of everything. Dementia, you there 24/7, maybe a personality disorder magnify by the dementia, fear of aging/dying and losing all control. Yup, just in big nasty mess!! The only way you'll win this very trying phase is to "Let It Go" and keep repeating, "It's the disease" about a 1000 times a day. This phase will pass and guess what? You get to move onto the next one :)))
Hang in their girl!
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Hope, If your nephew's girlfriend is such a princess wait until Winter and that ice cold wind off of Lake Michigan hits her like a ton of bricks. They don't call Chicago the Windy City for no reason! I am too lately so mystified with the freedom some other people have..not understanding their putting all that precious time to no good use while they have it, .but at the same time I realize we are going to be so much stronger for doing all this caregiving now.
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My whine today is Mom is not eating,, as usual but sometimes it really gets to me. She is mentally sharp, just stubborn as heck. She weighs about 90 lbs and is always "stuffed"... today she had a grand total of a fried egg sandwitch and a doughnut... this morning. And too FULL to eat dinner! But she will have her wine so I guess that's some calories. She has been this way since she moved in 2 years ago.. sometimes I just shake my head. Some days she eats,, but never much unless we go out. He Dr is aware but not much we can do..She talks about how fat she is... LOL She also does not sleep much.. I am starting to wonder if she nibbles when she is awake...
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