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Lucky...I am with you on having days where you know that no hospice folks are coming...and I actually love our hospice provider, but sometimes it just feels so good when they go again....I guess that's one of the hardest things for me to get used to, not having any sense of privacy anymore...today was a hospice day...everyone was late which meant my day got started late by the time everything was done...THEN the chaplain calls and leaves a message that he wanted to come out this afternoon...no.....just no....I'm sorry, but I just wasn't up to stringing the entire day out...plus I have to take the puppy to the vet to be spayed and must board her tonight so she can be there bright and early...I feel guilty for saying no to the chaplain...Mama gets to sleep through all these visits...I have to entertain them...no....not today...I don't feel very entertaining.
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uh oh.....am I the only one whining today????? did I frighten (or bore) everyone away??? oh yoooo hooooooo......woooooo.....hello? Hellllooooo?? heh...heh.....yoooooooo hooooooooooooooo..........
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I'm with you HOPE, I'm a total lounger! My uniform is leggings and a long sleeved T-shirt, I don't know why long sleeved, except it just feels cozy to me. I used to be a total clothes horse, when I was working, probably because I always had to wear uniforms at work. But the good thing is that I bought mostly quality and staple clothes, not so much trendy, so I'm loaded there, and never need much, now I just buy leggings as they wear out and socks, I love socks! Also, when my Mom was on Hospice care, I was addicted to Home Shopping, I would sit with her, and she and I bought a Lot of jewelry, and home decor, it was like therapy to me at the time, but I've quit doing that a long time ago now. . So I'm loaded there too! My Mom just HAD to buy all her kids and Grandchildren (16) a gift to remember her by, so we did that too, watches for the boys, and gold bands for the girls, so that was very cool. She enjoyed that.
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Hope, I hear you! You Goof-Ball!
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Hope, I'm picturing the mooning incident caught on a nanny cam, wonder what everyone would have to say about that LOL
I just got home from my day away, mom is calling me because she is cold, wants me to turn on her electric blanket. I guess I had better increase the temp of the A/C, I had it set to 77 for the caregiver...
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Cwillie, 77 degrees, OMG, I would die! Everybody must wear warm clothing in the cold weather at my house as I'm always way too Hot! 70 is the highest my thermostat goes up to! Like Kathleen Turner said in a Movie "I run a little Hotter than most Women", Hahaha!
HOPE, you're going to have to repeat a little of the "Moon" tale, as there is no way I'll be able to find it now, and I wanna hear! Waa, There that's my Whine for the day, so far anyways!
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HOPE, Scratch that as I looked up"Mooning" and found your post, and it was Hysterical!!! Brilliant, I can just see you doing this, and I'm sorry you didn't get a proper rise out of her. You made my day!
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Saw this on my FB timeline today, and thought I'd share. Some of you may have sen it before, but it's very thought-provoking.

Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.

- Henry Scott Holland, Jan. 27, 1847 - March 17, 1918
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Susan I love that! Very moving. I'm so glad that your Mom is doing better today too.

Hope yes I like Darrell too. He has that rough and ready look about him. I think my sciatica is feeling a bit better today. No more jokes about the treadmill though. My humor seems to fly right over some peoples heads.

I don't really have a whine today. Just checking in with you good folks. Ta Ta for now.
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Susan, thanks for sharing...it is very thought provoking. What matters is when we are here, not that we are gone someday. I am glad to hear your Mom is doing better!

My whine today is minor...I went to the grocery, got home and kicked off my shoes...then the bag broke while I was carrying it into the kitchen and a bunch of frozen stuff fell onto my left foot and made a big bruise...as this happened I stepped backward with my right bare foot onto a packet of hot dogs that had fallen out of the bag too...don't know what is worse...the painful bruise or stepping on the squishy hot dogs....Between this and that hawk swooping down on my car yesterday and later appearing in the backyard, I think I had better stay in and hide for a few days.
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Hi everybody, I'm kind of at a loss right now, my hands are tied and I'm between a rock and a hard place. Mom is not doing well today. We got on each other's nerves at one point and she started to have tremors in the arms, then she leaned over as if to put her head down between her knees. It eventually passed, but just then she just sitting watching TV and suddenly her arms went into spasm. I'm sure there's some kind of seizure; I don't think they are tremors. But of course she refuses to go to the hospital. She was on antibacterial eye drops - Tobramycin. This drug, if injected, can cause kidney failure and deafness (wonderful!), but I thought since it's just topical there wouldn't be a problem. She has had intentional tremors in the past, but this is disturbing. Are there any smooth talking techniques you know of that I can use to convince her to get it checked out? I wish I knew a nurse in the building.
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Globe.... 911 they'll smoother talk her
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Thanks, Jeanette!
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Globetrotter the eye drops won't cause a problem (as long as they're only getting into her eyes, of course). The eye is a pretty sealed system on its own, which is why it's also such a pig to treat - hope whatever the drops are for is on its way out, at least?

Are these spasms happening at any particular times? Any triggers you've noticed? How long have they been going on?

If they go away quick, and there's no harm done, and they invariably come on bad, or at least bad-tempered, days… well, I'd wait and see, really, to be honest. And if you suspect they might be bait, don't rise to it - just be nice and calm and say oh dear, poor you, would you like a shoulder rub kind of thing. If anything felt seriously wrong to her, I suspect your mother would change her mind about getting this checked out before you could say "neurological assessment."
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Countrymouse, thank you! It's good to know about the self contained nature of the eye. It's interesting you say the eye is a "pig" to treat. The infection is clearing up but we are down to the "last drop" and it is still rather bloodshot. I hope it works. It had a long enough time to take root because mom was so resistant to going to the doctor. I had a corneal infection once that took a few months and a couple of courses of antibiotic drops to clear up. So it's a relief to know that the drops aren't likely to have any serious side effects.

In terms of the spasms, I noticed them occurring when she was angry and emotional and standing up in the kitchen trying to make a cup of tea. We have a little table with bread stuffs on it in the kitchenette area. She would reach for the bread, then lean on the table and her hands, arms and legs would start shaking. Sometimes she looked like she was going to fall down or faint. The severe carpal tunnel syndrome in the left hand doesn't help. These episodes frighten her, as well, because she saw her mother have a stroke. Interesting - her mother was in the kitchen and had a cup in her hand and she just dropped it and her hand/arm started shaking, but of course she went into a full seizure and fell to the floor, and was paralysed after.

But back to mom's patterns, I can't recall exactly when the tremors started initially but I know emotion and exertion are triggers. She also has them in bed at night when she is thirsty - she has difficulty holding the glass when I give her the water. It was very hot this past two days and mom was out on the balcony with my sister yesterday, who finally stepped up to the plate and stayed with her so I could go on my last fling for the summer - a day trip to a botanical gardens. This morning she was also outside for a short while to run an errand and, of course, no sun glasses, sun hat. So heat exhaustion might be a factor today.

However, a couple of times now I've seen these muscle jerks and twitches when she was in a sitting position at rest. But today, it was the strongest I have observed when she was sedentary. Mind you, who knows what she was thinking that aroused her emotions.

I chuckle at your raising the possibility that it might be bait, as I have wondered that, too. I made her lunch, watched a bit of TV with her then went in my room to work. As soon as I got on the telephone she interrupted me three or four times. By the time I got off she just went off on a tangent. That's when the "fit" for want of a better word, began. You are probably right in that on some level, when there is a real medical emergency, she will know the difference and be more compliant, although I don't know anyone as stubborn as she is.
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could it be a panic attack? When I had them hubs noticed that I "shook" my hands alot?
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Oh Globetrotter...I hope your Mom is ok...I'm so sorry to hear youre going through that....I know it is frightening. I will keep you in my prayers..

Susan, I absolutely LOVE that...I am going to jot it down so i won't forget it...ever...

Pretty uneventful day here...rained most of the day so that was relaxing...then I had to take the pup to the vet to be spayed first thing in the AM....and the bottom fell out right as I got on the road....

Mama has been quiet again today...I haven't put a half patch on yet, as her symptoms with the excessive secretions have not returned yet..but will try that at next outset....

Stacey...I have my moments where I can be kind of off the wall...I couldn't think of anything else to do that night..( a couple of times) and my reaction to her particular stubbornness at the moment was your good old basic mooning....no harm done.... lol
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LOVE the avitar Hope !!!!! Wish I could moon my clients sometimes.... this is priceless......glad mama is still enjoying her calm.... would love to have a rainy day.... needing rain bad here right now.... a little shower yesterday, but the good news is, it showed me where I have a leak in the roof.... I say good news, because I can get it fixed before the rainy season starts.... see, always something to be grateful for....hugs across the miles to everyone....
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Internal heat/ac? When I was young, I always froze my butt off! I was cold all the time! My hubby would try to curl up next to me in bed and he would scream out from the cold, but pulled me close to warm me up! We always had heated mattress pads and goose down comforters ( in Florida)! I used my hot tub all the time and one required item to add to the house was a gas fireplace so we could push a button and warmth! We were the perfect couple except my husband always wanted to move somewhere cold!
Then I went through menopause and gained weight and started on antidepressants that add more weight! My hot flashes never went away. I would wake up in the middle of the night drenched! The only way I could get any relief was to walk outside no matter the time of year and submerge myself in the pool! If I wanted the hot tub for pain relief, it had to be followed with pool plunge. My husband only pulls me close in winter because it I am an eternal flame! I usually push him away because his body makes me sweat more. I lie on the bed completely naked with the fan blowing on me. I love to have the windows open while I sleep in the winter. For this as well as my erratic sleep schedule from chronic pain, we used to have separate bedrooms, lol! I loved it! I could sleep with my dogs and didn't have to tip toe around while he was sleeping. So my body has totally changed. Now that Mom is here she is sleeping in the room I used to use. That room is 144 sq ft. The new room will be 500 sq ft which will include her bathroom and a walkin closet.
This room will make our house go from 2100 sq ft to 2500. We will still have 3 bedrooms but will increase the baths by 1, so it will be a 3/3. I think one nice feature is that she will have her own French door that goes out to a screen porch. She will be able to sit out there and rock in her rocker and look out on the pastures, watch the cows and enjoy nature. I can't wait until it is done.
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Panzimrrrt, a good question. Mom is certainly easily anxious! Every day she repeatedly asks how we are going to manage now that dad is dead. I explain to her over and over again how we are doing fine, there's nothing to worry about, but even then she doesn't believe me; she says she can't stop worrying. The mind and body are so interconnected.

I, too, have had panic attacks where I have been shaking all over. However, there was something about the arms, almost like nocturnal myoclonus (can't remember the right spelling), when the muscle jumps in your sleep, only she is awake. Her arms just shot out to the side. Usually with panic attacks, the shaking is more widespread. However, I wouldn't doubt that the anxiety would trigger whatever happened today.

Hope, thank you for your kind words. She's okay now, just very tired and weak, which is the new normal for her. As she keeps saying, she's tired of living and scared of dying. I doubt if it will be much longer now. She's 92, one kidney which isn't up to par and no thyroid. Meningionoma (a non cancerous growth on left frontal quadrant that causes daily headaches on one side above her eye. Severe carpal tunnel. No memory, so sense of time or orientation. It's understandable why she is depressed. It's just hard because you don't know when that moment is going to come, or how.
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oh Katie! I can't believe what you are going through! That frozen food on your toe can really hurt!
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Sharadale, it sounds lovely (the view from the porch), and your own bathroom with a walk-in closet, how luxurious. I tell you, when dad was living here before he went into the nursing home (and even when he came home on visits), how I wished we had another bathroom! He had an ostomy bag and had hand tremors, so need I say more? It took him forever. God love him, he used to get up at five or six in the morning before mom and I got up to do his business. The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 23rd.
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Joanie, my brother and sister are quick to tell me how to respond and not respond to mom. They rarely spend time with her. And they are the ones who suggest "we" have to figure out what to do when mom gets worse, as in nursing home. It can make me feel incompetent and insensitive, but as you say, when you are living with the person 24-7 it is very difficult to perform professionally and lovingly at all times. Add the mother/daughter relationship and family dysfunction to the mix and the reality can be skewed to suit your sister's purpose. Love is not always about sentiment; it is about action, and having your loved one's best interests at heart. In every dysfunctional family there is usually one who is not in denial and, as a result, becomes the scapegoat. That person may even be referred to as the sickly one in the family; however, they are actually the strongest, healthiest member. I lose my patience and get angry with mom, and yes, I feel guilty, but I'm human. I have faith that you are doing the best you can with what you have.
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Globetrotter, I know right! Mom doesn't have issues like that, PTL, but she has had problems with CDiff and has on quite a few occasions not made it all the way to the toilet. my hubby and I have our own bath, but. Right now Mom uses the main bath. It also is not handicap equipped but retrofitted. Her new bathroom will have a roll in shower with bars and a shower seat so if she ever needs that level of assistance it will be there. I am having so much fun decorating it for her. When we first started, I asked her what she wanted and she told me to go ahead and pick out what I want. Her bath is going to be fit for a princess! I have crystal sconces and a fan in antique white with crystals chandelier look to it. All the knobs will be glass and the shower wall is made from glass block. I also got a beautiful green mosaic glass tile to accent the shower. I have been buying art for the walls and bought her a chaise lounge as well.
Our house is loaded with stuff that I bought for Mom's room, stuff she brought from home and stuff that I bought and use when my granddaughter is here for the day. Basically right now we fit into the hoarder category as well, lol!
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You are having too much fun! Lol.
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Well I put my foot my foot in my mouth not once but twice today....I do believe I have foot in mouth disease!! I hope it does not bring on mad woman (cow) disease.
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Globetrotter, Does your Mom have blood sugar issues? I know that can cause tremors and shaking if the blood sugar levels drop too low. My Mom had shaking until her blood sugar was regulated with medication. That is just one thing that can cause shaking. I hope things get better.
Sheradale, The new addition to the house sounds lovely. I am sure she will love the porch with the view. My Grandmother had a view of pastures from her bedroom and she loved it. I can't imagine a more relaxing view to see each day!

I am in the mood to just hunker down and hide. It seems like everyone I have ever known is coming out of the woodwork suddenly and I am hearing of new homes, vacations, huge windfalls and plans for it etc.They act like all their good fortune is some divine right and life will always be magical for them because they are entitled. The old thinking of "gee, that is awful all the things you are going through and have to do with your Mom...but hey...at least IM OK !!" type of thinking. While each day is pretty much the same for me. I consider it a huge accomplishment to get my bedridden Mom through the day, and am grateful for a peaceful day without major worries. And I am not even on facebook to deal with that kind of charade.
Hope....I love your avatar....that is just how I feel today towards some people in my life!!!
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Globe, your mother's myoclonus tweaked my curiosity and I have done a little web searching for you. Functional myoclonus can be caused by a whole range of problems, including medication side effects, renal failure, thyroid imbalance, and surprisingly alzheimers, and yes, it can be caused by anxiety. I think it is worth bringing to the attention of your mom's doctors, especially given her medical history.
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Wow, Cwillie! So there is a "functional" myoclonus that occurs during a waking state? Mom has no thyroid (she had it removed in her 70's) and she has only one kidney. She refuses to drink water, even with her thyroid pill. I have strongly suspected renal failure for a few years now. She only has one kidney, and when she went for a CT scan for an updated status on the meningeonoma, the technician, after they did a blood test, asked if she had trouble with her kidneys because the one she does have was not functioning at a very high capacity. So I told him do not use the die, and followed up with her gp, whose glib response was that it was typical for people to lose their kidney functioning as they get older. The last time she had a physical, which was quite a few years ago, she couldn't produce a urine specimen, but the results of the blood tests were good, so that whole area of evaluation was missing. Her anxiety is also extremely high, especially since dad died August 23rd; wow, I can't believe it's just about a year since he died.

I am going to make an appointment today and insist that he get a urinalysis done. He has been on holidays during August, but he should be returning soon. I'm thinking the extreme weakness and fatigue as well as more hallucinations may be further symptoms of renal failure. Thank you so much for doing this research!
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Katie....dear I do understand what you are saying.....I used to call that my major whine in life...but now, having seen and had to listen to it for so many years....I truly have come to believe that when people yammer on and on and on about all their grandiosity in life, knowing (and I KNOW they know, otherwise they'd just be plain ignorant) that we are right here, doing the daily grind, with no or little help and cannot afford the luxury of even thinking of all that "stuff"....their lives are no where near as great...nor is their "stuff" as they want to portray.... and I have to believe that is their way of pretending they aren't jackasses, and they trying harder to convince themselves they are wonderful than to convince anyone else....

I would literally be ashamed of myself to be with someone who is caregiving and has no other options in life right now...other to just abandon their loved one...and start blathering on about my glorious life... You know, it's not that I even mind that they are happy....I want folks to be happy. But I would truly be sooooo mortified of my own self to suddenly realize I had just had a run of mental diarrhea in front of someone who is literally doing an angel's work and I am sitting there bragging about how great my life is...

People are so fake, and so cruel, and truly, so ignorant. I love my brother, but am frequently aghast at how much he goes on and on and never seems to stop to even think that right now..."I" can't even HAVE plans, let alone, act on them...These folks would say..yeah, you DO have a choice...of course we do...but they know us well enough to know we will be here for our....and THEIR loved ones....sadly, they will not...

If my familyl had to spend ONE WEEKEND here without help, without anyone to call for backup, for an errand, for anything...they would get but a mere glimmer of what our lives MIGHT be like..but they will never know until they actually do it..and they're far too "me oriented" to ever even consider it...
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