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When I'm feeling really down and sad I think of an old song...".I know this night won't last forever, I know someday the sun's gonna' shine."....it keeps me going.
This too shall pass.
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Luckylu, I know exactly what you mean, same way with my own Mom, it is just unbelievable how a person can hang on, and how strong the human body can really be. In our case, Mom was in so much pain and suffering so, it wasn't even fair, and I started to pray God would take her, as that is what she wanted, but I believe that it is like this to prepare us, and I have no more answers than that. I'm so sorry that this is so devastating for you, but I do understand! Best wishes for an uncomplicated day! You take care!
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Hang in there, Luckylu.....praying for strength for you....
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Susan...I'm sorry you now have extra angst added from the first GF...being in the middle , especially in these circumstances, just positively stinks....

You know, while I understand a mom being upset if a dad is not paying child support...I still believe that to try to make it as hard as possible on him and everyone else is NOT the way to go. I do not think it helps anything in the long run to hold on to that kind of grudge, any more than it is healthy for me to hold onto mine.... In the long run I believe it is ultimately the child who will pay the highest price, whether it's to later make them feel or believe their parent did not love them, an aunt didn't love them, I have lived through some of tht and I just think it's wrong. I think it is best to always let children know they are loved so absolutely totally and completely by everyone and anyone and they need to know that there is nothing they did that has caused any of it...my ex sister in law did her best to convince her sons that their dad did not love them, that their aunt did not love them...my brother paid not only all the child support due when it was due, he paid a lot of things that he didn't even owe...and GAVE them the house so his boys would not have to move and readjust to a new place..and then that mom and her lover sold the house out from under her own boys...One of my biggest things in life is people who use their kids as weapons because they are mad or hurt about something....how does it help their own child to make them feel they are somehow not loved....all that to say that I think you are doing great Susan...and all the right things.....I'm just sorry you have all this on top of everything else going on....
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Lucky...still thinking of you...I don't understand how people hang on so long myself. I was thinking last night how all the ups and downs just drain me emotionally..and knowing that the ultimate outcome is going to be Mama's passing...Sometimes it feels like the air is literally being sucked out of my lungs having to watch Mama just linger on and on...Sometimes she has good days ..and I am sooo thankful for those and so happy to have them with her...and then there are the ones where she does not know me, does not seem happy, seems to be feeling badly...so hard.....

I do believe that all of it has a plan. I do not pretend to know what that plan is...but I think it has something to do with us...and what we need as well to be able to let them go. I have had so many talks with Mama and she knows I will be ok later. I am going to be sad for a long time and I am going to miss her forever, but she knows I am a survivor, and I am actually someone who is very content alone, but all of this going on around me, I believe God is using it towards some purpose...all I can do is just make the most out of each fleeting second and trust that His timing is always perfect...even when I can't readily see it...hugs and prayers to and for you...
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Stacey.....I am so jealous...Oh how I love going to the casino...and have not been in over three years now...I guess that's just as well...Hopefully I'm not addicted to it or I'd have gone nuts by now but I do enjoy it. I always went with my good friend and neighbor and I think that's what I miss the most..the fun day trips..the trips were as much fun as the casino...we'd stop mid way and get a good latte....talk..uh maybe even gossip??? ...lol..but just a lot of fun...those days seems very far away now.

In this state we have no legalized gambling, except for the tribal land where they can't do anything about it...but the closest one is still about two hours away...I had actually planned a little day trip for me during the recent respite stay...and ..well, we all know what happened there...but good for you and your hubby going and enjoying that...and even more fun..just having a sudden urge to go and doing it!!! those are the BEST!!!

Lucky my puppy is better today. She was pitiful last night...I was worried about her..but she is getting back to her little self now and I am so glad that is done..Now she is all vetted and microchipped as well...ugh..the micro chipping has been a nightmare...I paid of course at the vet, was told that included just going online and registering all her info and a picture if I wanted and no more fees...so I do that...and was informed I had to pay another $55 for the registration. I almost did it, and then decided I would wait til morning and glad I did...Turns out..from what I can see, and from checking back with my vet...this was a separate company that is able to get the info from my micro chip company and they were trying to sell me something else that I did not need to register my baby...to me that is fraudulent...because they were telling me I HAD to do it in order to activate the microchip...so I'm getting to the bottom of it...but it is done...and I hope I'll never even need it, but glad to know she has it if she got lost..heaven forbid...and so glad my little toot is home...
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OK....all the dog folks out there...as yall know....I'm a huge cat rescuer...I love all animals, and always had big dogs, but this is the first time I've had a little dog in the house...How on earth do you train them to not pee at random in the house...I can take her out fifteen times a day and she will pee everywhere...and then within a few minutes of coming back in, there she goes again...it is not a health issue, we've been to the vet with that too...she uses her pee pad when she's in "her" bathroom for the night...every now and then she'll go there when she's out in the main house....but more often, she just goes wherever the mood takes her...it is exasperating....that is the last hurdle to clear ...if I could get her to stop that I would have a quite heavenly pup....I go through a vast amount of paper towels every day because I can't stand the thought of pee on the floor and so I scrub then rescrub then scrub again..it really adds a LOT to my already large work load...any help anyone can suggest would be great....
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Luckylu, I am wondering the same things myself...why the lingering and how awful it must be for my Mom to be bedridden now for almost a year, and for the loved ones of someone having this happen to them to watch the lingering. This morning I kept asking why does this have to be this way? I know the feeling of wondering what I will find each time I look into my Mom's room and I hold my breath each time I look in on her....I never would have expected things to go this way for my Mom and for so long. The only way to get through this is one day at a time. The loads of work and laundry are almost a blessing in that it keeps me too busy to dwell on the situation. I am finding myself losing track of time though as one day seems so much like the next. {{ Hugs}} to you as I am going through the same feelings.
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Hope, I am glad the puppy is feeling better today. Not sure about the peeing though...maybe let her out after each time she drinks water...you are probably already doing that though.

Susan, I always wonder why we are bombarded with more drama from people right when we need it least! I hope all works out.

Stacey, I haven't been to a casino in awhile...sounds like it was a fun break! Even better to win something!
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Hope, I have never owned a dog but from what I have seen and read is when the puppy is outside and pees or whatever, you praise the puppy big time. If the puppy oops in the house, you say nothing. Eventually the dog will associate a happy smile and a lot of pats with going to the bathroom outside. Hope this works for you.
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Katie and Luckylu my heart goes out to you both. Maybe God allows our loved ones to linger for the letting go process. I don't think it worked with me. My Mom is gone and I still feel like I am tethered to her. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier for me. In fact it seems harder.

Susan speaking of men doing the right thing by their children. My brother is a shining example of that. He had a one night stand in his younger yrs. He then went on to get married and have kids. This one night stand came out of the woodwork one day and confronted my brother with this little girl who she claimed was his. Turns out she was. My brother paid child support for this little girl up until she was 18 and made her part of his own blended family. I've got to give him credit there.

Its funny how he stepped up to the plate in that way but never really helped with my Mom. Oh well.
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And I just had a dismaying moment with Mom...I go in and out of her room countless times a day with fresh water, etc. and woke her up from her nap, gave her the newspaper and put on the news she likes to watch...I grab a quick bite to eat for which I now feel guilty. I go back into Mom's room a short while later with her supper tray, and she is crying and thinking I left her alone all day long! I had to reassure her I was in and out of the room all day and brought her breakfast, lunch, a big bouquet of yellow flowers with roses, and several times in and out after that. When she saw the flowers she did start to remember that I had brought them. She has never done this before and it is such a sinking feeling on top of all the other worry. Maybe her blood sugar got a little low and I am hoping she feels better after eating something but she does not eat much anymore. I am trying not to feel guilty and depressed over this now. Ugh.
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I have been very sick and my hubby with bronchitis. 2 weeks finally broke down and went to doctor. Lotsa meds and hope for getting better soon. So tired and weak. I can usually knock it, not this time! Mommy fell again yesterday, she is so blessed no marks or breaks. She just slid right down to the floor. Paramedics said I did a good job. So happy she is okay. Today she didn't know me for a while, so sad. I hate this dementia. I few minutes later she remembered me. I love you all and I am right there with you all. Watching Mommy slip away a little at a time. I continue to pray for her strength until she goes home to Glory. I pray for her peace and memory. I pray for no more suffering and pain. I read the posts everyday and pray for you all also. Love & hugs!
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I was going to tell you all about my Grandson, my very first grandson named after my husband. He got hooked on drugs and hung around with bad people starting at 18. Before that he was raised right and in church with us and saved. He got bad, stealing from everyone and had a son, 7 now. He got worse all the time then in 2014 he got with the wrong person and went to jail for 1 year. I cried and prayed and sent letters once a month with a small amount of money to just get him by. I loved and encouraged and prayed. He is now out since Jan 2015 and a new person. He got back with an old girlfriend and got back into church. He is married now, working on college and his Family. He now is trying to get back with his child, gets him often and has brought him to see us 3 times so far. He has a job to get by until he gets his schooling finished. He is now 29. I am very thankful and keep on praying. I have learned to never give up. Praying for all to work out for your Family Susan!
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Hope, I have the opposite problem with my poochie, no 20 mo., she pees on the wee pads beautifully, but poo's on my ornamental rug, ugg, and they are wool, sonot too easy to clean. SShe's a sneaky little devil too! She used to be so good, doing both on the pad, and no matter how much I praise her, 90 X out of 100, she still does it, and she's super smart too, she knows it's bad, but I don't punish her. HELP! I have read this is a Chihuahua thng.
The Casino, I only mentioned it because it is so out of character for hubby to even want to go there, definitely not to make anyone feel bad. Sometimes I forget that he is a caregiver too, and gets to a point where he just needs to explode or get the h*ll outa Dodge once and awhile. It was fun to finally do something crazy and spontaneous, initiated by him though, just like the old days!
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Okay I am the Dog Whisper of Florida, say my friends. My Mom had aChihuahua mix, Buddy that always always went pee and poop in the house no matter how many times she took him out. Sometimes she would take him out, turn around come I. And he would go behind the couch and poop!
Well Buddy came to live with us when Mom went to the hospital with pneumonia. I had to work with him regularly to break this habit. I took the dogs out several times and always tell them over and over, go pee go poop. If they do, I praise them saying Good job going poop Buddy! And get very excited. If he doesn't do something he doesn't go in. Once inside, they get treats and I repeat good going poop. If he went in the house, I picked up the poop with something, plastic bag, paper towel, took it outside with the dog and put the poop where I want him to go. Then I say poop outside. If it is pee, I soak the pee up with the Paper towel, take the paper towel and the dog outside. I weigh the pee paper towel down in the spot I want him to go and say, pee outside. Then next time I take him out, I take him back and tell him go pee, go poop.
I have three dogs now, Buddy is one pictured in my avatar. He no longer pees or pops in the house. But I have to be very attentive to them and make sure they go out as soon as I get up, as soon as I get home, after they eat and right before I go to bed. When I am home they also go out when they give me the signal. The big dogs tap the doorknob with their nose, Buddy just comes over and jumps on my leg to get my attention. They an hold it for up to 10 hours, but I don't like to do that to them.when we go out of town, I have a friend that comes over three times to let them out. We don't go out of town now though. Consistency is the key to developing this habit.
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College, it is so nice to hear about your grandson. It gives us all hope. If you read my post many days ago, I mentioned that my stepson got involved with drugs and crime and went to prison. He was also raised in the church but only half his childhood. My husband and I had visitation every Wednesday and every other weekend and 6 weeks in the summer. We made sure he went to church with us on Wednesday nights and the Sunday's we had him. He also went to Vacation Bible Schools every summer and to mission trip called World Changers when he was in middle school. He started to "lose his way" in middle school but really fell apart in high school. After he went to prison we bought he was going to change, but once he got back to his mother's house, he started to run the streets again and breaking curfew that he had with probation. His mother knew he was breaking the rules and doing drugs, but she did nothing about it.
During this time he got his girlfriend pregnant. She was a nice girl and was not into the drugs like he was. We thought he would step up because he came with her and told us they were going to have the baby and we said that we would help any way we could and gave him leads to jobs. Two months after the big announcement, he broke up with her saying he baby wasn't his. All of this was just an excuse because he had already hooked up with an older woman that introduced him to heroin. He even moved in with her and still his mother did nothing.
I had a very close relationship with his girlfriend and still do so my husband and I play an active role in our granddaughters life.
He has since dumped or been sumped by the other girl and hooked up with another and cries about how the baby's mother won't let him see his daughter. Well he made a big deal about denying the baby and calling her mama all kinds of names, sending her videos of him and this woman, just to hurt her. It was awful and he really broke her heart. We hAve just tried to love her and be there to babysit when she needs us and let her know that we support her. To our stepson we have said, when you deserve to be a father, things will change, but you need to grow up and make that change for good not for one day. We pray and have turned him over to God because we know even though he was a young boy when it happen, he accepted Christ and he lives inside him. When he wants to change he will have the strength.
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My perpetually constipated mom has been pooping all day, well actually since 2:30 last night. I've gone through a whole bag of pull ups and half a box of gloves and my house smells like satan's outhouse, thankfully it is garbage day tomorrow.
And as if that wasn't enough she has decided she can't walk, so this morning I had to haul her up off the floor and we have had to use the wheelchair to transfer back and forth for clean up. I don't know wtf is going on, I hope this is the last of it and things get back to normal. I think she's gone to sleep now but I'm way too wound up to even think of it even though I hardly slept last night. Maybe some wine...
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Hope....well, obviously, I'm a dog lover .....lived all my life w/at least one. Sharadale has it right, good info. For some reason I've never had a problem training my dogs (maybe just lucky....a lot of good, sweet, smart dogs). BUT I've also never had experience w/really small dogs so....Sharadale may well be right again re: Chihuahuas.....I will also offer this for what it's worth: I never wanted loud, barking dogs (when they want to go out, someone comes to the door, etc). So, as part of the "potty training" I hung a string of lovely, melodic Indian bells on the back door knob. All my dogs, ever since, ring the bells when they need/want to go out. I really never gave it another thought until I had some friends visiting and suddenly these lovely bells start ringing, my friends all look at me and ask, "Gee.....what is that?" I just explained Oh, the dog just wants to go out.....Well....they thought my dog was some d*mn genius dog for knowing to ring bells to go out.....Really??? LOL....Anyway, best of luck w/both your little doggie and your sweet Mom. After 3 years of total healthcare hell, my Mom is now healthy as she will ever be w/dementia, wheelchair bound after a series of falls that broke hip, femur 2x, and knee on right side....no more weight bearing. She will be 94 in November. We kept her at home until 91. She's now in a lovely ALF and happy, content and sweet as a peach.....and, yes, I do know that I am a very, very lucky and blessed person. All good thoughts and prayers to you lovely caregivers.
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Your right Sharadale, he will change when he has strength to change. I'm so sorry to hear this. I will get my prayer warrior friends to pray also. I would get upset with my daughter because she would let him get by with too much. But not us, we always got after him and gave him tough love. I also kept intouch with my Great Grand son Jacob Joseph and never missed a birthday or Christmas. He knows he has lots of grandmas and grandpas, poor baby. But he is a tough little guy for 7 and very loving. He has a pretty tough life, his mother is on drugs too and the mother;s sisters and Grandpa raise him. Little Joe my grandson wants to get him when he can. Little Jacob told me last week that when he turns 12 he is going to live with his step momma and Dad Little Joe. Breaks my heart. I just listen, love and pray for them now. I am to old to keep up with it now. I gave Little Joe to the Lord also. I wasn't doing much good, but you are so right, GOD can do it! Hugs We got to lay our burdens down and let GOD!
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My stepson's Mom and Grandma (her mother) both let him get away with everything and usually finance it. When he was in prison, they both arrange to get drugs and cigarettes in through the prison black market! He is their only son and grandson. He is my only as well. But I always loved him enough to tell him. The hard stuff he didn't want to hear. One time he was grounded during our weekend and he called his grandma and asked her to call me and ask if she could see him. I used to allow that until I found out she was dropping him off at the mall and then picking him up hours later to return him to our house!
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I heard from my cousin today that my aunt died this morning. My aunt lived in a nursing home and had suffered from Parkinson's for many years. But she was doing okay. The staff had woken and got her up as usual, helped her to dress and left her to have her breakfast, and when they went back to get her ready for the doctor's routine visit - there was no pulse. My poor cousin is in bits. She was so closely involved in her mother's care, visited virtually every day, took her to every appointment. I'm sorry for her that she wasn't there, but if there is a silver lining it sounds as if it couldn't have been a more peaceful passing.

I will be very glad to see the back of this year. Not sure how much more loss I can take.
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Thanks College - your grandson could almost be my son's twin, in terms of experiences. My son also got involved with a bad crowd, drugs and alcohol - prior to that, he was raised with good morals and a firm knowledge of right and wrong - but he has been troubled all of his life, from the time he was very young.

Mom is having problems again - but I knew this would happen, it was just a matter of time. The doctor d/c'd her diuretics 2 weeks ago because her kidneys were trying to fail. Today I got a call from the NH saying they were contacting both Mom's GP doctor and kidney doc to let them know she had gained 9 lbs in the past 2 weeks and her legs/feet were swelling. The fluid is also trying to seep through the skin on her shins, forming little fluid-filled blisters....so here we go again. Kidney doc ordered a 1-time Lasix dose to try to get the fluid off. Hope it works.
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CM I'm so sorry to hear of your aunt's passing. (((Hugs)))
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Katie...I'm so sorry..I too undeerstand this ...has now been over a year and a half of total bedfast for her...and more times than not these days, she is non responsie..Today has gotten the best of me...I am always reminding myself that God has His timing and He will do what is best for Mama and for me...I do believe that, but on days like this...I just don't know. I feel like I am living my life holding my breath these days. Mama seems so miserable...she does zero...just lies in that bed day in and day out, can't move, can't eat, can't speak often, just lying there, staring , drinking ensure and peeing and pooing...I don't mean that to sound disrespectful, but today, in fact this week, it has taken a toll on me....

I feel like I am wearing an outfit made of concrete...The mental stress is killing me...I want to cherish these moments, but I am so dang tired and so tired of being tired and so tired of holding my breath, and worrying and watching her to see what that odd sound was with her breathing...just blank stares for the most part...almost like she is already gone but I can't mourn her passing ...God forgive me, today it has felt like pure torture....I'm not saying I want her to go....I don't even know what I am saying...I'm just so mentally exhausted from this...nothing I do makes her happy any more...I fear there is more going on with her physically than we know about ...but in her frail condition, I refuse to do any more testing or hospitalization to find out what is going on because whatever it is, I think the cure would be far worse than just letting her be at this point...she isn't going to get better....she isn't....that is hard for me to type...I don't know why that feels so strange to type that...she really isn't going to get better....and how do I go on without her....tonight is one of those nights where I cannot breathe...and I pray for morning...and hopefully a smile from Mama...it breaks my heart to see Mama this way...me ...I could understand.....but not Mama....life just stinks
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CM....I am so sorry about the loss of your aunt.
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Thanks to everyone with their suggestions re my puppy poo and peeping....I do believe praising them for doing it right is the key...and this little girl can flat out go when she's out...which I let her out when she goes to the door...she goes here, goes there...over there , back here...and over there...BUT the minute she gets back in, she has apparently reserved just enough to find a mystery place and pee again....and shortly after, I find it because I always manage to step right in it....I do praise her when she gets it right...but I have given her a firm, but gentle NO...when she goofs...I guess I got the NO wrong...I will keep working on it...if I could break that bad habit, she'd be a gem..I know she's learning...I always had big dogs ...who stayed in a fenced in back yard in my early years...so little terriers..who are live wires anyway....are a whole other experience.
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First of all CM I am so sorry about your aunt. Big (((hugs))) to you.

Hope I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I remember when my Mom was in the hospital during her last days. The odd occasion when I would go home to sleep I'd be waiting for the phone to ring. But it dawned on me one day that if the hospital did call it wasn't like it was going to be good news. I imagine thats how you must feel day in and day out.

You are doing such a great job. Just remember that. You've been earning your wings every day. Hang in there girl!
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After a quiet night I always tip toe into mom's room to watch her breath for a few moments before I grab a coffee and log in to aging care.
CM, it sounds as though your aunt had what I would rate a good death, although those are often unexpected. Sorry for your loss, but happy for her if you know what I mean?
Hope, when you are sad about your mom 'just lying there, staring...' you make me think of my own mom. Its so hard when no matter what we do we can't seem to reach them. But she does smile for you sometimes. ((hugs))
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I got my smile this morning....so I will hang on to that for today....one day at a time...thank yall for your sweetness.. :) Here comes the hospice folks..back in a bit.
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