I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
This too shall pass.
You know, while I understand a mom being upset if a dad is not paying child support...I still believe that to try to make it as hard as possible on him and everyone else is NOT the way to go. I do not think it helps anything in the long run to hold on to that kind of grudge, any more than it is healthy for me to hold onto mine.... In the long run I believe it is ultimately the child who will pay the highest price, whether it's to later make them feel or believe their parent did not love them, an aunt didn't love them, I have lived through some of tht and I just think it's wrong. I think it is best to always let children know they are loved so absolutely totally and completely by everyone and anyone and they need to know that there is nothing they did that has caused any of it...my ex sister in law did her best to convince her sons that their dad did not love them, that their aunt did not love them...my brother paid not only all the child support due when it was due, he paid a lot of things that he didn't even owe...and GAVE them the house so his boys would not have to move and readjust to a new place..and then that mom and her lover sold the house out from under her own boys...One of my biggest things in life is people who use their kids as weapons because they are mad or hurt about something....how does it help their own child to make them feel they are somehow not loved....all that to say that I think you are doing great Susan...and all the right things.....I'm just sorry you have all this on top of everything else going on....
I do believe that all of it has a plan. I do not pretend to know what that plan is...but I think it has something to do with us...and what we need as well to be able to let them go. I have had so many talks with Mama and she knows I will be ok later. I am going to be sad for a long time and I am going to miss her forever, but she knows I am a survivor, and I am actually someone who is very content alone, but all of this going on around me, I believe God is using it towards some purpose...all I can do is just make the most out of each fleeting second and trust that His timing is always perfect...even when I can't readily see it...hugs and prayers to and for you...
In this state we have no legalized gambling, except for the tribal land where they can't do anything about it...but the closest one is still about two hours away...I had actually planned a little day trip for me during the recent respite stay...and ..well, we all know what happened there...but good for you and your hubby going and enjoying that...and even more fun..just having a sudden urge to go and doing it!!! those are the BEST!!!
Lucky my puppy is better today. She was pitiful last night...I was worried about her..but she is getting back to her little self now and I am so glad that is done..Now she is all vetted and microchipped as well...ugh..the micro chipping has been a nightmare...I paid of course at the vet, was told that included just going online and registering all her info and a picture if I wanted and no more fees...so I do that...and was informed I had to pay another $55 for the registration. I almost did it, and then decided I would wait til morning and glad I did...Turns out..from what I can see, and from checking back with my vet...this was a separate company that is able to get the info from my micro chip company and they were trying to sell me something else that I did not need to register my baby...to me that is fraudulent...because they were telling me I HAD to do it in order to activate the microchip...so I'm getting to the bottom of it...but it is done...and I hope I'll never even need it, but glad to know she has it if she got lost..heaven forbid...and so glad my little toot is home...
Susan, I always wonder why we are bombarded with more drama from people right when we need it least! I hope all works out.
Stacey, I haven't been to a casino in awhile...sounds like it was a fun break! Even better to win something!
Susan speaking of men doing the right thing by their children. My brother is a shining example of that. He had a one night stand in his younger yrs. He then went on to get married and have kids. This one night stand came out of the woodwork one day and confronted my brother with this little girl who she claimed was his. Turns out she was. My brother paid child support for this little girl up until she was 18 and made her part of his own blended family. I've got to give him credit there.
Its funny how he stepped up to the plate in that way but never really helped with my Mom. Oh well.
The Casino, I only mentioned it because it is so out of character for hubby to even want to go there, definitely not to make anyone feel bad. Sometimes I forget that he is a caregiver too, and gets to a point where he just needs to explode or get the h*ll outa Dodge once and awhile. It was fun to finally do something crazy and spontaneous, initiated by him though, just like the old days!
Well Buddy came to live with us when Mom went to the hospital with pneumonia. I had to work with him regularly to break this habit. I took the dogs out several times and always tell them over and over, go pee go poop. If they do, I praise them saying Good job going poop Buddy! And get very excited. If he doesn't do something he doesn't go in. Once inside, they get treats and I repeat good going poop. If he went in the house, I picked up the poop with something, plastic bag, paper towel, took it outside with the dog and put the poop where I want him to go. Then I say poop outside. If it is pee, I soak the pee up with the Paper towel, take the paper towel and the dog outside. I weigh the pee paper towel down in the spot I want him to go and say, pee outside. Then next time I take him out, I take him back and tell him go pee, go poop.
I have three dogs now, Buddy is one pictured in my avatar. He no longer pees or pops in the house. But I have to be very attentive to them and make sure they go out as soon as I get up, as soon as I get home, after they eat and right before I go to bed. When I am home they also go out when they give me the signal. The big dogs tap the doorknob with their nose, Buddy just comes over and jumps on my leg to get my attention. They an hold it for up to 10 hours, but I don't like to do that to them.when we go out of town, I have a friend that comes over three times to let them out. We don't go out of town now though. Consistency is the key to developing this habit.
During this time he got his girlfriend pregnant. She was a nice girl and was not into the drugs like he was. We thought he would step up because he came with her and told us they were going to have the baby and we said that we would help any way we could and gave him leads to jobs. Two months after the big announcement, he broke up with her saying he baby wasn't his. All of this was just an excuse because he had already hooked up with an older woman that introduced him to heroin. He even moved in with her and still his mother did nothing.
I had a very close relationship with his girlfriend and still do so my husband and I play an active role in our granddaughters life.
He has since dumped or been sumped by the other girl and hooked up with another and cries about how the baby's mother won't let him see his daughter. Well he made a big deal about denying the baby and calling her mama all kinds of names, sending her videos of him and this woman, just to hurt her. It was awful and he really broke her heart. We hAve just tried to love her and be there to babysit when she needs us and let her know that we support her. To our stepson we have said, when you deserve to be a father, things will change, but you need to grow up and make that change for good not for one day. We pray and have turned him over to God because we know even though he was a young boy when it happen, he accepted Christ and he lives inside him. When he wants to change he will have the strength.
And as if that wasn't enough she has decided she can't walk, so this morning I had to haul her up off the floor and we have had to use the wheelchair to transfer back and forth for clean up. I don't know wtf is going on, I hope this is the last of it and things get back to normal. I think she's gone to sleep now but I'm way too wound up to even think of it even though I hardly slept last night. Maybe some wine...
I will be very glad to see the back of this year. Not sure how much more loss I can take.
Mom is having problems again - but I knew this would happen, it was just a matter of time. The doctor d/c'd her diuretics 2 weeks ago because her kidneys were trying to fail. Today I got a call from the NH saying they were contacting both Mom's GP doctor and kidney doc to let them know she had gained 9 lbs in the past 2 weeks and her legs/feet were swelling. The fluid is also trying to seep through the skin on her shins, forming little fluid-filled blisters....so here we go again. Kidney doc ordered a 1-time Lasix dose to try to get the fluid off. Hope it works.
I feel like I am wearing an outfit made of concrete...The mental stress is killing me...I want to cherish these moments, but I am so dang tired and so tired of being tired and so tired of holding my breath, and worrying and watching her to see what that odd sound was with her breathing...just blank stares for the most part...almost like she is already gone but I can't mourn her passing ...God forgive me, today it has felt like pure torture....I'm not saying I want her to go....I don't even know what I am saying...I'm just so mentally exhausted from this...nothing I do makes her happy any more...I fear there is more going on with her physically than we know about ...but in her frail condition, I refuse to do any more testing or hospitalization to find out what is going on because whatever it is, I think the cure would be far worse than just letting her be at this point...she isn't going to get better....she isn't....that is hard for me to type...I don't know why that feels so strange to type that...she really isn't going to get better....and how do I go on without her....tonight is one of those nights where I cannot breathe...and I pray for morning...and hopefully a smile from Mama...it breaks my heart to see Mama this way...me ...I could understand.....but not Mama....life just stinks
Hope I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I remember when my Mom was in the hospital during her last days. The odd occasion when I would go home to sleep I'd be waiting for the phone to ring. But it dawned on me one day that if the hospital did call it wasn't like it was going to be good news. I imagine thats how you must feel day in and day out.
You are doing such a great job. Just remember that. You've been earning your wings every day. Hang in there girl!
CM, it sounds as though your aunt had what I would rate a good death, although those are often unexpected. Sorry for your loss, but happy for her if you know what I mean?
Hope, when you are sad about your mom 'just lying there, staring...' you make me think of my own mom. Its so hard when no matter what we do we can't seem to reach them. But she does smile for you sometimes. ((hugs))