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CM, I am so sorry for your loss Hon!
SUSAN, it never ends does it? Stay strong Sweetie, and let life happen the way it will, but I know it's so hard to let her go. I am thinking about you and praying for your Mom!
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Hope, I know it is tortuous waiting and watching for the sounds, I felt exactly the same way with both my Mom and Dad. It is exhausting. But do take every day as a gift as I would give my right arm to have them back if only to watch them sleep and to hug them both. But eventually when She is gone, you will know that you did everything you could to make her feel Loved and cared for always, and your life will get back to some semblance of a new normal, whatever that may be, and you will be the one who gets to create exactly what that will be, and life will become exciting again, eventually. Just hang in there, you are Awesome for being such a good daughter! Not many people do what you are doing, so be Proud of Yourself! I am! Love, Stacey
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Thank you Stacey... :) so kind of you... Hey I love your new picture...you look kind of mischievous in that one...were you at the casino here?? haha...jk...but I do love it....

Well, I officially have a good headache...had a really good breakdown in front of our hospice folks...and it was a bad one...but you know, I actually feel better now. I think sometimes you need to just get it out of your system...I haven't cried that much in a long long time...

Well, here comes the weekend...does everyone have big plans? I'm sorry that was not funny I know...about to go sweep the driveways and sidewalks and pick up the leaves....I think I am going to venture out and see if that lovely set of sheets is still at that off price big store..can we say those names on here? rhymes with Mess for Less....anyone..not counting on them still being there.why I didn't get them when I saw them...I am notorious for that..but actually I call it being cost conscious..I used to buy things on a whim and regretted it later...ended up returning a lot and also with way too much "stuff"...but these were a beautiful soft yellow, high thread count...with the prettiest antique red roses all over the sheets...they were beautiful...so after thinking it through I decided I want them....if I'm meant to have them, they'll be there..otherwise, no biggee. I definitely think I need to just drive down the road if nothing else...just for a change of scenery...Going to have to find a way to do that more..otherwise I am going to lose my mind I am certain...
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Plans for the weekend....SURVIVE!!!
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Plans for the weekend - well, first and foremost, I guess I need to convince my silly brain that today is FRIDAY, not SATURDAY, which it's been trying to tell me all darn day. It is seriously screwing up my thought process.

My cute little portable dishwasher was delivered yesterday, so I started using that today. Pretty tickled with it. I'd love to have a built-in, but that would entail tearing out all the kitchen cabinets (both upper and lower) and installing new ones, plus a new countertop, PLUS new electrical outlet under the cabinet, etc - which could lead to even further work, given the age of the house and the wiring. So portable it is, for now. Right now, I'm washing all of the old canning jars from the basement. I plan to sell them, but it tugs at my heart strings to do it. I think I'll select about a dozen that I really like to keep for myself and maybe make "memory jars" filled with little trinkets from Mom and my grandmothers, and sell the rest.

This weekend, between today and tomorrow, I'm working on more sorting, tossing, donating, selling of stuff out of my storage unit. What a huge project. I've set up a folding table (like a buffet table) in the living room as a sort of staging area where I can stack things as I go through and decide what to do with them. The dog likes it - his bed is underneath, so it's like a cave....except the cat is on the bed now and the dog is on the hard floor.

Sunday we're taking Mom out to a local orchard and petting zoo - all of my siblings are coming along, so it will be a nice family outing. I'll have to be sure to get pictures. Then it's back to the storage unit to get another load of stuff to sell/sort/toss/donate and the week starts all over again.

Email from the mother of GC1 today - the one that threw a fit about me sharing pictures of her child because the non-child-support-paying father of the child *might* see them...."sorry if you felt I was being mean, it wasn't intended that way". Riiiiiight. She's just showing me once again how unstable she is. She throws a fit until she gets what she wants and then acts like nothing ever happened.
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Pooh Susan, I am so so sorry for what you are going through.it must be awful to see those blisters. I pray that things get better for both of you.
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Cam I am sorry for the pain you are going through, but you are right. Suffering with Parkinson's is a very difficult life. Now she is free. May God comfort you and your family
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Oh, Katie222, I am so sorry. That became and still is an issue with my mom ( in AL). She would call and be very angry because she hadn't seen me in five days--but I had been there every day. She now does not remember in the afternoon what she did in the morning. So, she went on a special outing the other day (lunch and the theater). I arrived about 30 minutes after she got back and asked how it was. How as what, she wanted to know. She did not remember having gone anywhere never mind where she was or how it was.

That is sad but, as I have said before, it has also given me a new freedom. I have to divide my time between my mom in PA and my grandchildren in NC. I can do this and not worry. After all, even if I am there, she doesn't remember it a few hours later. Conversely, I am in NC right now but my mom doesn't know I wasn't with her this morning. Tricky but true. And liberating for me.
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Susan, I didn't mean to type Pooh. It was supposed to say Oh. I am laying down, typing on my iPad so many mistakes.
Country mouse, I didn't mean to type Cam. It was supposed to say CM, lol
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This honestly isn't a whine rather a realization of what life is and will be for me. I look at DH who is in the midpoint of his PD. I m so happy that, at least so far, he is very slowly losing his abilities. It valmost seems like by the time a new problem pops up I am mor or less ready to handle it. Things move slowly which I appreciate. I look back on who he was and no look at him and say, "yes, this is how things are" and I feel a sense of peace. I look at what may eventually and probably will be, but say to myself that when this comes I will be able to handle it. Such a different feeling from what I hve been feeling.

Also, I told him that I will be getting up earlier, we no longer share a bedroom. He has two doors to his bedroom and he can close them. If he wants to have breakfast with me, fine. I am a day person and want to get my house work done between 7am and 2pm. He is a night person. I am very behind in house and yard work because I am too tired to work after 2pm.. In other words, I have to set aschedule I can live with. He always worked 2nd and 3rd shift. Never changed after he retired.

And, you all ar the only people I am sharing this with, but with my on life problems and now his I self medicated for yers with alcohol. It has been a little over 30 days dince I've had a drink. It vosts too much, doesn't really help and above all I want MY Life back. I will of course be there for him. I made the vow of "in sickness and in health" and I ment it and still do.

I just write this because it is such an odd feeling to feel this way. The only way I can express this is that it is like being a jelly donut that has just had all the jelly sucked out of it and in it's place custard is being squeezed in from the othr end. Same person, differnt perspective.

Anybody else ever feel like this? Am I flipping out or have I taken a step forward in my task to be a care giver??? I just hope this feeling stays.
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Okay, my week has been going okay. Some Dr appointment. One was skin doc to check a couple of spots on Mom and he said benign! Mom was so happy about the good news together. Then we went out to lunch at our favorite restaurant named after a phrase that a lot of people say today because it is the last day of the work week. We split our favorite salad and then tried to order or favorite dessert but they were out.
Next day was appt with her gastro and he said we had 4 more weeks of mess and no bringing baby to our house. Have been missing her so much, hubby and I will have to visit at her house again.
Mom has been feeling good, but I noticed her going to the bathroom frequently. I asked if she was ok. Yes. Does she have a UTI? No Is the diarrhea back? No. Okay. She comes back from the bathroom, I think I might have a UTI.
I had even told the dr when we were there that one of the side effects of Vancomycin is UTIs and she got one last time and the other doctor put her on CIpro and that brought back the CDiff! He said if it happens again, get her drinking cranberry juice. When she told me that she might have a UTI, I told her to take two Cranberry pills since we don't have juice in the house. She also complained last time about drinking it! She used to love Cranberry juice!
Any way, the fact that she has this possible UTI is making me stress out. Things have been going okay, but this little glitch makes me a bit crazy.
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Patricia, there is a wonderful online community, as supportive as this one, called Moderation Management. Those of in it are trying to moderate our alcohol consumption and doing a 30 is often the best first step. I think lots of here are struggling with self medication. Everything you've said makes lots of sense.
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Interesting perspective there with the donuts, same exterior different centre. Dang, now I want a custard filled donut...
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Don't you find it interesting how cats sense your mood. My cats are so sensitive. When I'm feeling low they look at me all inquiringly. Then they wander on over and sit on my feet. So cute.

Don't really have big plans for the weekend. Will probably just try to enjoy the last days of summer. Has anyone heard from Jeanette? Last time I heard from her she wasn't feeling well. Hope she is alright.
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I was just thinking of Jeanette myself and wondering where she was. Check in with us when you can, Jeanette!
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Feeling good about how much I accomplished so far today, and planning to do more tonight, after I visit Mom. Emptied 2 boxes of canning jars, cleaned them and then decided not to sell them. I just can't do it. They are from my mother, my mother's mother and my dad's mother. Packed them carefully away in a couple of totes with lids for safekeeping. Emptied a couple more boxes and added more stuff to the household items boxes that I'm building up for someone that wants to buy the stuff from me. Used pots/pans, silverware, utensils, etc - $30 in my pocket when it's all said and done. Tomorrow I start shifting stuff to Goodwill that hasn't sold or that I don't want to bother with trying to sell.
My little dishwasher is getting a workout today.
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None of us are perfect and we all run to something when we are stressed beyond the limits of a normal human. I run to chocolate and sweets. I have gained 25 pounds in 2 years and I hate it. Another thing that makes me eat sweets is for energy. I eat to stay awake. Mommy seems to have more going on with her than we know. But I hate to say much too because of the testing that will torture her and probably take her out of here to early. I do the same as you all, just try to control the UTI's and diarrhea. Try to keep her hydrated and get her vitamins and protein in her.
Sorry to hear about your loss CM, but your Aunt was blessed to not suffer.
So wonderful to hear that.
The prednisone made me wake up every thirty minutes last night. Will be so happy to be over this walking pneumonia and have clear lungs again. Ugh! I love to see my Mommy smile also. It makes my day also when some days she will be so happy and say thank you!
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I am so blessed that Mom doesn't have dementia yet. There will be some memory issues with short term memory, memory for names and word finding problems but I do that. She tells stories that I have heard before, but my husband does that and her stories are better, lol. I am so sorry that you all have to suffer with this issue.
I have a bad feeling that I will be the one with dementia because I am already forgetting things at 59.
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Sharadale- I can definitely identify....I'm finding myself having a hard time hearing certain things lately, and I'm only 45 (or will be in Sept). Wondering if a trip to the doc is in order.

College, I hope you feel better soon.

I know I'm missing a lot of what's going on with everyone else, but know you're in my thoughts and prayers for all that's going on. I wish this system would let us review everything posted previously as we're creating a post and not just the current page so we could respond to everyone.

Found several things my son and his gf can use in their apt. while cleaning out my boxes, so I'll put everything together for them. I probably have enough for 3 households. LOL I used to clean college student rentals and am finding a lot of things I don't recognize - they must have come from the rentals we cleaned. Those kids used to leave a lot of really nice stuff behind, and because it was either take it or trash it, it ended up in my storage unit when I moved. Why put an entire set of dishes, a Ninja blender and several very nice pots/pans in the trash?? The college kids didn't want them - fine - mine! One of the nice benefits of doing those cleaning jobs - though it hardly made up for the stuff we cleaned up.

I'm so happy to be talking to my son again. There was a hole in my heart for about a year while he wasn't speaking to me. I've made it clear that my stance on the child support issue hasn't changed - he still needs to take care of that. But I'm happy to have my son back, and hope he won't subject me to that sort of emptiness again, just because I insist he be an adult and take care of his responsibilities.

Mom was absolutely cranky earlier today - demanded that they do something aobut the shower chair they use with her, or she was going to start refusing the ONE shower she gets a week, and complaining about the PT guy that dealt with her today. Sheesh. Never saw her so cranky in my life. Got the problems solved, though - they will start using a bedside commode to shower her so her feet aren't dangling up off the floor (Mom's short) and PT is over now, so that's no longer an issue. But boy, did she have an attitude!!
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I am sorry that I wrote on the wrong topic page. I a new to this group and honestly didn't realize ther were other psges. I send hugs and prayers to all of you. Gid bless.
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Hope, I have raised a few small dogs from puppies. Mostly pik-a-poo breeds. We have always kept them mostly confined to one area, covered with newspaper. Slowly removing paper as you make your way to the door (works best say in the kitchen with an exit). Also, as soon as you see her start to pee, even on the paper, take her outside. It has always works for me, hope it helps. I have cats too, they just seem a natural to a litter box 😉.
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My whine of the day.... Thinking it is past 10 at night and I can finally go get comfortable and take my supportive under armor off since I assume my FIL is in the bathroom getting ready for bed. No, he exits asking my husband and I for cookies and milk. At least he came to the kitchen for his night snack. Okay, finished whining, I think. 😌
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Patricia...you can fit right in here with most anything you want to post.. :)

Thanks everyone for the tips for my pupster...She is trying I think and she's such a sweet dog....she had a couple of accidents today but it is the weirdest thing because no matter how much she goes out or how often, she seems to think it is her duty to retain just enough to annoint the house when she comes in...she seems quite proud in fact.

Mama seems to hae had a much better day today and I sure am thankful. I bought some maraschino cherries today and blended some of them with two of her ensures and she really enjoyed that...i have a lot of variety with her ensure and that is one of her favorites...it tastes a lot like the Whitehouse Cherry Vanilla ice cream...she seemed happy tonight..thank you Lord....

Everyone is tucked away now and my big boy kitty is asleep on the foot of the bed...so I am going to see about watching one of my spooky shows to fall asleep to...hope everyone has a nice cozy evening...
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Susan, I'm so glad you are getting to share conversation with your son again...That is wonderful!!!

Bless your Mom's heart...Mama had moments like that at times and I'm convinced that a lot of it is their reaction to knowing they are no longer able to be in control of things any longer...It's so sad , isn't it...
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Gershun, my cats definitely pick up on my moods...and now one of my neighbors has moved I am told ..and they abandoned their gorgeous solid black kitty (named Snowball) so now he is a regualr customer at the food court every morning and evening. I can't bear to not let him eat as much as he wants...if he wants to stay he is more than welcome..my kids aren't happy about it and he isn't happy about them. but I told him he's ok here if he wants to stay....I petted him some so he'd know he was welcome and gave him a handful of kitty treats...he's always been an outdoor kitty, I worry about him but I think he's pretty wise to the world...but he knows where to come for food when he gets hungry. I will never understand how people can just go off and abandon their beloved pets...My big tabby man ended up here when my neighbor across the street left and just put all her cats out and left them. I found a home for one with one of my friends, one of them would never let me befriend her, I don't know what happened to her and just try to believe someone took her in she was such a pretty girl...and then this big fat man took up here...and he's awesome...I am the old lady who lives in the shoe...but for me it's cats....had so many cats....I didn't know what to do...actually I do know what to do..I just love them a lot...and we're happy..
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I've all for cats Hope. I only have two and they are the loves of my life. Maybe when you open your cattery you can hire me to work with you. The two crazy cat ladies.

Anyhow, Hope and everyone else have a great sleep. Nitey Nite.
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Ok this is definitely a whine so please just take it as a little one. I love Mom with all my heart, but after finally admitting that she has a possible UTI coming on, you would think Ashe would do everything she could do to prevent it with everything in her arsenal! Last time she got a terrible fever and had intense pain and stopped eating.
So I gave her two Cranberry pills and told her to take two more when she took her other meds. I also made a special trip to the drug store to find some stuff called D-Mannose which is supposed to help. She can't take AZO or Cystex because they make her vomit. So I come back from the store and she says, did you get it? Yes I say and you need to take two before you go to bed and drink this cranberry juice and plenty of water. I got to bed early to spend some MUCH needed quality time with my DH. I wake up at 4:00 a.m. with pain (normal) and see the package still sitting there untouched next to her chair. She drank the juice but not the water and I know she took her other meds because she made a snack. Why did I fly to the store?! Because I love my mom. Whine over.
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My Momma started a new thing last night, she was mad at 11:30pm because she had to poop. Then about 12:30 am she had to poop again. Don't know how she poops so much, she doesnt eat very much. Uugh! Any way drama. her head starts hurting and she gets more drama, then she has a time getting to her bed. No control over her feet. Only one step to her bed. She is concerned then that she is going to poop again. I tell her she wont and please try to get some rest. All goes well, then at 5:00am I get up to give her breakfast and pills, she is screaming to wake up my daughter, thinking she is in bed with her. Telling me she would be hard to wake up. She wanted to ring her bell. Oh what a time we had, me trying to convince her that my daughter is at home with her twins and husband. I tried to get her to drink more water and told her I think she is getting dehydrated again. She will have to get IV if she doesn't drink today. She drinks a little and tells me she doesn't need to take all those pills. I told her it is okay and she has taken these for 10 yrs. She is still complaining, finally took them and drank some water with applesauce only for breakfast. She eats only 1/2 of a small cup. I had to give her melatonin to try to calm her down. She has been up all night. I think she must have UTI again and on the weekend! Great, here we go again. I'm still sick with the walking pneumonia, but a little better, just don't want to sit in hospital for 6 hrs today. I did email my daughter to come visit for a hour or two with the twins so she will believe me and they will wear her out. Happy Saturday, hugs.
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Shara that is SO frustrating! - but the moral is that if you want to know she's taken something you have to stand over her until she does. Motivation, like memory, is probably kind of off the table with your mother by now, especially if she's gearing up to an infection. Feel for you, though - absolutely hair-tearing.
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I don't know what is going on but my Mom had a restless night too coughing and yawning loudly all night, rang the bell at 5 am and didn't know why she did it. I am constantly worried about UTIs and delirium. She just got over a UTI and a round of antibiotics a couple weeks ago. When she got home in June from rehab,(which did not happen), the hospice nurse went over her illnesses and they had dementia down as one of them. No one ever told me of this diagnosis until then. With the constant UTIs and osteomyelitis she was often getting delirium and did they confuse this with dementia? My Mom has so many things wrong with her including the unoperable cancer from 13 years ago, that I guess I should not be shocked at a few more things that are diagnosed. It all seems so complicated...UTI symptoms and dementia symptoms overlap with "end of life" symptoms of hallucinations, etc. so how can anybody tell what is going on???
Needless to say I am feeling extremely depressed these last days but have to gather strength and fight through another day.
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