My "whine moment today." What's yours?

Ugh...I hate to say it but with the mood I am in today I would have kicked that nurses' behind and told her off so much that steam would have come out of her ears !! Some people act like such "know it alls" that they don't know how stupid and insensitive they look to others.Sometimes it is best to act like you are only half listening to people like this...or that what they are saying is just one possibility of many. When people try to get a rise out of me they often get a deep in thought look or no expression at all from me and just "Hmmmmmm Hmmmmmm" for as long as they prattle on.

Want to give a shout out to Veronica,get better girl, we need you back here. Just a vent today that I hope will give some a chuckle and make some feel better about not being the perfect housekeeper after taking care of ma & pa 24/7.My back yard is undergoing some "plumbing rejuvanation" (septic tank issues).It looks like the landscape of the "red planet" (Mars).There are 2 large piles,really bigger than piles or mounds but less than a mountain.I have given up trying to keep 8 dogs out of it. My jack russels are now a "rusty" color,my "white" poodle is no longer white.My boxer puppy,my very large puppy as in "whose horse is that?" apparently LOVES red clay.Anybody here familiar with "red southern clay"?My poor house, really my poor floors.It looks like the Oregon trail throughout my house.I have apologized to my mother for the mess but stated to her we must endeavor to persevere.I fanatically keep her bedroom and bathroom doors shut.The white floor in the kitchen is now a sienna color.And oh Joy! it is 80% chance of rain tomorrow.Dry red clay is bad but muddy red clay is another story.At least mom is clean, her dogs are clean.So after a lot of vacuuming(I have wood floors) I am now to tired to shower myself and as I am typing this I am looking out my bedroom window and see my 2 horse in the backyard grazing which would be nice except they aren't supposed to be in the back yard and this means that they some how got out of the pasture,back in a minute......................Okay I am back, not so bad ,I could have sworn I latched the stall door but that was the one that was open,really double checked them now.So now my horses who are paints, well there are now black and red,(was white) apparently rolling in the clay was fun because it's all in their mane and tails,look like they were out on a bender.So for those of you that worry over dusting,mopping and having a house that looks like Southern Living magazine while taking care of an elder don't feel bad, just think at least you don't have clumps of red clay and a coating of redclay dust throughout your entire house and with no end in site until construction is complete,the rain tomorrow is going to really be a challenge.Right now , I am dirty , to tired to shower or brush myteeth,but mom is clean.Maybe I should start a thread about My House is so dirty..... and people could fill in the blanks.Today though I would win.

Very funny timbuktu!!

Luckylu, that nurse is crude, sorry she said that. Sharadale, your Mom is so sweet to say that to you, bless her heart. So sad about Veronica, wish we knew more, like she is getting better. Scary stuff! I pray she is on the road to recovery and all is getting better. Thay cat is very smart to do that. That is so funny! I would have fell off the toilet laughing! Cwillie, hope you Mom gets over the poops soon, praying for all of you all and especially Veronica. Hugs! Getting better each day, still hacking cough!

Actually College I think I nearly did fall off the toilet laughing. Glad you are getting better.

i definitely can't compete Timbuktu. I just had my friend who cleans my house, come, do it and leave my floor clean. I made dinner and hubby did the dishes, so my house is clean for a few hours. The now tropical storm Erika looks like it will go up the west coast of Fl, so we should get the wet side. Safer for the house, but it will end up being dirtier and buggier.
Laden, please give us an update on Veronica. Thank you.

I think this great cat needs to spray some water at Luckylu's crude nurse!

Tough day...Mama is not eating...I did get my yard looking great, but the worry over Mama has me very concerned. I know she does this from time to time...I'm aways afraid one day she will do this but won't come out of it...I am starting to think she may have a UTI, but then again, the nurse or aid did not think so....I don't like over using antibiotics because they too can create problems...just watching her, and doing the best I can....

Every little dog in the neighborhood came to play with my puppy today. While I was in the yard, I put her on her little run so she could get her energy run out and two neighbors small dogs came over to play...they were so cute...I made sure they were going to be ok with one another, then I just let them play, it was fun seeing them having such a good time

Hpoe, give cranberry juice?

TIMBUKTU, OMG, that is hysterical, unless you are the one who has to clean it up, in which case, you! Sorry! But I wouldn't tackle the big part until the construction is over either! I guess you will have to invest in a SWIFFER MOP, just to keep it somewhat tidy, and the I would hire some MERRY MAIDS to come in to do the rest of it, I'll bet they are familiar with Red Dirt in your neck of the wood's! That way, you can be in charge of doggie bathing, that surly will keep you busy for a while! Here in the PNW, we have hard pan dirt, very hard and rocky ground which is good fot growing RHODODENDRONS and tuber perrenials, and not much else, unless you bring in topsoil. WE seem to pull wheelbarrow loads of rocks out every year, and we've lived in this house for 19 years, they just keep resurfacing! And we have put many truck loads of topsoil and bark, year after year, but keep needing to, just to keep our soil nutrient rich. I don't have red clay, but I do have a dirty kitchen floor! Lol, I've been putting off scrubbing it for about a week, my FIL spills all the way from the kitchen, to his TV room, so my carpets need cleaning again too! I did invest in a good carpet cleaner, and I've got a SWIFFER, but this calls for a get down on hands and knee's scrubbing, then a mop n glow top coat! Maybe tomorrow! Ya, sure!

Sendme...she won't drink her ensure, water, nothing...won't even take her warfarin...here we go again...I cannot count the number of times during the past four years where we have been on this downhill spiral....it is killing me...forgive me, but the last few days have just been so sad....I can usually hang in there, and may as well do it now, because who can say what is going on...I feel like I've already watched her die no less than 20 times only to see her bound back and linger just enough to just be here. I know that sounds hateful and I don't mean for it to be...but how on earth can you keep going through this over and over and over and feel like you're losing them and everyone else is just living their life, not missing a beat...I can't do anything but let them know she's not eating, again, not drinking, again, sleeping pretty much all the time, again..and they are like ok, thanks...it's like in their heads they wrote her off so long ago that now they're just checking in...I am the one who is hear, holding my breath, watching every tiny breath, looking at those blank stares, and yet how can someone who is eating NOTHING, create so much of this horrible diarrhea.....I literally am so tense tonight my chest is hurting like I've lifted something wrong....all I can pray at this point is just be with us and God's will be done....I don't even know how I feel anymore...I'm just worn out today, that's all I know...sorry for being a bummer

And then there is the pile of people...her brothers and sisters, who are probably going to be livid with me if I don't call them ..but how can I..I don't even know what's going on...and to be honest, I don't even want them here. Mama doesn't seem to know them anymore...when she would have they never came...that was my fault too...everything wrong has been and continues to be my fault...I am just done with all of them...The only positive I can see after all of this is that I never have to see any of them again.

Oh Hope my heart is just so sad for you. I felt this way last winter when we went from Dec through a March in the hospital or nursing home, in and out, in and out. Pneumonia, CDiff,UTI,CDiff. I was so tired and afraid. I was afraid the worst would happen and I would be responsible and somehow I was alone in her care. My husband was there to hug me and pray with me. He even went to the hospital on his own and didn't even tell me. Ever since his family had to go through cancer treatment for years and watch his dad pass, he has stayed away from hospitals at all cost.
Nevertheless, I would call and text my family and her friends and still I felt alone. Family members asked if they should come but I could not give them the answer them. You have no responsibility to call any one but a doctor or nurse. If your family has not called you for regular information, then you don't owe them squat! Take care of yourself and your mama. That is what is important now. We will all be here if the worst happens, but it just as easily turn like it has in the past. I will be praying for you. Both, but don't lose any sleep over people who don't care enough to call.

Hope so sorry you are going through this. It worries me when you say your chest is hurting. Thats not good. Let go and let God. Right? I know you know that already but it bears repeating. Hugs!

I love all you people!!!How did I get so lucky to find such caring support?!!Your posts today have kept me going and you all nailed it on the head.THANK YOU!!!
Im a slow plunker since I never took typing and just got a computer at the age of 54 so Im slow in responding and I am sorry.
I started Mother on Levaquin tonite and I guess cellulitis would be better than a blood clot but the area is worse tonite and her legs look like they will explode all over the room,they are So huge.
cwillie,Im sorry you are having bathroom problems again...Hang in there,.
Stacey,Thanks for the warm compress idea.Mother has a filter in her groin or umbrella so shes protected there but one time a blood clot got her in her lung through her arm or back.Her Father had a massive stroke and shes had T.I.A s. so Ive always been worried about strokes.
Im beat and heading to the couch with SavvySue.Thanks again to all about the nurse...If you only knew the half of it!Night everyone and God Bless You...luckylu

Luckylu, Veronica, Hope, Gershun, Cwillie, Shardale and all the others I have missed (my memory for names is terrible): My heart goes out to you all. So much to go through! As other people have said, the hospice nurse sounds dreadfully callous and indifferent. Hope, the chest pain is not surprising to me because of the grief that is stored there; so very difficult to watch your mother retreat into her shell. She must be so dehydrated, especially with the diarrhea.

I have been busy with mom and family lately. The anniversary of dad's death was August 23rd, last Sunday. My sister, brother, niece and their partners came over and we went to a spot to spread some of dad's ashes. It was a weird feeling; the ashes actually felt sharp and kind of scratchy, I expected them to be smooth. Quite a learning experience for me, although one I wouldn't mind doing without (lol). Mom was in poor condition. She's weak, light-headed, sleepy, so very confused with no memory, and harder of hearing than ever, if that's possible. Even the short walk from the car to the stream and back was very taxing for her, and she thought she had been out all day and that we were out of town. She keeps asking me if it is just the two of us living hear, and often thinks dad is sleeping in the room, or that she sees him. She is unable to grasp the reality of dad's death or deal with the grief, fear and loneliness, which is so ironic because the marriage was strained and full of conflict.

I managed to get an appointment with her g.p. and he, as usual, said she was fine. I asked him to order a urinalysis because I believe her symptoms are related to the reduced functioning of her only kidney, which was discovered when she went for a CT scan quite a few years ago. Her doctor's response to that was, "that's normal as you get older". The last time mom had a physical, she couldn't produce at the lab, so her results were not indicative of the complete picture. It was quite a challenge getting a specimen this time as well, at home, which led to short tempers and hurt feelings. I haven't heard back yet, so I assume the results are negative.

Then this evening was the memorial anniversary mass for those who died in the month of August. Mom said she wanted to go. I made the mistake of booking accessible transit, which put me on a waiting list, and two hours before the mass started they show up at the apartment (which caught us by surprise). Mom was not a happy camper. We had to eat in a pizza place just to kill (no pun intended) time, and we were snapping at each other and it was embarrassing because she is so loud.

It was so nice to go back to my original parish and see friends there, though. No more outings for mom; she just can't handle it. She was starting to get those tremors again and she was feeling faint/sick and had trouble standing as well as sitting. She thought she was out all day, combining elements of two situations into one; she was convinced there were other people at the house and when we were coming back she said she couldn't remember where we lived. But she is as stubborn as a mule and still won't consider home help when I go back to work next week.

So I have been vegetating with a jigsaw puzzle for the past couple of days, one of a box of six that my niece gave me about five years ago, lol! They are addictive. We could have a fire and I'd probably say, "Just one more piece."

Add to that the fact that I still did not receive my cheque that was supposed to be on the way for services rendered from my self employment. Oh, what a week! Hey, dad, the things we do for love! Rest in peace, happy anniversary (reminds me of the Irish Rovers' saying, "May you be half an hour in heaven before the devil knows your dead." I'm going to think positively and assume he's been a year in heaven already (lol).

Hope, I know just how you feel as I go through this and the up and down up and down is so stressful. The last year and a half was awful with constant in and out of ER, hospitals, rehabs in nursing homes, and now hospice at home and problems problems problems coming out of the blue each day.I wonder how long someone can live bedridden in this way and hardly eating but constant bowel movements? It is just heart wrenching to me to see my poor Mom linger this way. Then other problems of life enter and I get so very depressed. I don't want to see a doctor or get on meds myself though. I get through each day doing what I must, reading a lot, taking short walks in the garden, and to bed early to end each day as soon as possible. Not much of a nice life and it becomes more apparent when the one health aide asks what plans I have for the weekend...what weekend?!! One day is just like the next. Then there are the friends who only contact me to brag about vacations or moving to big houses far away etc. I pretty much keep my communications with people I know to a few out of towners who have been through this with their own parents.

Luckylu, I hope your Mom's leg gets better. Is she on a diuretic like Lasix to take off fluid?
Globetrotter, I should try the puzzles when I get a few moments...could even do this while watching TV, which I don't do much of lately as the reception is bad for some reason despite cable.
To everyone...I am hoping all have a good or better day today, and {{Hugs}} to All of the caregivers!

Hope22, I am so sorry. This is really the worst part of it. The worry and work--and guilt. The feeling that life is standing still. Don't feel guilt. We all understand. Everyone feels the way you do in your situation--and lots of others.

Sometimes it helps to remember, and it is a stretch, but it does help...to remember that we are bigger and stronger for having had these experiences (that we never could have imagined or wanted), and that we will be able to help the next person who never imagined or wanted it.

I am so grateful to the people on this site, and others, who have helped me through things that came out of the blue and for which I felt totally unprepared. And I am eager to help people who are going through something similar.

You will be on the other side of this soon. You will be able to look back with a new perspective. Just hang on, hang on, hang on. And know that we all send hugs and empathy.

Dang it, I just lost my darn post!!! But the short version, hahaha, is Golly you guy's are All sure going through it right now, and No Hope, you're not being a Bummer, you're being Honest with your feelings which I know are very hard to describe. The Waiting and watching and doing it all, and alone is exhausting and lonely and unbearable at times, and day after day after day, wel it's an emotional roller coaster, and sometimes you just want to get off of it, then the guilt sets in, and then nobody understands, but we do, I do, and it really sucks, and I am so sorry! I do know that you all are such wonderful cargivers, and I appreciate every one of you, and so does your LO, you are doing God's work, and he will recognize and reward you for it! Hang in there, all of you! And Hope, do get those chest pains checked out!

Hope, we all hate this part of the roller coaster ride.... feeling absolutely powerless and counting on some Grace from God to keep us sane....our chests hurt from having broken hearts, unshed tears because we don't have time or are too tired, or somehow we feel we are giving up.... it doesn't matter what we say or do, or don't say or don't do.... this part is between God and mom.....I was there with my mom... and I finally realized, just think about all the great memories, the bad times, growing up, being and adult.... her with different family members, her laughter, her quick wit..... her ability to discern if a person was a good person or not.... so I tried to fill up my head and heart with those things... and leave the crisis to God.... I just accepted I didn't have to know or understand God's plan.... that I could choose to be present, make her comfortable and remember.... the good, the bad, the ugly, the funny, the sad, and on and on....
You have been an outstanding daughter, with a heart of gold, gentle hands to soothe mom.....we don't care what your stupid family thinks or says... WE know what is going on.... and there is more of us than them... so hang tight to those of us who love you..... and we are all in this together, one way or the other... sending gentle hugs..... affirmations that you have a huge heart that is broken.... love you....... keep us updated...

So much going on with everybody,hugs to you all.I just realized that I was actually feeling good this AM,felt strange, but it was because I realized that I have "mommy dearest" on a every 72 hour shower schedule without her drama, some progress.The things I find exciting.

Hugs to you Hope, and everyone.

Feeling pretty crappy this morning, and realized I hadn't had much of any water to drink for close to a week. Geez. Not good. No wonder my kidneys are twinging, my mouth is so dry my tongue wants to stick to the roof of my mouth, and my joints are screaming at me. Cranberry juice to start the day, then water, water, water. Haven't even had my beloved coffee yet.

SharaD, you said "I was afraid the worst would happen and I would be responsible and somehow I was alone in her care".
Wow, that is exactly how I feel. I'm so tired of the constant worry and second guessing, I just wish someone else would take over and tell me what to do. Of course I wouldn't trust their judgment so it's a catch 22 kind of situation.
Hope, I feel for you. You just want their suffering to end but we all know there is only one way for that to happen.
Lucky, I understand why you don't want to rock the boat and get rid of that nurse, but she really does deserve a good swift kick in the behind. What she does to you she is also doing to others, urrghh :( Try to just accept her physical help and block out everything that comes out of her mouth. Maybe even leave when she is there, at least just go to another room, so you don't have to interact with her more than necessary.

I hope you all are feeling better. Hope, I'm sorry your Momma is going thru that stuff again. My Momma is okay today because of B12 shot. But I know how you feel, Momma is like that a lot now days and it is devastating because we have no control. Prayers and hugs.

Sharadale...thank you sooo much for those words, because that is exactly how I feel about it...On the one hand, I can't even say if we are there yet. It is obviously concerning that Mama will not eat..she still isn't this morning, but I did get her to laugh when I was changing her, so that is good. Maybe she is just sleeping...I do know the last few times especially, even though it troubles me, I think the best thing is to just monitor her temp make sure she is nice and clean and cozy and let her rest. she sure looks peaceful.

I won't withhold information from anyone who might call and ask but even when you tell them exactly what is going on they don't seem to give a flip, so I sure am not going out of my way to call them. And thank you sooooo much. I don't feel I owe the squat either..and I love that phrase...perfect! thanks..

The one thing that I already know will help me get through this ...no what "this" turns out to be, is knowing you are all here....What an amazing bunch of folks....I only wish I could meet all of you...I think God every day that I found you all.

Wow you guys are all so awesome! We all seem to circle the wagons around each other when there are problems. Wish we could hear about Veronica. Praying.
My emergency has been taken care by God. He has pushed the storm more to the west and has dissipated its strength so it won't hurt anyone, win win!
Mom was sleeping when I got up at 10, but she looked uncomfortable. When she got up to use the bathroom, I asked he but she said she was okay and she ate a good breakfast.
Cwillie I totally agree. If Mom had someone else caring for her, I wouldn't trust them either.

Gershun, luckylu, Globetrotter, Katie, salisbury, timbuktu, college, cwillie, stacey, ladee, sharadale....wow....circle the wagons indeed! I wish yall knew how much all your comforting words mean to me...and I hope I didn't miss anyone...I hope you all know how much you mean to me. I feel that I have known you forever...much more than my own family...

I appreciate knowing I am not alone. When it comes down to it, maybe that's the thing with all of us...I don't have to be surrounded by the PRESENCE of people...just the feeling of love and comfort. In fact, when these yahoos who I used to think of as family, are here, I am irritated more than comforted, because the only time they show up is when they want to make a grand gesture so the world will know they have arrived....cue the trumpets.....pffffffft!!!! to em.

anywho....thank you all so much...Katie, I am the same way about starting something up with a health issue for myself...I do think the pain I feel is due to the extreme sadness at the very thought of losing my Mama's physical being...and I say physical because i have to keep reminding myself that it is only her physical presence that will be away...and only for a short time...Time to those on the other side I think is very different to them..those of us here discern a year as they do a minute...and in the blink of an eye for them, they will be reunited with us...it is what feels like the eternity now and then for me that brings the emptiness...but as ladee you so well put it, the memories of all the lives she has touched and joy she has brought will help carry me through. I know it was that way when Daddy passed...although I can't deny I will still come to tears at the sight of a french creme twirl in the grocery store...but that pain has left and only the good memories remain...I know it will one day be that way for me and Mama...

Part of me feels like I need to MAKE her eat (drink), but the part of me that knows that would be wrong, is just trying to be here, so I can give her what she wants. After I sent my previous note, I looked over and she was sitting there, wide awake...for the first time in almost two days looking more alert. I didn't ask her if she was thirsty, just got it and offered it and she drank an entire ensure and a cup of water..and took her warfarin...so that, for me, and for her, is HUGE. she didn't want anymore, I offered it, I could see she didn't want it..I tried to keep a cheery note in my voice and told her, okee dokey, let me know and I 'll bring more in a while...which I will offer later but let her call the shots...

God this is hard. But I love you all so much. and I only wish I could do more to let you all know just how much I love you ...

Lucky I hope your Mom's legs are better...was wondering about the lasix as well...and hoping the compresses will help...do you have to keep her legs elevated? I finally had to start doing that for Mama and it does seem to help...praying for her friend..and for all of you...also remembering our sweet and precious Veronica...we love you friend....please get better soon.... (((((HUGE HUGS)))))) to all of you!

Sheradale, Soooo Glad the storm missed you guy's, I was worried about you! We do have much in the way of terrible life altering storms out here in the PNW, lots of rain and a little wind in Fall, WINTER AND SPRING, but as you know, this summer has been particularly dry, and has been a mess Fire Storm wise! I hope all the Mom's are comfy cozy and feeling fine today! We had our first Rain yesterday and this morning, we sure needed it, but today is our annual Summer family gathering, we call THE WELSH OPEN, for the morning golf tournament, then we have an awards Ceremony, and then next year's host is assigned. The rules for Hosting are that you book a Golf Course anywhere in the State, find and distribute info on the local Camping, motels, kiddie and Adult entertainment, ie: CASINO'S Water parks and beaches, in the area, manage all the arrangements, buy gag gifts and trophies, arrange for a after golfing party, and assign next year's host. Our Welsh Open has been running 33 consecutive years years now, and we have hosted one time, but we don't golf anymore, so I hope We don't get picked, but that is no guarantee, it a lot of work! Now we have a bunch of Grandies comming up the ladder so it is a lot of Fun! I wish it wasn't raining though! So we are going to the picnic today and I'll be hiding in the back row when they are handing out the hosting reigns! Lol!

Another morning filled with pain and tears,I hate mornings!So much to do in my own pain for a Mother that counts on me for every single thing...and Im weird because I have this thing where I think If Mother has a pink straw,she wont die,or if I pick up the paper off the floor,she wont die,just crazy thoughts and I it
Anyway,a long time ago I made up this story:
Its just thoughts I put together...
Nobody Walks in my shoes,
Nobody walks in my Mothers shoes,
Everyday,A roller coaster of emotions,
With Mother and I,Alone.
Where are my friends?
They know.
Where are my Mothers friends?
They know.
They said to ask for help...
I did.
No one helped
Their lives went on
Mine stopped with Mothers
But
I am Mothers rock
and she is my salvation
and she and I can always count on each other,
This is The Time in between and
when Mother leaves me,
I will be knocked to my knees
Forever,
Alone.
Because you sure cant put your arms around a memory
And yes,
It has always been Mother and I against the World.

I know this is gooney,Its just some feelings I guess.Hope you all are getting through this Saturday well.