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My whine moment for today - mom used citronella insect repellent for God knows what in the kitchen. It is so strong even with the air purifier, fan and open windows, as well as vinegar. I'm afraid to prepare any food in there. Aaarggh!
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Gershen, name on a park bench, now that is an ideal memorial.
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When I was training for hospice volunteer work some time ago I posted a question about what to expect. Veronica is an RN who did work with hospice patients. She gave a wonderful response to my question. I've followed her comments on the forum ever since.

I think it might be a good idea to encourage folks to leave a nice message on her message board so when she gets better she can see how people have supported her.
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Globetrotter, was the citronella liquid oil, because she either spilled it or washed the dishes with it. Can't we keep the cognitively challenged out of the kitchen? Ideas, because becoming hypervigilant can really make a person sick. A redesign of kitchens may be in order here.
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I am so sorry to hear the latest update on Veronica. I pray that she has the strong constitution to fight this. Acute crisis/intensive care can be quite frightening, especially when there are sudden changes for the worse, but with modern medicine, resilience and a will to live, it's amazing what some people overcome. I will keep her in my prayers.
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Good idea Windy, to post on Veronica's messageboard for when she recovers.
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Sendme2help, the citronella was a spray. I used it only once at the intersection where I work because of a wasp that kept circling and pitching on me. I sprayed it on my vest and stop sign but it didn't work (lol). I already washed up, so I have no idea what she was doing. I have since got rid of that and the oven cleaner. They were the only two strong chemical substances I have at home. My main cleaning supplies are vinegar, nature clean unscented dish liquid, laundry detergent and hydrogen pyroxide bleach, although I better start hiding that. Yes, point well taken, mom has reached the point now where I have to childproof the home.
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How is Veronica's husband doing?
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We need to ask Ladee, she has contact, not me.
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Gershun, I love the park bench Idea very much. One of my friends did a similar thing for her husband. She went back to their home state where they had a very small personal service and then she got one of the nice park benches to dedicate in his memory. I have a feeling Mama would prefer something like that as well.

I don't care for the whole "service" thing. My main reason being, if as many people as have visited her other than my brother and my cousin, attended, there would be all of five people there...the ones who have not been there I don't even care to see. It will be too late. I don't want to stand in a line while people who have done zero or have gone out of their way to hurt me come through and want to hug me and tell me how sorry they are...I could tell THEM how sorry they are..maybe that's what I should tell them when they say that... "I know that already".....

I know, the main thing is that I want it to be for my Mama, which means I cannot show my behind. I already know when I leave this earth, anything that is done in my memory I would prefer it be in the way of a donation to the local animal shelter...and just go on and cremate me or put me in the ground, whichever is easiest on whoever is stuck with me....As I've told my brother many times, people have already let me know what they think of me while I'm here, I dont need or want them coming after I am gone with a bunch of phony baloney verbage...I think I've gotten quite hardened... I don't even think of it as being morose, I will be in a better place and what they do with what is left here is up to them...

Evening is definitely not a good time around here for Mama. That is when she is her most absent it seems. She seems so sad and confused...that sad, distant look...it kills me. The best chance I have of getting to have a few happy moments with her is early morning...This is so hard.....
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Sorry that the evenings are hard for you Hope.

I don't let very many people into my life cause people unfortunately are generally selfish and self-centered when it comes right down to it.

I am happy with my husband, my two fur kids and the few people in my life that I call friends. There aren't many but the ones I have are loyal and true. The rest of them if they don't want to be around me and support me, can just piss off.
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Well, I forgot to tell you that my stepfather wanted no service and made my Mom promise, no service. So there was no service here. But my two stepbrothers decided that they must have a Catholic mass said for him in NJ.my mom was much healthier then and lived in her own place and flew up there. It was during the school year and I didn't have much notice or liquid assets to go on my own and my mom told me not to because he didn't want the service. I was kind of glad not to go to that because I was at a Catholic mass for my ex husband's grandma and it was pretty weird and uncomfortable for me.
My mom let me know that her funeral service is all planned with the readings, music etc. everything is already paid for including her cremation. It is all written up in her black bag that she makes me put in the safe. She is so thoughtful. She didn't want to put that burden on me or anyone else in the family. She is the best!
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Oh and Globetrotter, he was not a boyfriend. He was a boy that I went to church with. I didn't have a boyfriend or kiss a boy until I was 16. His name was Stevie Godwin and we made out in the backseat of his friend's car at the drive-in. My best friend was in the front seat with his friend and she later told me that he told his friend that I was a good kisser! I was so scared since I never kissed anyone before and wanted to do it right, lol I guess I did.
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I need to know which Veronica she is so I can find her message board.
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When mom died after a sudden critical illness within a week we had a service at her church because she was active and loved. The interment of her cremations was only immediate family. We asked people to donate to homeless shelter and school fund where she taught. Taking home flowers would have been too hard. The nephew who dumped his mother's care into my mother for years did not donate. He seemed surprised that mom left him nothing in will. Takes all kinds. If you are paying the piper Hope and all others YOU pick the tune. Don't have a big deal to give brats chance to look good. If they came by or checked in they would know what was happening. Your loved ones would not want you bankrupted. And funerals can do that.
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I agree with Guestshop, I think funerals are really for the living and the caregiver that put in the love and the time should 100% decide what they want for the loved one. Mom always says she doesn't want the fuss... she thinks, "why should people come visit her when she is gone when they didn't spend the time while she was alive?" I have heard of people showing up just to get the food and socialize with others there more than lending support to the closest loved ones. Again, it is everyone's personal decision, but if people can't spend the time to visit with Mom now why should I spend the time and money to feed them a free lunch?!!
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I totally agree. Funerals can bleed you dry and for what so people who never cared and make like they did. Years ago people always had big 2-3 day funerals, now days cremation is becoming much more main stream. For dad we did cremation, memorial service with small lunchen. That is what mom wanted for him and we have prepaid a cremation for mom as that is what she wants too. To what you think will give you peace of mind without breaking the bank. An average traditional funeral today costs 12,000 not including cemetary plot. Cremation with lunchen less than 3,000.
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Oh Lord, totally agree with all of you. I am actually going to try to get a sitter to come so I can go to the funeral home while my head is halfway in the right place and get it planned now..and go ahead and pay for it. I already know I am not going to be able to go through the standard 2 day deal that usually happens around here. Most if not all of Mama's church friends have already passed...the folks left now are ones who, as noted above, will be all about showing up just to make the appearance....

There is one "friend" who we literally had to raise her spoiled brat kid and who totally messed up my teen years by having to babysit her all summer long for nothing...well 15.00 a WEEK...so in other words, nothing...anyway, she is in every sense of the world, a spoiled, self entitled brat, and her mother is an arrogant big shot (who doesn't have a pot to pee in) and they never go visit anyone who is sick, do anything for anyone who is sick, but whenever anyone without 100 miles that they vaguely knew passes, here they come, dressed to the nines, trying to pretend they are dignitaries and acting like "oh I am soooooo sorry, we thought the world of so and so"...no you didn't ..you big fake #:$%*#)..... I'm telling you, in my state of mind I can't go through it...I don't like to say I hate people...but I hate these peoples ways....and ..well...fill in the blanks..

I am ashamed to admit that if it were just me, I would probably have a totally private ceremony for me and my brother and that would be that.

Just remembering the enormous vigils all of our family has always had makes me physically ill. My neighbor's Mom passed about five years ago and she was older than my Mama and knew very few folks still living. She had a very very simple viewing, one hour before the ceremony in the chapel, and that was it. That is what I want. I think that is all I can do mentally. I want it to honor Mama, but for me, I am honoring Mama by what i am doing now...much more than anything I could do after she has passed. I need to remember that...thank you all for getting it....
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By the way, I remember when my grandma passed...Mama's Mother, and I loved her so much, but I remember when Mama told me the hours we were going to have to go to all that and I told her...good Lord are they trying to kill us all? But that was my do nothing aunts and uncles who planned that ...They all had passed her around over and over and no one ever had to miss a beat because one would have her one week, the other the next and there were lots of them and they all had spouses who helped, and kids who helped...I think they all wanted a long drawn out service so all of THEIR friends could come by and brag on them in front of folks and tell them how great they were. I guess that sounds warped but that's the way it struck me...how is it honoring someone when they are laid out in the funeral home and everyone else is outside slapping each other on the back, talking about football, fishing, their new truck, their old truck..whatever...I mean, if that's what they want to do, have a simple service and THEN whoever wants to can plan a big old picnic and have at it...it's just a really sore subject with me at all the grand show knowing what most of them did while the deceased was alive.....which is usually a whole lot of nothing.
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All of you bring up really good, valid points. I prepaid for my dad's funeral with the Simple Alternative, but even that was not cheap, and that was just a cremation, memorial service and luncheon. My siblings didn't even want to do that for him, but mom and I were offended and decided to give him some sense of dignity and respect. As many of you have experienced, the memorial service turned into a party at my sibling's house after the luncheon, while I went home with mom. Even with prepaid funerals, the extra costs at the time of death can add up. However, I'm not complaining as I was satisfied with their services, and we prepaid mom's funeral as well a few months later. As you say, cremation is much cheaper; however, mom wants a burial and mass, which necessitates a cemetery plot (which I also purchased), so it is going to be more expensive.

The funeral industry is a thriving business. I was rather shocked that the cost of the plot depended on the location in the cemetery and the degree of proximity to a statue. I've never heard of such nonsense!
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I still dont have a plan or a black dress.Its going to be another nightmare when Mother dies because nothing has been done to prepare for it.I dread it with all my soul.She knows everyone in town and I expect Alot of people will be at the funeral..I hear theres alot to do also.Its just more worry.
Thanks for letting me vent here and for keeping us updated on Veronica.
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Bookluvr, that was so helpful, I just clicked on the blue address you posted to find Veronica91. Even though I had posted before, going back the way I got there before was not working. I am really feeling at a loss when one of us gets sick. Seems like that is a priority to keep V in our prayers.
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Notifying: Veronica is ill. Updates and prayers for this awesome lady.
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Okay, here goes, my Big Whine! We had a big wind and rain storm here in the PNW, and we were without power for 28 straight hours, ugh! It does not happen very often, but this one was a doozy! Usually it is only for an hour or two at most! The worst part was that we were without television internet or the house telephone. And there were terrible sirens going off all night long, the police and the Fire Department responding two accidents and fires. It was very difficult sleeping, because my little Charlie girl had no idea what was going on, did not understand all the candles and all the different smells, all of my candles are different scents, so that was kinda funny, and she kept getting up and wandering around the house, all confused! The very worst part is that my favorite TV shows didn't get taped on my DVR, THE VICAR OF DIBLEY, and LOVE CHILD. And now I have to race off to go to a Birthday Dinner, so I will have to chat with you all later! Love toeeveryone. And I hope you have had a great weekend! Praying for Veronica! I hope she is feeling better!
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STACEY.....Time for a generator? If you get outages often you should consider a small unit that will run some lights, fridge, TV, heat, etc. you're talking about 6 to 8 hundred bucks. We can't have Charley Girl spending all that time without power!
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Stacey, sorry, are you sending that unusual storm to southern california?
Enough with the scented candles. Are you aware those candle wicks are held up with metal inside the wick? Usually M E R C U R Y ! Toxic to Charley girl's little brain!! $1.00 @ the dollar store: Little paper lanterns with batteries in the base. Light the room better than a night light, you can see just enough to walk around.
Really peaceful nightlight for doggy. Lasts all night, and over several nights. We hang ours from the ceiling fans.
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I live in Vancouver, Canada and we had the same wind storm here. I hate to admit it but I love a good wind storm. If I could I would be on the sea wall getting hit with water, the whole bit.

Having said that, all told there were 400,000 customers without power. There are still about 100,000 that have been without power for two days now. So as much as I like a good wind storm, I feel for these people.
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The gathering at dad's today went well. Very tired as I was up a 6 am cleaning and getting items together for today.
Took a bunch of photos. Dad had 4 beers (eek). He did recognize his brothers but not his sisters, or sister in law. Didn't talk much but seemed to enjoy himself.
Everyone left close to his dinner time despite us eating lunch late. I just hope tonight he isn't agitated after we all left. Will pop in tomorrow to see how he is.
My feet hurt as the sandals I wore were not supportive so I have slippers that I can use with my TENS unit so hopefully that will help.
If I can get the remainder of the cats in early it will be an early bedtime for me.
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Bad day for me today. Mom is usually ornery on Sundays. Went to mass at 12:00, told her I'd be back at 2:00. She said, "You don't have to rush home for me." When I got home she had the chain on the door and was screaming at me on the phone. I told her if she didn't calm down I was going out again, which triggers her tears and begging and I don't know what I'm doing. She said, "I have something to tell you, I fell down." However, she later denied it, then she said she did. I was really ticked off today; it really got me down. She refuses to have someone come in to stay with her while I'm out, then gets furious at me when I do. This Alzheimer's is putting one hell of a strain on our relationship.
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