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I tried to reread all the posts on this thread once. I think I fell asleep........
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Gershun, that's very nice (lol).
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My mom is a diabetic and wants sweets all the time. Ice cream and other stuff my brother buys her sits around the house and then I eat it too. No control over myself in such a stressful house. Really challenging.
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Ive fought a weight problem all my life and one thought that really helps me alot is"nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels" and if Im tempted to get a McDonalds hamburger,I imagine a big cows eye staring at me in sadness.It sorta helps.
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Scapegoat does your brother not realize what the effect sweets have on a person with diabetes? Then you get stressed out and eat it which probably stresses you farther. Perhaps he needs to go to the doctor with your mother and hear for himself what harm he is doing.
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our girls came over Saturday with husbands and children. Cooked for us and stayed all day. Left enough food for the whole week, told me and their DAD to please go back to the doc Monday. We did, both got steroid shot in left hip, hurt bad for two hours. Got more antibotics Cephalexin 500 mg twice a dsy for 10 days. and inhaler and some allergy pills Alavert allergy sunis tab twice a day for 10 more days. I hate this crap and I have never been thru any thing like this. So tired and sleeping every chance I get. My poor Momma is better today. Yesterday was the day from h*ll. She din't know me all morning and total drama! I pray Veronica is getting better. I hope you all are doing better. Love to all you wonderful Caregivers. Oh I have Momma paid for and it is cremation. We will have a service at church to celebrate her life and tell stories and lots of pictures when the day comes! Took care of all that 2 years ago. Hugs
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Luckylu that is funny about the big cow's eye. What can we picture when we eat chocolate brownies that will make them not as appealing.....lets see.....hmmm.
Sorry can't think of anything:)
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Hope, I think it's so loving the way you care about you Mom! I know all you ladies do, but when you said you start to cut up when you hear her stir, ahh, it just gutted me in a good way! I can tell in your writing how much you Love her and you are so devoted!
Susan, yea!You've seen your Son and Grand baby! That is Incredible! I'm very happy for you!
Gershun, I too tried to go back to reread this thread from the beginning, but I kept loosing my place, so forget it! Lol. I'm just happy to get to know you all right from the place I started on here, and I'm pleased with that! Everybody has such juicy lives and I started chiming in just after Gershun and Jeanette lost their Mom's, but missed the lead up, which sounds kinda morbid, although I don't mean it to be, just trying to understand the whole situation and back stories helps me to know you all better, but I like you all just fine! Pre or post, you are all my kind of peeps, and the guy's too!
Praying Veronica is recovering from her awful ilness, and hoping she is getting better! I really appreciate her wisdom! And she's funny too!
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Gershen, Nice can never be too much, or too nice.
Globetrotter, Was wondering how you all do it, post and get work done. Had a talk with myself about it not to spend too much time on AC forum. Now, it is hit or miss several times during the day (and I am talking about my chores, not the forum!). It has been so hot that I get ill going out in the heat, so I am resolved to spend some time on here for awhile. I have enjoyed posting with all of you.
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I will let you both know what to picture when I get back from eating the brownie crisps from tj's. We still have good stuff from our shopping trip last thursday.
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57twin, Funny, it's like this. My brother brings home a gallon of ice cream because my mom wants a "treat". She's dying of lung disease, so a little ice cream seems ok. However, if me or my sister buy her anything sweet, then WE get a lecture from HIM. You can't win. He's always trying to please her. I would call it an enmeshed relationship.
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OK...deep breath....just lost my post ....sooooo....OK, together again (me), I hope. Just 2 comments re: funerals: #1. I AM VERY LUCKY...sorry, hope you don't think I am yelling, just want to say that my parents were excellent in crafting all their legal doc's, pre-paid funerals, etc. Dad died suddenly in his sleep, too young at 72, but sweet, right?....sudden, painless....of course, the aftermath of his death and funeral were something else (Monty Python, anyone?) BUT that was hardly his fault.....Mom (94 and going strong except for the moderate dementia) has crafted (there is no other term) the most detailed, complex, 2 locations, huge (I DO mean HUGE) parties....yesss...even multiple days.....service ever before seen or heard of. I can only say that, since Mom is apparently going to live to 100+ , all of the lovely people she had in mind when she put all these plans in place some 25 years ago, are or will be, God Bless them, long gone....except for her BFF, the incredible HA.....98, sharp as a tack, and still goes on a cruise every January....so....At this point, sibs and I take it a day at a time and will decide what to do (if any of us actually outlive Mom) when the time arrives....#2. IMPORTANT....sorry, again, don't mean to yell BUT.....sort of do....that's just how important this is to me....to share....several years ago I wandered into a Borders (miss them!) book store and found a slim, hardbound volume in the "remainder" bin....it is titled, "The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade" by Thomas Lynch. It was $1.99. I grabbed it. Went home....read it...still read it and recommend to ALL....the author is both a multi-generational "undertaker" AND a poet. His little book was a "National Book" finalist and, PBS did a documentary, based on his experiences, which, I believe, was award winning.....I've seen it, called "The Undertaking", incredibly lovely and well done.....
Imagine my surprise when I found out he was local....Metro Detroit....GardenArtist, Windy, Susan, etc. Are you familiar?
So....check out Amazon (sorry...not as cheap as my find), or whatever....you will not regret it!
A very insignificant little purchase .....that changed my life.
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Mama and I are very close Stacey..I'm glad that my posts reflect that. Hopefully that is more important than anything I can do after she is gone. In my mind, I have pretty much planned everything...nothing massive or showy, something sweet, loving and cozy..because that is what she would want. That is also what I want.

I told Mama one time when we used to talk about this very topic, that I wanted my funeral to be very simple, no flowers unless just a few daisies with little pink bows...and give all the money that would be wasted to a good charity...preferably our local animal shelter..that way something good will have come out of my life. I also told her that I would like to have Kermit the frog sit on my coffin and sing The Rainbow Connection and I remember she told me she had no idea how to hire a frog to sing at my funeral...

As bizarre as it sounds to a lot of people, I have always hoped I would know I was going..well, I do know I am going, but I mean I would like time to place all my babies with good homes, make sure everything is tidy and straigtened and if Mama is still here, be sure that I have made the best possible arrangements for her...I don't fear death personally not nearly as much as I fear losing my precious Mama....

Don't know what got me on that ...just talking and thinking out loud....
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Wow Hope, I feel like I have met my sister from another mother! I feel the same way about so many things, especially how I feel about Mom. There are times that I would really like to leave this awful planet and have long conversations with God about it. I know how much my mom loves me and that God loves me more! It amazes me when I get deep in prayer how wonderfully loved I feel and I know the day that I finally meet him will be glorious!
Then I think about the pain that will be left in my wake. I know my husband cannot make it without me. I know that sounds terribly egotistical, but it is the truth. He may stay alive, but he will live a solitary life in the bottle. He has lost his parents and his sister for all we know and his son lives his narcissistic life rarely concerned for anyone unless there is something in it for him. So my theory is that my recovering alcoholic (16 years) husband would fall quickly off the wagon which would send him into self hatred. So I need to stick it out if I have anything to say about it.
Oh and you guys talking about candy and weight?! I struggled every day of my life and since Mom at 108 lbs came to live with us, I have pretty much given up! The stress puts on that belly fat and believe you me, the last year has been very stressful! Between being forced to retire, dealing with the stress of trying to make wise financial decisions, going through 3 or 4 hospitalization soft Mom and not knowing if she would make it out, two NH stays,moving all her stuff, selling her house, becoming a full time caregiver, dealing with my stepson's denial of his child, and living with chronic pain. This has been enough stress to deal with and the stress of watching every morsel of food that goes in my mouth at 59, I just said, screw it!
Every night after dinner, I ask Mom if she wants some ice cream or pie. She gets this silly grin on her face and it makes us both laugh. I always, always make sure I have her favorite ice cream in the house. I will even go out and make a special trip to do that.
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It's two a.m. and Mom and I are sitting in the living room watching Blue Bloods.
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Sharadale Blue Bloods was my Mom's favorite show before she got really sick.
We used to tease her all the time cause she used to always say what a hunk Tom Selleck was.
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Gershun, Well I never saw the show until Mom came to stay. Now we record it and watch it when there is nothing else to watch. I am hooked and I think Tom is a hunk too.
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I have been thinking at times that I don't want to live anymore for several years now...but I can't do that to my Mom or husband and then I think just maybe I would miss something interesting happening. Life has seemed either maddeningly the same, or in the case with Mom in crises or catastrophe mode. Most of the people in this area around me are having a great time, going on vacations and living their dreams and sure to let everyone know about it. I don't need all that rubbed in my face so I stay away amap from people and put one foot in front of the other and get through each day. Maybe I am naive to think things will get better, but I keep on.
This site has helped pull me through too as I realize I am not alone in this.

Our TV reception has been awful here lately, (everything seems to be taken from me), so I have been in the mode of reading most nights.
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Has anyone heard anything about how Veronica is doing? She is in my thoughts so many times each day and I hope she is getting better.
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LadeeM posted an email from V's husband on the 'how are you doing' thread, Katie - some cheering progress but a way to go. It's a nice email, have a look.
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Katie222,

Listen to me: caretaking is no joke. It is extremely stressful and, sadly, boring. There is a reason that professionals do this. There is a reason that people get paid. Not everyone is cut out for this but many have no choice.

1) Get yourself to a therapist right away. You can call an 800-hotline and get a referral or call your own insurance company and get a referral. I did this 16 years ago and could only say one thing--what was I waiting for? It was so helpful and so quickly helpful that I truly regretted not having done it sooner. So, don't wait. Just do it.

2) The fast track to feeling better is gratitude. Yes, I know it sounds corny but, trust me, it works. Sit yourself down each morning and write or just think about the things you are grateful for. For example, you husband is alive, right? He has a job? do you have a job? do you have a house? Food? Friends? When I really try, I can make a loooooooooooooooooong list of things I am grateful for. Give it a try. It always lifts my spirits.

3) This may also sound corny. Are you eating right? Taking a good multiple vitamin? Getting exercise? Getting out of the house? These things are really important to lifting the mood. Tell us more about your situation. Can you take your mom out for walks? Drives?

4) Find something to occupy your mind that is interesting, even when you have to do boring chores. I know that this is hard when you are distracted all day but try. Do you like to read? Films on Netflix?

Stay in touch with us and let us know how you are doing! We do care!
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Sendme2help....do I see a cow's eye??? :) love it!

Salisbury, you are right...about all of it...But I am on that same boat with Katie and Sharadale with the stress related weight issues and while my brain tells me what to do, how to do and why to do it...there is something about comfort food that I have to admit just helps me relax at times when everything is all settled down here and I put my feet up with something yummy. That is doing nothing positive for my waist...or that area where my waist used to be. I am toying with the idea of getting up super early and going to walk at the gym for at least 30 minutes...Mama is fast asleep at that time and I know would be fine..BUT, I am not too keen on leaving her alone in the house at that time. So must seems to be going on in the world nowadays I think about how folks might start to notice a pattern of my leaving and could break it.

Something happened in our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago that my paranoid self won't allow me to talk about right now, but it was bad and has made me super vigilant...and all the mess going on in the world right now makes me wonder when God is going to hit the big red button and say "enough"....

I do have a lot of blessings and wonderful things to be grateful for...and when I pinch myself and grab hold of me, it doesn't take me long to make a really long list...there is a little "hump" I have to get over sometimes to get there though...

So much of life to me that matters is based on the very basic, simple things...a cozy clean home, clean linens on the bed, a hot apple pie baking in the oven and being surrounded by those you love...even wandering in my own front yard and just feeling the breezes and closing my eyes on knowing God made this pretty world just for us...and then ZAP...something triggers one of "those" other emotions and I start thinking why do people have to mess this all up so badly..

Ah well, off again on a tangent...sorry, I guess I need more coffee.....

Anyway, it is a beautiful day here...and day two of football week...Anxiously awaiting my puppies new football attire...that makes me happy too...kind of like getting to dress up that little girl I never had...but here I am, life is good this morning, Mama is resting well, drank FOUR ensures yesterday PLUS a banana blended with one and some water...so I am soooo thankful for that....love you all...have a wonderful day I hope...I will head to that thread and check on Veronica...God love her...thinking of her constantly... thinking of you all. :)
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Hi guy's, just checking in to say good morning, and Hope, your little pup looks alot like my Charlie, I just noticed that! I have to say, besides the fact that I miss my parents Soooo much, I do have a pretty good life, and it's easy to list a ton of stuff when life gets me down. Being from a big close family helps alot as there is always someone who I can call and grumble to and I have to thank my parents forthat! Thanks Mom and Dad! This time of yyear is rough as we lost our Mom on Labor Day, 11 years ago. I can't believe it has been that long. I do feel cheated at times, as she was only 74, which is young any more, and she never smoked, never took hormones and yet she ended up with Uterine Cancer, it just seems so wrong! I wish she was still hefe, she was such an amazing person and my best friend! Ya, I really really miss her! Everybody loved my Mom, she was a talented seamstress, crocheter, knitter and all things crafty and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't get her to teach me knitting and crocheting! I'm a Lefty, and I did try but not hard enough, as I was younger at the time. She was an incredible cook, all the British fare, yummy, and a great and fare listener, not judgmental, and always had great advice. She loved her family and all the kids, and when I went through my divorce at age 24, my parents welcomed me and my 2 kids back home from an abusive situation, and she took care of my kids while I went back to school for a year and let us stay until I was on my feet and working. By this time, I had met John, my hubby now, and tthankfully my life transitioned right into my second and happy marriage. She wouldn't have allowed me to go off in life with another jerk! I was only 19, and stupid and stuborn, and married my first husband very quickly, and they never really got to know him, but they did trust me, and unfortunately I made a mistake in that first one! She Loved my John right away and told me that he was a keeper, and he has been for 31 years now, so I guess she was right about him, lol! But she was a good judge of carachter, and a great advisor. I am rambling, but I am thinking about her and want her back so must it makes my heart hurt when I get to thinking about her and my Dad, but I won't go into how wonderful her was, but he was! Thanks for listening to me! Love to all of you!
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The Hospice nurse just left.Mother has cellulitis/infection in her legs from the fluid inside themShe is on Levaquin for it but the cellulitis is traveling up her legs and the nurse said it would never go away.Mother is scared,so she is finally letting me elevate her legs and feet.Its Tuesday,so its beauty shop day.Shes determined to get there and the oxygen is loaded.
Its been hot in Mo. this week in the high 80s and Sunday our air conditioner broke.Thankfully,a man came and fixed it Monday nite.Mother has to have a fan on her at all times and the house is set on 64 ,so it was hard to breathe.
Ive been thinking about you all.I miss Falcon and Jeanette.
And Katie222,I totally get where your coming from...Take care all...
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Awww, Stacey Your Mom sounds a lot like mine. I remember how frustrated I used to get at her when she absolutely would not get angry at someone who was being a total and complete jerk to her and she would always just tell me, I don't have to answer for they do or how they act. You never know what someone else is going through that makes them act the way they do. Looking back now, I know that is true, and I'm working on being that way, but I have to confess I'm no where near that way yet...

Have been doing a lot of little cleaning projects through the house, you know the ones...they get overlooked for a while because they don't just stick out like a sore thumb, until you move something and suddenly go..oh Lord, look at this dust...so I got that all cleaned up and need to attack my two story windows today. Thankfully I have my handy dandy extension thingee that I bought last year and I found a recipe on Pinterest for a window cleaning solution that is simple and all you do is scrub well and rinse well and it dries without streaking, no drying required!!! sparkling clean glass with no wiping/ drying....

I got Mama to respond to me this morning by singing a bunch of crazy stuff...I tend to set whatever I'm doing at the time to a familiar tune and Mama starts laughing...she took her meds and drank an ensure and a half..!! yay! So she's seeming to get better.

I guess I ought to get rolling again...just wanted to check in and see what was going on...heading over to check on Veronica....
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Stacey...I see what you are saying now..your pup does look a lot like my girl.... :) how funny that we all have sooo much in common!
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Hope, that is so Crazy, I sing little ditties all the time, and sing out the sentences I'm going to say, drives everyone nuts! I'm a whistler too, I whistle all the time, always have, and one of my coworkers used to come up to me and tell me it drove her crazy too, but that is just my happy nature, and I don't intend to stop either, because I cant mainly! Lol! I guess I shouldn't be so uppity about my FIL Studdering and Humming and Stammering constantly, it's just his nature, but I can see how it could get on people's nerves! Oh well, we all have our little quirks!
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Does any else have a parent use the term "we"? Dad moved in and now it is "where did we put this, or that"? "Do we have any of this"? When do we go here"? "Did we bring this with us"? AARRAAGGHHHH! Now when a server asks "how did we enjoy the meal "? I want to jump down their throat.
He didn't pack a thing when it was time to move him last year I get it, mom died and he was lost. he sat there like a lump while I packed, threw, donated and sifted through 60 years of stuff (I did move them 8 times). Between my sister (not my brother) we packed it all and divided it all. He did nothing. I moved it many states away along with him. So when he asks about something it is as if he had a dog in the fight. "No, I moved this that or the other thing". "I do all the shopping, cooking and my wife cleans. you think he is adding to the system..... but he continues to use the term we.... The next server is going to most likely spit in my food if they use the term "we".... unless WE are splitting the bill it is how was YOUR food is a better way to say it...... Note to self, bring bail money.......
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My mother uses the word "we" all the time when she is talking to other people. I don't like it, because it makes me feel like one of her arms or legs. She'll say that we are going to do this or that we feel a certain way. It's like she doesn't want to be seen as a lone individual. I wish she would leave me out of her we.
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Well my brother phoned me last night to see how I was. We hadn't spoken since June when we had my Mom's service. The conversation got emotional immediately. I could tell that he'd been struggling as have I with my Mom's death. I think cause he and I are the youngest of seven kids and my Dad died when he and I were very young we kind of clung to Mom. She was our rock. So when he phoned me last night this realization kind of hit us at the same time that our rock is really gone.

I just bawled and bawled after I hung up the phone. Then I got a crying headache. Today my eyes look like I went eight rounds with Mike Tyson. I better check to make sure my ears are all intact.

Anyhow, Stacey hearing you speak of your Mom is nice. My Mom was such a selfless, kind person too. She always gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. Never held a grudge. Reminded me all the time that I should be grateful. She was my bestie for sure.
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