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Oh my gosh, Becky....you've been through so much with this person. I hope you can get a good outcome and stop worrying about her and her family coming after you. Thanks for giving us the back story on it.
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Quite honestly, I would not hesitate to place my husband in a care facility now if I could, but we have no resources at all, and are up to out eyeballs in credit card debt because of medical, dental and vehicle repairs. We are in escrow to sell our little house, but have very little equity in it, though this will allow a move closer to his daughter and to put some in savings again. But nothing extra. At some point we have got to they to navigate the Medicaid trail because, as with so many caregivers, I came into this with a myriad of health issues that have gotten steadily worse with the exhaustion of it all. I know I am no worse off and probably not as bad off as many of you, so I try very hairy not to feel sorry for myself, but to cherish the good years we had.
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She, have you applied for Medicaid?
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Becky, just ((((((hugs))))))
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Becky, oh good heavens that is terrible. I hope the Court gets that woman off the street, and hopefully her mother isn't as bold as she was.
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I just feel like I am REALLY incompatible with being my mother's caregiver. Depending how everything goes with her stroke recovery she may need daily assistance indefinitely and I can't do this for that long.... While I am here with her I can do the best I can but I guess I am someone that likes to feel more harmonious with what I do and this is a position where I feel SO out of alignment with being the person I need to be to help her ... and I don't enjoy feeling like I am "failing" in my time with her ... I am seeking ways to have more of a split schedule with someone here for respite soon so I KNOW that can help :)
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Thanks everyone for the support. I want this to be over. But I have a feeling that the Mom and sister will be a problem. pJ says Mom was unhinged in court today. He said she called him every derogatory name imaginable. She told the judge that I was lazy "b" who wouldn't help her daughter. Sister was also vocal. There were several other family members there in support. I wonder if they are afraid of a lawsuit and losing some of their trust money. I know tonight is going to be a sleepless night. I have to go to the state Capitol tomorrow. I'm taking a workshop on Qualifying clients for Medicaid. I'm sure that will be a real snooze of a class. I have to go back on Thursday for the second section.
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Same as I say....
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was in reference to She applying for Medicaid asap.
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O hello in the middle of the night! Water heater burst!
The water has been turned off/on/off for several days due to construction and repairs in the neighborhood, including the water company at the main street line making repairs.
The water, even the hot water has come out orange. Even though the water was off, the tank burst. dH turned off the electrical.
Looking online, plumbers recommend to turn off the water supply and the heat to your water heater when the water is shut off.
We just cannot afford this mess.
Tempers are short. There is a major leak underground, next door-reason water was still off.
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Oh Becky,
What an unbearable situation - I pray for it to be resolved for you
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She and DLW
Keep coming back - we're listening
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O hello again in the wee hours of the morning......3:00 a.m. the broken sprinkler above us in the condos went off, full blast, water hitting our carport, (much louder than the worst rainstorm) sending off the car alarm, for the duration of the spring watering schedule, very loud, the water and the alarm.

Never went to sleep, seems I am hanging on for dear life to the headboard, halfway sitting up on the wedge pillow so I won't have worse gerd.

Already cried, MsMadge.
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DLW268, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. I know I wasn't and that made me feel guilty until I found this article here on Aging Care.... whew, made me feel better: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/not-everyone-cut-out-to-be-a-caregiver-162192.htm
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Send, oh good heavens, stuff like this comes in 3's. Has 3 hit already?

Regarding GERD and stress, not a good combination. I experience that, also.
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I am so sorry Send. The orange is probably rust in the pipes or water heater that got knocked loose when the water came back on and off. Water pressure can play havoc with appliances. We had a dishwasher that died as a result of neighbor's pipe burst and city repairs.
Becky, just yark. That family is nuts. Apple/tree. They are terrified about a lawsuit affecting trust and also being held liable for not getting her off the street/letting her out. It's always someone else's fault with dysfunction and narcissism - your fault for not helping daughter, not daughter or family's fault.
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Guest,
If it died as a result of other's actions, do we ask them to fix it at their expense? Anyone know? Once the plumber next door turns the water back on, there may be more damage? We think they turned our water off at our utility meter. We just discovered this in the middle of the night. No one said.

FF,  
My dH already has had a meltdown, yelling at me while driving,  I did not respond well and was unable to pull over immediately.  I avoided an accident, but what I did with the car was just scary.
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Well we made it to maryland last Friday and stayed at DD's house till Monday while both DDs unpacked and set up the house. Unfortunately I fell into Afib and had to go to an ER on Monday afternoon. Got seen very quickly and admitted. Since then I have been sitting in a bed in a double room which is very old fashioned. it is also very busy and understaffed but so far Drs have been excellent, it is just the accommodation and food. had a few tests and started on Sotolol which is what I wanted. Will have a cardioversion on friday if the Sotolol does not work and go home Sat.
The new house is extremely nice and the girls arranged it beautifully although I have only had a brief tour on the way to the hosp. They also did some more throwing out as I was a complete zoo the last few days. I have not even seen inside the barn or walked round the garden.
DH moved in on Monday night and really likes it but thinks all the furniture is new which it isn't. The neighbors are friendly and a lawn guy was quick to try and sell his services.

i think it was all the stress of moving and coping with DH that brought on the Afib so hopefully it will soon be over. The new cardiologist says my heart does not look to be in too bad shape.

Of course room mates are always interesting. The first night she moaned and coughed all night. She has large family and I think they speak very rapid French but am not sure because I can't really pick out many words. they do also speak English and some are beautifully dressed in traditional African clothes. Every night a group of friend or relatives comes in and thanks prayers and sings. it is actually quite lovely but I wish they would not do it at midnight.

I have to stop myself from jumping through the curtains and telling them she is ready for hospice. I have heard several Drs telling her her cancer is too advanced for more treatment and she is bleeding from somewhere. No one has actually said she doesn't have much time left but the relatives seem determined to soldier on. Just hope she doesn't bleed out while I am in the next bed. She already has a pulmonary embolism and they are giving her blood and now blood thinners. What a mess. Oh boy there is a social worker trying to tell her what's happening and it is not going well.
The SW finally got round to mentioning good or poor prognosis but I still don't think it got through. So sad.
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I've been in Training all day. Course on qualifying seniors for NH Medicaid. Have another fun day tomorrow.  The federal and state governments are trying to lower costs. With the projected costs for the future and the number of people who will need services I can see why they are trying to lower costs.

I think everyone is going to need every penny they can scrape together to pay for their care needs. It's not a nosy picture. I hope the state is sincere about disallowing some of the asset shielding mechanisms.
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Oh Veronica! So much change in a short period of time. Be well. ((((hugs))))
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((((((((Veronica)))))))
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Veronica, I hope that you get to feeling better. You've had quite the week. Congratulations on the move.
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Veronica91, welcome to the Mid-Atlantic area. I am just outside of Wash DC in northern Virginia. Hope you are quickly let loose from the hospital.
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Veronica, feel better quick. Moves are very stressful!
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freqflyer,

THANKS For That Article Link.

It definitely gives me comfort to know I am not alone in experiencing myself as not fitting with this role. This whole experience has taught me how crucial it is to NOT SUPPRESS my feelings and to BE HONEST at ALL times. I feel like I should have admitted things about myself and about my relationship with my mother more than I did so as not to place myself into this role but I didn't admit those things when this began but I hope to work it out as soon as I can change things. 
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We love you, Veronica
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So, in a word, don't. Give yourself a break. Maybe, 3 times a week you do fast food, frozen TV dinners, etc. Like the rest of us, you are most likely already going above and beyond with daily tasks of caring for her. And even with fast foods, there are healthy choices you can make (salads, etc). Do what makes it easy on yourself so you can enjoy the time.
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Veronica (*(((((hugs))))))))*)
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Veronica are you there for treatment or for an anthropological field study???!!! It's great to hear not only that you're up to taking a lively interest, but that there's something going on for you to take an interest in :)

The move was the culprit, I'd put money on it, even with the girls' stellar input. Mother's pacemaker kept a record of A fib episodes - it was sobering how clearly we could identify her 90th birthday party, the safari park trip, the abortive cataract operation and that godawful week in boot camp with SIL.

Well, there's nice, exciting stress as well as nasty stress, after all, and not much to be done about it except: "Breathe, dear! - don't forget to breathe!" in my best Joyce Grenfell voice.
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Good morning everyone.
Veronica, I hope you are feeling better soon. Glad you are getting the medication that you wanted. My husband has had A-fib for the last 10 years, so I have been with him through 2 ablations and hospitalizations and now he is on Tikosyn that keeps him regular most of the time. Periodically something triggers the A-fib, usually salt or stress. I hope you can get into your new home soon and enjoy it! The area you are now in is lovely. Glad your daughters are close by now too.
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