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My whine - I have to go tomorrow morning for my annual transesophageal cardiac ultrasound. It checks for back heart wall damage. Always end up with a sore throat for a few days.
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Mom told me today that her friend saw her trying to walk yesterday and had tears in her eyes; so mom said she would get up and show me. I told her not to; it just makes me feel helpless and that I should be finding her a nursing home... she said never mind; that was the end of that. Aaaargh....
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Becky, wishing for you all the best, and hope the sore throat goes away soon.

Mally, Failing mobility is such a hard thing to watch. My Mom had such a struggle for so many years with her bent leg and arthritis and bad hip. It hurt so to watch her try to walk but she somehow did for many years until she couldn't.

Took MIL to doctor for the knee today. She made it down the steps with a few howls...I had forgotten what a yowler she is....She yowls before anyone even touches her, or going over a bump in the car...she has always done this, even 30 years ago.Drama queen. Trouble is, it is hard to tell if she is just anticipating pain or if it really does hurt at times....she had water on the knee and the doctor aspirated it after the x-rays. She says she called him a liar after he said there would only be one shot and he gave her two....She is a difficult patient. My Mom was so docile and such a good patient but her mobility was worse. MIL being difficult won't make things easy....
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Thanks Katie, The test went and only a minimal sore throat. That’s over and done for another year.
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Katie, I know what you mean. Even though my Mom visited what felt like every doctor in the phone book, she was never really happy afterwards. I only noticed this when I had to start driving my parents to their appointments.

My Mom had quite a dislike for doctors who were females, as Mom would say afterwards "she doesn't know what she is talking about"... [sigh]. Mom was from the very old school where men were doctors because they were smarter. Also Mom wasn't a good patient, oh those nasty looks she would give.

On the other side of the coin, my Dad was the best patient any doctor could want. He listened, he never complained, and was thanking everyone in the office afterwards.
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Book and CM. They are calling the baby Grayson so i think elder brother may have been mispronouncing it. He only turned two last week. But he was always adament it was his baby brother in Mom's tummy.
Great grandma does see spirits and his mother does have some psychic abilities. Time will tell.
He comes up with all sorts of unexpected abilities. Gamma has one of those keyboards that when you select a tunea light comes up over the key you hit next. Well that little tyke taught himself how to play that. He just gently touches the key doesn't hit them the way most 2 yr old would and wants everyone to sing along with him. He sings and sways to the music and is in perfect time. He really is an amazing kid and very stubbon. "I'm tired Mommy, time to get in the car and go home. Got to let the dogs, which he names out. I'm tired time to go to bed." He gets into bed as soon as he gets home and straight to sleep. GGma was absolutely exhausted when I talked to her a couple of days ago. She had baby sat Jameson for the previous 2 days and he is in constant motion. "Come on Gma gma lets go and look for animals in the trees" or "I ride tracter now" His pediatrician was totally amazed when she tried to look in his ears. and he said "NO" She tried again and he said "No I told you I don't like that"
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I received a call this morning, from a cousin who'd been unable to reach my mom by phone. I finally had the opportunity to relate to her what my mom's health and mobility are like now. After 30 years of family criticizing and second guessing, it felt good to give information they've tried to ignore. My hope is that now that they have a full idea of why she's in SNF, they'll stop the little comments to (and about) my sister.
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My whine today: I am just so dang tired. I took off early today to get some things done so I can have a nice holiday weekend trip out of town. (It's Memorial Day weekend in U.S. this weekend.)

I made the mistake of lying down briefly and now there's no way I'm getting back up. The bags under my eyes say it all -- I'm TIRED. But I don't know why I'm tired. I'm on a regular sleeping schedule, best it's been in many years. I'm taking thyroid meds and they do help, but not enough, I feel, to give decent QOL. 

I've been exercising for an hour 3x a week for several months. It helps, and yet... TIRED.  I'm so stinking tired all the stinking time. 

Well. I'll have to figure it all out another day, or likely keep plowing on in the same way I am now... and truly it's not all bad, I'm so grateful for work I can do and I'm making it, but there is just no energy left over.  

So I'm going to bed at 6pm. Good night!! lol
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Me too Ali, Me too
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I live in a state of exhaustion - tired to the bones - even sleeping In late on the weekend doesn't seem like getting rest
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Mom's best childhood friend wanted her to name me bacon - 😂
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Sometimes, I swear when I wake up in the morning, that I had a full, deep sleep. But once I get off the bed, I feel so exhausted. Sleep apnea? I'm not sure. And I'm too tired to argue with my primary for a referral for a sleep study. I'm still trying to exhaust all 'avenues' of clearing my sinus problems before my primary will refer me to the ear-nose-throat specialist. You know.. netti pot, spraying nasal, steaming face, avoiding food that I'm allergic to (Ha!!!), etc...  Unfortunately, I'm not consistent on trying these things.

We ALL need a real vacation away from home/caregiving. Too bad we don't live in a fantasy land where we can wave a wand, freeze everyone in place in our local area, hop on a plane and enjoy a vacation, then return, wave the wand to unfreeze everyone.... Or have magical powers to open a dimension, step in for a one month vacation, return back - and time only passed 5 minutes. Earth's 5 minutes = unknown dimension's 1 month time frame...
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Oh Book...to freeze it all and go on a vacation! On the great roadtrip with Rosie, I spent 2 1/2 hours sitting in the E.R. on a hard plastic chair. Of course everything came back okay. Today, I HATE DEMENTIA!!! Okay, I'm done ranting. Everyone try and have a lovely day!
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Yes, somebody invent a machine to teleport us to the beach! Still got the crud today down in my chest. Feels like I'm coughing up a lung. I'm on antibiotics and Mucinex but the cough still won't go away. Of course, pollen and mold are bad here right now so maybe that's what it is along with sinuses.

Mom just said, "Sounds like that Mucinex has helped you" as I'm sitting here coughing and hacking lol. Ugh, can I just go back to sleep now?
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I’ve been to my cardiologist and also vascular surgeon. Had Doppler ultrasounds and ABI’s done. No good news. Stents in both legs - femoral and popliteal artery stents have failed. They’ve been stented twice in the past. He says I have to have bypasses done in both legs. I had stitch surgery on a heart valve five years ago. Valve is now leaking and has to be replaced. So instead of having a happy summer gardening, I’ll be having three surgeries. With recuperation and physical therapy my summer is done. I have to do what I have to do. They said they would coordinate the three surgeries and call me next week with dates. 
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Becky, I am wishing you well and that things go quick and smooth. Take it easy this summer!
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Took MIL to have that knee looked at, they did X-rays. The doctor said there was water on the knee and he aspirated it. Now MIL says knee right back to where it was, swollen and painful. When we looked at it it was not too swollen, but when I said it wasn't too bad she got mad....like she wants me to say it looks terrible though it does not. It looked pretty much like the good knee. I told her to call the doctor and see if he can see her before her next appt. on thurs. if it is really bad. I wonder if she isn't just trying to get sympathy....she is dramatic....
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Drama queen? My mom wanted me to watch how terribly she walks now.... I said no; it would just make me want to put you in a NH - she subsided.
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The grocery list, and trying to make calls to get her placed. And not knowing questions to ask or how to answer their questions. So much I want to get done before I leave this earth. Now that is drama, but that is how I feel.
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Katie22, Thank you. Not looking forward to any of this. I talked to the case manager that was assigned to me. She says I need to arrange help at home for at least a month after the valve replacement and a week to 10 days after the other two. My other option is to go to the rehab hospital. Not sure I want to that, but it would make it easier for my family.
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Need an opinion - Talked to my assigned case manager. She says I will need in-home help or will need to rehab hospital or SNF after each surgery. Which would you recommend or if you have an opinion. Both SNF and rehab are adjoining the hospital where I will have surgery.
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Becky, I think I rather be home and call up the caregiving agency I used for my Dad and see if the caregivers he had were still working there. I do have a sig other for evening and night shift.
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Becky,
You've been through more trauma than anyone can possibly bear this past year
Is the layout of the home workable for a recovery ? If so, you'll be more comfortable perhaps there
If not, and you opt for rehab, can you still hire a private caregiver to get you extra attention during the stay?
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Becky, I would try to stay at home for rehab if possible as home is always the most comfortable , or if you go to the rehab place then perhaps have an additional private caregiver come in periodically to make sure you are very well taken care of.
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Ugh, my whine starts early this morning. In addition to the other worries and MIL's knee and mobility fears, now the AC smells strange when running. The unit is outside on the other side of our bedroom wall and when AC kicks on there is a strong pungent smell in the house, especially the bedroom. I am having headaches and wonder if it is from that. The AC system was put in new last Summer....And we are in for a hot weekend. I hope I can get someone in to look at it today. I hope everyone else has a nice and peaceful weekend. I don't ask for much anymore after over a decade of often stressful caregiving, and just am grateful when things are quiet and peaceful and up and running as it should be.
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Ooo, Katie, I don't like the sound of that.

Look on the unit for a manufacturer's name and a unit serial number. Go online and research what's in this unit - could it be a refrigerant of some sort leaking, I'm wondering?

I know I live in a country where frankly people who use air conditioning are being a bit precious and shouldn't have painted their windows shut, then, should they; but all the same I wouldn't take any chances with this.
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Katie, if you live in a rain soaked area I wouldn't be surprised if the smell has to do with everything being wet.

This is the first year that my house has a very musty smell due to way too much rain.
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You know you are not as bada** as you thought you were when you are in the Timmy's drive thru line and you realize you forgot your wallet....and your first thought isn't that you have no money but that you're driving without your license.

Also there was an RCMP vehicle behind me in line, so in my head as I was pulling up to the window, it was all:  "don't say you forgot your wallet don't say you forgot your wallet don't say you forgot your wallet...."
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Oh Dorianne!

I couldn't have stood the strain. I would have got out of the car, gone to the nice policeman and confessed all, preemptively.

Did you get your dinner okay?
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No! No coffee for me, no Timbits for mom, no nuthin'!

I said I forgot my debit card and apologized profusely. Then I pulled away SOOOOO carefully, watching the RCMP in my rearview the whole time....
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