I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Then find out from mom's attorney that we have to file a separate civil suit to get the title to mom's car and house transferred back into mom's name, after my sister put it in hers while the guardianship proceeding was going on and while mom was incapacitated. Sister still living rent free in mom's house, supposed to be out by tomorrow, but if not the lawyer says I have to file an eviction proceeding as mom's guardian, which I wouldn't be able to win until we get the title mess straightened out.
Still trying to figure out finances to be able to move mom to the place that she likes, and meanwhile I'm going crazy. It's like I have two toddlers instead of one. Mom wouldn't go to bed until 3 am last night because she was scared, so I stayed up trying to reassure her and convince her that she was safe to sleep in her room.
Just such a complicated mess all around. I'm glad I can vent here. I seriously felt like breaking down crying earlier but I held it together because we can't ALL go crazy at the same time lol
Hugs Becky.
You all are having a rough time of it, i will keep you in my prayers. That everything gets better and turns out ok.
Called today to disconnect utilities at mom's house. No sense in her paying them while she's living here with me. Well, she absolutely flipped out. I said, "Explain to me, why do you want to keep paying them if you're not staying there?" She said, "Well, I want your sister to be able to do laundry and stuff." So essentially she wants ME to take care of her with no time for MY kids or MY husband, or even myself, while my abusive sister lives in her house rent free, with her name still on the title. And I'm supposed to be okay with that?
I told her we can get them reconnected if and when she moves back home, but that I think it might be good to put the deposit for now on the facility that she liked. She kept saying she wants to go back home, that she can't afford that place (she can, at least for a couple of years with her income and the little she still has in savings- maybe by then we'll have the mess with her house and car straightened out). And she can't go back and live there totally by herself, and doesn't have the funds to hire a live-in caregiver or 24 hour care. It would be expensive just to hire a skilled nurse to give her insulin twice a day.
It's just beyond frustrating when I'm trying to do the right thing and trying to take care of mom and her health, and I feel like she just craps all over me and wants to defend and support my sister who abused and stole from her.
Thank you all for listening. Even to me it sounds like the same crap, different day, but it is what it is.
care. It was so weird how she defended the worst of the four. The one who had
calculated every penny she thought was her due. Drove a van up to her mother's
house to load up her mother's collectibles so she could sell them. Pocketed all the
money for herself, despite the fact she had much greater assets than her mother.
She refused to cooperate with getting her mom into a quality AL and insisted she go
to government housing. She threw a complete fit when one of her sisters offered
to take her mom in and spend a small amount making her house accessible.
Her mom died while she was defending her precious inheritance. Grand total? $4,000--the price of her mom's life. The last time I spoke with my aunt, she was heartbroken
why her favorite daughter didn't visit her in the hospital. Last weeks of her life were spent in agony waiting for her deadbeat child to pay her back a small fraction of a lifetime of love
There’s no place else to shop around here, and I don’t particularly love turning over a % of my paycheck to this conglomerate. When that experience is combined with a self-centered monologue from BIL while I’m rotting away in the checkout line, it’s all I can do to keep the peace.
I don't get caught in those type of conversations though. I've gotten really good at suddenly finding something I have to do when someone tries to monopolize me. Or you can just say "Is there any discernible point to this conversation?" That usually throws them off.
I think the parents see them as needier than the others, but it makes so much trouble.
Poo. It's the poo that's killing me. I can handle pretty much everything about this except the poo.
Mom must have got up in the night to go to the bathroom, because she left her dirty Depends in the shower and didn't put another back on. So THEN she must have pooed in her sleep, all over the bed. It was all over the underpad, the sheet, and through to the plastic cover on the mattress. The duvets, the pillows, the bedframe....
THEN she got up (I guess to get away from the poo-covered bed), dripped poo on the carpet and floor to the living room, and laid down on the couch, getting poo on the couch and laying in it. (Luckily I've been poo-proofing the couch with underpads and a sheet, ever since the first time.) That's what I woke up to.....I didn't even know she was laying in it at that point, just poo everywhere.
I put on gloves and managed to get the bed and bathroom, and part of the floor, cleaned up by the time home support arrived. HS got mom into the shower and all cleaned up, and I dealt with the sofa and the rest of the floor. Just laundry left now, and mom is back in bed. Sooooo much laundry though.
How in the heck do you get that much poo on so many things? How the heck do you have so much poo inside you when you barely even eat???
You'd almost like to move everyone outside and just set fire to the house. Rebuilding would be quicker.
She's not going to be making a habit of this, is she?
CM - I dunno if I'd say it's a habit, but she's making a mess more often these days - usually only through to her pants or the underpad. Most often it's caught by home support before I ever realize it. But yeah, she does make an apartment-sized mess once in awhile....used to be once every couple of months, but now I'd say once a month.
I know it's not her fault. She's dying, and she just has no control anymore, plus she just sleeps right through a lot of the time....and she doesn't even realize how bad it is unless I point it out (or she acts like she doesn't realize it). But it frustrates me that most of it would have been contained if she'd just put on a new Depends.
One of the home support workers just told me we can get up to 4 visits a day, so I guess I'm going to be talking to the area nurse this week.
Can you imagine 28 seniors (the amount of incontinent folks at my mom's facility) all peeing and pooing at once in their diaper? Impossible to keep it smelling flower fresh. If there isn't visible excrement and puddles, and there's a faint smell of PineSol, I figure the staff has been doing what Dorianne was doing.
Bless you Dorianne, there are rewards for saints like you.
You can also try breathing through your mouth. 😷
After 40 years of "smells", I guess it doesn't bother me. I only remember one horrific smell and that was of rotting flesh (on a live person). I had to spray the inside of my mask with air fresher to keep from gagging. God bless him, half his face was eaten away from cancer. Should I mention he was in the hospital to clean out the maggots that had taken up residence in his flesh. Sometimes it's hard to be a nurse.
Now, smelling poo doesn't sound so bad, huh?