My "whine moment today." What's yours?

George Foreman

After days of 93 degrees to 104 degrees, today's high was 59 (yeaah!) and rain all last night and today.... same for next two days - so needed this break from the heat!  We're actually taking the RV to the lake next two days.... sit around and play dominoes, cards, and watch dvds.

Oops! Forgot this was the "Whine" thread.... oh, well.

This is really the anything thread mally. There is a general topics thread too that I started way back when. But this thread is kind of like that too.

I must apologize Willie for bringing up the U.S. President. That never ends well. I hope it didn't cause you heartburn or anything like that.

Up early this morning and ready to attack the day - already started my "ta-da!" list. (I don't do "to-do" lists - I write things down as I accomplish them and then write "ta-da!" with a flourish after it - it's a little more fun that way.)

77 degrees and super humid already this morning (went outside to let the dog out at 5:30am and it was hard to breathe - it's that humid). Looks like a stay inside kinda day! I was hoping to take the dog out for a walk this morning while it was still cool...but it's not!

On a somewhat positive note, someone forwarded me a profile on Facebook that belongs to my estranged oldest son. It's locked down pretty tight, so the only thing I can really see is the friends list and his profile pic, which was uploaded last summer. I guess I am grateful to at least see his face again.

Hi everybody, I have been away for a bit and so much to catch up on here..... We have also had another death in the family on my husband's side so we are dealing with that. This month is only half over and it has been crazy.
I need my coffee this morning...no K-cup maker though..still brewing a pot each morning and I have a smaller coffee maker next to the big one for afternoon coffee. When I travel I like to take those little Starbucks instant coffee packets for single cups.... I am off to the kitchen for another badly needed cup.
Stay cool everyone...it is humid in many places.

Katie, nice to see you again. Sorry to hear of the additional death in your family.

Coffee all around this morning - I think we'll all need it! :-) (Tea for those who want it.)

Katie and Susan,
Thank you for the coffee ideas, as I forgot mine rushing to get dH to work.
I asked, do you want me to cook breakfast or drive you to work? He was supposed to take his bike, but he was standing around too late to get to work on time. I feel used.

Never do this, but maybe I would be enjoying life more if I could get my toenails done.
My sister and I discussed....look around....even homeless people are going out to lunch with a friend, attending Disneyland, laying on the beach, etc. I am embarrassed to say that I don't treat myself very well, and I could. I could make better choices.

I know we should not compare ourselves to others. My dH NEEDS CO-2 cans to inflate his tires while on a ride, (so he can keep up with the faster riders) and I have NEEDED eye glasses for over a month. Just one example. So, I am not going to entertain all these negative thoughts.

Send, you need to get out and do something for yourself, even if it's just having your toenails done. :-)

OK, I will!

And Susan, are you FB friends with someone who is FB friends with your son?
That helps with access. It is a delicate privacy issue, but I am so happy you can check on him.

Thanks Send - unfortunately, no, I'm not friends with anyone on his friends list. His ex GF (mother of one of his children) sent it to me last night - someone spotted it on FB and sent it to her. He doesn't have contact with her or support his children at all, so anytime someone spots him, they let her know, and she tells me.

He has the profile locked down tight - all I can see is the profile picture, and it's from last summer (date it was posted), so I don't know that he's actively using the account. I could message him, because that option is open, but I'm not going to. Every time I try to reach out, he just slams the door in my face. Or pretends to be on the straight and narrow so he can get back in my good graces and get whatever he can from me - until I find out he's lying (again) and then he disappears again. I know there are drugs and alcohol involved - it's been that way for a long time - but honestly, there's always been something a little "off" about him, since he was a small child. Lying and stealing seem to come as naturally to him as breathing, sad to say. He has stolen from me, my parents, other family members, people he worked with, even the rehab center he was in for drug rehab (which got him kicked out) and the people he lived with at the sober living house after that (which got him kicked out of *there* too). No amount of therapy, mentoring or counseling has ever helped or pinpointed the problem. What I've said here is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I've dealt with, rescued him from, and paid for out of my own pocket for him in attempts to try to straighten him out and fix whatever is wrong with him.  It's not just an addiction problem - there's been something wrong with him since he was very small.  I knew by the time he was 2 years old that he was not normal - that there was some sort of problem - but the doctors and teachers all kept saying it was "age appropriate" and he would "grow out of it".  The only thing they ever diagnosed him with was ADD.  Well, he's 26 now - I wonder what they'd say about that now?  Did he grow out of it?  Hardly.  By the time he was 7 years old, the lying and stealing had already started - so this is not just an addiction issue. 

I love him to death, and will never completely give up on him, but right now, I know that I can't trust him not to do the same things he's done to me in the past all over again if I reach out to him. At the least, he may just not respond at all. At the worst, he could come back into my life and try to use me all over again, and I would have to shut the door on him myself. There comes a time where you have to just say NO to all requests, just for the sake of self-preservation.

I'm happy I can see his face and that he apparently was alive and well when it was taken. I know he was in jail recently for non-payment of child support, so I knew for the time he was in there, that he was at least (relatively) safe, fed, and had a place to sleep. No one has seen him since he got out this time, so I'm back in the dark there. This FB profile showing up made it so I could see his face, but since the photo was posted last summer, it's no guarantee that he's still ok now.

Hoping he will be okay Susan.
I know your pain somewhat.
Our prodigal sons......

Do not throw out that old Mr Coffee yet,, you may need it someday when the Kuerig dies and you don't have time to run to the store. I have coffee makers die at the worst times.. company, a rush .. you get it! I even keep a spare at the river.. I can't be without my coffee!

As great as single cup brewers like Kuerig are for singles and couples they can't do the job when you have company. I agree with pamz, keep the drip coffee maker tucked away if you have room for it.

We keep the individual packets of both decaf and full choke Folgers coffee around "just in case". Yep it is instant but still tastes good. (don't like the other brands). My honey can't use the full choke...so if I brew fresh coffee, I fix the decaf otherwise I keep instant folgers and these packets around. Got to have my coffee or I end up going around saying grrrrrr. (smile).

Susan, so very sorry to hear about your estranged relationship with your son. Do you think that some people are just not born with a conscience? Maybe? I know for the longest time I've thought my Hubs is a Sociopath. Things that would bother most people don't seem to touch him. He's improved a lot since I first met him 25 years ago but there is still room for growth in my opinion.

Lately, I've felt like being selfish. I've always felt guilty for not sacrificing for others but I just want to be there for me now for a while. I want to take a break from being the fixer. My older sister who is always going through some catastrophe of one kind or another never even asked about my new place. I asked her over three times and she didn't even acknowledge it. I'm just tired of worrying about others and feeling guilty if I don't. Where were they when I needed their help?

Susan, I think you are smart to keep your boundaries up.

Only problem with the Mr. Coffee, I don't have any filters or coffee to use for it. Easier to run to the store and buy a new Keurig :))

The only hot drink I will drink is hot chocolate, so the Keurig does a pretty good job. My fav hot chocolate is Starbucks !!

Or I could run to my office just down the street and use the Keurig :P

FF - I'm so with you on that - I have to have my Keurig. I know I'm spoiled, but it's one of the few luxuries I allow myself. :-)

Gershun, thanks - I *know* he has a conscience - but he doesn't seem to have the ability to stop himself from doing things he knows are wrong. He was raised in a church-going family, was taught right from wrong, etc - but as I mentioned, he's always been different - and not really in a good way. His younger brother is one of the best kids - responsible, straightforward, knew what he wanted to do with his life at a young age and pursued it until he achieved that goal and then surpassed it. Not to say that he didn't do some stupid stuff as a teen as all kids do - but his were more like setting up a Facebook account without his dad's permission when he was 17 (he lived w/his dad) - vs his older brother's taking a dare when *he* was 17 and kicking in the fender of someone's car because they dared him he couldn't do it. (He succeeded.) Or going on a B&E spree with a bunch of 19 year old buddies when he was also 19 - because the 30-year-old guy they were living with said it would be "cool". (That one earned him his first stay in jail - and I DID NOT bail him out - the other kids' parents all bailed theirs out. I told him this was one lesson he needed to learn the first time - but apparently he didn't.  And as for the living with other 19 yr olds, he left my home immediately after he graduated high school - against my wishes.) He wants desperately to be liked by everyone, but doesn't seem to have the ability to say, "Whoa, that's not a good idea, nope, not doing it" when he *knows* something is wrong. He's extremely impulsive and tends to act first and think later.

I know what you mean about being the fixer - I've been that my whole life as well. I have started taking more time for myself and doing things *I* want to do, and I don't feel a bit guilty about it. Well, ok - I did at first. But not so much anymore.

This question is proof I have too much time on my hands. How did the coffee/tea drinks get started with their beverage of choice? I can remember tasting coffee and ice tea when I was little. Didn’t like it then and don’t drink it now. PJ is the same way. I drink water and maybe twice a week Diet Coke, but have dropped that now. PJ will have a beer or a glass of wine. Kids drink milk and water. We use a 5 gal jug of water every day.

My parents and grandparents mostly drank tea and that was also my first hot beverage. I still enjoy tea when offered it but coffee has become my drink of choice since I was in my 30's, I'm really not certain why. I used to drink instant, then through my caregiving years I drank drip coffee for the added jolt of caffeine. My keurig was a gift and it is wonderful to be able to brew a single cup whenever I want one!
I think another reason so many people drink coffee is because it is a little indulgence that can be easily picked up for under $2 and it doesn't come with the guilt associated with sugary soft drinks (unless you're buying those sugary coffee like cappuccinos, frappuccinos etc)

Susan, I’m glad you got to see the photo of your son; but sorry that he has the problems he has. I understand your stance on keeping distance. I hope for you that at some point there will be a permanent change for the better.

Thanks, Becky. Me too.

Coffee....mine goes back a long way. My grandpa and uncle (my two favorite male relatives) used to get up in the wee hours of the morning to get ready to go to work at the gas station they owned, and coffee was the first order of the day. When we would visit them, I would get up with them and being very small, they would let me have "coffee" - more like 1/4 cup of coffee in the mug and then filled up with milk and sweetened. I felt so grown up! ;-)

I remember when I first tried coffee.... tried it without sugar/cream.... tried a new cup with just sugar.... then added cream... then decided "how can people drink this stuff??? That was over 50 years ago when I was 18, and never had another cup of coffee.

I do remember when A&P grocery stores use to grind the coffee beans at the check out and it smelled soooo good.

My first experience with coffee which I didn't drink was during WW11 when they sold some disgusting thick brown liquid in a bottle. I think it was called Chico

I first drank coffee on my dad's lap, coffee with half & half and sugar. Not again until in my 30's when I was very thin and it warmed me up during ice cold air conditioned seminar classes. In my growing up years, we always drank iced tea, but that bothers my stomach now.... coffee does not. So, many years later, much older and heavier, I love the smell of coffee and my favorite Keurig flavor is mocha nut fudge or McDonald's... and no sugar or cream.

Who knew there could be a whole line of comments about coffee. Remember when they said it could stunt your growth if you drank it when you were too young?

I was a real tea drinker growing up. My Mom used to bring a tray with tea and cookies downstairs where the t.v. room was. I don't know when I changed to coffee. Probably when I started to work and I needed that jolt of caffeine in the morning. Ah yes, I remember the days in my twenties when I'd go to Starbucks every morning and grab a mocha coffee. Whipped cream, a thousand calories. Those were the days. I'd probably have to go on the treadmill for two hours to burn one of those off now. Then, I started having panic attacks in my thirties. No more caffeine for me. I now drink decaf only. Any of you who are prone to panic attacks. Fair warning. Cut out the coffee. Seriously.
I took a cognitive training class for anxiety and it used to be kind of comical. Everyone would come sailing in and go for the coffee. First question out of everyone's mouth. Which is the decaf?

Gershun, yep panic attacks here, too. Chances are it is probably from chocolate and Cherry Coke. Most of the panic attacks were from my parents when they were aging.

Especially driving, as my Mom preferred I used their car which felt like I was driving the Queen Mary down the highway... darn those big old Oldsmobiles. I use to get car sick just backing it out of the driveway :P

When I used to do individual therapy sessions, during intake meeting I would ask about caffeine, medications, alcohol use, etc. In later sessions if someone mentioned panic attacks We would discus if they thought caffeine was involved. Not one person ever said yes.

Oh Becky, coffee is a huge factor in panic attacks/anxiety. We even discussed that in our sessions. I feel my anxiety rising almost immediately when I occasionally have a caffeinated coffee. I allow myself one occasionally cause sometimes I really need the jumpstart it gives me. But I also suffer from insomnia and coffee is a big no-no for that as well.

Maybe, some people who suffer from anxiety can drink it but I don't think that's the norm. Decaf coffee tastes just the same and no it doesn't provide the energy but I still like my coffee.

I don’t have first hand experience with panic attacks or coffee. But all academic research states the interaction between caffeine and panic attacks. I always ask and recommend eliminating or cutting back on caffeine for those who drink a lot of coffee or caffeine. I had a client who drank 14 cans of Diet Coke a day. She wondered why she was shaky and nervous. She was seeking a referral to a psychiatrist to get tranquilizers.