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The last time I read from Dori, she was doing last minute stuff required for her mom to be 1 week in that respite place. I can't remember which week is that.
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Thanks everyone, it's so hard to know what is right. I had hoped for a little more guidance from the NH but even though I am there daily they clearly don't see me as part of the team.
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When people are dying, it becomes difficult for them to swallow. Perhaps some spoonfuls of highly caloric nutrient dense foods would be accepted.

Hubby has talked to his dad twice about moving. And I am going to encourage a new approach and tag team it together, which is how we got my in-laws to move to indy living in the first place.
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My mom is currently mostly eating Funyuns and bacon... If we avoid the subject she will eat a very small meal most days.. but it you try to get her to eat it becomes a "thing"..  We are mainly happy to get any calories into her.
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HI Everyone,
When my Dad refused to eat his doctor told me to go to Braums (spelling?) get a milkshake and have them break an egg in it. This and soft foods like mashed potatoes, cut cooked carrots were the only thing that we could get him to eat. He loved the shakes and I could usually tempt him to eat a little of the soft food by promising he could have the shake after he ate a few bites. I brought him shakes 2-3 times a day and could ususally get him to eat some scrambled eggs and some oatmeal. He did not have a problem with swallowing like some stroke survivors, but as he got closer to passing away he just did not want to eat and the shakes did the trick. My Mom, who I also cared for at the same time, was pretty mobile though she was confined to a wheel chair from amputation to part of her right leg. I would make sure that she had meals prepared that were easy to heat up (freezer to microwave).

Trying to figure out what your loved one will eat and trying to get coax them to eat is difficult at best. (sorry after my last stroke - TIA- affected my spelling and memory at times so please bear with me). Luckily my honey has a good appetite and he has not been difficult to coax into eating (unless it is something he does not like or want).

Hang in there. Y'al have a good night!
(5)
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Well yesterday I found out my mom is only eating cold food because she is not able to work the microwave (not sure why) and her regular helper is mentally challenged and afraid of it. So elderly meals sends her home 2 meals for the weekends now, and my hubby and I have been bringing her cooked things, which she says put in the freezer; good thing some of them are hamburgers or egg, cheese, and sausage sandwiches that he makes (he's a great cook!), but she eats them cold after thawing them in the fridge. The dinners she doesn't eat at all and that's how I found out, they were piling up in the freezer - now what? She gets a hot lunch 5 days a week, but says she can do nothing in the kitchen, not even stand up or sit on her rollator long enough to make a sandwich. Turns out she goes from the chair that she sleeps in, to the bathroom, unlocks the door of her apt for her many helpers for the day, back to her chair, and NOWHERE else but the bathroom the rest of the day. She has several helpers/visitors a day, so would it be any better in a NH or just more expensive?
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Mally, if she has several helpers surely one of them should be able to make her a hot meal, especially if all it takes is to reheat them! Maybe it's time for a caregiver meeting leading to some changes?
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I’m checked in. I’ve had an EKG, blood work, ABI’s and Doppler ultrasound of both legs. Dinner was jello and 7-Up. There was something else on the tray I couldn’t identify, so I didn’t ask. Vascular surgeon came in and drew on my legs with a black Sharpie, told me he’d see me at 5:30 and that was it. My room is nice. My nurse is here until 11:00 then Jay and my son will be here. They’re both night owls. Barry has a friend from high school who works until 7:00 am. Jay now knows people all over the hospital.

I also most pinched the guy who did my ABI’s. But, he didn’t get within reach.  I’ll get him the next time.
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Hi Becky, Please keep us posted. Also let us know if you were able to pinch the guy who did your ABI's (smile)… Seriously hang in there. Many thoughts and prayers ...
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Becky, 4 am here in NY. Hope all goes well!
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This is Becky’s brother Jay. Beck’s had a rough day. Her surgery lasted about 7-1/2 hours - couple of hours longer than expected. They had trouble getting one of the bypass grafts to quit leaking. She is in the ICU. One person can go in to see her for 5 minutes every hour. She’s totally out of it.
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Jay, please give Becky our best wishes for a Speedy Recovery!
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Jay how sweet of you to let us know about your sis. Wish I had a bro or even a sis like you. It has been so kind of you to keep track of her the way you have.
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Jay, I'm so glad you checked in with us; I was getting worried. Please give Becky a kiss when you're able, from all of us!
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One more good thought for Becky!
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To Becky, et al.....
Speedy recovery and many thanks Jay for letting us know!
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Becky here is MORE love and well wishes! And brother Jay too!
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Becky you are in the biggest fight of your life but rest assured your friends are holding you up with a big blanket of love and care. If you think about it you will actually feel it's warmth and support.
Thank you Jay for letting us know what is happening . Praying for all of you. God be with you.
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Becky, stay strong. Jay, thank-you for letting us all know and pass our love along to her.
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Jay,
Hope you and the family get some rest tonight - you're very special to keep us posted
Hugs
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Becky, wishing you a good recovery. Jay, thank you for keeping everyone informed here too.
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I feel so bad for those of you who care for your loved ones at home. It would drive me nuts. My Dad is in a very nice and homey dementia unit. My mom just moved to a senior apartment across the street from him. With dementia, every day or even every hour can be different. I can be philosophical about it and don't get upset about his delusions, but my mom takes everything personally and wants to help him see reality, but that's not really possible.
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This is Jay again. Beck’s still in ICU, awake and alert. She developed a blockage behind her left knee. They did a stent. They have gotten her up every two hours to stand for a few minutes. Tomorrow she will have to start walking some. Looks painful to me. She should get out of ICU on Friday unless there are more problems. She said to tell all of you thank you for all of the kind words and support. And thank you from me too.
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Yay Becky! Yay Jay😀
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Hang in there Becky and Jay,, we are rooting for you!!
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Here’s more warm Well Wishes for Becky and Jay!!!
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I truly can't imagine having such a supportive sibling as you, Jay. I'm happy Becky has you looking after her. Best wishes for speedy recovery.
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Hi Becky and Jay,

Becky... Rooting for you! So glad thing are moving forward. Hang in there!!

Jay....Thank you so much for keeping us posted. Many hugs for you both. Please keep us posted.
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Hi Becky and Jay

Hope today was a bit better and you're out of ICU tomorrow

We miss you on the what's for dinner thread 😘
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At this point, I would not hesitate to place my husband in memory care, but have no resources to do so and neither does his family. Eventually, I will no longer be able to care for him due to my own health issues and I honestly don't know what is going to happen.
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