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Yesterday, after working diligently to meet my mother's every need to keep her from raging, she raged anyway, claiming that I was nothing but a servant to her and that she would throw me out on the street any time she wanted. (This comes after my agreement to move in to care for her full-time, which she demanded for years and which was finalized just a few weeks ago). Good times.
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No auto openers in a locked facility, Cwillie

come to think of it, very few buildings have them

when I used to take mom out in her transport wheelchair, she could still paddle with her feet so it wasn't so difficult to manage but now
she's in a big chair, which is tough to even enter the exam room at the doctor's and dentist's office

if you have to hold open a door then it's best to turn the wheelchair backwards so you can do both - no way to push forward a chair and hold a gate or door open at the same time
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Mom's NH has a keypad at the door , it's a pretty simplistic numerical code but apparently they haven't had anybody crack it yet. They also have all the dementia folks wearing wrist bracelets that override the locks so they can't be opened when they are in close proximity, as well as sounding an alarm if they linger too long near the door. And the key pad is only on the exit side of the door, to enter you just need to push the green button to unlock the door and then hit the door opener. 🤔
(I'm pretty sure this is standard across the province and a ministry requirement)
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Locking brakes on a wheelchair when transferring is a no brainer....I will never forget the aide in the NH who did not lock the brakes and transferred my mom to the chair...., the chair went backwards and aide dropped my mom breaking her ankle. She tried to make good with ice cream.....what a jerk! Like that is going to make up for pain, ER and doctor's visits, and delayed rehab. This angers me so much even years later. Of course it was reported to the director, etc. but this makes me so mad. I wish I could find some closure to these incidents in my own mind, besides feeling that these people who fail must live with themselves every day knowing they failed.
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I'm seething. I try not to seethe but sometimes I seethe.

I've taken 9 days off work !!! in the past couple weeks to try to get things accomplished at new place. Granted, I'm considered a 7 day a week employee so I did work 5 days last week... Anyway...

I tried to hire day labor online to help me hang shelves. No dice. This guy I hired was so dumb (god love him) that he couldn't figure out how to put legs on a table... the legs slip into brackets on the 4 corners and a screw goes through, that's it. That tripped him up. So I said to myself that hiring random help is no good, so I asked a friend who's helped me before in the past. He said he would do the work and we planned out a schedule. Sunday he texts me that he can't make it on Monday. Fine, we said we'll work Tuesday. Tuesday he comes from like 12-5 but can't stay any later. The deal was for 8 hours. Whatever. Then TODAY... just now... I said we would start at 11... and I would get him a Lyft/Uber if necessary. He wanted to ride his bike over. He texted me at 11:49 that he had been waiting outside and couldn't reach me so he was leaving. In all fairness, my phone was on Do Not Disturb and I didn't hear his texts come through. But I had been waiting on him, so I see he was texting and I call him up right then, at 11:49 and say, Sorry, please come back. I was certain I heard him say ok... because I said I was leaving the door unlocked for him. Thirty minutes go by and I text him. Forty five minutes and he texts me that, Oh, he had waited and now he was home so he wasn't coming back.

I'm paying him nearly 20 cash per hour, it's easy work, he's unemployed right now. What is wrong with some people that don't want to work this badly?? I'm just miffed because now TWO days this week that I planned to have help, I have not had help.

I dread putting a want ad online. It's forever to wade through the replies and even then, like last time, no guarantee that I get someone competent. It's not work that requires a professional and I thought I would help someone in the community by hiring for work but this is nuts.

I want to get this stuff done and get back to my own employment. Alas.
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That has nothing to do with caregiving so I feel self indulgent by letting that fly in here but DARN IT, why are people SO FLAKEY?? He knew I planned to have him here the whole day today, who cares if we didn't start until 12?? This is nuts. I'm angry with him but I need the help so I'm just hoping he comes back around SOMETIME.
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I guess file all of it -- CNAs who can't learn names or put brakes on chairs, plus friends who don't show up to help and quit early -- under "Good help is hard to find." :-/
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It seems to be the modern work ethic Ali, everywhere I go people are talking about the difficulty getting people they hire to actually show up for work. I've heard about people bitching that they never get enough hours yet calling in sick every. single.weekend. I've heard about people who just never showed up on their first day, and never, ever called with an apology or explanation. People take the whole day off because it is snowy, or foggy. People go home early - leaving their employer and coworkers in the lurch - because they have a headache, or are stressed, or just because. WTF?
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Yeah... it seems like he doesn't want to work.

I've calmed down and realized that I'm in a tight spot, though, and as a wise woman once said, "It is what it is." So I told him he could work 3-4 hour blocks, if that's what he wants to do, and I'll pay per hour, and would he want to come tomorrow for a bit... and he says he'll come tomorrow. What can I do? I need some help because it's stuff that requires extra hands.

It will happen, just a lot more slowly than I would like. Grr.

I can't imagine if it were my parent, though, and someone is doing a half-baked job of caregiving. I've been in that position for a short time with my grandmother and found it extremely frustrating.

Even if you find a good work ethic -- like the fella I found via online ad for help with general labor, who while not at all skilled said he'd be happy to come back and work for me again for less pay -- you also need them to have a good head on their shoulders, have good common sense.
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Following up a previous whine - we saw DH's new gastro doctor today and she's really good. She was obviously ticked about the previous gastro's care, especially his refusal to order a colonoscopy and leaving DH on a med he should've discontinued last year. She's ordered a scope and bloodwork, with followup. What a load off to know his care will be well managed.

cwillie, I once had an employee (millennial) call in because she didn't have clean clothes to wear to work.
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Anyone else around here not able to load your News Feed? It won't work for me today, just a "loading" indicator that never stops. That's ok for now but I sure hope it starts working again soon!
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Ali, your computer may be adjusting to the new list format. Try to be patient.
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Mine has been slow periodically over the last several days but does eventually load.
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does anyone else still have mosquitos?

the Viking is bit and scratching and I'm scratching
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YES! Mosquitoes have still been terrible here. We had a heavy rain a few days ago that didn't help. It's starting to get cooler, so I'm hoping those pesky things will disappear soon!

You might try some hydrocortisone cream. It works pretty good to help with the itching and dry up the bites.
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It's 3:30 a.m. and I'm wide awake. Of course I know that booting up the computer and sitting in front of a screen isn't going to help.
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So apart from the blue light and the call of the world wild web, why are you awake at half past three in the morning?
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Oops. I am in my dressing gown and in front of my computer at nine in the morning, when I ought to be showered, dressed and being productive.

But AC is much more interesting!
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Not sure. Mom's not doing well, but I dropped off to sleep just fine. Now my brain thinks it's morning.
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Oof. That's a tough one.

Got any reasonably quiet jobs you've been putting off? Oven need cleaning? Ironing pile? Photos to sort? Missing button (missing for eighteen months, but what's that between you and your favourite blouse...)?

At least that way you get a sense of accomplishment in exchange for half a night's sleep.
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I think I'll try a nightcap and a boring book (my current library book fits the bill).
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Or, the World Service can offer you:

Climate Change: Tough Choices
The Real Story
Can we have prosperity and democracy if we want to keep climate change at bay?

I'm not sure how soothing that would be, mind.
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Nightcap? I know I don't need to tell you what you know just as well as I do about quality of sleep and alcohol. I expect we're talking cocoa, yes?

I won't ask what the book is - spare the author's blushes! Hope it does the trick, sleep tight.
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Cocoa or warm milk never did it for me, I had a nice little glass of spiced whisky, neat - just a little, I've learned that too much does give all the nasty side effects we are warned about.
Mom spent the day in bed yesterday, she had a fever and the doc ordered an antibiotic. As far as I saw she ate nothing and drank very little all day, all of which sets off my inner alarm bells. No phone calls from the NH last night so I'll be going over soon to see how things are today.
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CWillie, sorry your mom isn't feeling well. Hope she gets to better soon and that the antibiotics help.
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Mom was dressed and in the lounge this morning, some thoughtful person put music on for her but she was pretty much dead to the world. Doc's report said lungs clear but she wouldn't follow direction to take a deep breath, didn't rule out aspiration pneumonia and ordered tamiflu (why? well... I guess it can't hurt). She ate/drank very little for breakfast, but that is the usual lately. So. I don't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Part of me wonders if we should be treating this at all.
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Wow - can I relate. Taking care of my father in law who decided January a year ago that he was NOT ever getting of bed again and by golly, he hasn't. The man is somewhat narcissistic. No thought of what his decision would cause when it came to his care. I did it for 9 more months, then we placed him in an ALF. He will be 94 in January and as far as I can see, he could go on for a long time.

Sounds like you really need a break. Your LO may whine and lash out but she will get over it! Seek help, take a break. Where will she be if you destroy your own health and can't care for her? Fortunately, my husband was the strong one - recognizing that we had to do something. He initiated the search for a place for his dad and deliberately selected a place close to his work. I am blessed! Praying that you will be able to find ways to get some help with your load.
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Willie, I don't want to alarm you but the week previous to my Mom being found unconscious in her room at the nursing home she had been prescribed tamiflu cause of a possible flu outbreak at the home. It was right after she was prescribed this drug that she had a sudden decline of health and died shortly thereafter.

I've often thought that there was a connection to the tamiflu and her dying. So, just keep a close eye on that. I know that you do anyway but...................anyway.
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Gershun I'm pretty sure mom got tamiflu last winter when there was an outbreak at the NH so she has had it before with no ill effects, and since I was informed rather than consulted what can you do?
I was there for both lunch and supper today to try to gauge how she is, the report from the charge nurse was that her temperature was back to normal and she was improving but.... Even though she allowed me to spoon some food and drinks into her she is clearly struggling, I couldn't even get her to nod her heard yes and no.
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Always seeing disappointment on my mom's face.....
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