I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Why does that irritate you? Because everything associated with Dad irritates you.
This lone mantra has become your essence. Only you can change that.
I’m not saying you can change your father’s ways. Ha!
I’m saying that you CAN control your blood-pressure spiking reactions to Dad. You CAN control the amount of ruminating you do when Dad is in another room or another state.
Try it sometime. Even if you don’t notice the difference, your wife will. 🙂
TG, your father engineered 5 days out of your house without you having to do any of the driving, planning or spending. This is a win! STOP COMPLAINING. 🛑
You and your Very Patient Wife are the recipients of a beautiful gift: a major holiday without one iota of Dad. Take a deep breath and enjoy it.
You’re quite the cook, if I recall. If you feel like playing Chef TG this Thanksgiving, knock yourself out. No boors, no slobs, no naysayers! That part is already taken care of. (As long as you don’t invite any “problem people”......)
Heck, maybe a holiday for two is what’s best for you & Mrs. TG. You 2 get very few opportunities to recharge. And who says it has to be at home? Perhaps you’d like to abandon the stove, pack your bags and treat yourself and Mrs. TG to a change of scenery. Preferably someplace with with a hot tub. 😉
TG, I’m issuing you a challenge: During your 5 days of freedom, do not spend one moment fixated on what a S.O.B. Dad is. Do not wonder out loud over & over how much he is polluting someone’s else’s life.
Start training yourself now to simply enjoy the “non-Dad-ness” of it all. Without referencing him every 5 minutes. Got it??
Mom's been in SNF for about 6 months and 6 months before that in AL. I get so depressed and almost sick to my stomach when I write the check each month, especially since she has dementia and mainly unaware of her surroundings and frequently even me.
What's the point? I KNOW it's not my money. It's for her care and I placed her in a very nice facility where she is well-taken care of, but still, it's hard. Maybe it's something people don't talk about. They just suck it up. Maybe I need to do the same.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. It will be a new beginning.
Please remember that you are not alone. We are here for you.
I know a lot of us appreciate your experience & the knowledge you share. Keep sharing.
are you an early bird by nature ?
some nights it feels like I don't fall asleep til 5 am
hope you enjoyed the hike and had some moments of laughter with your cousins -
I didn't win the $1.6 billion mega millions
Mom's private caregiver texted this afternoon that a new name was on the door - unbeknownst to me, mom is getting a new roommate -
I'm trying to remain optimistic but hoca has lost several residents lately and has been taking in folks that are a handful
Good care does cost a lot. Of course it does. And I'm sure it isn't exactly what your father was looking forward to with longing as he worked all those hours. All the same, there's no escaping the reality of your mother's needs.
There is another issue about private pay / self-funders, though; and that is the question of whether they are subsidising other residents. Is this an issue at your mother's facility? Do you have other options?
I hope that before you placed her, you ascertained that this is a facility that will keep her on as a Medicaid resident once her money is used up.
We were blessed with an angel of a discharge planner after mom's hip surgery, which, post stroke, rendered her eligible for skilled nursing as opposed to AL.
When we sat down with the discharge planner, her first questions were about mom's finances. She explained that if mom could private pay for at least two years, we could get her into a better facility than if she didn't.
My parents were scrimpers and savers, too. And this is what they saved for-- mom's old age.
I know that doctors hate it when patients self diagnose by researching online. I don’t do that. I google for knowledge. This way I’m able to reasonably respond to doctors about my health. I’m not set in stone. If the doctor still insists their way, I agree - in case they’re correct or to rule out.
I’m hoping something might pop up in your research to help guide you as you search for answers. Hopefully, it’s just that you need to tweak your thyroid.
Anyway, you’ve been doing all the ‘caregiving’ for your father. Isn’t it time that other family step in to give you a break? That’s how I viewed it when bedridden mom and also bedridden dad ended up hospitalized. Why should I spend nights and day with them when family members chose to do it? I enjoyed myself immensely without worrying since it’s their turn.
Just remind yourself, if a medical emergency comes up during that fishing trip, they can call 911. That’s what I told family when I travelled off island.
Even my cellphone is now getting these robo calls, oh my gosh I won a free trip !! So lately I've been keeping the ringer off. I don't use the cell much anyway, hard to hear on it.
And I got the "Computer" call too today ff;(
But, I am overwhelmed with the number of campaign texts I get. Probably figured out I will not answer unknown calls.
I don't have a lot of pain, thankfully, so I take ibuprofen for that. NSAIDs work well enough for me in regard to pain.