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Just bought speakers for my computer yesterday so I can listen to videos and favorite songs without headphones. Today the speaker/sound card in my computer crashed; can't use the speakers OR the headphones - waaahh....
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I've been dealing with high level care demands for father for over decade. He is very demanding and narcissistic with me, and super cheerful charming and helpful with everybody else. I get a lot of flack from others as despite my unflagging care he always wants more and complains to anyone who will listen that I don't do much, ascribes my efforts to his small collection of grifters (has always had these types in his life as far back as I can remember) and tries successfully to get others to pressure me to do more.

As my health has started to fail, not to mention my sanity lol, I took a very large step back from the stepping and fetching and concentrated on necessities only and focused on my own health. I've just heard from others now just how demanding and manipulative he is and when I said yes, he's always been like that with me, it was like a lightbulb moment for them. They also have a hard time handling it, yet I've gotten nothing but grief and chiding when I tried to put up some boundaries. Jeesh. I guess i like the validation, but the years of not being believed is frustrating.
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"He is very demanding and narcissistic with me, and super cheerful charming and helpful with everybody else."

Sounds like classic borderline personality disorder to me. Boundaries are not meant to change the other person, but to protect yourself. Boundaries without concrete consequences for when they are broken are useless. It sounds like you need to look for other options for his care or tell adult protective services that you can't handle this anymore and they will need to step in.
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My mother lives in assisted living 5 minutes from me and thinks I should jump whenever she calls.  I have just recently retired and have taken her out once every week for over 5 years.  I now have time to do things I want to do at home.  She calls 4 and 5 times per day wanting me to take her out of her home there.   It is a luxury assisted living space.  I would live there by myself... She has never been happy one day of her life.  My husband asked her that question once.  She said no she never had.. She is demanding and driving me to kill myself slowly.  The emotional drain of her crying to me every day.  I have lived through many stages of life and this stage is breaking me.  My mother is difficult to get along with and she has dementia, type 1 diabetes... My sister lives on the other side of town and doesn't do much of anything but argue with her on occasion. 

Today I took her out to lunch and shopping.  Two hours after I took her back to her beautiful home with loads of activities she called asking me to come back and get her... I didn't.
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Let the guilt go and let the people at the assisted living tend to her. That's what their paid for. Take care of yourself.
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@cmagnum, I've taken a huge step back and only take care of necessities. Even tried to pass on POA. The reason folks are starting to see this side of my father is precisely because I am no longer there to straighten out every hiccup as well as refusing to allow myself to be bullied anymore from chiding judgmental types that offer little to no help but feel free to compare their very different situation to mine.

Without all the flurrying drama and my hamster wheel efforts his true character
has become more apparent. Interesting to see how stressful it is to others
who don't have the additional burden of coping with painful past memories. I'm sad for all those who have parents who've refused to embrace their role as loving parents. I'm sad also for these same parents, as they have missed out on one of the greatest joys of life.
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I just got off the phone - much family drama about sis and her DH attending their son's graduation ceremony. Nephew's bratty GF booked her flights without telling anyone or even considering asking them about travelling together. IMO my BIL shouldn't be going at all because of his health. Sis has been so indecisive that it has reached a point where if they don't book flights and a hotel soon they might not have any choices left. Neither one is airport savvy, which will be a big obstacle because there will be two transfers unless they fly from Pearson. 🤯 Oy.
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Bettina, you said you "tried" to pass on POA; what happened? I want to pass on it for mom, since she never does as I say, and if she does agree, changes her mind or forgets the whole thing.... it already makes me nuts; couldn't imagine being her POA. If you ARE your dad's POA, why? Am I missing some important reason to do it?
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Got sick. I’m running a fever of 100, coughing, sore throat, hot and cold chills, achy. I’m just awaiting all heck to break loose. Her husband denied that either of us were sick saying we just have marijuana withdrawal. I DON’T SMOKE. Never mind that he is a recovering alcoholic (only quit two weeks ago)! My fiancé and I both have it but because he has a sane employer he gets to stay home and rest. And of course she’s going to complain about her getting sick, but she doesn’t want to let me have a day off to rest. I swear I wanna jump in front of a tractor trailer, nobody actually cares about me as a person, I’m just a maid.
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CW it's not too late for sister to pull bGF up short and say "oi, you, lend a hand." Nicely, I mean. Annoying though it certainly is, it is virtually to be expected that a young lady in lurve will give not a moment's thought to anybody else's place in her young man's life.

Hee! - my FIL was shocked that his then girlfriend, now DIL, met Son on Son's return from service overseas: "surely his mother should be there!" Hmmm. Your hot girlfriend or your dear old mum, which would you rather hugged you in front of all your friends?

Or, tell nephew "you want us to come or don't you? Because if you do, make it look like it."

This is aside, of course, from the issue of who paid for the education in the first place, hem-hem; but that they really do have to let pass.
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CM, this is my 30 something nephew who is graduating from the police academy and his on again off again girlfriend. Up until now most communication has been funnelled through her so sis has to go begging to find out what is going on, which apparently leaves the poor thing feeling pressured. It's like a game of monkey in the middle.
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Had a shingle shot last Thursday. Usually any type of vaccine shot doesn't bother me. Well, this one did. I never read about the side-effects or my mind takes over. I checked the brochure and I must have had most of the side-effects listed. Then in 4 to 6 month I would need the 2nd vaccine shot. Oh fun.... NOT.

Oh well, rather go through the side effects then get the actual shingle rash. I kept telling myself that all weekend.
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Freqflyer: Ouch, that's bad. I took flu shots four years in a row, and one of them gave me the worst reaction. Fever, headache, the heck. but It lasted only a day. The others didn't afect me at all, so maybe the same will happen to you.
... and 3 weeks ago I had to took the Yellow Fever shot - a sad reflection on this XXI century. We were supposed to be free from these
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Perhaps my most self indulgent whine ever: I'm leary of AC posters who, without a lot of previous history on the site, post these enormously emotionally charged open-ended questions about the vaguest, most dramatic of caregiving situations, always personal situations, never about technical questions.

"What would you do if you father was mean to your mother and she had dementia and he was in the hospital and you needed to get health coverage for them but you live miles away...?"

Please, don't get me wrong. I know some people come to this forum with desperate circumstances, and from every type of situation imaginable. I know that. I have compassion for that.

I just see a bunch of questions lately that are all so open ended, and all seem to be BAIT, honestly. Emotional bait. "What would you do if you were in this terrible situation that I'm going to lay out for you...?" "Have you ever experienced these terrible things that I'm going through...?"

Maybe it's just me, my mindset, or maybe I'm extra cranky from being sick for weeks at this point. I want to help people here, I really do. I don't want to engage in role playing out these ridiculously open ended questions. And no one is making me... of course. I've been noticing them for some time. I'm just really wish AC would restrict all unique IP addresses to one account each. That would really help me feel better about what I perceive as some people, at least in some part, asking emotional bait questions for the purpose of garnering attention.

I wish I never felt the need to write this comment. But I do.
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Also whine: I'm still sick and I should take it easy on myself and everyone else. It's been such a battle this year with these infections - viral or bacterial, I have no idea.

I need to just rest and take it easy but I don't want to. There's so much to do. It will still be there in another day, though. :-/
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Ali I have been thinking that about the "die in your home" thread.. like someone is doing a study?
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Freq.. Hubs and I have had "part one:,, now months later they are "out" of the shot for part two,, we are on a list to be called when it comes in. HAd no problems with it.. but why are we having to wait? Maybe all the news about problems with the "anti vac" people is making people step up? And thank you for getting back to me, I missed you!
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My whine.. for today.. is that FIL needs new heat pump at river house. It is his, he points this out.. but hubs and I do the maintence and upkeep,, BIL is too "busy". and they don't use it much and leave it a mess for me to clean up when they do. He asked hubs to get a new unit, etc. That he would pay for. So hubs did.. got the go ahead, hired the guy . Then guy is ready to start, needs his advance ( totally reasonable) and hubs gives the go ahead ( FIL approved). Then FIL says he has to "run it by BIL".. and I have already had to front the money because FIL lives a bit away and hubs had to meet the guy and pay him. May I admit this is the ONLY thing hubs wants from the estate when FIL goes.. but the will says "everything is 50-50" and BIL wants the huge house he lives in with FIL, and will most certainly try to screw hubs out of his share. I somehow see this being my money to this repair with no payback from FIL., I would not care if he would just make the transfer now, and we could sign off on the rest.. but no.. So I kind of feel like I am upgrading a place we are going to lose on in the long run. I am keeping receipts for all the upgrades we have already paid for, but it cheeses me off! FIl and BIL think I am rich because I am an only child, but I feel my families situation should be separate from hubs.. and Mom is still living and may need her money down the road. They are always asking how much Mom is worth,, luckily she is savvy enough to tell them she is broke.. LOL
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freq flyer, The shingle shot is the only one I have never taken and too worried to try. Now keep in mind, about 5 years ago, I was behind on shots and had to take 7 at once, luckily using both arms :) for a job overseas... lo and behold, I didn't die or even hurt, shockaroo! BUT, I still don't think I want the shingles one. My dad had bad shingles, and husband actually did also, in a weird place, on his foot - never did expect the shingles diagnosis for that one. My mom never has had shingles. So, guess, I will just chance not taking it.
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Pammzi
The time has come to submit ALL the bills to Fil for reimbursement.
With this lapse in providing payment for the heat pump, (an inconvenience?)
one must realize you are being taken advantage of. If your hubs allows this, it is a red flag. Imo.

Sorry, I have come late to your situation.
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I just took a nap, it was uneasy and fitful sleep. I was having a dream that my buddy bought me a ring -- just a pretty fashion piece because he knows I like them and wanted to buy me a gift. The ring was too loose and bothering my finger from trying to hold it on so I asked to exchange it. Then came this whole process, long drawn out, annoying, where I'm trying different things and the salesperson is ending their shift, so then I get someone else trying to help me, and he's not doing a good job of showing me something I can exchange it for, and there are workmen in the area and I am trying to avoid them, and there are other customers taking up the clerk's attention while I'm just trying to find something else and get on with my life, and then the salesman is showing me something else entirely that I don't want... And I snap and say "JUST REFUND IT, I'M LATE FOR DINNER AT THIS POINT." And that's when I woke up. lol

Even my dreams are stressful and stressed out right now. :-( I'm just fussy. I don't feel well at all, still don't have my voice back at all, but I'm on the schedule to go back to work on Wednesday. This too shall pass.
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Ali,
That is quite a dream...very common when you have been ill.

I enjoyed the "exchange it" theme, then, just refund it!

Wish all of us could have an opportunity to return something.....
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Ali, yes stressful dream.

Ali, I agree with the one and only one ISP. one account is enough. I know some use more than one and the extra accounts seem to be used for ugliness and saying things they wouldn't if they had their social filter on. And sometimes several times in one day. 😲
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Note:
Hubs says:
People can login through a VPN (virtual private network) and an IP address can appear to be from anywhere in the world, traceable to a dead end. And, one person can appear to have a different IP address, with each name/account that one person is using.

An IP address can have many many e-mail addresses. He thinks that Aging Care does not check an IP address, only an e-mail address for each member. At one time my dH had an account on AC with his e-mail, and due to his diagnosis, I banned him. We have the same IP address, only one.

I agree that there is way too many posters now who come on the forum to instigate dissension, and some maybe even be arguing between themselves, but is in reality, one person.
I used to call them trolls, but was attacked for doing so.

So Ali, good you noticed....spending much time on here, it is hard not to notice that something is wrong.

Glad, does that make sense? Is it accurate?

Most people like Ali describes would post and never come back. So they were more readily identified. Imo.
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I get fed up to .it's the same everyday seven days a week I never get day off.i cook clean do the washing gardening see to the animals see to the kids and a full time carer to my dad .I never get took out last time we went out was aug last year that's my big moan today
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I'm going stir crazy from all this sick. Starting right after the holidays/new year, I had a very strange mood swing episode that lasted a little more than a week. I actually missed work due to not being able to sleep. Thankfully it passed. I was looking forward to getting some things on track for 2019, and I had a roommate that moved in Jan 1, and just felt like things were cooking along decently enough.

Then in early February I took a short trip to Vegas, just for fun and because it was cheap, and I met up with Seattle buddy for his bday. I was sick before that trip, in fact it was a struggle to make it, but I was determined to go. So I went. And I was sick -- bad sinus infection, bad tummy troubles. I chalked it up to a sinus bug and also the side effect of traveling, and came back to Chicago and went back to work. On February 14th (I remember because it was Valentine's Day), I started getting sooo woozy and I was coughing, so I went home. I have yet to work another full week of work and it's been a month.

The symptoms have been all over the place: I'm having gut/tummy disturbance but mostly I'm coughing, sniffling to end all coughs/sniffles. I obviously have a respiratory infection of some kind that is very bad. I lost my voice completely. I've taken boxes of cold meds over the past couple weeks. I'm still a snot factory and wheezing and coughing up liquid. I don't think it's pneumonia, but I'm not sure at this point. I keep thinking it will go away.

I'm scheduled to go back to work tomorrow. I NEED to go back to work. But I'm still sick. And as I'm fussing around, realizing how bad I still feel, I'm just MAD. I need to run errands before going back to work and I feel like poop!

I'm mad. I'm royally ticked off. Enough already. I feel like the fist quarter of 2019 has gone by and all I really remember about it is that I was sick the whole time.

I would've gone to doctor a long time ago except that would mean getting up and out and I've largely been in bed for three weeks... Plus, I think it's possible it's a viral chest bug, a viral out of bronchitis/laryngitis and I don't want to take antibiotics. In the past 3 weeks, I went to work here and there for one day, only to realize that I'm still very sick.

I just need to WHINE about it. I'm over it. It's the longest sick I can ever remember outside the never ending mold-house and mold illness.

Mentally, I'm not in a good place. I want to get my things done, I want to be up and better. I'm just not, though.
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Ali,
IMHO, it’s time to hit the doctor’s office for an exam and maybe some tests/meds.
Since you’re not better by now, you may need a bit of professional medical help.
Good luck and quick healing.
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Ali
I second, Sue

it's been a tough winter for most of the country and you need to make sure you don’t have pneumonia

Take care
MsM
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Hey everyone....

Stopped in to see how everyone is doing, and answered a few questions. Couldn't help myself. LOL

How's everyone doing?
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Hi Susan, it's been a while. A lot the regulars on this thread have finished caregiving, but I won't list them since I am sure to miss somebody.
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