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I try not to whine too much anymore, but today is getting to me. I am weepy and start to cry when I think about all we caregivers go through, the dismay, fear of what might happen, things out of the blue, etc. I think I have been on here for 4 or 5 years starting when my mom began her more rapid decline, and it has been 3 yrs. since she has been gone. Today was also the day my dad died 25 yrs. ago.
It didn't help that the old Braggart, the "friend" from 8th grade was back in town, (we were gone so I avoided seeing her...), and sent photos of the house she grew up in here and the one I lived in, ...commenting on how the owner of "my" old house messed it up with changes, and how great "her's" still looks. They sold theirs decades ago when her parents divorced. My family has not owned our old home in decades either, and the couple that lives there is happy there, that is all that matters to me. The constant comparisons drive me angry! It does not help that my poor dad was carted out of that old home on a gurney exactly 25 years ago today never to return. I don't think she knew or remembered that. The photo of the house and mean comparison is the first thing I saw today before my migrane hit. And of course I got the old story about how cold the weather is here and how great where they live. Then I cry when I think about what I and everyone else on here has gone through. I did not mean to vent so long and thank everyone for putting up with my vent....
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Send, we must have posted at the same time. Do not worry, we don't spread things or judge on here. Please don't worry yourself.
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Katie,
I sympathize, I will have my “hard day” tomorrow at my moms cremation. Go ahead and treat yourself very well today. It’s hard to process the “tough stuff”.
As for your childhood friend, you should just ignore someone so self absorbed as she. Be grateful that you are a better person. Better to not have toxic people in your life.
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Sue
I'm so sorry for your loss especially as you were celebrating the joys of moving to your new home recently

hugs
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Sue, thanks for your kind words. You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

We caregivers are real people with real life challenges and situations. You are right, these constant braggarts should be ignored and pushed into the background of my life. March, for some reason, is a month where unpleasant people seem to especially come out of the woodwork at me.
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Send, my dear, I don't think your husband's confidentiality has been compromised in any way. This is the nature of this site, that we talk about the Dx of the Loved Ones we are caring for. This is the normal way, not "TMI." Aspergers is very common.

I'm not trying to diminish your feelings, only give you perspective. What you did by describing your Loved Ones' Dx and issues is the norm around here. Hiding those details, for whatever reason, isn't the norm. Of course you can say or not say whatever you personally feel comfortable with, but no need to feel like you've said too much for anyone else's sake.

You didn't say too much. You helped all of your friends here to understand more about your situation. :-)
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Katie, fwiw, I think March is an appropriate month to have sad anniversaries. It's been a long winter and skies are still gray and days are cold, but despite the hardships we are strong and we've made it through. Take time to feel your feelings, grieve them, and know that Spring is right around the corner. (((((hugs)))))
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March is a tough month, isn’t it? So worn down from winter and early darkness. And for some of us, that dark season is kicked off by the Specific Family Stress known as Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Come March, the perception is that things should “turn a corner.” But really, it’s more of the same.....compounded by an expectation (dare I say hope?) that outpaces reality.

If there are family triggers or anniversaries at this time of year, that’s another blow. When we are already depleted.

Also - Easter bookends the draining season that begins with Tgiving/Xmas.

At my house, Easter is another tightrope walk of nonsense. Same futile family round-robin as Tgiving/Xmas, with the added “ick” of Easter being a trigger time for my MIL.

We try to be sensitive to that and be good to MIL. But she wants the whole darn crew at the table (translation: our table)......and most of them are too selfish to give a sh*t.

My guy and I usually do all the heavy lifting. Most (not all) years, the end result is that our house and our efforts are inextricably linked with “the time that XXXX and XXXXX and XXXXX said they’d show up but didn’t.”

And g-d forbid we cut to the chase and not invite the a**holes. Cuz that comes across as us depriving MIL of (the slim chance of) the a**holes’ presence.

What about the option of one of them stepping up to host the holiday? Yeahhhhh, suuuure. NOPE.

I just announced last week that our home is Not In The Offing this Easter. I will gladly share a meal w/MIL at restaurant. Or the mysteriously off-limits home she shares with some extended family.

Under no circumstances will my household invest 2 days (& a nice chunk of our grocery budget) in house-cleaning and food prep.....,,and the gazillion calls & texts & time negotiations to/from the flakes.....only to oversee another performance of Waiting For Godot.

We earned this break, and I’m claiming it. FIRM.
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I've always rather liked March, but that could be because it's my birth month😉

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain. 
Winter kept us warm, covering         
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding 
A little life with dried tubers.
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blackhole - Good for you. Stay firm!!!!

cw - Author, author!- (T. S. Eliot)
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I will forgive TS Eliot for that because he also made

"engaged in doing complicated long division sums"

scan so beautifully.

Poems that take more than all day to read never were quite my cup of tea. Sorry, Mr Newman!
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Macavity, Macavity
The cat that de-fies gravity.

I prefer short poems too, cm. There is genius in making great impact with few lines.
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Growltiger was actually my favourite. Even though we did have beloved Siamese cats.

... the moonlight shone reflected off a thousand bright blue eyes..."

The ruthless foe pressed forward in stubborn rank on rank
Growltiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the plank.
He who a hundred victims had given to that drop
At the end of all his crimes was made to go ker-flip, ker-flop.
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I've always felt free to pick and choose the bits I like in T.S. Eliot's poems, (or any poet for that matter), I agree The Waste Land does run on and on...
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Poem by Margery Wang
I still remember the first day we met
We were too shy to say much at all
It’s funny to think back to that time
Because now we’re having a ball!
They say that true friendship is rare
An adage that I believe to be true
Genuine friendship is something that I cherish
I am so lucky to have met you.
Our bond is extremely special
It is unique in it’s own way
We have something irreplaceable
I love you more and more each day.
We’ve been through so much together
In so little time we’ve shared
I will never forget all the moments
That you’ve shown me how much you cared.
Friends are forever
Especially the bond that you and I possess
I love your fun-filled personality
Somehow you never fail to impress.
The world could use more people like you
It would certainly be a better place
I love everything about you
You are someone I could never replace.
You are always there for me
When my spirits need a little lift
I cannot thank you enough for that
You are truly an extraordinary gift.
You are everything to me and more
I could never express that enough
Life is such a treacherous journey, and
Without you it would be even more tough.
Our story will continue to grow
With each passing day
Because I trust that with you by my side
Everything will always be Okay.
You are so dear to me
You know I will love you until the end
I will always be there for you, and
You will always (and forever) be my friend.
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I have been on a vacay with H. I have not looked on here until now. SueC. ,I send condolences. Send, my H was in a fire 15 years ago. He had some strokes from burn trauma. He retained all construction knowledge and has crazy math abilities. But, he also has a few things in common with aspergers. He has to write everyone's names on his tablet on each new job. He can do crazy math but can't tell you what he had for breakfast or wore yesterday. Tonight he just called me and he is in Tx. He knows he is working on a base but actually forgot the name. (Ft. Hood) So I spend lots of time just reminding or telling him something each day. He can be very focused or totally lost. Sometimes he gets stuck on the same thoughts and drives me crazy. He could never drive places to other states without a g.p.s. now. 35 years married and we still chase each other around the house. It takes lots of love baby and never go to bed mad! Everybody hang in there! I love you all.
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Thank you everyone who posted their support, including you Boots.
I was being overly sensitive and over-reacted, when people just want to get to know me. I am sorry Glad.
The poem is meant for everyone, friends.
Looked up some T.S. Elliot, forgot how brilliant his poetry is, still today.
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Just thought I'd chime in here. Send you have a right to feel any way you want. Feelings are very personal and I know nobody on this thread would judge you or anyone else.

The reason I haven't been posting lately is I got attacked on another thread a couple of weeks ago and have been reeling from it. It was an unjustified, unwarranted attack on my character and truly hurt my feelings.

People should feel free to post unjudged but there are people on this site, not this thread (I won't name names) who did a number on me.
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Pam, oh regarding the shingle vaccine shot, Shingrix, there is a nationwide shortage of the vaccine due to unprecedented demand.

Last year when I got the prescription from my primary doctor and rushed it over to the drug store, and was put on a waiting list.... so when some dosages finally came in earlier this month and I was called, I rushed right over.

Told my primary doctor about the side effects. She said for my 2nd shot [months away] to take pain meds before getting the shot, that should help. I hope.
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No Judging here! My husband just calls to say goodnight. He said he also just took a 2 hour test about "the base". I said what was it about? He says something about not saying anything to anyone about what you are building here if anyone asks. He said I told them I can't even remember what town I'm in 1/2 the time when I wake up. Anyway he passed lol! So see, he used his own tablet to test on, but that's all he could tell me about the 2 hour test. Between H and my Alzheimer's Mama, I am crazy. Mamas Memory Care Place is driving me crazy too. Hum.... it's all about me tonight. Wait! Maybe I'm a narcissist and don't know it. Nope. Just a super tired wife, mama, daughter and mimi that needs to go to bed. Remember, no judging lol!
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No problem Send, we all have our buttons and I certainly did not mean to trigger one of yours.
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I changed out the filter in my bedroom Austin Air purifier unit today. It was about $130 USD shipped to my door, and easy to change out. Why didn't I do this before...??? 🤔 Well, I did it now. I think every couple of years as I'm heading into winter and indoor-HVAC season, I need to change the filters out. I think it can only help me to stop having so many reactions and sicks.

I've been using a silver nose spray, too, a few times a day. I don't have any sinusitis symptoms right now except for a little dryness. I'm all but better. I'll miss the steroids, in a weird way, because I felt so UP while I was taking them! All types of stimulants, like caffeine, give me anxiety as a side effect, so I avoid them. The steroids gave me a huge burst of pep without the anxiety. It's been an all-around interesting experience. I have some coughing still but I'm declaring myself all better.

P.s. Love the poems. I went and read a few others earlier today, based on one's you guys posted.
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Gershun,

sorry for the upset; we've missed you
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Hear, hear MsMadge! Hugs, Gershun.
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Hm. I may be a Philistine (nay, proud of it!) but when someone sees lilacs and thinks on mortal corruption I call him a miserable old bugger.

You are not allowed to express a wish in your essays that the poet would for heaven's sake cheer up a bit. As I happen to know.
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send -sounds like you have your hands full

gershun - sorry about your bad experience and glad to see you back.

boots - you are doing well regardless, Good to see you back too.

ali - great that you are feeling better. Keep the purifier and anything else that could contain mold as clean as possible. I know if I am not feeling well, I can miss doing some things to make me feel better that are obvious when they finally click.

Hi madge - How's the Viking?

cm - nor are you allowed to, on an exam, reference the page of the text that you are quoting. (No, it was not an open book exam, and I was singled out in a room of 295 students.)
Saw this and thought you would appreciate it: "You can have my Oxford comma when you pry it from my cold, dead, and lifeless hands."
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Oh Golden! The shame! That was a mean thing to do to a poor student.

Do you know that scene in Private Benjamin when all the recruits tumble coughing and spluttering out of the CS gas tent, then Goldie Hawn waltzes out wondering what the big deal is - with her gas mask neatly fitted over her face?
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[in Just-] (selected lines)
By E. E. Cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious......


and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring

when the world is puddle-wonderful.....


and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's
spring
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Thank-you CM, MsMadge, Golden, I appreciate the welcome backs.

When I was a little girl and I got hurt by someones remarks I used to recite "nobody loves me, everybody hates me, go in the garden, eat worms"

So now that my mouth is full of worms....................LOL
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Gershun- I hope the worms are at least chocolate covered. :)
Missed you.
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