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Oh, we former caregivers are definitely relevant Willie.
If anyone on here has made you feel like you're not that isn't good.

People on here who have not yet gone through the last days and death of their loved ones definitely need our perspective for sure.

You just ignore the haters Willie. That's what I try to do. Some days are easier than others.
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Plus I think some people (trolls) love to start stuff. If we all learned to ignore them maybe they'd disappear.
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CWillie,
You are exactly right-about the tone of the forum shifting to a judgmental attitude.
I have noticed it too, but do not know what to do about it except to stop posting just before a full moon, when behaviors (especially bipolar) may escalate and the likelihood of being attacked is higher.

You are not irrelevant! Some of your advice to others has personally affected me and will forever.

Keep on fighting the good fight!

Gershun, you are not wrong. Haters are going to hate, sometimes that is harder to ignore when they are coming after me.
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I must admit, that there have been many harsh, mean and judgemental posts on many threads lately. Quite frankly, I am sick of it. Newbies or not, even some long standing posters here have made comments that I am very surprised to see. And the use of the reply function just seems to increase the cruel comments from others. I try to ignore threads that I see going south, as they are quite easy to identify early on.

Especially, us oldtimers should be able to recognize and ignore the cruelty that seems to be present. Just keep it tame and understanding. If you find threads absurd and unbelievable just leave them alone. Please. The negativity is overwhelming.
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The side effect of the haters coming after me personally is that I sometimes see a thread that I would like to post on but then see that those particular haters are posting on there and fearing they may come after me again I decide not to post.
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It's like children in a schoolyard...............ridiculous, really.
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Cwillie- I too agree you are very relevant. I too have benefited and learned from you. You have much wisdom to share. Do not let anyone stop you from sharing.
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Awful that some people get so hostile. The pressure of care giving can be immense but we should not turn on each other. I have been coming on here for about 6 yrs. now and most of the people are helpful and kind, so it is a shame that trolls and those that are just so angry use this place to lash out at others. It is the irritable ones that are at fault, not us. I don't know what I would have done without AC and the support I got, especially for those rough years of 24/7 care of my bedridden mom. You all have a very special place in my heart for all you do and go through. Your contributions are valued, even little jokes and observations etc. These haters are either trolls or aiming their frustrations at the very people on here who are here to support them. They really need to find help to deal with their frustrations elsewhere instead of attacking us. I just try to ignore them with the understanding they are frustrated and misguided to attack those of us that support each other.
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A lot of the nasty comes from people who have a dysfunctional background and seem to see everything through that lens. On the one hand I understand because we all do that, but gleefully bashing everyone as an evil/manipulative narc user - often based on very little information - is just such a downer, especially when there is a gang of them that egg each other on. I'm anything but a pollyanna glass half full kind of person but I try to see the positive, it's hard to take all this angry negativity.
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CWillie, I think you are very relevant and we need people like you. I know I am fairly new here but your advice whether it is for someone else or to me is priceless. Your experience is what us new caregivers need. You have walked down the path that most of us are still on and I for one am thankful for people like you, CM, Gershun, sendhelp, smeshque, and the rest of you. There is too many to name!

Gershun, I think it is wonderful that you and your mom had a great relationship. Just because my mother and I don't doesn't mean that should be that way for everybody else. You have given me hope.

AC has been a lifeline to me just when I thought no one would ever understand what I was going through or that I would never get answers to my questions I some how found this forum. I think God knew I was at my breaking point. Now, I can read other people's questions that help me with my own decisions that I have to make. But also, it prepares me (as much as it can) for what is coming down the road. I also can just vent when I need to. I really try not to be mean or negative just 'matter of fact,' and supportive.

My point is that this forum needs all of you. All of your collective wisdom is how this place works!

Hugs to each one of you! 💘
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Thank you to all of you posters on this thread. You are the best at guidance and sane advice. Thank you for the last 2 years. You have made The Great Roadtrip with Rosie a much smoother road. I must be a strange duck on here. I had the All American Leave it to Beaver childhood. Sometimes even I feel guilty because so many on here seemed to have it awful. I cannot even fathom anyone saying anything negative of any of you or your posts. You are my hero's!
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BootShopGirl, love your name by the way. Don't ever feel guilty for having a great childhood and don't ever let anyone make you feel that way. I didn't always had it bad. Yes, I had a crappy mother most of the time, but I had a dad who did love me to death; he may not shown his emotions to me all the time but I knew I was the apple of his eye.

And you are a hero in your own right!
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Thanks to all of you for your support and sharing your experience, strength and hope.  I truly appreciate you all.  This AC was a Godsend.  Keep sharing.
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CW, I'm probably just being paranoid, but I really get the feeling at times that trolls have figured out this is an anonymous forum that discusses emotional topics and there are people posting just for attention, both posting "bait" questions and giving "bait" responses. I would feel so much better if I knew AC limited IP addresses to maximum of 2 accounts. Maybe I'm simple minded but I just don't see some of these questions and answers as being from real people. They're too "out there" sometimes. :-/

...

Thanks, everyone, for your input about my roomie hunt. I've had a few people come by. The only one so far that wants the room is someone I wouldn't want in here. She smelled funny, like she was badly in need of a shower, or she was a drug user, or *something.* It's too bad, as she seemed like a nice young woman but I won't be renting to anyone that seems remotely unstable, no thanks, not happening. It's only been 4 people total to come by so far, and I just need to keep looking for the right fit.

My current roommate, R, is accommodating to whoever I choose. I've talked with her a few times about her preferences, but she's even more open minded than I am about all this. I'm picky, R not so much. lol
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If you are close to a university grad students can make good tenants.
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CW - I'd love to find another grad student roommate, that's what R is and she wants to stay a few months after she finishes her program, until she sorts out her long term plans. She's great, no issues whatsoever.

I *ask* for "female grad student" in my ad, but really, anyone sane, normal, and gainfully employed would work. There's a young man, actually, who I just texted and asked him if I made the room available NOW, would he want it. He's just moved to Chicago from Ohio, and just started a new job, and he's a young gay man and he'd be a fine roommate. I want another female grad student but I'm learning that I'd better just take the first sane, stable person who wants it. lol
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Uggh

I have to get up early and there's been a helicopter hovering overhead for 30 minutes

and, what's up with all these electric scooters ?

aside from folks looking out of control when riding them on the sidewalk - they abandon them in any place they stop
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I've been noticing what seems to be a trend toward people without disabilities using scooters as a means of transportation. I think it is a rather clever idea, you can ride on the sidewalk instead of the road like you would if you had an e-bike and you can load the things up with parcels too.
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Some of our grocery stores have one or two scooters available by the shopping carts at the store entrance. This is good to know in case I ever need one or for others that do, that they are available, but I don't think they would let you take it out of the store area. I am surprised that no one in my condo complex uses one to get to the mailboxes that are too far away at the entrance. I think a turquoise Vespa would be cool for mailbox trips, if only I could fit it in the dinky garage.
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The judgmental, attacks, etc... has always been here. It tends to go through a cycle. Someone mentioned the full moon. I think it's similar but it's more like .. it takes months of building up, then the volcano erupts and they spew all their negativity and attacks. After that, the thread calms down... When I was very active here, reading the various threads, I saw it happen over and over. It's a cycle.

When I found AC, I was googling how to take care of 2 bedridden parents. AC was my lifesaver. I learned to accept a lot of things. I found a thread discussion that became my favorite. I was always nice to the posters there. Then one day, several attacked me. I saw so many 'likes' those attackers' comments. I grew up taking abuses from my family and school and didn't fight back. Here I was an adult, going through it again. So many of my AC friends private messaged me to just ignore it, walk away. I refused. Sometimes, when you spent most of your life being beaten down, every day - in school (bullies would beat me up after school and I came home crying) or at home - you come to a point as an adult. Do I cringe and slink away as my normal MO? Or do I stay and suck up to them? Or do I finally stand up for myself. And everybody wanted me to walk away. I couldn't. I finally grew a backbone and stood my ground. And yes, they were right. It got worse. I even pm another poster to please back off and don't defend me. I wanted to fight my own battle (because I never did growing up.) Once I did, I walked away.

And I got attacked again, in another thread, which is the one I consider my 'home' thread - where I feel the most comfortable in... This time, I recall some of my AC friends actually posted subtle supports for me publicly. sigh... One needs to be subtle here on AC. Otherwise it would just escalate the 'drama'. {{eyes rolling}}
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Thanks for your post, Book
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Re: scooters

these are not three wheel mobility scooters but rather skateboard things with a handlebar
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Ah, those kind of scooters - I guess this site being about elder care my mind just automatically went to the other kind. I've watched the kids on those scooters and thought they would get me to the coffee shop a lot faster, but I'm afraid I'd wipe out on the hill or they'd cart me off to the loony bin for "riding while over 20" (years old)😲
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Major whine. DH's surg was not successful; the surgeon was unable to get the scope and the stent into his ureter to "free" the stones. Need to try again with an interventional radiologist, apparently. Sigh.

Thanks to you all for the good thoughts and prayers.
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Oh no, is your DH recovering okay Barb?
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Thanks for asking, CW. Still sitting in the Amsurg center waiting for him to pee.
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Good luck Barb, and I am so sorry you have to get him through another procedure.
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Good luck Barb.  Waiting time in hospitals, and helping the patient before and after is hard.
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thinking of you Barb and hubby. So sorry.
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My whine moment is this: if your born before 1980 under 50 k salary. You should be given universal income and call it a day. Justification first cuase of this our parents and saving trlillions in Medicare for nursing homes where we can make a difference in many many of those months. Second......and most important as a person born before 1980 making under 50 k you 100 percent dispensable and non critical at your place of employment. If they continue working this demographic too age 65 not only will we not be able to care for our parents a cost passed on to the tax payer, not only is the taxes your collecting from us minimal in nature but worse....we're our selves by being worked like this are our selves accruing into a health bill in 2030 and beyond. So i think this demographic Bron between 1960-1980 making under 50 k should be issued universal income.
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