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I have been ambushed. Can't believe I fell for it.

Email from my volunteer co-ordinator on Monday - could I help out at the cancer unit on Friday morning because it's always a busy clinic and one of the two volunteers who normally do it is away.

[Thinks not so keen on mornings, grumble rhubarb, but] yes, fine, of course I'll be happy to help.

Thank you so much! says volunteer co-ordinator. By the way, the other volunteer can't make it either now, sorreee.

I think I've been had.
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Mom just got a call from Aunt, a cousin halfway across the country is the hospital with pneumonia and COPD. Their nephew.. . Now my mom thinks every time anyone gets a hangnail they are going to die.. So she tells me she and Aunt are going to have to go there, better plan on it., for the funeral. (Mind you both mom and aunt have recovered nicely from this in the past) Mom is recouping from 2 months of PT for pain,, which she still has. She has to have a rollator to go across the house, and this week she finally admitted that just getting dressed wears her out for hours. But Aunt doesn't want to go alone! So I calmly told her there is no way the two of them can go on a long flight, airport, etc alone. And I cant go so who of Aunts kids are taking them? ( OK.. one will probably go along but my mom is full tilt care for moving at this point) And cousin there will be too busy with stuff to cater to her.. unlike last visit. So for now we are shelving this as I told her he will probably go to rehab for awhile, like Mom did. I also pointed out to her that everyone will understand why she can't go. But I know this is going to come up daily... I am already totally exhausted, and now I have this to look forward to! I will call my cousin ( sister of nephew) tomorrow and try to get the whole story!
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I am trying not to whine anymore, but since this is the place to vent I need to blow off steam. Old braggart friend since 8th grade emails, brags 6 times about the "paradise" she has moved to and proceeds to say she is not leaving her "paradise", (her exact words), to come visit this area anymore since her father that lived in this area has died. If beaches and palm trees come to mind, this is NOT where she lives, but rather in a cold, rainy place most of the year.
What do I say to her? Do I say "hey I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your paradise to visit this awful place we all live in". I actually had a good morning until I was reminded multiple times that I live in an awful place. Sometimes I wonder why I am so thin skinned when it comes to this old friend.
Thanks for letting me blow off steam. It sure put a damper on what started to be a good day...
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Katie, some people are just so into their own trip that they don't really think about the effects of their words. But there is a silver lining --- now you will be free of the stress her visits cause you -- you don't have to hear her nonsense in person.
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Linda already said what I was going to say, I kinda think your friend is one of those people who has to constantly pump herself up and it doesn't ever cross her mind that she is pushing you down at the same time. She really does seem to push your buttons 🤔 - I'd just tell her to each his own, and you're happy with your own choices.
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mom has decided she wants to go on hospice. Dr okayed it.
My parents have money. I suggested a residence hospice that only has 10 beds and is expensive. Dad doesnt want to pay, she has her own money but its like in an ira fund thing (i know lol) worth atm 140k plus she has saving and pension money . He said he wont cash it in because of taxes. Its her money some how he has charge of all her money.
He finally agreed to this place. Her busybody friend called him and told him hospice is free and this private place is trying to screw him.
So now we are all fighting again.
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kellse, has your mother been withdrawing some money from that IRA? I think when you reach 70, you have to. If more money is needed at some point, does someone other than her have the legal authority to take some out. If you take some out, don't melt it all down at once. If no one but her can withdraw the money, then it will become a beneficiary IRA for your dad like my dad's did for me. The government basically tells you what you have to withdraw with a bene IRA. I wish you the best with your dilemma.
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Cmagnum,
We have all calmed down today and she is going to the Rose of Monahan today.
I just want her to be someplace nice and not her hoarder house. and she wants to go there .
My father has calmed down too. It wasnt an ira but some fund that pays her dividends each year. My father is very old school and very secretive about money.
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I went to the mall yesterday which was a bad idea anyway but I decided to stop for a 15 min chair message after my unsuccessful search for a pair of sandals

sign read three types of pressure
mild
strong
powerful

I requested mild

Today, I feel like I was in a fight
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Everything is wrong... I am so tired of trying to "do it all".... I just can't. And I want to have a good cry, and can't even do that. My chest is so tight from stress; and I just can't let go. Will go to bed and hope things are easier in the morning.
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The stress and hammering continues. MIL complained about her gutters being full. Said she was going to hire the guy to clean them, which she can well afford. Then the next second she wants my husband to get up on the ladder,(with all his medications possibly making him dizzy). He tells her no, it is a driving rain and tornado warning at that moment! She says " then I will have to do it myself!"...at 89 she wants to go up the ladder to clean her gutters....?!! She didn't do it, and don't believe she will, but is just guilting my husband. Whatever happened to hiring the regular guy she always gets? Today she is ill again with unexplained vomiting....doctor gave her a diet...suddenly she refuses to follow it again.
To all caregivers, take it a day, a morning, afternoon, hour at a time. Whatever works for the current situation. Compartmentalizing is the only way I have gotten through the last decade. Little enjoyments add up. Right now I am enjoying my coffee at this minute...whatever happens next nobody is going to take this cup away!
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Mom is at Aunts, all going well. Hubs and I go to river house for a few days. FIL and cousin arrive the next day .. surprise they are staying overnight ( so much for couple time, I was expecting a day visit.) While packing up dinner leftovers ( neighbor came to dinner too.. FIL also invited all the neighbors guests to come but luckily neighbor sent them off) I again noticed I had about 50 lids to small margarine containers, but no small containers. Guess I tossed them 2 years ago during mouse fest round one. MIL was still with us then and I had a heck of time tossing mouse nibbled and pooped on containers, so I guess I just said the heck with it at the time. I also noticed a horrible smell. So it's war now! I pulled every dang container out of the area. Found a lot of old placemats, etc that were all pooped and peed on.. tossed! Had hubs bleach wash the cabinet. Tossed everything that did not have a matching lid. Scrubbed it all down. So while I am on the 3rd load of dishwashing,, FiL mentions if I keep the door to the cabinet shut the mice "can't get out". HELLO!! I always shut the cabinet doors. I try to explain I don't mind the mouse running around the living room as much as I mind the mouse in the area where WE EAT stuff! He says "put a mouse trap in there".. Like I want a dead mouse with my dishes!! Oh well, stuff is now tossed, FIL thinks I am a dummy and we have a lot more room for stuff we use. Rant over, for now!
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Spent over 2 hours sitting in the Dept of Motor Vehicles to get the new REAL ID driver's license. Starting October 1, 2020, if a person plans to fly, or enter a Federal building, yada, yada, yada, one will need this new license. Every State needs to comply.

If you haven't gotten your REAL ID license yet, there is a glitch when going to the Motor Vehicles Dept with your birth certificate, and other forms of identification that you need.... if your last name doesn't match your birth certificate, you need to bring in your marriage license..... this requirement wasn't on our State list of what to bring in with you.

I was lucky that my State was able, for a small fee, to go into the State records to get the marriage license as long as I had been married in that State. If I had been married in another State, I would have needed to drive back home and dig for that old marriage license.

Looking back, life would have been easier if I had kept my maiden name, but women rarely did that way back when.

Anyhoo, I am breathlessly waiting to see how my photo had turned out. Will know in a week's time :P
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Pam, speaking of mice.... when the junk hauler were at my house, they moved out a large 25 year old Sony TV, and under it was a ton of dry cat food. One busy mouse.

The other day I went to turn over a sofa cushion and lo and behold more dry cat food. And here I thought the cats were enjoying that brand and flavor the whole time.

I read somewhere that mice do not like the smell of peppermint, so I bought a spray bottle of Mrs. Myers mint spray. I am hoping to discourage new mice house hunters looking for a place to live. I need to place a small sign at the cat's water bowl "enter at your own risk, no lifeguard on duty", as my cat "Rosie" had drown two mice already.
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freqflyer,

So refreshing to begin my morning reading your lighthearted comments of the cat and mouse story :)

And then, the RealID ..... I can give you a heads up on that.... my photo showed an older, fatter face :) but luckily (or not), I got my new license on the same visit.
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I haven't gotten the Real ID yet. Mine renews next June, so I'm going to get one then, but my driver's license picture that I currently have makes my head look humongous. Gotta love those DMV photos!
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My state didn’t have that glitch with the names FF but what we DID/DO have is a problem with the DMV following the guidelines and asking for 2 documents that prove your address. I went down and got my ID the first week of March, well aware of that and fully expected it to have been resolved. I showed my birth certificate, SS card, marriage certificate, 2018 tax return and bank statement from a federal credit union. Imagine my surprise when I received a letter from the DMV last week saying I was one of the people issued a real ID during the period when the DMV wasn’t asking for 2 forms of proof of address! I DID show 2 proofs of address-my tax return and bank statement. My husband showed a utility bill (they are in his name only) and tax return. He didn’t get the letter but I did. All I had to do was sign the letter and send it back. The letter itself is proof of address so that was good.
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Colonoscopy prep!

Thank goodness, I remembered to check TP supply last night!😵
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Window popped out of its frame and fell on my head. OW!
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Barb, how in the world did that happen? Are you ok?
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Glad, have fun wiping your bum

Barb, ouch!
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We have new "improved" windows; they pop out for easy cleaning. Seems like the screws on the one I was pushing up got loosened. I'm okay; was just stunned for a bit. DH has surgery tomorrow so thinking OMG, what am I going to do, as I saw stars!

Thanks for asking! Needed sympathy~!
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We have those windows too.  Sorry Barb it hit you!  I'd better check mine.
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Glad and Barb - different ends, but take care.
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Barb, that is crazy! Glad you are ok!
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Barb I had something like that happen to me back when I was cleaning houses, I had extra time and thought I would go above and beyond and clean the outside of a large window that had been bugging me. The window was a lot heavier than I'd anticipated and as well as dropping it on myself I dang near broke it... you know what they say - no good deed goes unpunished!
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It is so sad to see how many young old people (in comparison to our parents) are terrified and in bondage to being terrified of our parent(s), usually mom.
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For 25+ years, on and off, and at the end 24/7, I was either apprehensive about a parent or in full on care for a bedridden parent in my home. Then after my dear mom passed away, we had a short window to do some things but I was still reeling from 2 yrs. of being housebound with a bedridden parent and in some short of shock from her decline.
Then my husband's sister died, leaving us to be the only caregiver for his mom, 89. We would like to move, we would like to travel while my husband's heart condition isn't too bad, but each day revolves around that phone call to his mom now. In contrast, my mom moved far away from her family and my grandmother's care went to her sister. My MIL did a little care giving, but my husband's grandmother lived with his aunt. Then, as cwillie says, "no good deed goes unpunished" as we have no one to be there for us when we get very old....
I take each day one at a time. I have really learned to look for happiness in very small things.
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A cool, very wet spring segueing to higher temperatures and humidity = mosquitoes.🦟
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My whine.... the U.S. President is messing with our 4th of July celebration. Tanks? Fighter jets? Really? Grrrr..... sorry, but this is so unnecessary.
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