I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
I AM easily hurt, and I DO mind.
If I start listing it all I'll just end up feeling even sorrier for myself, but oh I am tired.
"Mud can take you prisoner and the plains can bake you dry
Snow can burn your eyes but only people make you cry..."
And I miss Lee Marvin too. That's another thing I mind, what passes for a film star these days (grudging admission: there are honourable exceptions).
Very sad, isn’t it? Don’t try and order anything that isn’t standard on the menu either. They aren’t trained for anything other than pushing buttons. If brain cells are used to perform a function it’s going to be troublesome.
I love diversity. I agree with you. I did feel badly that her daughter had to constantly read everything in English to her and tell her what others said when they spoke English. She had to translate everything for her mom.
No one should berate you, cwille if you ask someone to repeat. That’s sad. It’s happened to me too. I get what you’re saying.
CM, I don't think people don't need any real talent to be a movie star and people today have no honor. That is just my opinion for what its worth! And CM it is ok if you don't want to pretend anymore.
Frazzled, I am not very good at pretending either. It always comes out.
CW, I agree with you. Whenever I have to call AT&T I get someone who I can't understand and I ask them to repeat and then I am treated like I am stupid or something. No one should be treated that way. And you are right "there is to much 'us against them' mentality." So sad! 😵
Mind you, I was in the supermarket on Sunday (emergency coffee shortage, I don't normally shop on Sundays) and noticed that the assistant was going at a regular gallop putting my items through the checkout. She's normally a bit hopeless and slow, this lady, but you'd have thought she was in a race; and she had her teeth clenched.
So... knowing I might be sorry.... I asked if everything was okay? To my horror, she at first managed to think I was criticising her for mishandling my coffee, but in a moment or two it emerged that the previous customer had been horribly rude to her, yelled that this was the slowest supermarket ever in history (that might be true, actually) and that she'd never experienced worse customer service (which I really cannot believe. No way. Hasn't the woman ever been to IKEA?).
Now this particular assistant has always looked to me like she's got emotional history of some sort. You know that anxious, hesitant, nervy type? How *anyone* could pick her to shout at in public I can't understand - it would be like kicking a kitten.
She would not stop saying sorry - sorry for rushing, sorry for being upset, sorry for having answered back (she didn't talk back. She told me what she said. She told the rude customer that she was not used to be spoken to so disrespectfully. If our assistant thought that was answering back, then I dread to think about when she *hasn't* stood up for herself) - and yes I did begin to be sorry I'd asked :/
There were customers waiting. All I could say was take a few deep slow breaths, and report the verbal abuse to your line manager, but I bet she didn't.
I don't remember why I started this anecdote...? Oh, rudeness, unkindness, lack of consideration. So it's everywhere, I suppose.
for companies to outsource the work overseas than it is to set up US-based call centers & pay Americans!
Needhelp, my husbands grandparents migrated here illegally in the late 1940s. Eventually through an employer-sponsor they got green cards. They never learned English though. I really don’t know how they managed once their kids were all out of the house. I wonder if it has something to do with why they became recluses? When my husband & I got together in 2001, they were around 70 and my MIL had them on in-home support services (no doubt she pulled some strings since she was an eligibility worker). There was nothing wrong with them physically, no health issues. They were both mobile and needed no help with their ADAs. They just didn’t like leaving the house. They relied on their adult children, who received compensation from the tax payers,
to buy groceries. I can honestly say that when I met them, they understood maybe 5 words in English. After 60 years in this country.
That’s interesting. Maybe that is why your husband’s family stayed to themselves.
That’s how my friend’s mom was. She had no desire to learn English. I never met her dad so I am not sure about him. He was always at work when I went to her apartment.
She visited at my house sometimes too.
My friend was so sweet. Back then Catholic schools were charitable. Don’t know how they are now. She was able to attend school for free. She lived in a government owned apartment building and the church helped with lots of things. Her parents worked very hard. They eventually became citizens here. Her mom was adorable. She hated that I was skinny. Hahaha. She always wanted to feed me!
My friend told me that I was the first kid to offer to be friends with her. There were some snobby kids at my school. We were friends all throughout school.
she didn’t work, but her husban did, he did irrigation for agriculture companies.
Took my youngest shopping for school clothes yesterday. Today cleaning out my sons dresser, pulling out everything that it is too small or doesn’t get work, so they can be donated. I found a pair of grey dress slacks and thought “hmmm....I don’t remember these?”. Put them in the donation bag and moved on. When I got to the closet, I found a dress shirt & navy blue vest and it hit me. The slacks, shirt & vest are the suit he wore to MILs funeral last June! Then I had flashbacks to the day we bought that suit & the well meaning Macy’s saleswoman who smiled & asked if we were going to a graduation and how I could barely get out the word “no”.......
I put the suit in the donation bag and now I feel slightly guilty. Like maybe I should keep it. I tend to keep things the kids wore on holidays or special occasions.
Does the suit still fit him? Did he like it or was it an article of clothing that he intended to wear just that one time? Can it be altered? Is it just a sentimental thing for you?
My Mom had issues with people who had different accents here in the U.S. For the life of her, she just couldn't understand anyone who spoke with a heavy Boston accent, a thick New York accent, or a very southern drawl. Mom never could communicate with my then mother-in-law who grew up in France and moved to North Carolina as a war bride, it was an interesting wonderful blended accent :)
Oh well, I can't understand what singers are saying in some of today's music :P
Yes! I have to tell my daughters to slow down occasionally. They do speak too fast at times.
https://www-m.cnn.com/2019/07/11/us/moana-marijuana-cake-mistake-trnd/index.html?r=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F
😂 hahaha too funny!
My husband’s grandma was such a witch with a horrible disposition that when we went out to dinner, her grandsons would tell her to order a cocktail thinking that maybe she would chill out some! Hahaha, but she never ordered a drink. She needed more than booze, probably more than pot, she needed heavy duty drugs!
She was the most miserable person that I ever knew. She once told everyone that her “hair” hurt! What? Being a naive 20 something at the time I said, “Your hair is dead! How can it hurt? Do you mean your scalp?” Oh boy, she let me have it! From that day forward I decided to just nod and say ‘yes’ to whatever crap that came out of her mouth.
She was so awful to everyone and I do mean everyone. We were offered her home after she died and I turned it down because she was so mean that I thought she would haunt it! I should have taken it, beautiful home in uptown New Orleans, and just had a priest come and bless it! Drown it in holy water! Use a ton of incense!
A house blessing in the Catholic Church is like a mini exorcism. It’s actually a beautiful prayer that is a blessing and a prayer of protection.
I have felt like that before. Hugs!
Yep, no one has a ‘perfect’ family.
Oh my Lord, some of the things that woman (hubby’s grandma) said! Once, I took her to lunch in a fancy place. What a mistake that was!!!
This was a place in uptown New Orleans, okay. Everyone dresses up to go there, ‘fine dining’ restaurant.
Anyway, I made the dumb mistake of asking her how was she feeling? I never made that mistake again before eating! She tells me, “Oh, terrible! I have tightness of the stool!” The man at the next table was just about to eat his delicious meal and I saw that he had a disgusted look on his face and he put his fork down. Poor guy.
I guess she was telling me that she was constipated. Instead of ‘loose bowels’, she had, ‘tightness of the stool!’ She spoke very loudly and it was a small intimate upscale restaurant. Let me tell you, I wanted to crawl under the table!
Hey, I have nuts on my side too! My godmother used to ask people when they walked back to the table after going to the ladies room, “Did everything come out okay?” LOL.
NO FILTER! Old people have absolutely no freakin filter.
Later on is my support group for caregivers led by a wonderful social worker held at an assisted living facility. I’m going to be tired for the meeting tonight. I am just glad to have found one that meets at night after my husband gets home.
Every time I go, I wish my mom were living there instead of being in my home. Recently, when she was in the SNF for rehab it was incredibly depressing! Some of those residents had such a hard time, no visitors at all, they would cry out to me saying, “help me!” Oh, just horrible. I would cry on my way home. I’d get home and tell my husband to just shoot me if things ever get that bad for me.
First. Today I FELL. In front of the credit union walking back to my car. I don’t know how or why it happened, one minute I was walking toward the car, watching my kids talking in the backseat. Next thing I know, I am falling forward! Went straight down and hit my left hip and elbow. My hip is going to be sore tomorrow, that’s for sure. The older you get, the harder you go down. I don’t know if I should be worried now.....I guess if it happens again, I best get my butt in to the doctor!
Second. When I was at my parents house last week, they said they wanted to take us to Disneyland. Because all these years they’ve done so much for my brother and nothing for me. Because I don’t ask them for anything. So they wanted to do this for my parent. So At moms request, I did all the research, found discounted tickets and rooms at The Grand Californian. Picked 3 possible dates to go. My dad is always down to go to Disneyland and we were all excited. Then Mom calls yesterday and tells me she has bad news-Disney is off, dad doesn’t want to go. Says he was going on and on about it, and something about not wanting to go in November when it’s cold. It won’t be cold in November but....whatever. I think he’s trying to stop smoking so maybe he’s back on the patch this week and that has something to do with it. Either way I am disappointed, this would have been our last vacation with them. Mom is getting to the point where she can’t travel anymore. Dad is slowing down too and has been having some health issues. I am not looking forward to telling my kids either but.....it is what it is.
And I must make a confession. I am left feeling a bit resentful. Warning-I am going to bring up inheritances and please understand, I feel horrible for even having these thoughts but I must get them out. I don’t want anything from my parents. I want them to use their assets to live their best lives until the die they die. When they had the trust created, it said any money and the proceeds from the sale of the house would be split evenly between my brother & I. And I would get my dads 66 Corvette (because he knew I would cherish it & it would stay in the family. My brother would just sell it). My brother would get all my dads guns. My dad totaled the Corvette in June and it’s long gone. And that’s ok. I’m just glad my dad wasn’t seriously injured. I am a bit sad about the car because it had sentimental value and I would have loved to have something that meant so much to my dad. But what really bothers me is that my brother is still going to get all those damn guns that I wish didn’t even exist! And he’s been talking my dad in to buying more guns and gun parts.......neither of them is mentally competent IMHO and have no business even owning guns. So I admit it, I feel resentful that the gun collection he will get is continuing to grow and he’ll get it all one day and I get....nothing. And I feel like such a jerk for even thinking about inheritances. I used to feel resentful because my parents provided all my brothers financial support all these years. He’s 35 and worked 1 year in his life. One year. They buy all his clothes, food, alcohol, cigarettes, pay for his dental work. Paid for his car. Pay his car insurance. Everything. He has never gone without in 35 years because my parents pay for everything! So I was resentful for along time because I wasn’t getting anything. I have had ZERO financial help all these years. I paid for my own education. So all these same feelings of resentment have come back and I hate it! I don’t know how to let go and get over it. I don’t know how to reconcile my feelings over this :(
It does suck that the Corvette is gone and yes it sucks that your brother will have something from dad. Maybe you should talk to whatever parent you are close to about giving you something that means something to you. It could be a small thing.
Now about your brother, has it ever a cure to you that when your parents leave this world your brother will not have a clue how to navigate through this world? Really...think about it! He has no idea on how much it cost for his life style! No matter how big or small it is. People like us who had to stand on our own two feet early in life and pay for our education and cars, housing, clothes, and bills are way better off even when it doesn't feel like it!
You'll see...just give it time!
Thanks Shell, I’m alright but already feeling the affects. My back is hurting again, on the right side, same side I pulled a muscle 18 months ago & keep aggravating. Hip is sore but I’m ok. It could have been much worse! I see now why falls are so bad for elders. I see now why a fall often results in a broken hip.
Yes it has occured to me that when my folks are gone, he will have no clue how to navigate the world! My mom and I have that conversation at least once a year. This last visit I told her I really don’t know what he’s thinking. I said “either he thinks you and dad will live forever or he thinks he’s in for a big inheritance”. I know he can’t possibly think they will live forever! He sees every day how sick my mom is. He knows my dad is having serious health issues and is not in the best shape either. I don’t know if he thinks he’ll be allowed to live in the house when they are gone? If he does, it just shows how clueless he is. How does he expect to pay all the utilities and property taxes & homeowners insurance without a job? I know this—he has no idea what the cost of living is. He will lose his Medicaid and either have to pay out the wazoo for insurance or he’ll get hit with huge medical bills when his alcoholism puts him in the hospital again. It’s a given he’s going to start blowing any money he gets so while....whatever he gets after the house sells could last him for A good 5 years, i know it won’t. He doesn’t know anything about managing money and I know he’s going to blow right through it instead of budgeting a monthly amount to spend so it lasts longer. and to be honest I don’t understand why parents continue to enable him instead of kicking him out & making him survive on his own. They both know that once they are gone, no one will be supporting him. They won’t be able to support him financially once they are gone.....